Because I have my finger on the pulse of what is hip and cool and I live on the bleeding edge of cool I spent this week playing Tomb Raider. No, not the one that came out this week, the one before that that came out in 2015. I just got around to it. Probably as a result of all the commercials for the new one. Anyway, among my many super cool traits that have always made me the apotheosis of cool is my intense attraction to a couple of video game characters, in this case Lara Croft. I mean, so was the rest of the world in the 90’s but it is the reboot that really brought me on board. I mean, yeah, they did a good job of making her beautiful but I have really enjoyed her character arc. I quite enjoyed where she started and look forward to where she is going but man, she could be in a better spot for the middle chapter of this story. But that’s kind of why I dig it, they have made her so human. She still has her heroic tenancies and will do the right thing but seems thus far kind of blind to the consequences of her actions. Like, I am not an expert in archeology but I bet that most digs don’t lead to thousands of deaths. I could be wrong. Maybe I am wrong. Because I knew one guy once who was an archeology major and he never mentioned any classes in murder, so I just assume it’s not part of the curriculum but Lara Croft was either born with the ability to creatively break a man’s neck or someone taught her that. I guess I could be showing my ignorance here, I have no idea what is standard in an English education. Maybe “Stealth Kills” is an elective UK kids take when they’re 13. It’s like Home Ec, Shop, or how to fashion your own weapons at a campfire and silently kill a man with them. It doesn’t seem like a very British thing to me but those sneaky Brits hide a lot from us, Celebrity Juice doesn’t seem very British either but someone over there is watching it because it’s been on for like 100 years is my understanding. Anyway, my point is that Lara’s true calling is unstoppable murderer and I saw criticism back when the game came out that the game didn’t address it. She was torn apart by killing in the first game and seems mostly ok with it here. I would say it’s character growth that does it. Or maybe part of her fall. Either way it seems like a natural progression as she advances as a person but fails to see all the consequences of her action. Which makes me excited for the next game but also I think is why I am into her. It’s the reason I think so many people get crushes on fictional characters. Because we know them better than real people. I spent like 16 hours with Lara Croft and know her very well. And she’s well fleshed out. So she’s interesting. Also she can jump from platforms and use a bow and arrow to shoot out a rope to swing across a chasm and then use an ax to climb a rock face. She’s a badass. Who wouldn’t be attracted to that? Today I want to fuck Lara Croft.