Category: Uncategorized

Halloween is done guys and thus it’s time to move on to the next thing. Summer. Obviously.  Or not obviously.  I mean that was a joke.  I guess I need to clarify since so many Brits felt the need yesterday to explain to me that Guy Fawkes Night is not the same thing as Halloween.  One guy even explained that it is not a mispronunciation of Halloween but an entirely separate Holiday.  Thanks, Internet, glad you’re on the job guys.  So I am joking about summer.  Unless you’re in Australia, in that case feel free to explain to me how you guys do seasons wrong.  And please, please correct me that they aren’t wrong but it has to do with what Hemisphere you live in (You know, the right one and the wrong one).  I really just wanted to post Alexis Ren because she’s pretty and it was easiest to choose a bunch of bikini pictures because she has done a lot of modeling for swimwear lines.  And htey are better pictures than the somewhat bland catalog pictures in front of a white wall that come with clothing lines sometimes.  But mainly because Summer is right around the corner and there is nothing else between Halloween and Summer.  Not a thing.  Today I want to fuck Alexis Ren.

Well thank god for Natalie Dormer.  I mean, America, you should be ashamed of yourselves.  Really America dropped the ball on the celebrity costume department this year and it took the Brits to come and save us.  Do you know how shameful that is?  They didn’t even start doing Halloween right until like 5 years ago.  For most of my life they were an utter disaster.  They often celebrated on the wrong day, everyone wore the same stupid mask, and somehow despite inventing the language they grossly mispronounced it as Guy Fawkes Day.  Like, I don’t even know how you fuck a thing up that badly.  And yet here we are.  I am posting Natalie Dormer and Holly Willoughby gets an honorary mention for a pretty fucking cool looking unicorn… thing.  I dunno, it felt weird posting it so Natalie Dormer wins out as a pirate because she looks awesome.  Natalie Dormer seems to use Halloween as an excuse to wear old timey stuff which, let’s be honest, is pretty brilliant on her part.  Besides the fact that it looks like a lot of fun, many TV shows and movies have pretty much proven it’s a look that she was made for.  So she’s here and this will probably be it for Halloween posts.  Unless it isn’t because somehow nothing has surfaced from Heidi Klum’s party, so maybe America has some hope yet. Though I guess they need help from a German Super Model to get there. Anyway, Natalie Dormer.  She looks fantastic and I really dig the pirate costume. Today I want to fuck Natalie Dormer.

Happy Halloween guys.  Sorry if Halloween snuck up on anyone, I certainly forgot to mention it so I can understand how that might happen.  I am posting Kim Kardashian today because as the season moves to an end I have to admit, she really did the costume thing well this year.  She often does.  I don’t know if she loves Halloween or a chance to appear at events in a way that will draw attention.  I am tried and the truth is I just don’t care.  I am well aware that her job is basically to be famous and I am fine with that.  No one can be famous if we refuse to pay attention, so her persisting fame tells me some people perhaps protest too much.  Whatever her reasons, she nailed it a couple times this year.  Her Cher costume was not only spot on, it was just kind of a delight.  I like when costumes aren’t just whatever the pop culture of the moment is (also it was a 70’s themed party so it was spot on).  And then her Madonna was amazing (and special props to her sister whose Michael Jackson was eerily accurate).  My point is, she nailed the costume thing, so here are the three she’s worn this year (so far, who knows what tonight brings) and some older ones to round out the post.  Today I want ot fuck Kim Kardashian.

