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I got a text just recently that read simply, “Katy Perry is so hot omg!"  Then a follow up from my friend informed me she had been looking at gifs of Katy Perry’s boobs for 15 minutes.  So you know, I was like, "Katy Perry has boobs” and for the sake of science I looked.  I have determined that yeah, she probably has boobs.  I am pretty sure.  And she does skew towards the so  hot omg end of the hotness scale also.  You can trust me, I am an expert.  Of course now that I have extensively researched this I had to share my findings so there you are.  Feel free to share this information with strangers, just tell people Katy Perry has boobs and is hot.  They’ll thank you I am sure.  Today I want to fuck Katy Perry.

Here are a bunch of random pictures of Jessica Chastain and by Random I mean I basically opened up her folder and grabbed the first 5 things I saw because I am super tired.  It also means i have nothing interesting to say about her and am in danger of repeating myself (you know, she’s an amazing actress and she’s pretty).  So forgive me if I just put these up and totally half ass it and say that because of all the reasons I have previously documented today I want to fuck Jessica Chastain.

I was thinking about voice recognition software and how jaded we are.  When I was still in college I had a professor who was really proud of some voice recognition software he’d gotten.  He got a headset on, sat down at his computer and started talking to it.  It fucking sucked.  It got maybe one out of three words right and it became clear he was never going to dictate the great American Novel to his computer using this.  Now we can talk into our phones, which are tiny computer we carry around, and our phone will talk back and tell us where the closest place is to get a haircut or a danish or whatever.  This should be mind blowing because when I was like 10, my dad got a Sony Watchman which was a tiny ass TV and my friends and I thought it was so fucking space age you wouldn’t believe it.  It had a smaller screen than my phone but weighed a ton and was black and white.  The exceptional becomes so commonplace sometimes that we forget how exceptional it is.  Not that I think things would be better if every time someone pulled out their phone they shouted, “HOLY SHIT, THE FUTURE IS NOW” but you know, we’re jaded.  What does this have to do with Mary Elizabeth Winstead?  Well, I happen to think she is ridiculously gorgeous and I am not suffering from over exposure to her but at the same time I think I forget how beautiful she is because I am used to it.  Because she always looks beautiful.  Seriously, she is one of those people who is just breathtaking.  So I am going to take a step back and reevaluate to that I am not taking her for granted.  Ahem… HOLY SHIT, MARY ELIZABETH WINSTEAD IS BEAUTIFUL. There, done.  Today I want to fuck Mary Elizabeth Winstead.

The best thing about posting Candice Swanepoel, and this is admittedly just a thing for me, is how ridiculously easy it is to dig up pictures for her.  See, I can count on like 200-500 new pictures of her some weeks.  The wonders of mainstream models and catalogs.  I should point out that I started this post off by saying what I like about Candice Swanepoel is that she’s easy and I was about 3 sentences in before I realized how that sounded.  It has derailed me, I had a larger point than the easy of finding pictures but I can’t remember now.  Anyway, she’s pretty so just look at the pictures and enjoy.  Today I want to fuck Candice Swanepoel.

Guys, I am not the type to just start the rumor mill going but I have been looking at pictures of Kristen Bell and I think she’s pregnant.  I know, I know how can I tell?  Well, guys, I look at pictures of celebrities a lot, it’s what I do.  I can notice the subtle changes and I am like… 80% sure she might be with child.  She is of course gorgeous.  And everyone knows I love her because she is absolutely amazing.  Today I want to fuck Kristen Bell.

I am sitting her watching Katy Perry chug a beer and then dive into a crowd and it’s like, ok, fine, I am posting Katy Perry since clearly that’s what the internet wants.  I am always kind of helpless against her power anyway.  She has this ability where she shows up and pushes everyone out of my head.  It’s been like a month and a half since I posted her and I probably didn’t even think of her in that time.  But now I am and here she is because she does that.  She is magic like that.  Today I want to fuck Katy Perry.

