Well, it turns out Kristen Bell hosted Jimmy Kimmel Live on Thursday and I had no idea until after it happened.  Big mistake, ABC, think about the ratings this cost you by not personally contacting me to let me know.  Your ratings would have gone up by at least one person.  Anyway, thank you for everyone who let me know, it’s good to know that so many people know about the deep, meaningful one way love between Kristen Bell and I.  Though special credit to @wildflagsure because she let me know first.  Like by 12 hours or something. Anyway, I would totally be down with a Kristen Bell talk show from here out because she is, as you might expect if you have ever seen her do anything ever, a complete and total delight.  Just a ball of charm and humor and I enjoyed it, it’s like she spent the entire episode making people happy and dreams come true.  She’s a special ray of sunshine into this dark world.  And yes, one day I am going to have her babies.  Today I want to fuck Kristen Bell.

I haven’t even watched last night’s Riverdale yet cause my DVR failed like a stupid jerk.  But, I am posting Camila Mendes cause a new photoshoot of her came out yesterday and holy fuck she is so hot.  Like, she is just smoking hot guys.  So it’s that simple, I am posting her because she’s hot.  Sorry I don’t have a more interesting discourse but just look at her.  Today I want to fuck Camila Mendes.

Happy May the 4th guys!  I hope it’s been good.  Given the date I figured hey, why not make the sort of post that confuses most of my followers and makes people regret they know me.  It’s been a long time since I have posted a fiction character and even longer since it was an alien that makes some people go, “What, really?”  But you know, fictional character are great honestly because you can connect with them on a deep level if you want to.  Or rather, they resonate.  You tend to know a great deal more about them than you do even many of the people close to you in real life.  We get information.  Anyway, I am late to the party with Ahsoka because I didn’t watch Clone Wars and stuff due to it being a show for children and me being someone who hated the prequels. Star Wars and I were not on the best terms at the time.  I couldn’t work up any excitement.  Clearly that time is well over for me and as I dove back in I discovered a lot of people considered her thier favorite or one of their favorite characters.  She was really popular.  Well, no sleeping and just other factors like being a huge loser lead to me watching Clone Wars and I get it.  She is the kind of hero I tend to adore in that she is just wholly good hearted.  Doesn’t mean she always makes the right choice or is perfect but in the end her ultimate goal is to help people.  And she does.  Even when it costs her.  Or cost here.  I think you’re supposed to always talk about Star Wars characters in the past sense because it happened a long time ago in a Galaxy far, far away.  So they’re all dead now.  Which is pretty bleak, so we’ll pretend I didn’t say that. Anyway, as always I had to wade through a sea of porn to get you these pictures.  Somehow this always stuns me when I post a fictional character like I just heard about the internet yesterday.  And I feel like I should mention Rosario Dawson has brought up she’d love to play Ahsoka in a stand alone movie. Which I don’t want to see because I hate when they fill in too many gaps in these things.  People love Star Wars because it feels expansive but the more they try to show us the smaller it all feels.  One of those contradictions of fictional works.  But props for Rosario Dawson for once again proving she’s the world’s biggest nerd.  And I get it no because Ahsoka is awesome so I get wanting to see more and wanting to be here.  May the 4th be with you guys, today I want to fuck Ahsoka Tano.

So here is Nicki Minaj for a bunch of reasons but really just Met Gala related reasons at the core.  There was a lot of TV last night but not a lot of events and I guess the Met Gala still stuck around in my head.  Nicki Minaj was almost posted yesterday for a few reasons.  One is just that I really like Nicki Minaj but more importantly was that she also did a pretty good job on the outfit front.  I think she only lost points because it felt very Nicki Minaj, which seems like a strange complaint given what I just said about liking her but it was… well, the same things that made it good made it come in in second place for me.  Basically it was adventurous and sort of took the theme of the night and married ti to her style.  But I guess in the end it looked too much like a lot of Nicki Minaj outfits, which I threw in some other recent ones and you can see thematic similarities.  Which is good, it feels like it is great to basically marry a classic look from her with like… I dunno Nicki Minaj mixed with the royal robes of the Queen of Hearts.  Which is good and should be praised but maybe it just didn’t wow me enough because it felt familiar.  Anyway, I was thinking about her still today and no reason not to run with that, cause she looked great.  Today I want to fuck Nicki Minaj.