Here is Veronica Lake dressed as a spooooooooooky witch for you guys cause Halloween is right around the corner.  Ok, maybe not that spooky, since it is from a romantic comedy but I am going to just guess most of my followers have never seen I Married a Witch so you don’t know that.  So trust me, it’s completely spooky.  It’s about an centuries old curse!  WooooooooO!  All of that is actually true but you know, tone is important.  She came up in conversation yesterday and honestly, the present day costumes sure are letting me down this year.  Luckily, we always have nostalgia to fall back on, the golden memories of yesteryear that we can twist to suit our desires so that the past always proves us right one way or another.  Speaking of nostalgia, Pigeon Foo replied to this ask yesterday and I enjoyed it because I love Halloween and I want to hear about people’s Halloweens.  I have already shared my favorite memories there but I can dig deep for another story.  During the end of my trick or treating days, I can’t remember what but we had entered the point where it was terribly uncool to care about anything, which I assume is still a thing that happens but was maybe the motto of my entire generation, caring is for losers, and I tried too hard with my costume.  Which wasn’t really all that hard, it was basically a grim reaper robe and scythe and then I painted my face and probably did a crummy job of it.  In general I lack artistic talent and while I can often imagine things and how I want them to look the translation from brain to pen really fucks things up and my picture ends up looking lamer than a stick figure.  So my face paint of a super scary skeleton face was probably terrible. But more importantly someone invited Josh Cox along and I fucking hated Josh Cox.  I think one of my friends liked him but I always thought he was a back full of dicks, which was convenient because his last name was Cox and I could be a vicious little shit and my only real revenge was to make fun of people until it caught on, and boy did I have a field day with the last name Cox back in Junior High.  I might secretly be the villain of this story actually.  Oh well.  Anyway, his grandfather had founded the country club in the neighborhood we were going to trick or treat in (houses around a country club often give good candy.  Like full sized candy bars.  It was insane).  We were so convinced that we were going get a lot of candy we didn’t bring bags or little plastic buckets, we brought pillow cases this time and everyone but me brought multiple masks so they could go back to the good houses more than once.  This is where the mocking lead by ol’ Josh Coxsucker (one of my many hyper clever nicknames I gave him in 6th grade) came in.  They all were just wearing t-shirts and jeans and a mask.  I had tried too hard.  He told me flat out no one would ever want to make out with me with all that face paint on.  Which, I’ll be honest, in retrospect feels like a real win for me.  I didn’t want to make out with any of the people we were trick or treating with.  Which I guess left the adults who were giving us candy.  I don’t remember wanting to make out with any of them and frankly if the only thing that was preventing them from making out with me was the face paint then I dodged a real bullet!  Sorry pedophiles, I have face paint on.  Anyway, often I have a point to these stories that ties everything back in and I guess I do here.  I guess my point is that Josh Cox was a dickhead and what’s the point of having a blog with thousands of followers if you can’t defame some kid from Junior High when you suddenly remember he existed for the first time in years.  Take that, Josh.  You suck.  Veronica Lake is awesome.  And if you are reading this please feel free to reblog with one of your favorite Halloween Memory or send it to me or whatever.  I genuinely want to know.  Today I want to fuck Veronica Lake.

The costumes aren’t really coming through in the numbers I was hoping for but at least Ariel Winter came through this year.  She also dressed as Leeloo from the Fifth Element but I didn’t see any decent shots of that yet.  Still, every year we can get more than one costume from her and I just want to congratulate her for doing the right thing.  Because once again, if I had Modern Family money and was invited to a bunch of Halloween parties, you better believe I would dress in a bunch of costumes.  It would be totally sweet.  But I don’t have that kind of money and if there are a bunch of Halloween parties going on in my social group then no one is telling me.  Which would just be mean spirited because everyone knows I love Halloween.  So I choose to believe there just aren’t any.  Today I want to fuck Ariel Winter.

Some costumes are slowly trickling in but to be frank, not enough costumes.  I realize tonight will probably be the big party night but come on, if you are rich and famous and have access to world class costume designers, I say go all out. There should be Halloween parties for like 2 weeks leading up to Halloween. Why have the parties compete?  Think of all the candy you are missing out on, Hollywood!  All those excuses to dress up and eat candy, which I assume like most adults, are your main goals in life.  It hasn’t happened yet though.  For some reason.  Luckily, Michelle Trachtenberg is always reliable.  She doesn’t fuck around when it comes to Halloween and I always appreciate it.  Her costumes are often similar thematically, which you know, good for her.  A lot of people don’t have a distinctive look period, much less a distinctive style when it comes to Halloween.  Also, her make up work is always so good it isn’t like they ever feel the same.  They are just in the same school of costumes.  And man, the make up work is so good.  This year (lower left) it is so creepy and disquieting.  She went super pale then with a dark design and if you don’t look closely it looks like she doesn’t have a mouth.  It’s just very unsettling.  Which I guess could sound like an insult but it isn’t.  It’s fucking awesome.  Ghost that looks at you and then screams until you piss yourself from a strange Asian horror movie is frankly a fantastic look.  I love it. So today I want to fuck Michelle Trachtenberg.

