Tag: fictional

Because I have my finger on the pulse of what is hip and cool and I live on the bleeding edge of cool I spent this week playing Tomb Raider. No, not the one that came out this week, the one before that that came out in 2015. I just got around to it. Probably as a result of all the commercials for the new one. Anyway, among my many super cool traits that have always made me the apotheosis of cool is my intense attraction to a couple of video game characters, in this case Lara Croft. I mean, so was the rest of the world in the 90’s but it is the reboot that really brought me on board. I mean, yeah, they did a good job of making her beautiful but I have really enjoyed her character arc. I quite enjoyed where she started and look forward to where she is going but man, she could be in a better spot for the middle chapter of this story. But that’s kind of why I dig it, they have made her so human. She still has her heroic tenancies and will do the right thing but seems thus far kind of blind to the consequences of her actions. Like, I am not an expert in archeology but I bet that most digs don’t lead to thousands of deaths. I could be wrong. Maybe I am wrong. Because I knew one guy once who was an archeology major and he never mentioned any classes in murder, so I just assume it’s not part of the curriculum but Lara Croft was either born with the ability to creatively break a man’s neck or someone taught her that. I guess I could be showing my ignorance here, I have no idea what is standard in an English education. Maybe “Stealth Kills” is an elective UK kids take when they’re 13. It’s like Home Ec, Shop, or how to fashion your own weapons at a campfire and silently kill a man with them. It doesn’t seem like a very British thing to me but those sneaky Brits hide a lot from us, Celebrity Juice doesn’t seem very British either but someone over there is watching it because it’s been on for like 100 years is my understanding. Anyway, my point is that Lara’s true calling is unstoppable murderer and I saw criticism back when the game came out that the game didn’t address it. She was torn apart by killing in the first game and seems mostly ok with it here. I would say it’s character growth that does it. Or maybe part of her fall. Either way it seems like a natural progression as she advances as a person but fails to see all the consequences of her action. Which makes me excited for the next game but also I think is why I am into her. It’s the reason I think so many people get crushes on fictional characters. Because we know them better than real people. I spent like 16 hours with Lara Croft and know her very well. And she’s well fleshed out. So she’s interesting. Also she can jump from platforms and use a bow and arrow to shoot out a rope to swing across a chasm and then use an ax to climb a rock face. She’s a badass. Who wouldn’t be attracted to that? Today I want to fuck Lara Croft.

So if you think it’s stupid when I post fictional characters here is like the dumbest one yet. AJ Mason is a character in Friday the 13th the Game. Which you might note is a thematic pick today. The game has it’s flaws but what it does very, very well is make it feel like you are in Friday the 13th. It definitely got the tone and feel very right. I will likely be playing tonight. So why AJ? Well, there is an interesting thing here about Archetypes. We don’t know much about the councilors in the game but they all feel very familiar. This is because they are all a type that was very popular in 80’s slashers, especially the Friday the 13th franchise. AJ is the rocker/punk girl who appears not in every slasher but in enough. I have always found her strangely attractive. And I know why. I found the girls who were those types attractive in the movies as a kid too. They were what I was drawn to. She most closely resembles Violet, who I thought was hot. But on the punk end of the spectrum I loved Trash in Return of the Living Dead. And Later in the Friday the 13th series I really thought JJ was hot and it was a shame she dies first. I would complain she didn’t even get to make it to Manhattan but hey, the movie barely got there, it would only be worse if no one was killed for the first 80 minutes. Anyway, I am posting AJ Mason because I enjoy the game, I wanted to finally get a real Friday the 13th post, and I am some weirdo who posts video game characters. Today I want to fuck AJ Mason.