The Met Gala last night and I was excited but worried because the them this year is a tough one to wrap your head around.  Like, I get it but I am not a fashion expert.  I know, I know, you probably assume I am, especially if you’ve met me in real life but I am more just a fan with ideas.  Anyway, the best way to sum it up would be “weird”.  More accurately it is the collisions of different ideas, embracing contradiction and not always worrying if something is well fitting or even practical.  This felt like it could lead to some terrible stuff and well, it did but this is a good day because it has been hard to pick.  There were a lot of really, really good looks.  Now, some people seemed to bail on the theme which happens at every Met Gala.  This is always a shame because to me it’s akin to going to a Halloween party and just putting on a cat ears and underwear and going, “I’m a sexy cat”.  Yeah, you might look good but it’s lazy and this was a real chance to shine.  So you know, there were some very pretty but unexciting looks that are right out for me because if I just saw the dress it could have been any premier.  Of course, there are a few very traditional looks that still almost made the cut because they looked so good.  Looking good can trump a lot of things (which is why all the guys have such an unfair advantage.  Ad some interesting colors to your tux and suddenly you’re on theme and look fantastic.  It’s cheating really).  Of course, there were also some ones that just didn’t work because they were so strange but I am more forgiving than that.  Better than not trying at all.  Anyway, as I was saying, going in I was worried this year could be a let down but it was not.  I mean, not for me, I saw a lot of people leading up talking about how this year would finally prove fashion is art to nay sayers and well… those people are going to be so disappointed. Because that is never, ever going to happen.  There will always be philistines who loudly need to proclaim to the world that they lack taste or appreciation of art.  Trust me, it is never going to away.  I was at an art museum earlier this year and this guy was loudly claiming he could paint this or that because so many people cannot comprehend that there is a difference between art and craft and thus art is not judged based on how technically hard it is to make.  It’s not the scoring of the vert ramp at the X-games.  So that is never going away and if you’re really worried about your favorite art form being recognized by others stop.  It is just going to bring you frustration.  You have your opinions and as long as you can explain why you hold them then they are valid.  If you find you have strong opinions and have no idea why you have them maybe ask yourself why you have them and reexamine them but if you can explain why a piece of art matters to you then you’re good.  You should be confident, no one can take that away from you and some idiot not getting it is sad, but it shouldn’t rattle you.  Anyway, there were like 9 people I could have posted on a normal day but even trying to prune a little based on theme and interestingness I was left with a lot of people left.  5 total.  That’s a lot.  I am going with Priyanka Chopra after a lot of back and forth cause it was on theme and I kind of loved the trench coat look.  It’s a little safe I suppose but like as much as everyone loved Rihanna it was just too much for me.  So I am playing it a bit safe and if you liked something and I didn’t that’s cool.  We sorta just talked about that and it’s probably pretty valid since hers definitely was on theme.  Anyway, if you are curious I also considered Nicki Minaj, Blake Lively, Jessica Chastain, and Emma Roberts.  @femalecelebrityoftheday is going to be very disappointed in me cause I think he was banking on Jessica Chastain.  Sorry dude.  Anyway, I love the ridiculously long train (I mean, I did almost post Nicki) and the converted trench coat look was great and the collar and.. I liked it a lot.  Today I want to fuck Priyanka Chopra.

Today is a cosplayer kind of day because it is gross and hot outside and polleny and god, we are going to destroy this planet guys, it will melt into a puddle if this spring weather that is just gross is any indication.  Anyway, all of this is making thinking and writing harder than I wish it to be and you know what is an easy truism?  That pretty costumes are awesome and fun to look at and Ani-Mia is pretty and fun to look at.  I really appreciate the work that goes into a good cosplay cause playing dress up is a lot of fun but I know myself, I’d give up after just putting a little thought in how you might try to look like Zatana.  I certainly couldn’t put together anything that would look good.  I really couldn’t pull off stuff as perfect as some of this.  So it’s easy, Ani-Mia is here because she’s pretty and I like playing dress up.  Today I want to fuck Ani-Mia.

