Category: Uncategorized

So I was not sure who I was going to post today, I was kind of busy and no one was moving me, you know?  It was one of those days where who I was attracted to didn’t even pop into my brain.  It could have been tough.  Thank god for Charli XCX.  Can we all agree with that sentiment?  That we are lucky Charli XCX exists?  Some pictures of her for Out Magazine showed up and just, boom, competition over, Charli XCX wins my heart for the day.  I wish I could say there are other reasons she’s here because I do love her music, she makes very good pop music.  I would be lying though if I said that’s why she’s here.  She is here because there are very few people on the planet right now I am as attracted to as Charli XCX.  Who knows what special alchemy is involved but I think we all have that thing.  Someone out there just clicks with you and you don’t even know why, you just see them and it is unbelievable how attracted you are to them.  Sometimes lots of people agree with you, sometimes no one does.  It doesn’t seem to matter, that person, something about them, you are just drawn to them.  I don’t know why but Charli XCX is and has been for some time now very much that person for me.  I know I am not alone because people on tumblr seem to agree with me but out here in the real world, my friends, non tumblr people, they often look at me like I am insane.  Which brings us to the real point of this post, get your eyes checked America, it is unsafe to drive with such bad vision.  Today I want to fuck Charli XCX.

Sofia Vergara is someone who is ridiculous hot, and I think she’s ridiculously hot, but she has rarely shown up here.  I don’t really have a good explanation as to why other than.. bad timing maybe?  Modern Family was once great but is now… just kind of there.  The result is when I am watching it sometimes I am like, “Wow, she’s hot” but by the time it’s done I am not thinking about it anymore. Or maybe there are other reasons, I really don’t know.  But I saw her Vanity Fair pictures this morning and she looks amazing and so… here she is.  Today I want to fuck Sofia Vergara.

I feel like everyone is on board with the idea that confidence is sexy but if for some reason you remain unconvinced I feel like Natalie Dormer is pretty good proof.  It’s not like there is nothing else to like about her but I feel like the way she seems to just know more than the rest of us with a single smirk is a very large part of her appeal.  I wouldn’t see so many people talk about crushing on her if she didn’t seem to have a cocky swagger to her.  A swagger, I might point out that seems to stem entirely from that confident smile, it just means we assume she is confident and a badass.  I don’t think I am alone on this.  Anyway, Game of Thrones was last night, she looked good and today I want to fuck Natalie Dormer.

Posting Alexis Ren is always a bit of work because there are so many pictures to choose from and when you have too much of a choice it can become difficult.  There is no excuse to select poorly and with someone like Alexis Ren.  By select poorly I mean I want to get pictures that embody what it is about her that is appealing, what it is that clicks and makes her so beloved to so many people on tumblr.  It would be easy to write that off as “hotness” but I am not sure that is really true because some models seem to connect with people better than others and the ones who are less popular it certainly isn’t because they are ugly.  As you get older you realize advertisers really only sell us a few things and sex isn’t one of them.  Sex is just what they use to distract you from what they are really selling.  I feel like those things are either lack of loneliness or nostalgia.  Every product out there they try to tell us will make you feel not so all alone or it will help you recapture that spark you lost years ago.  I feel like that is why Alexis Ren works as a model, because she embodies youth.  I don’t mean that in a creepy way but I mean a feeling of youth.  Not hers, yours.  Her best pictures embody this sort of happy, carefree teenagerdom that I think is appealing to even people in their early 20′s because we are all nostalgic for things that never even really happened.  Even for people who didn’t have the happiest childhood it is easy to remember the most exciting parts through rose tinted glasses and forget the responsibility and work and hard times that even teenagers have.  And that is the power of the best Alexis Ren pictures, the power to invoke an idyllic day on the beach with your friends that never actually happened but your brain will manage to twist enough that you can find a memory to fit it.  She will make you feel that again for a little bit and that will be nice.  Or I am projecting.  that is possible since I think the true power of models is often to be a blank slate for us to project onto, the best model can be everything for everyone just by existing. It probably doesn’t matter since most of you will reblog this without text.  Today I want to fuck Alexis Ren.

Here is Pixie Lott because.. blonde British girls?  If you’re new around her you may not know that is secretly my thing.  Well, not secretly but like… it was a secret to me until I started this blog!  I don’t know why she is here but I guess to be fair it is rainy outside, so that probably makes me think of the UK, I am listening to the Animals, so British Music, and um… oh I am drinking tea.  Basically if the queen accidentally stumbled into my place she’d think she was in Buckingham Palace.  I mean, that’s basically Buckingham Palace, right?  Tea, rain, and the British Invasion?  Sure we’ll go with that.  Anyway, Pixie Lott is one of those people who is just so pretty it almost seems like it takes no effort.  She just smiles and you’re like, oh, what a pretty girl.  Of course, it can’t be that easy but it seems that way.  Today I want to fuck Pixie Lott.

