So pretty much all week people have been helpfully pointing me towards the flood of preview videos of Kate Upton’s Lip Sync Battles appearance.  And I get why.  And I appreciate it.  I feel bad that everyone is so disappointed that I was like, “Meh”.  It’s not you.  It’s not Kate.  I always disliked the song, I never got the appeal of the video, and so seeing it reconstructed was kind of meh.  Well, I should say I got the appeal of the video but.. the school girl thing.  Maybe it’s because I went to a private school but it strikes me as vaguely creepy a lot of the time and I really don’t get what about the outfit is all that hot unless it’s because it makes you think a girl is underage.  Like… otherwise it’s a shirt and skirt.  But hey, I’m also the person that doesn’t understand why eyes boggle every time a girl is in a bikini (while we’re at it, your frozen stills of upskirts and so on also creep me out.  Anything that makes me feel like some creep peaking under a bathroom stall is usually bad as a rule of thumb).  Anyway, I did watch it and it was kind of… fine?  I don’t understand the purpose of the show.  I kind of liked when Jimmy Fallon used to do something similar but it all felt much more thrown together and it wasn’t a massive production number.  I guess it’s like the shot for shot Psycho remake from the 90’s, I still am not sure why it exists. Anyway, my main take away was that Kate Upton seems like a good sport and she is pretty fun.  I got that mainly from the preshow interview stuff and so on. First of all, that green dress was pretty great, she looked fantastic there, much better than in the lip sync stuff.  But… I am reminded of Amy Schumer making a joke once about a guy telling her Kate Upton was funny and how Kate Upton wasn’t funny.  And I got both sides.  Look, I can’t tell you how angry it makes me when someone goes, “You have to meet person X, he’s the funniest person I have ever met”.  And it’s always like, hey, I’m standing right the fuck here. Either you’re a dick out to hurt me or a fucking idiot.  I mean, in fairness it’s usually the later but the knife really twists when I meet the guy and the funniest guy ever does this one impression of what if Monica Lewinski sang We Are the World.  Besides being 20 years out of date, it’s not that funny.  And a couple people lose their shit and I am like, ok, say something else funny.  And it never comes and I am like, “This is the funniest guy you’ve ever met?  This person, right next to me, is the funniest person ever?”  Then I get a, “Well, when I say funniest person ever I mean he makes me laugh sometimes”.  It’s like people don’t even realize words hurt.  And don’t even get me started on the sloppy, imprecise use of language.  It’s like those assholes who declare things as “great” or “epic” and then later you realize they meant, “Ok” or “passable”.  So what I am saying is I can understand how a stand up might flinch at hearing Kate Upton is “funny”.  And pretty people do get a little boost to basically every thing because we are deeply shallow creatures.  Trust me, I would love to pass through the world not this gorgeous but I can’t help it, I know it gets me a little boost in everyone’s eyes.  But, while I don’t think Kate Upton could do stand up I also see how hanging out with her would be fun cause she’s kind of fun and kind of funny.  Like that poor bastard my friends over sold.  He could be fun if they hadn’t ruined him.  Not funniest guy ever fun but fun.  There is nothing wrong with that.  Anyway, I feel like I had a greater point here but I lost it.  I guess what i am saying is I like Kate Upton and am posting her today.  I appreciate the links to youtube videos and so on but I think I am interested in different things than most people, but it’s ok, we have all arrived at the same conclusion, we’ve just taken different roads.  Today I want to fuck Kate Upton.