Morrigan is a really kind of unique in that I think she might be the first video game character I remember who was also kind of a sex symbol.  I mean, not a universal one.  I don’t think that my parents would have seen her as such (I don’t know, I didn’t ask.  I can’t say that I want to have that conversation so we’ll leave that a mystery) but I mean that like, maybe she was the first video game character people felt comfortable talking about in such terms.  Too comfortable if you ask me since in college there was this guy who lived in the next dorm who had this giant Cloth Scroll of a nearly naked Morrigan in a sexy pose right over his bed and I think everyone but him thought it was pretty off putting.  I would say I am not here to judge but even now, all these years later, I’m pretty clearly judging him.  Anyway, my point is that it wasn’t the first time someone was like, “Hey, that video game character is kind of hot,” but it seemed to be the first time a large number of people seemed comfortable in admitting it.  And then came Lara Croft a few years later and while certainly plenty of people probably thought people were weird for thinking she was hot, there was a sort of a resignation that people were going to think so.  So I guess Morrigan is important.  In a way.  I feel like she was designed for that.  I knew what a Succubus was in 1994.  I assume many people did and if they didn’t before the game came out they certainly did afterwards.  There is a reason that little bit of supernatural lore always seems to seep into nerd culture and it’s because it’s pretty much an excuse to talk about spooky stuff but really just feed blatant male fantasy (and female fantasy.  I want to be fair here.  I am well aware that @pigeonfoo will like this post if she sees it).  I never really liked Darkstalkers though cause I didn’t think it was a very good game and the truth is I always sucked at fighting games.  So I didn’t like the series and it wasn’t a thing I thought about much but even I recognized that yes, Morrigan was hot and also she had just a great costume.  It’s top notch.  I still suck at fighting games but all the Capcom Vs. stuff has appealed to me because Superheroes.  And crossovers.  And I just bought Marvel vs. Capcom Infinite and man, this game is great.  It is just exactly the sort of silly stupidness I want from a crossover.  The story mode is pretty much perfect.  And Morrigan showed up and you know what, she’s pretty hot.  And also I love her dedication to being who she is. World ending?  Guy with a flaming skull for a head shows up and only talks about vengeance?  That’s no reason to not try to seduce him.  You have to respect someone so wholly herself that she won’t let circumstances change it. So here she is, not surprisingly at all clothed pictures were harder to find than not clothed ones of a video game character, here is what I have.  Today I want to fuck Morrigan Aensland.

Happy May the 4th guys!  I hope it’s been good.  Given the date I figured hey, why not make the sort of post that confuses most of my followers and makes people regret they know me.  It’s been a long time since I have posted a fiction character and even longer since it was an alien that makes some people go, “What, really?”  But you know, fictional character are great honestly because you can connect with them on a deep level if you want to.  Or rather, they resonate.  You tend to know a great deal more about them than you do even many of the people close to you in real life.  We get information.  Anyway, I am late to the party with Ahsoka because I didn’t watch Clone Wars and stuff due to it being a show for children and me being someone who hated the prequels. Star Wars and I were not on the best terms at the time.  I couldn’t work up any excitement.  Clearly that time is well over for me and as I dove back in I discovered a lot of people considered her thier favorite or one of their favorite characters.  She was really popular.  Well, no sleeping and just other factors like being a huge loser lead to me watching Clone Wars and I get it.  She is the kind of hero I tend to adore in that she is just wholly good hearted.  Doesn’t mean she always makes the right choice or is perfect but in the end her ultimate goal is to help people.  And she does.  Even when it costs her.  Or cost here.  I think you’re supposed to always talk about Star Wars characters in the past sense because it happened a long time ago in a Galaxy far, far away.  So they’re all dead now.  Which is pretty bleak, so we’ll pretend I didn’t say that. Anyway, as always I had to wade through a sea of porn to get you these pictures.  Somehow this always stuns me when I post a fictional character like I just heard about the internet yesterday.  And I feel like I should mention Rosario Dawson has brought up she’d love to play Ahsoka in a stand alone movie. Which I don’t want to see because I hate when they fill in too many gaps in these things.  People love Star Wars because it feels expansive but the more they try to show us the smaller it all feels.  One of those contradictions of fictional works.  But props for Rosario Dawson for once again proving she’s the world’s biggest nerd.  And I get it no because Ahsoka is awesome so I get wanting to see more and wanting to be here.  May the 4th be with you guys, today I want to fuck Ahsoka Tano.

