The Time 100 Gala was last night and I am not entirely sure what it is but I assume it has to do with a list of 100 people Time will publish or has published.  100 People who what is the question.  Maybe most influential?  Maybe the 100 people most likely to get your to buy a magazine?  Boy, that’s would be a profitable list I bet.  I dunno, I do not and have not ever been a Time reader because once, long ago when studying political philosophy I was trying to figure out what publications to regularly read (because this was before the internet and you had to limit yourself in such ways) and my professor said Time was “a small step above a picture book.  It’s fully of shiny things to distract idiots,” and it’s impossible for me to not get that vibe now.  I mean, I do consider list making the lowest form of journalism).  But reader or not and whatever their list is I can’t take too much issue with it cause their Gala was jam packed with people who I was happy to see there.  Demi Lovato won though by being gorgeous and attractive and also wearing two different things because she performed.  I guess that’s like cheating but I don’t care.  Cheat to win I always say.  Every time I post Demi Lovato I am taken with just how striking she is and has become.  Not everyone matures into their beauty and it is the special, lucky person who becomes more beautiful as she ages.  Demi Lovato seems to be one of those people.  And it certainly makes sense.  I mean, recovery is a lot of work but it’s a fuck ton better for your health than what came before.  Of course, I am reminded sometimes by a long time friend that when forced to say which Disney star I found most attractive back in… whenever that was that Demi Lovato was a Diseny star, I said her hands down.  But I would point out saying, “If you put a gun to my head” is hardly high praise, where as now, as a woman fully into adulthood and maturity I find her to be remarkably attractive.  I dunno, I am rambling, my basic point is if you get your news from Time that’s ok, it’s better than getting it from your friends Facebook feeds but really, try to branch out.  There is still excellent journalism out there if you want it.  Today I want to fuck Demi Lovato.

I guess the new Guardians of the Galaxy movie is right around the corner but I hope it never gets here.  Not because of any ill will towards the movie, I bet it’s going to be great and I really want to see it.  It’s just that I have seen more Karen Gillan in the past week than in the previous year.  So if we could maybe push back the wide release for like… 8 months or so that would be great.  Then we could just get Karen Gillan going from city to city for special premiers.  It would be great, when was the last time Peoria got a red carpet?  Probably never!  Give Peoria their moment in the sun guys.  That’s right, this isn’t selfishly motivated, this is just me worried about the people in cities that I actually am not entirely sure what state they are in without looking it up.  Does it play in Peoria?  Well, it should.  And I should get pictures of Karen Gillan there. That’s all I am saying.  I mean, come on, Marvel, my idea isn’t any dumber than shit your VP of sales has said.  Well, fingers crossed, for now here is Karen Gillan who I will savor while I can.  Today I want to fuck Karen Gillan.

Here is Pixie Lott because she’s really pretty.  Over the weekend she sang at halftime during a game and… the pictures stuck with me.  I guess I am warming up to the pink hair.  Or I think she looks good in a jersey.  Or as a friend joked, I am really into gambling.  Which was a joke I needed explained to me on account of not being British but, hey, I get it now.  I get jokes guys!  Anyway, for whatever reason I liked how she looked (Maybe I am just nostalgic for seeing her perform, that used to be the only kind of pictures of her I saw, now I never see them).  Anyway, here she is to brighten up a rainy day.  Today I want to fuck Pixie Lott.

I am not sure when Baywatch comes out but it looks like we’re starting to get the full court press for it, what with them sponsoring Marathons and so on.  For someone who had no interest in the show as a kid and scoffed at my friends who ddi watch just to slow motion boobs bouncing, I am surprisingly interested in the movie.  Like, not interested enough to actually know when it comes out but interested enough that I will definitely watch it when it hits HBO or Netflix. This is in large part because of the Rock, who is a giant muscle bound ball of charm and goodness in the world.  Like if he ran for President I would… well, I’d claim that he was painfully unqualified and we really shouldn’t vote for celebrities but if he won I’d at least have confidence that he is a good person. That would be a fun change.  But there are other reasons.  Alexandra Daddario is one.  She is just very attractive and I have been a fan since her days of making terrible horror movies (nut not days of making terrible YA adaptations because I am like 30 years too old to have seen those).  Anyway, she was at stuff this weekend because Baywatch and so here she is.  Because today I want to fuck Alexandra Daddario.

