McKayla Maroney – Who I want to Fuck Today

I realize McKayla Maroney making an appearance might seem odd or out of the blue but in my mind it’s not, she has been on my mind a bit recently for various reasons. She even came up recently in a conversation with my favorite Greek @wildflagsure. She fascinates me in a lot of ways because she is this strange lightning rod for opinions that bother me. Well… kinda lightning rod, when people remember who she is. You know, from the whole thing where people thought she was a bad sport at the Olympics (and I would say that her not smiling and being happy about losing is a trait we only find despicable in women, we want our male athletes to be competitive and angry when they fall on thier ass) to the thing I see now about her being lazy or… well, frivolous seems the best word to describe her overall. Less kind is her seeming eagerness to wear things that accentuate her body. Those also strike me as dumb because it’s just so hard for me to see someone who at 16 years old was literally one of the best in the world at what she did, and spent more time working out in a day than people reading this do in a week since she was a child as frivolous or lazy. And as for the pictures thing… well look I think it’s cheesy when dudes pop their shirts off at the drop of a hat but they don’t seem to face a lot of comments about being attention whores. Also, if 14 of the first 18 years of my life were dedicated to working out… I’d probably want someone to see all that work, too. None of that is why she is here though, she’s here because I happen to think she’s pretty. And ok, yeah, part of the attraction is people who are really good at something are hot and I like athletes. But I find her quite attractive whatever the reason. You can tell, cause I never like just posting pictures from instagram but here I am. So today I want to fuck McKayla Maroney.

Here is McKayla Maroney because… she showed up in some pictures for some event that had a really long name I didn’t understand. I think it had something to do with the Kid’s Choice awards? Maybe. I dunno. I am posting her basically because I think she is pretty and I find reactions to her (and really a lot of Olympic athletes) fascinating. First there are the dedicated fans of the sport. Gymnastics, figure skating, curling, whatever, these are marginal sports. They are not where most eyes are and most people know nothing about them but every 4 years they become the biggest eyeball grabbing sports in the world. Well, not curling but some of them. But there are people who follow these things not at the Olympics, you know, the 4 years in between they still care. I have found in my perusing of these things that a lot of these people are hyper critical dicks. Which I get, when you like a niche thing you kind of become protective and weird but one of the things I have read is that McKayla Maroney is lazy and out of shape. Which is mind blowing to me cause… she looks to be in better shape than most people I know and I am not sure how you can knock anyone for being lazy who put in the kind of work required to be an Olympic athlete before 18. Like, seriously, these are people who at 12 were at the Gym at like 6 AM before school. Do you know what the fuck I was doing at 12? Me either, no one remembered because it sure as fuck didn’t matter but it probably involved mainly horror movie watching, video game playing, and inventing overly complex games of tag to play in the woods near my house. I also slept until like 10 if I could. So that’s inside her sports fandom, outside it I see people who get critical of former Olympians for… trying to stay famous? For daring to show up during a time that is not the Olympics. Like how dare they try to make some money or… get a career post the career that can’t seem to last past the age of 19. I dunno, I feel like there is more I could say about this but I was woken up by a 10K outside my window at 6 AM this morning. Look, if you guys want to hate on athletes hate on the dicks who think it’s fun to run through my neighborhood while their friends bang on garbage cans and shit. Those people are the real monsters. Anyway, McKayla Maroney makes me think about a lot of things and I think she is pretty. I will also always be forever impressed by the ability she has, I think it’s amazing. So today I want to fuck McKayla Maroney.

I thought I was joking yesterday when I declared this America weekend or whatever (which is funny on it’s own because let’s be honest, every weekend is America weekend) but here I am posting McKayla Maroney who should fill us all with Patriotic fervor. Or at least respect. Which is going to lead me down a path of lecturing people I don’t know so buckle up! I continue to see basically two sets of comments about her, one where people refer to her as like… we’ll shorten the phrase to tease and the other where people basically talk about how she is a remarkably frivolous person for posting vines of herself being goofy. These bother me for lots of reasons, the tease one cause, um, no, you’ve never met her, or probably any of the celebrities you attach that too. They aren’t teasing you. They don’t actually give a fuck about you because they don’t even know you exist. That’s kind of human nature though, we often forget that we are not the smartest, cleverest center of the universe. And yeah, she probably forgets that, too, given that she works the angles pretty hard in her selfies. That’s part of being young though, you think adults are stupid and never put together than you didn’t invent shit. I promise you there were artists angling just so when doing self portraits 200 years ago. The second… the idea that having fun or you know, not caring if you look silly somehow lowers a person’s worth. Well, first, maybe you should take yourself out of the habit of going around judging human worth because… that’s a really dangerous dehumanizing path but also just stop watching. Your life will be so much richer if you stop consuming stuff you hate. I promise. And then finally I just included the final gifs because I want to point out that McKayla Maroney can do a thing with her body no one reading this can. Unless you happen to be a world class gymnast. If you are drop me a line, I am fascinated by what you do and basically want to know how you don’t throw up after doing flips like that. Seriously, sometimes I sit funny and my back gets sore and then I am just like, “Fuck today” and give up on doing anything productive, so your world is strange and foreign to me. Anyway, I should probably have some way to pull this all together but I don’t Sometimes things just don’t work out, maybe that will make you feel better when you sublimate your jealousy of youth into anger at youth. Don’t worry, their lives are going to be full of disappointment one day, too! So, you know, because America… today I want to fuck McKayla Maroney.

I think the thing that interests me most about athletes is the hard work. I mean, I am willing to believe most people I post here work very hard at their craft. Maybe some more than others but there is no way to know. I absolutely know athletes are working hard at their craft because if they weren’t they wouldn’t be able to do it. I bring this up because from some of what I see on the internet McKayla Maroney is seen as… perhaps frivolous would be the best word. We’ll ignore the fact that she became a meme because of her ability to look unimpressed but I have seen comments and stuff because… well, the middle pictures. Because, you know, she’s a teenager, her world has a lot of selfies and lot of social media and a lot of sharing of both silly and mundane stuff. And I don’t know her at all, she might be a horrible person, she might be a sweetheart, I just find it funny when old people (me, people I know, etc) take the selfie thing or the general idea of self promotion that has become part and parcel with youth in the era of the internet as some sort of flaw. Especially when it is a flaw that seems to translate to “Those damn kids don’t want to have to work for a god damned thing”. Which is a strange leap to make but i have seen it made. Which again makes no sense because let’s be honest for a second, she is an Olympic athlete. That makes her better at what she does than almost anyone in the world. She won a medal, that makes her better at what she does than even the select group of people around her who are better than everyone else in the world. Some of that is natural talent. A lot of that is being 10 years old and working harder than most adults. And that is what impresses me about athletes, whatever personality traits they have or what we want to put on them these are at the least very dedicated, hard working people who frankly are impressive because of what they have accomplished. Also she is really pretty and I find her adorable often. So for me it’s all positives and that’s why today I want to fuck McKayla Maroney.