Here are a bunch of pictures of Candice Swanepoel in swimsuits but this is a post about pretty dresses.  Candice posted this week that her dress for the Met Gala has arrived which was very exciting because it means she’s going to the Met Gala and also it means the Met Gala is almost there guys.  For those who care about pretty dresses, the Met Gala is the biggest deal event of the year.  Probably.  Or close.  Well, there are lots of things with pretty dresses but the Met Gala is a pretty huge deal and there is always a lot of speculation about who will attend and so on.  Now, to celebrate I would have posted pictures of Candice Swanepoel in pretty dresses but they are really hard to find because there are so many pictures of Candice Swanepoel and most are of her in swimsuits or underwear and I am super lazy so I took the easiest route.  Which is why I am glad she’s going, it’ll be a thrilling chance to get to see some red carpet fashion from her.  Also, this i convenient cause she lives in Brazil like a lot of the time and today is the birthday of Brazil’s Greatest Daughter, @lunoboom so wish her happy birthday guys.  Today I want to fuck Candice Swanepoel.

I am dragging today guys.  It was one of those nights where I couldn’t fall asleep whatever I did so at 4 AM I was laying in bad listening to John Prine records.  Some people might say it’s unhealthy to listen to depressing country music alone in the dark at 4 AM but those people are asleep when I am awake and I turn my ringer off when I am asleep, so I don’t really have to listen to their negativity.  Anyway, the result is I am dragging today because man, the old gray mare ain’t what she used to be.  So this morning has been me discovering I am out of coffee and the store is like… so many blocks away.  So I have just sorta sat here listening to records.  I started with Elvis Costello and then moved on to Rilo Kiley and eventually I remembered that Jenny Lewis and Elvis Costello sang together on a track on Acid Tongue, so I basically have decided that my subconscious is a musical genius for such a clever transition from artist to related artist.  Now I am listening to Jawbreaker and have no idea how that fits in but I assure you if it makes no sense to it’s because it’s probably just too advanced for you to understand.  My brain is just that smart.  Wow, I didn’t start this to talk about how great I am but we ended up there.  This is supposed to be about how great Jenny Lewis is because honestly there aren’t many ills he voice can’t cure.  Or at the very least just listening to her sing is a very pleasant way to spend a morning that decent, productive people would point out was really the afternoon.  Today I want to fuck Jenny Lewis.

Riverdale was back again last night and that means that today I am once again searching around for some pictures of Camila Mendes I haven’t posted before. You know, this show seems to be a hit from what I can tell, maybe it’s time to start inviting all the people on it to events so that my life is a little easier Hollywood.  I feel like I should have thoughts and feelings about the show but I am really tired so instead I will just point out how ridiculously pretty Camila Mendes is and call it a day.  She is ridiculously pretty.  Today I want to fuck Camila Mendes.

I know I just posted Pixie Lott the other day but this is kismet if kismet means what I think it does.  I am suddenly really worried it may not, it’s a strange bout of vocabulary insecurity.  I could look it up but looking up words is for losers guys.  Sorry if that offends you but it’s true.  So this is kismet or perhaps some other quirky word that means what I think kismet means at the moment.  See, Pixie Lott was at a Lost in Space Anniversary.  Which is strange because I used to watch reruns as a kid and I don’t remember her being in them but man, she looks fantastic for a woman who has to be at least in her 60’s then.  And so fate played a hand in her coming to my attention because first, I just reblogged a picture of the Landover Mall yesterday with a boring story about the time I went there to see the Lost in Space remake movie, which is pretty strange because how often do any of us think about Lost in Space?  I mean, be honest, do you ever?  I don’t.  On top of that, fate then put Pixie Lott in just an amazing dress. That pink dress with her current hair and just… my god.  It’s perfect.  So, as you can see, I have to post her again.  It is kismet after all or some other word that means what I think kismet means.  Today I want to fuck Pixie Lott.