Wow, so this is cutting it close.  Today has been kind of nuts and disappointing with a lame record store day and rain and gray and… well, I stubbed my toe earlier.  I am not starting a gofundme or anything to cover my grief but… well, if you think I should let me know.  Anyway, I didn’t get around to this cause today has been strangely hectic.  I am posting Emily Ratajkowski cause she showed up at a million things in the past couple days.  Or three.  One of the two.  I wasn’t a math major, guys.  She also had a new photoshoot come out and she looked great there.  So easy choice I guess, today I want to fuck Emily Ratajkowski.

So pretty much all week people have been helpfully pointing me towards the flood of preview videos of Kate Upton’s Lip Sync Battles appearance.  And I get why.  And I appreciate it.  I feel bad that everyone is so disappointed that I was like, “Meh”.  It’s not you.  It’s not Kate.  I always disliked the song, I never got the appeal of the video, and so seeing it reconstructed was kind of meh.  Well, I should say I got the appeal of the video but.. the school girl thing.  Maybe it’s because I went to a private school but it strikes me as vaguely creepy a lot of the time and I really don’t get what about the outfit is all that hot unless it’s because it makes you think a girl is underage.  Like… otherwise it’s a shirt and skirt.  But hey, I’m also the person that doesn’t understand why eyes boggle every time a girl is in a bikini (while we’re at it, your frozen stills of upskirts and so on also creep me out.  Anything that makes me feel like some creep peaking under a bathroom stall is usually bad as a rule of thumb).  Anyway, I did watch it and it was kind of… fine?  I don’t understand the purpose of the show.  I kind of liked when Jimmy Fallon used to do something similar but it all felt much more thrown together and it wasn’t a massive production number.  I guess it’s like the shot for shot Psycho remake from the 90’s, I still am not sure why it exists. Anyway, my main take away was that Kate Upton seems like a good sport and she is pretty fun.  I got that mainly from the preshow interview stuff and so on. First of all, that green dress was pretty great, she looked fantastic there, much better than in the lip sync stuff.  But… I am reminded of Amy Schumer making a joke once about a guy telling her Kate Upton was funny and how Kate Upton wasn’t funny.  And I got both sides.  Look, I can’t tell you how angry it makes me when someone goes, “You have to meet person X, he’s the funniest person I have ever met”.  And it’s always like, hey, I’m standing right the fuck here. Either you’re a dick out to hurt me or a fucking idiot.  I mean, in fairness it’s usually the later but the knife really twists when I meet the guy and the funniest guy ever does this one impression of what if Monica Lewinski sang We Are the World.  Besides being 20 years out of date, it’s not that funny.  And a couple people lose their shit and I am like, ok, say something else funny.  And it never comes and I am like, “This is the funniest guy you’ve ever met?  This person, right next to me, is the funniest person ever?”  Then I get a, “Well, when I say funniest person ever I mean he makes me laugh sometimes”.  It’s like people don’t even realize words hurt.  And don’t even get me started on the sloppy, imprecise use of language.  It’s like those assholes who declare things as “great” or “epic” and then later you realize they meant, “Ok” or “passable”.  So what I am saying is I can understand how a stand up might flinch at hearing Kate Upton is “funny”.  And pretty people do get a little boost to basically every thing because we are deeply shallow creatures.  Trust me, I would love to pass through the world not this gorgeous but I can’t help it, I know it gets me a little boost in everyone’s eyes.  But, while I don’t think Kate Upton could do stand up I also see how hanging out with her would be fun cause she’s kind of fun and kind of funny.  Like that poor bastard my friends over sold.  He could be fun if they hadn’t ruined him.  Not funniest guy ever fun but fun.  There is nothing wrong with that.  Anyway, I feel like I had a greater point here but I lost it.  I guess what i am saying is I like Kate Upton and am posting her today.  I appreciate the links to youtube videos and so on but I think I am interested in different things than most people, but it’s ok, we have all arrived at the same conclusion, we’ve just taken different roads.  Today I want to fuck Kate Upton.

