So I was thinking about the very notion of fandom last night because sometimes my mind wanders. I have written about it here before because the very nature of it disturbs me. Mainly because I am distrustful of anyone whose identity is wrapped up in what they consume. It has always bothered me and I have shied away from it, even before there was a notion of fandom and instead we were just nerds or whatever. I liked comic books, I liked horror movies, I was deeply distrustful of people who made it their identity. It took me a long time to figure out why but essentially it’s because your identity should be wrapped up in what you produce, not what you consume. Someone whose entire sense of self is wrapped up in what they consume is not someone who produces anything of value. Meaning they aren’t a net positive on the world. This sounds lofty and elitist but I am not talking about how economically productive you are. I am talking about if your only contribution to the world is bitching about X-men online that’s a net negative on the world. And having hung your self worth on your consumption you get defensive of it and any valid criticism or disagreement of the thing you consume becomes a personal attack on you because it’s attacking the very core of who you are as a person. Besides this being sad to see it’s dangerous. How is all this related to Jessica Nigri? Well, because I am often shocked by what I see about her online. I think it is entirely fair to dislike her. I mean, I think it is rooted in some very contradictory ideas on gender and ambition but it’s fine. I think you can easily see her cosplay and ability to make money on it as cynically capitalizing off of fandom. I also kind of don’t care about most fandoms revolve around a product that was created to make money, so someone else making more money off of it hardly seems contradictory. But all of that aside, what I don’t get is the hate. People who seem to lust after her and wish her ill at the same time. It’s scary and gross but I think it is the end result of this fandom stuff. Art is made to be criticized and annualized but when you take those as personal attacks it allows you to feel like a victim. I have literally seen fandoms call themselves oppressed minorities. They aren’t. You aren’t. If you think you aren’t you’re an asshole and the reason people don’t like you is probably because you’re an asshole. The issue is by setting yourself up so that any criticism is a personal attack it allows you to turn all rejections and failings to being about your identity, which is wrapped up in bullshit that has nothing to do with you. So your real failings aren’t addressed and instead become because you identify as a Trekie or a Gamer or whatever name you’ve given yourself. And it turns dark and it allows people do demand more pictures and more revealing pictures of Jessica Nigri while spewing venom her way because they have been victimized by her. How? Because they want to see her naked or near naked and she is daring to make money off of that desire, which is victimizing them. Which is of course the ultimate dangerous endgame. I noticed this with nerds as far back as high school. Most of them weren’t ostracized because they liked comic books. They were ostracized because they lacked basic social graces. Their fault or not they were often dicks to people and their main complaint was that they didn’t get whatever they wanted. The classic example is getting a girlfriend but even just friends with the popular kids. Maybe all those popular kids are dicks, too, but if you’re not fun to be around why should they want to hang out with you? You aren’t a victim because you’re unpleasant and people don’t want to be around an unpleasant person. And I guess that’s the real issue here, if who you are is wrapped up on something someone else creates there is no way to improve yourself, because it’s up to someone else to improve that creation. If your identity is Star Wars then your self worth and ability to improve yourself is tied to someone else making good Star Wars stuff. If your identity is wrapped up in who and what you are and what you bring to the table then you are always a work in progress but one who can move the right direction if you want to. And the nice thing is when Jessica Nigri dresses as Black Cat and it’s mainly just lingerie I don’t have to get mad, no matter how many Spider-Man comics I have read (It’s literally more than a thousand I am sure) because it has nothing to do with me. I kinda just get to appreciate a pretty girl where pretty stuff and not feel in some way like I am being attacked because I can see boobs. Today I want to fuck Jessica Nigri.