So Katy Perry has been all over Paris for Fashion Week and by all over I basically mean she went to a couple of things and photos showed up. I don’t track Katy Perry’s movements. That would be crazy. And likely actionable if i admitted it. My point is she has been around and looking lovely and you may not know this but I happen to find her attractive. I have only posted her 50 times as of today so you’re forgiven if you hadn’t noticed. I don’t have a lot more to say than that. You know, Katy Perry is hot. Yadda yadda yadda. Today I want to fuck Katy Perry.
So I have started watching the Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt and I am digging it. I was looking forward to it from when it was first
announced but kind of forgot that it would be out this weekend until I
saw people talking about it. I think what I like best about it is how
well it harnesses what is best about Ellie Kemper. She was enjoyable on
some pretty bad seasons of the Office but I feel she is better used
here because it really takes he ability for upbeat enthusiasm and turns
it into something wonderful. She isn’t positive because she is stupid
like on the Office, she is instead a ray of sunshine because it is
frankly better than being a dark cloud in everyone’s life. I really
like it and I really like getting to see her. I like it so far and I
like Ellie Kemper so today I want to fuck Ellie Kemper.
I am going to try my best to not complain about the time change cause we all suffer through it but I will warn you guys I have gotten very little sleep the past few nights. Anyway, here is Holly Willoughby who I should point out I shouldn’t even know exists but thanks to my dear sweet friend Katherine who always has an eye out for me I don’t only know she exists, this is the 16th time I have posted her. That feels like a lot for an American but on the other hand she has taken pictures just for me. The purple dress where she is on the phone? That picture was quite clearly taken for me. Now, you might say it’s really unlikely that Holly Willoughby is specifically posing for pictures just for me and I am tired and delusional. You might say that but I say if you know me, like really know me, you’d look at that picture and realize it is 100% for me. There is no other explanation guys, I am a unique snowflake guys, I alone find pretty blonde girls in nice pictures attractive. So you know, I am here to say I really appreciate it. I appreciate being told about Holly and I appreciate the effort put for by taking that picture just for me. Today I want to fuck Holly Willoughby.
So I was talking about Kate Mara earlier this week about the fact that i have not actually ever posted her. She is one of those people I have considered posting because I have seen her in things but it hasn’t actually happened for some reason. I feel like in part this is because he grandparents own the Giants. This probably seems like a weird dividing line for who is and isn’t attractive but sometimes that’s how my brain work. I mean, it could be worse, he family could own the Cowboys. I promise you she wouldn’t be here then. I just dislike the Giants, I don’t think they are like a pox on our great nation. Anyway, she is attractive and I have liked her in what I have seen but she’s one of those people who is in a bunch of stuff in my, “I totally have to see that one day” list. Which is why I have mainly though about posting her but haven’t actually ever posted her. Today I correct that. Today I want to fuck Kate Mara.
So I am posting Sarah Hyland today cause I was watching Modern Family last night (an episode from the day before, there is a lot of lag in my life right now. I am posting about 6 hours later than I usually do). Anyway, the show is not the show it once was. I would call it mildly amusing now with occasional bright spots. It’s kind of the fate of almost every sitcom, they grow long in the tooth as they go on and often suffer from narrative stagnation because it’s a comedy, you can’t change the characters that much or the comedy part might fail. That’s the thinking at least. I noticed last night something I had noticed before though which is Sarah Hyland is doing really good work on the show. I mean lots of people do good work but I have noticed she is taking the littler they give her and really turning it into something. She has the closest thing to a character arc on the show. I guess that makes sense, she was like 18 when the show started and now she’ like 25. There is a pretty major difference in those ages, I know, I lived through it. I feel like I am articulating poorly so I will just say I find Sarah Hyland impressive and leave it at that. Today I want to fuck Sarah Hyland.
Kristen Stewart keeps popping into my head and I don’t know why. I bear her no ill will but I also don’t think of myself as any kind of Kristen Stewart fan. She is basically famous so I know she exists but don’t ever think of her except when something puts her in front of me. But I haven’t seen her in anything recently. Still Alice I guess? That was like 2 months ago I watched that. I did think she was good in it (and honestly pretty good in most of the things I have seen her in) but it was hardly a sexy movie or sexy role. I don’t think anyone walked out going, “It was pretty hot how that woman struggled with her identity and coming to terms with the most important part of her betraying her as she lost her cognitive abilities”. I mean, if that’s your thing I’ll try not to judge but it seems a little uncool to me. Anyway, I don’t think that’s why but she just keeps popping into my head. She has for a few days now and today she is back again and back again enough that she really is the person I have to post. So today I want to fuck Kristen Stewart.