It seemed like an inevitability that I would end up posting Gigi Hadid eventually.  An inevitability because she keeps showing up everywhere.  Not just on tumblr but man a few months ago she just started popping everywhere, but she is just like… around.  This happens sometimes with models, they are kind of the next big thing or maybe the next next big thing.  Either way they suddenly become inescapable if you are the sort of person to notice them.  It helps she has a memorable name.  But once that happens I know it’s really likely they will show up here because if this blog has taught me anything it is that I am far more easily influenced than I’d like to think I am.   Who I post the most often isn’t just influenced by what human beings I find most attractive, it is also influenced by who is just the most accessible in the world.  There are celebrities I am very attracted to who don’t show up as many times as you’d think based on how attractive I consider them because they aren’t as omnipresent.  And you know, out of sight, out of mind.  So girls who are just seemingly everywhere are likely to show up a lot if I am at all attracted to them.  Gigi Hadid is attractive.  She is everywhere, thus it only makes sense some day I would be like, ok, wow, look at her.  Have to post her.  Today is that day.  Today I want to fuck Gigi Hadid.

Today is just crazy hectic and I am just crazy busy at work and likely won’t be home until like 9 or so tonight.  I mean, you don’t care I am sure but I needed to vent.  I don’t watch a lot of porn so my introduction to Christy Mack was when someone blogged some pictures of her and I was like, “Who is that model?  She is really really hot”.   Turns out that model was porn star Christy Mack.  I don’t know how people know porn stars names cause they are always new to me.  I guess watch porn.  Kinda answered my own question there.  Anyway, that was how I knew her and then there was the whole domestic violence thing that was disgusting and like… well, if you ever want to feel terrible about humanity go look at the comments on the internet about a woman who has been victimized.  It will make you want to weep.  I kind of am tempted to write a whole thing here about it but I don’t have the time and am not certain I am equipped to do so.  Besides, it’s old new, it was like a year ago and as we all know that makes it unimportant because after one woman was visibly beaten by her exboyfriend we were all horrified, got together, and solved that problem forever.  Right?  No?  Fuck.  Ok, here is the long and short of it, if someone gets naked for a living they are doing it because someone wants to see them naked and pay them money.  This is the basis on which our economy is founded.  If you are saying they deserve victimization because they are filling a need that you, as a male created, then what you are saying is you are an abuser and a rapist and a whatever else happened.  If you ask someone to do something, they do it, and then you react violently that makes you an asshole.  There are a lot of nuances I kind of skipping over here but if you really, really want to know more message me and I will point you in the right direction when I am not swamped at work.  None of that is why she is here though, she is here because she is very hot and I don’t know why but popped into my head.  So you know, a quick trip to my computer later here she is because today I want to fuck Christy Mack.

It is really rare for me to post the same person multiple days in a row.  It has happened but it is rare.  And so that is why today I was sitting here, thinking it looks very likely I am going to post Blake Lively for the second day in a row and going, “man, can I do that?”  And then I got a message from thunderstormofoblivion which said, “You might have to keep going with Blake as your choice for the next lil while“.  And… she is right.  Like, I can’t fight it, she has looked really, really good. Like, I thought she looked good in the stuff I posted yesterday but then Yesterday she was all over the place looking better.  I am only human.  So today I want to fuck Blake Lively.

I got a submission this morning that was, to be frank, a bit rambling and pointless, not the thing you’d expect from contact@snggu.freeboatsonline.net but we all have our off days.  Still, the point was made that I don’t use the words maidenhead or besmirch often enough.  Now some people would discount criticism from a spambot but I feel it is folly to ignore good advice simply based on the source.  Truth is truth and the truth is I don’t use them enough.  Some people would feel you have besmirched my honor, sir, with this criticism but I do not.  I thank you for piecing the maidenhead of my ignorance, I will endeavor to right this glaring error in my blog from here out. Anyway, this doesn’t have a ton to do with Blake Lively but it needed to be addressed.  Probably it is something fewer people realized than the fact that Blake Lively is ridiculously gorgeous.  It’s kind of her thing, a winning smile and stunning looks, making it all look so easy.  So you don’t need me to tell you that.  She has shown up in a bunch of press for her new movie and she looks great so… here she is.  Today I want to fuck Blake Lively.

So I feel like I blew my intellectual load on the last time I posted Elizabeth.  It was less than a week ago and yeah, I am posting a made up person two times in one week, I have a bit of a crush.  I guess it never feels that odd to me, though it must to my followers because it always proves painfully unpopular.  But like… I look back at my love life and most of what I fell for in real people ended up being a fiction, either constructed by them or me or some combination, so a made up character doesn’t seem that much of a stretch.  Sorry, that was a little sad sack and morbid but it is a rainy Monday morning.  Anyway, I keep thinking about Elizabeth because her character arc is fascinating but also just the deeper themes of the games.  I want to feel like she won in the end.  She did what she set out to do and in the long run she ‘won’.  But maybe I am just convincing myself of that, which feels very appropriate either way, it’s all about what I want to believe, what I want to see really. Reality is more malleable than we want to accept.  Anyway, that’s why she’s here.  Today I want to fuck Elizabeth from Bioshock.