So Stranger Things comes back today and I can’t imagine anyone cares about that because the internet is in no way obsessed with Stranger Things.  So what does Maika Monroe have to do with Stranger Things?  I don’t have a single clue!  Is she in this season’s episodes?  Was she just at the premier for some other reason?  Who knows!  It will be one of the many fascinating mysteries I can learn about this evening when I start to watch.  I’ll be on the edge of my seat.  Also stuff about the upside down but I am sure most people will be more interested in me finding out who is and isn’t on the show.  Either way, I really liked her dress at the premier because it’s red and sparkly.  And I should rewatch It Follows this weekend at some point.  Today I want to fuck Maika Monroe.

Here is Fan Bingbing because if she shows up at a thing I am very likely to post her, on account of her extreme beauty.  She was a thing for DeBeers which was… I dunno, about jewelry obviously.  Who knows beyond that.  She looked great though.  Because she always looks great.  She’s beautiful and mixed with that is the fact that she has maybe the best taste on the planet.  So everything she wore worked and she looked great.  Thus she is here.  Today I want to fuck Fan Bingbing.

I have rewitten what I have here a couple of times because I wasn’t entirely happy with what I had to say. Or rather… well, let me explain I guess.  Taylor Swift has a new video coming out.  You likely know this because when Taylor Swift does something it is all over the news and internet and probably in your church newsletter.  There are already comments all over the internet about what shots in the preview images are secretly digs at this celebrity and that celebrity and that was the first way I approached this.  I find Taylor Swift troubling.  I like her sometimes, I want to like her all the times, but the truth is she is a predator disguised as prey.  Playing the victim is a power play, you can make someone else into the villain while you garner sympathy.  You will meet a lot of users in your life who are like this and it can take most of your 20’s to learn to identify them.  It becomes doubly troubling to me to look around the state of my country right now and see a white woman play the victim at the hands of a black man.  There is a lot to unpack there.  Someone noticed on twitter that Reputation is going to come out on the same date 376 years later that Rene Descaretes put out his Meditations on First Philosophy and I had a hilarious and hilariously mean quote I created but then realized I needed to stop.  First of all because no one else was going to get it.  Smarty had a party and no one came and there is nothing more pretentious than paraphrasing French Philosophers to make digs at American Pop Stars.  I also realized I wasn’t really making fun of Taylor, who I assume can take it, but making fun of her fans, which is uncalled for.  Because here is the real point I want to make today.  Every single hero has feet of clay.  It’s why the idea of fandom and the thing the internet has made out of it is highly disturbing to me.  I think it is good to like things and I think it is delightful to find other people with similar interests. I think it is disturbing to make what you like your identity.  I tend to run from people whose sense of self is wrapped up in being a gamer or a Swifty or really into fucking cartoon ponies.  It’s ok to like any of these things you but you are more than your interests.  At least I hope you are.  And that’s where the feet of clay thing becomes important.  There are things about Taylor Swift which will always nag at the back of my mind, I think I already mentioned the big one, but it’s ok for her to be your hero.  Heroes have flaws because our heroes are human beings (or I guess cartoon horses).  Human beings are only human and not perfect.  That is ok.  Heroes exist to motivate us and to give us something to look up to.  It’s ok to just love the good parts.  But it’s also why it’s important that a hero is inspirational, they are not a support system.  Your identity shouldn’t be wrapped up in who your hero is.  You can’t actually use them to prop yourself up because those feet will crumble.  I guess that’s my point.  If Taylor Swift has been important to you and helped you then that is great.  That is laudable on her part and I am happy for you.  But it’s not a religion.  If you are attacking people who disagree, if you have the devotion of a zealot I do think you should rethink.  I am not saying you should tear down your heroes (though I do think at some point we need to destroy our idols, it’s an important part of growing up and moving on) I am just saying that you should be more than who your hero is and you should use them to help you grow, not to stifle your growth.  That’s all.  I talked a lot about Taylor Swift here even if it wasn’t obvious.  I am still not sure I am satisfied here but oh well, only like three people will really read it anyway.  I am glad she means a lot to a lot of people and I have to admit, she is talented.  And she is pretty.  And I had stuff to say so I am posting her.  Today I want to fuck Taylor Swift.

I am posting Charli XCX today because I like Charli XCX.  The simple truth is I often don’t need much of a reason to post her.  I don’t have much of a reason. I had some other ideas for posts in the early hours of this morning but they have all melted away and only Charli is left.  It happens sometimes.  Again, my only reason for posting her is that I really like Charli XCX.  that’s about it.  So today I want to fuck Charli XCX.