So this morning I made a post and then apparently forgot to click post, so it was just sitting here on my computer open. I was wondering why it got zero notes. Like my good buddy femalecelebrityoftheday even sent me a message and didn’t like it and I was like, wow, he’s really sore about being only 3rd in my tumblr crushes. It turns out though that the issue was that I just didn’t hit post. This was fate giving me a second chance I guess. Not that there was anything wrong with it but i had forgotten today is the 3rd anniversary of me starting this blog. So yes, I now have been doing this strange thing for 3 years. It started as kind of a joke and now it’s.. I dunno, just my creepy blog that some people seem to like. Anyway, my first ever entry was Scarlett Johnasson. And that is why she is here. Not because I am honoring that but because I went to go double check the date and saw that it was indeed March 4th that I started the blog and saw the pictures and was like, “Man, Scarlett Johnasson is so hot”. It honestly doesn’t take much to get me to post her, just a reminder that she’s alive (if you don’t like her you are so lucky she’s a movie star. If she was on TV every week this blog would have a weekly post of her). Anyway, here she is, she is actually my 5th most commonly posted person. Oh hell, let me take a screenshot because at least femalecelebrityoftheday will want to see my stupid stats.
Anyway, she is gorgeous and talented and man she is hot. That’s all I have to say really except that once again today I want to fuck Scarlett Johnasson.
So the universe has been telling me to post Alexandra Daddario and I won’t lie, it really doesn’t take much of a nudge for me to do so. I was watching the first episode of The Last Man on Earth and it was ok but there is a point where Alexandra Daddario shows up and I was pretty pumped because I didn’t know she was in it. It turns out that is because she isn’t really, she was just the fantasy hot girl for a quick dream sequence. “The Hot Girl” seems to be a roll she’s getting a lot and I understand that but I always feel a little sad when someone isn’t given more to work with than that. Anyway, this is right after I rewatched Texas Chainsaw whatever the one she was in was called. I had a friend argue it is actually really good if you go in with the right eyes. I thought maybe I was wrong about it so I should try to watch it. And you know, if you’ve seen it you’ll understand when I say Alexandra Daddario running around in a striped shirt is the sort of thing you can be easily talked into some times. Unfortunately I was right about the movie. Fortunately my memory was correct that Alexandra Daddario is officially smoking hot (though good news, she does do a pretty good job in the movie I think). Anyway, that is why she is here and good lord she is hot. Today I want to fuck Alexandra Daddario.
Here is Karen Gillan for no reason other than some pictures of her showed up over the weekend and cons and stuff. She is adorable and sex and gorgeous. She also looked good at the Cinderella premier. Not a lot more to say than that because first I didn’t sleep well and second I have posted her plenty before and can’t think of anything new to say. She is great. Today I want to fuck Karen Gillan.
So I would never call Saturday Night Live my favorite show because frankly Saturday Night Live is never good enough to be my favorite show. And I don’t mean lately, I really and truly mean never. Saturday Night Live might be one of the most important shows in my life though. And I still enjoy it. I still watch it because I have been watching it for basically my whole life. Growing up, it had this mythic quality, and not just because my parents and their friends talked about how good it used to be and how it had really declined. There was this magical original cast. That’s when things were truly great. This holds appeal, it’s why it’s not just the basis of so much of our literature, it’s really the basis of our culture. Look around the world and most cultures have stories of how much better things used to be. Not just in the cranky old man sense. There is of course the Garden of Eden (or the golden people of Greek Mythology or whatever, you don’t care) but also there is the general thrust of almost 1000 years of Western history spent trying to recapture the glory of the Roman Empire. The best Star Wars movies don’t start with the Universe being awesome, no, the Universe used to be awesome, now it kind of sucks but this kid might be able to get things back. So SNL had that kind of pull always. Mix that in with the truly epic ability to stay up late. Kids would brag about having seen an episode on Monday because we didn’t have DVRs or the internet. It was live or nothing. So if you saw Wayne’s World you were clearly pretty fucking cool. It also means the only time I saw SNL were times I either snuck out of bed and into the basement to watch or at slumber parties. So these memories have power. So while it is not my favorite show i have deep love for SNL. Nostalgia is a powerful thing. And all of that is really why Vanessa Bayer is here. She didn’t do anything special last night, I don’t recall her looking and particular way that stood out. I have just been attracted to her basically since she joined the show. She has shown up here before actually. She is pretty, she is funny, but there is just something kind of pleasant and likeable about her in general. I think really it’s all got to be influenced by how important SNL always was to me growing up. She becomes part of the myth, too. But whatever the reason today I want to fuck Vanessa Bayer.
Who I want to Fuck Today 