So Jessica Chastain just showed up in Interview Magazine and the photos were pretty good.  And that’s why she’s here.  I saw them yesterday afternoon and I had a pretty good idea she’d be here.  I happen to like her a great deal, I think that’s clear.  She is such a talented actress and I still haven’t seen the Disappearance of Eleanor Rigby (I am kind of tempted to wait for the Him and Her cuts however that happens) but I am excited to.  This isn’t really about that though.  I mean, it always is a little bit, a bunch of my attraction to her is tied up in the fact that she is crazy talented.  But my immediate attraction to her is tied up in the fact that she looked elegant and sexy.  So today I want to fuck Jessica Chastain.

I am not sure where to start this post.  Usually I would start by mentioning that I have always thought Emily Blunt was pretty but didn’t see her in much and yadda yadda yadda she’s here today.  I think instead what I should mention is that a while back I saw someone, and I have no idea who now, post that their sexuality was Emily Blunt doing yoga.  I didn’t get it at the time.  I saw Edge of Tomorrow last night and I get it now (speaking of, how was this movie not bigger?  I knew I should see it because everyone said ti was good and I delayed.  Are we all so anti-Cruise now that we ignore what is frankly a superior action film just because?  It’s hard to believe a good Tom Cruise movie did poorly, 10 years ago bad Tom Cruise movies did well). So I get the Emily Blunt thing.  I am glad I saw the movie, she is quite attractive and yeah, she looked good doing yoga.  Also she’s English so you know, bonus points for that.  Today I want to fuck Emily Blunt.

So for some reason I woke up this morning with Life on Mars stuck in my head.  I am not sure why that happened but it does sometimes, I wake up with a song in my head for no good reason.  Like, my dreams weren’t related to it.  I did have a sweet dream about going to a waterpark and riding just the most awesome rides ever.  My friends got lost at the end and i had to look for them but instead I ran into my friend Katherine and then we looked at picture of Fearne Cotton on my phone.  So that has nothing to do with this because obviously I am not posting Fearne Cotton or a waterpark today.  Instead I woke up with Life On Mars stuck in my head and it is interesting because at it’s core it’s kind of a melancholy song, about a girl who buries herself in made up worlds because she’s dissatisfied with the real world.  I have always liked the song and I think part of that is every young nerd can certainly relate to burying themselves in make believe worlds when the real one leaves you cold.  So what does that have to do with Emily Ratajkowski?  I could make a dad joke about her being out of this world but oh god I don’t want to turn into that.  I woke up thinking about her as well is the thing.  I am not sure why, this isn’t the first time that meditating on a song has made me think of her.  Maybe there is something about her and her beauty that makes me join her with music.  There is I suppose a something extra about her, something that kind of kindles feelings of something otherworldly.  I guess she’s another fantasy world to buy yourself into but I think more than that models, at least the good one, do kind of welcome you to build your own narrative about them and who they are.  It’s built into their work.  Or I could be talking out my ass, never forget that’s always a strong possibility.  The basic point is she is gorgeous and she does spark something in me when I look at her, kind of like a good song.  Today I want to fuck Emily Ratajkowski.

I overheard a strange conversation the other day down at the local dive a few blocks down the street.  It has been the best place to overhear stuff in the past because it often baffles the mind.  Anyway, someone said they love Natalie Dormer because of how she makes them feel.  And my scumbag brain immediately went to, “Aroused”.  This person is saying they like Natalie Dormer because she makes her feel aroused.  I could be wrong but that’s where my brain went and I think it’s not just because I am a scumbag.  I mean, that’s a big factor but there is an undeniable sensuality to her.  I feel like it’s half the reason she is so popular.  She just oozes something that is irresistible.  I guess the other half is the sort of smirking confidence.  I guess actually maybe those are the same thing because confidence is sexy and a lot of her sexiness seems tied up in the feeling that she knows something.  Or knows what she wants.  Or I don’t know.  Today she is making me feel things so today I want to fuck Natalie Dormer.