Tag: Superhero

I have a friend who gently teases me for my love of shiny things.  Well, maybe I do the teasing but she has noticed I tend to like shiny dresses and such and I realize that makes me sound like a drooling idiot, like I am staring at my monitor and going, “Oooooo, Shiny!"  But I do like shiny clothing.  And maybe it all stems from the shiniest of all superheroes, Alison Blaire, better known as the Dazzler.  Now, unfortunately she is largely seen as a joke by a lot of the comics community, which is a shame.  Her original disco costume is especially mocked which is also a shame because I love it!  Of course, sometimes I realize my taste in X-Men may not conform to popular standards since I am very tired of Wolverine (common among older X-fans) and the Australia era where she was part of the team is one of my favorite (the only time I actually see this era references is with something like, "Most people hate the Australian era but I like it”).  The real shame though is that Dazzler is your typical complex and interesting X-Woman and people seem to have no clue because they just kind of go “Ugh, Disco”.  I fully get that but it ignores that she is one of the few X-Men a successful solo series and the only one who had a solo series as her starting point and only later joined the team.  I sadly haven’t seen much of her in recent years because I am no longer the type of nerd who reads every X-title.  Mainly because I don’t have time but also it was easier when there were fewer than 20 a month.  I haven’t liked the little I have seen where they have written her as a ditzy pop star.  The Dazzler I remember was someone who set out to follow her dreams, as unrealistic as those dreams were, and as silly as they were because disco was totally dead by the time her book launched.  That just added depth, she was going after what she wanted to do and it didn’t really matter what anyone told her.  She had resolve and she was tough and she was totally shiny.  I mean, her power is to make pretty lights and sparkles.  And she fought Doctor Doom and Galactus with pretty lights and sparkles.  Not to mention no one was on that Australian team who wasn’t tough as nails.  She was awesome.  So today I want to fuck Dazzler.

I was almost reluctant to post this after the whole David-Goyer-continues-to-prove-why-he-is-a-horrible-choice-to write-superhero-movies fiasco a little while back.  For lots of reasons, I wasn’t sure that the best way to argue that Jennifer Walters was a fascinating, mufti-dimensional character built on empowerment in an era when few female heroes were was by posting pictures of her and discussing my libido.  Also I saw no reason to participate in the debate because it wasn’t so much of a debate as he said something very stupid (that again revealed why a man who hates superheroes and holds them in contempt probably shouldn’t be one of the driving voices behind some of the greatest heroes ever) and the rest of the world pointed out he was stupid.  They did it better.  And that is that because the last thing the world needs is another thing written about a woman that is really about some guy more than it is about the woman.  There is a lot of irony in that right there but we’ll push right past it and say that the new She-Hulk series is excellent and does a great job of showing just why She-Hulk is awesome.  I mean, I love that she’s a lawyer and the fact that this one is written by a Lawyer is even better, it is great but besides that she fills the role of everywoman pretty well in comics and always has.  It seems odd to say about a a woman who is almost 7 feet tall, is the cousin of the most powerful moral ever, and has been a member of two of the biggest deal superhero teams ever but she is.  She is smart and confident and capable but also has her doubts, her troubles, and is extremely funny in a wry, self aware way.  She is pretty awesome and I have actually been a fan since childhood.  It’s nice she has a book again that i can easily relate to and appreciate.  And it’s nice that I didn’t have to sift through quite as many horrible fetish pictures as I assumed I would (you people know who you are.  I have never understood why you have targeted She-Hulk for this because it is just not in keeping with her character at all. You know what I am talking about!)  Anyway, I have nothing else to say except maybe check out her new series and today I want to fuck She-Hulk.