So yesterday Cracked.com posted a video called the Scientific Reason you want to have sex with Jessica Rabbit.  It wasn’t the greatest cracked video, I do quite like what they do, but it was a subject near and dear to my heart.  And it kind of comes down to she was drawn that way.  It’s kind of why I am posting her.  I shared the link with my friend @whole-lies-and-half-smiles because she, like me, understands that Who Framed Roger Rabbit? is a very good movie, a great example of Film noir while also subverting a lot of the genre.  Now, there are indeed reasons that Jessica Rabbit fires the sexy centers of our brain even though in reality she would be horrifying (as proven by Heidi Klum this Halloween).  I also think the appeal is more than that, there are plenty of “sexy” cartoon characters and while I am sure they all have people who like them Jessica Rabbit has a ridiculous amount of staying power.  She was in one movie and a couple of shorts 25 years ago and yet is very popular.  Popular to the degree that it is very hard to find actual pictures of her instead of fan made porn.   I mean, make your porn but I also follow things like Supergirl tag and it’s not an issue there.  I think the Femme Fatale, as an archetype is something appealing and maybe under served in modern media but she also is a twist on that because she isn’t really the classic Femme Fatale.  See, the classic Femme Fatale is usually the wrong woman.  Her purpose is to lead the male lead into dangerous situations.  She is temptation given form and she is a bad idea.  Believe me, I know how attractive a bad idea can be, so I know why that has always resonated.  That is how Jessica Rabbit is portrayed in the movie but it’s a bait and switch.  She isn’t the wrong girl and she isn’t really leading Eddie down the wrong path.  She is actually helping him and she saves him.  She is actually the good girl, who usually serves as the counter to the Femme Fatale and the one point of light in Noir.  Which I think is why she appeals so much.  Yes, she is drawn to look bad and fire that part of our brain but it is a movie I think most people saw as kids, so she is safe, too, because she actually is the girl you bring home to mom.  She’s coded both ways.  She is the whore and the Madonna wrapped into one, which in the end means Jessica Rabbit lets you have your cake and eat it, too.  Sometimes I over think things like cartoons.  Today I want to fuck Jessica Rabbit.

Sometimes my brain doesn’t make a lot of sense.  Why am I thinking about
Street Fighter characters?  I have no clue.  But I guess I am because I
put in the monumental effort it takes to find decent but non porn
pictures of Chun Li.  And as I am typing this I am wondering why that is
so important, that I get decent looking ones.  Because when I was a kid
and I thought Chun Li was crazy hot she looked like this. 

Which probably doesn’t really count as detailed or high definition or what most people would call hot.  Though I was hardly alone, lots of people thought she was hot when I was in Junior High.  Lonely people are what we call them.. I joke but I dunno, it always strikes me as strange but not strange.  Like on one hand it’s a little odd to be attracted to 0s and 1s and squiggles on paper but on the other hand it’s not a new thing.  It’s kind of been a thing through out human history and I understand making a connection with something you enjoy.  Or… I dunno man, I am posting Chun Li cause I had a crush on her as a kid and I still think she’s attractive sometimes.  Today I want to fuck Chun Li Xiang.