So there was a premier for the new Guardians of the Galaxy last night and that’s a nice surprise!  It kind of snuck up on me, I didn’t realize it was out so soon.  I haven’t even had time to get excited about it.  I would say I am not excited at all really but that sounds wrong.  I know it will be great, I think my mind has been so preoccupied by other things that I just haven’t had time to get excited.  I am pretty sure the two week of press assaults about this will change all that around though and by May 5th I’ll be desperate to see the movie.  Oh marketing, you own us all deep down.  Anyway, I am posting Karen Gillan cause I almost always do when she shows up somewhere.  I love her. She is just a bundle of charm and talent and beauty and I think it’s a crime the world doesn’t get more of her.  In some form.  I mean, I am not really particular as to what form (I have to say, Selfie was probably the best we were going to get and the show was a riot but the world didn’t watch it. Maybe we don’t deserve her).  As proof of how much I want more of her I will point out I posted her after she wore that yellow thing last night which is pretty unexciting.  I mean, I like her shoes, those are pretty sharp but the rest is so what.  But it doesn’t matter cause she showed up and that’s basically enough for me.  She is just great and so today I want to fuck Karen Gillan.

Here is Lana Del Rey because there was a possibly new set of photos of her.  I honestly can’t be entirely sure because they looked familiar but at the same time that’s kind of the whole point.  Photos of Lana Del Rey are always steeped in a memory of a past that never really existed, so they are supposed to make us think that maybe we have seen something just like this before, even though in reality they pick pieces from disparate time periods that weren’t really all that close together at the time, even if the past seems to be one big jumbled mess to us in the present.  It’s like when people used to have 80’s parties and they’d dress in fashions that never saw each other, or when 90’s parties happened and everyone thought that was all about neon even though that was basically 1 year in the 90’s and no other time.  I don’t know how people dress for 2000’s parties, I just know my mind rebels at the whole idea cause my brain still thinks of that as basically now, even though it’s been 7 years.  My point is the past can blur together and that is the past a picture of Lana Del Rey is selling, not a real past but a concept of the past.  A feeling of old timey-ness that is inexact and more about what we want the past to be than anything it really was.  So, I guess what I am saying is there may have been new pictures.  It would make sense, she has a new album coming out at some point this year.  Or they might be recycled because magazines love to do that and let’s be honest, if you’re going to recycle photos and pass them off as new, Lana Del Rey is a pretty good choice for that.  Not so much as a meta commentary but because people can’t be sure if they have seen them before.  Today I want to fuck Lana Del Rey.

I couldn’t get to sleep last night and ended up watching the Tonight Show and Anne Hathaway was one and guys, she tries so hard to just be likeable and I realize that’s why so many people hate her but give her a break. I am not saying you have to like her, I am not saying you have to believe it’s genuine, but that kid in class who was trying so hard to seem like one of the guys?  Well, that kid just wanted the same as the rest of us, she just wanted to fit in.  She couldn’t help it if it didn’t work out.  I am not saying you had to be that kid’s friend, I am just saying you shouldn’t hate someone for wanting what everyone wants, which is just to be accepted.  I get it, neediness is a huge turn off.  But you know, you can just walk away.  Anyway, she doesn’t bother me at all and i quite like her but I am aware of the thoughts of others.  I am looking forward to her new movie as it is getting positive buzz and I have to say, it sounds like a fantastic idea.  I am not a kaiju expert but I am a nerd so I certainly have seen my fair share of Godzilla movies as well as even cheaper knock off want to be Godzilla movies over the years, it seems like a comedy version would be a great idea.  Plus, I have been a fan of Nacho Vigalondo since Time Crimes, because I am a weird horror nerd.  Anyway, Anne’s dress was just ok last night but she looked beautiful, which is a thing I have learned to just accept about her.  Today I want to fuck Anne Hathaway.

Hey guys, I feel a little bad because I am going to half ass this post and I always feel slightly guilty about that but doubly so when it is someone I haven’t posted very often.  I feel like I am falling down on the job.  But my allergies are just killing me and as a result I am just kind of worn out and I’ll be honest, the older I get the more trouble my brain has functioning when I didn’t sleep well.  Anyway, Ani-Mia is very attractive but also a talented cosplayer.  More importantly she seems to be a pretty stand up person from what I can tell.  That’s a good thing.  Um… her name is a pun, which is either great or terrible depending on who you ask.  I like her Samus cosplay.  I got nothing else, sorry.  Today I want to fuck Ani-Mia.