Here I am dating myself again but once upon a time, in a bedroom far, far away I had a pretty solid crush on the character of Rogue.  I was about 13 or so and had grown out of my crush on Kitty Pryde and moved on to more adult crushes.  Like Rogue.  It makes a lot of sense in retrospect, she can’t be touched, she is all vulnerability, and it’s pretty easy to imagine if you were the one person who was able to touch her you’d melt her heart and blah blah blah.  She was about isolation and vulnerability despite being invulnerable, super strong, and able to fly. Those are powerful drugs to the romantic brains of adolescents because who doesn’t feel completely alone, unable to make a connection to others all while discovering new abilities and hidden strengths at some point as a teenager.  It’s been a while but I still remember being a teenager and everything was the end of the world, every lonely moment was going to last forever and it was the most lonely anyone ever felt ever.  So of course once Jim Lee started drawing her in Savage Land bikinis and then skin tight green and yellow spandex I, like half the teenage marvel zombies, fell for Rogue.  Because she was like you, she understood.  And you knew she’d know you’d have a connection.  I guess it would be sweet if it wasn’t so embarrassing but at least for those of us who some day move on to for real relationships with actual people those moments of fiction and imagination are important, especially for those of us who at the time couldn’t have possibly made a move on a real girl, not with all the implications that brought about.  So that’s why she is here today, because I was remembering all that.  The character is so different now and honestly she hasn’t been in a comic I regularly read in almost a decade really but I guess Rogue is like the Moon.  The Rogue of our memory I mean, it’s beautiful and makes us think poetic thoughts and sits out there out of reach.  But we’ll never reach it, not the one we’re really looking for.  Men can land on cold rock but they will never land on what mankind longed for and dreamed about for millennia.  Man will never land on that Rogue either, because the crushes of our childhood will never measure up to the perfect memories we have.  This is all a very strange way to say that today I want to fuck Rogue.

As you may or may not know I have started a full Buffy rewatch, which is a big undertaking but it had to be done.  See, it came to my attention my friend Izzy had never seen the show so the only solution was for me to watch it and pressure her into doing the same. I do want to take this chance to tell you guys to watch it.  I am not going to pull the old person thing and tell you Buffy is better than your generations vampire fiction (it is) or that it will change your life (it won’t, not really, it’s a TV show, you’ll like it, TV shows shouldn’t actually change your life, just nudge it a little), I won’t even point out that basically all modern TV owes a huge debt to Buffy’s style of story telling and writing (It does but I’m a nerd.  I majored in history at one point in my life, I listen to history podcasts, the history of shit, TV included is way more important to me than normal people).  I will just tell you it’s very good, it holds up, and it addresses a lot of universal issues about growing up that we all can stand to see addressed.  But anyway, back to Buffy, my friend Izzy as you may or may not know is totally gay for lesbianism, and as such she pretty much immediately fell in love with Buffy Summers.  Crushes on fictional characters are interesting because they aren’t real but we probably know fictional characters better than we know actual real people in our lives.  We get to see pretty intimate stuff.  So I get the fictional crush.  For me I have had Buffy fantasies but they tend to be us beating up Vampires together and being awesome friends more than us getting married.  I realize I am in the minority there, most people were way into Buffy.  For some reason Buffy and SMG inspire a total lust for friendship and hanging out in me.  But I get that they are pretty.  And Buffy is a superhero.  So sometimes, just sometimes, I am like, yeah, I want to make out with Buffy.  Because she’s a Vampire Slayer.  I mean, I saw a female fire fighter once come into my building and I was like, wow, hot.  A Vampire Slayer is like a fire fighter times 100.  So sometimes I like Buffy.  Today I like Buffy.  Today I want to fuck Buffy Summers.

This is my second fictional character of the week.  Some of you are going to hate that.  I am not really sure how to explain it other than Christmas is approaching.  That probably seems like a very strange rationale but I really, really love Christmas.  It’s great.  I love putting up my tree.  I love Christmas shopping.  There is nothing more fun than trying to think of what someone you care about would really like to get, which is why I love buying people gifts.  And then giving them gifts.  And the Christmas Specials and music and movies and you know, all of it.  I guess it makes me feel like a kid.  So maybe that’s why we are getting fictional characters leading up to Christmas, my first crushes were very much not on real people.  I am not sure if that makes me unique or not but at 5 years old my crushes were mainly on cartoon characters and superheroes. Anyway, Supergirl is attractive and whatever, here are some pictures of her, half Christmas Themed!  So get in the spirit.  I am.  Today I want to fuck Supergirl.

So I was thinking about Superman and that’s why Supergirl is here today.  I like Superman a lot for a lot of reasons but mostly for iconic ones.  The whole icon thing is also why I like Supergirl but it ends up different.  Superman to me has always been fascinating as an inspiration, he gives humanity something to strive for.  I don’t mean the powers, I mean the decisions.  He’s a guy with all the power in the world, he could literally do anything, he helps people.  It’s a model of life to strive for.  Supergirl on the other hand has always been stuck in Superman’s shadow, on and off the page.  Now the quality of her comics over the years have been all over the map but what I love about her is that while Superman is what we can become she is what we are.  She is powerful, she is capable, and yet she messes up.  She is compared to Superman and seen wanting.  It isn’t her fault, she just isn’t there yet.  She is someone who tries and who stumbles and represents potential that hasn’t been met yet but is on it’s way. At least, sometimes.  I don’t read the New 52 stuff so I can’t speak to it.  What I am saying is I like Kara, she’s pretty cool when done right, she’s a searcher and I like that.  And today I want to fuck Supergirl.

So the 90’s were a pretty bleak time for comics.  A lot of you don’t remember this because you’re either not a huge nerd or you weren’t born yet.  But for the old nerds who were around for it comics tended to suck pretty hard.  There were some bright spots though and maybe my favorite mainstream superhero book was Birds of Prey.  Basically because it was awesome.  Really awesome.  It still stands out as the odd book about female characters that was basically about female characters rather than T&A.  Embarrassing as it is this nerd was a teenager and had a pretty big crush on Black Canary.  She was awesome though.  Strong but vulnerable, smart but occasionally foolish, and she is one of the biggest bad asses in the DC universe.  She could fight like Batman and had way better legs.  And her comic ruled.  So I liked her a lot.  And so I was thinking about that and remembering how awesome she was and how awesome those comics were and today I want to fuck Black Canary.

Whenever I go this far off the reservation to include people who aren’t, you know, real, it seems to be kind of unpopular.  I can get that… to a degree.  It also can be hard because given someone who is fabricated from some writers mind you’d think there would be lots of art to choose from but searches mainly bring up… well, porn (and costplay.  But it feels wrong to throw cosplayers up here for some reason).  Still, I figure there has to be some appeal to the idea of a superhero, they wear skin tight stuff for a reason, right?  They also represent mythic archtypes by and large, so even someone who many of my followers won’t know, like Ms. Marvel is designed at her core to get some basic reaction from people.  Of course, maybe the reason she’s always been a second tier hero is because she doesn’t illicit what she’s supposed to.  I don’t know, there is also the whole problematic thing that so many female heroes are created as a female counterpart to an established male.  I don’t want to get into any of that right now, I just want to say that I understand why I see so many people crushing on characters from books or TV shows that they love, this really isn’t any different, you establish a relationship with a character (admittedly a one way relationship but probably healthier than the one way relationship we have with celebrities) and you get to know them better than you know many people.  Of course, like anything half of what you think you see in them is you seeing what you want to see but my point is it makes sense that we care deeply about them.  Ms. Marvel has been a character I have been reading about since the early 80’s.  And I like her costumes, though fuck it was hard to find even halfway decent pictures (yes, I know, one is Moonstone in her costume but it’s the best I can find and that is such a great costume).  Anyway, I think it’s ok to find fictional characters attractive, as long as we remember to go outside sometimes.  Today I want to fuck Ms. Marvel.

It was about three days after starting this blog I realized there was an intrinsic flaw in it.  I was at the drug store picking something up and I realized there was no way to make a decent entry called, “The redhead in the sweatshirt and tights picking up some aspirin off the bottom shelf”.  At least not in a way that wasn’t very creepy and visually uninteresting.  It will be rare for me to run into someone I can google and thus make an entry about.  Of course, it has happened.  When I was about 20 I almost walked right into Lynda Carter.  I was charming of course, I stood there, I kind of stared and then after a moment I stammered, “You’re Wonder Woman”.  She nodded, smiled politely and moved on.  I am pretty sure she still thinks about that day, too.  All of this is a round about way to mention that I have had a crush on Wonder Woman since I was 3 years old.  I thought she was pretty on Super Friends, I would scamper in front of the TV to watch reruns of her TV Show and sigh wistfully. What makes her appealing to a young boy and and adult?  I think it’s the strength of the character, her moral resolve and steadfastness mixed with the fact that she just seems better than most people.  There is something attractive about someone you can look up to.  Whatever the reason, there is something magic to those childhood crushes sometimes and even years later you pause and look and get it and that’s why today I want to fuck Wonder Woman.

Time to really let my nerd flag fly.  Maybe even drive some people away.  It’s ok, I’ll cope, because today I am going to talk about super heroes.  Sexy ones I guess. Or one.  This is the Scarlet Witch and if you don’t know about her you don’t care, if you do, I don’t need to explain her powers or history.  That’s not what this is about, it’s about that costume.  I love that costume.  The pink tights under the red leather?  There is something to that combination.  Mix that with super powers, the whole gypsy/eastern European angle, and childhood crushes and you have a pretty good formula for the occasional fantasy.  The impossibly perfect bodies of comic book characters isn’t hurting either.  So, in celebration of my nerdery, my love of comics, and my attraction to women in tight clothing, today I want to fuck the Scarlet Witch.