Happy 4th of July everyone.  Elizabeth is on my mind for a few reasons today but I guess she works in pretty well here.  I actually started to write this before bed but I was tired and it was sloppy and it got really dark, really quickly.  The Bioshock series is so good because there is always something to talk about with the Bioshock series, be that fate vs free will, nature vs nurture, or you know, the twisting of the past to justify your present as represented by giant George Washington Robots that shoot machine guns and have american flags coming out of their backs. if there is a July 4th lesson in these games it is the dangers of the American Dream when it is controlled by one man.  Or rather, when one man’s dream becomes the only dream that matters.  It is of course, wholly undemocratic the way Andrew Ryan and the Prophet control their cities but they do wrap themselves int he trappings of liberty.  Yet it is false because if there is one thing as Americans we should all know, truths that are entirely self evident, it is that all men are created equal and that we have the unalienable right for life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.  I could go on but I am willing to be no one wants that, me included cause I can get really circular and rambling when I am tired. I had a thought about Elizabeth in many ways representing the exploitation lf the less powerful and how unAmerican that is but in the end, I can’t see her as a victim, he is instead representitive of the power that even when suppressed we have given for people to rise up and become something great.  Or she is a video game character.  I enjoy thinking about her.  Enjoy your 4th everyone.  Today I want to fuck Elizabeth from Bioshock.

So I feel like I blew my intellectual load on the last time I posted Elizabeth.  It was less than a week ago and yeah, I am posting a made up person two times in one week, I have a bit of a crush.  I guess it never feels that odd to me, though it must to my followers because it always proves painfully unpopular.  But like… I look back at my love life and most of what I fell for in real people ended up being a fiction, either constructed by them or me or some combination, so a made up character doesn’t seem that much of a stretch.  Sorry, that was a little sad sack and morbid but it is a rainy Monday morning.  Anyway, I keep thinking about Elizabeth because her character arc is fascinating but also just the deeper themes of the games.  I want to feel like she won in the end.  She did what she set out to do and in the long run she ‘won’.  But maybe I am just convincing myself of that, which feels very appropriate either way, it’s all about what I want to believe, what I want to see really. Reality is more malleable than we want to accept.  Anyway, that’s why she’s here.  Today I want to fuck Elizabeth from Bioshock.

Perhaps the singular question of most Western Philosophy is if free will exists or not.  Is there Providence in the fall of a sparrow?  On a more personal level this often manifests itself in if we can ever truly escape our parent’s influence.  Are we what they made us?  Did they ruin us?  Did they shape us?  Do we want to be different?  Can you ever truly be your own person or is even your desire to do so based on how they raised you?  Is everything you do either how your father programed you or a rebellion to what he tried to do?  I feel like these are the heady questions that Bioshock Infinite: Burial at Sea asks and tries to answer.  There be spoilers ahead just so you know.  I finally played this DLC, I don’t know why I waited so long given Bioshock is one of my video game loves.  The real true star of it, and frankly the true star of all of Bioshock Infinite is Elizabeth.  The ending can be seen as very depressing but ti does come across the questions of free will.  Or at least can we escape our upbringing.  What makes Elizabeth such a wonderful character is she is a very human person but she ends up with the powers of a God.  Omniscience and Omnipotence are not really a thing she wants but it seems to be her only option.  The game gave a lot to think about but with a day away from finishing it I am finding the most interesting questions have little to do with alternate reality, instead the it is the same fascinating question of the first game, is Free Will an illusion.  Is Elizabeth doomed to repeat her father’s mistakes?  Will she use people to achieve her ends?  Even with all her power, or maybe because of it, will she fail to see the humanity in the least among us and simply make them pawns?  As she died at the end of the game I felt great sadness.  It was a death she knew was going to happen and yet she still walked forward towards it but with some distance my sadness is lessened.  She chose this because she knew while the outcome for her was death it meant a brighter future for another.  More importantly it meant she broke the cycle of violence that plagued her family.  Her trip to Rapture was never about escaping Rapture.  She could see the future, she knew the consequences going in.  Her trip to rapture was about breaking a cycle of violence and asserting that she could be the person she wanted.  She was not a puppet to how she was raised or the blood that moves through her veins.  She was her own woman.  It is still sad but it was also beautiful.  It is what makes her one of the better video game characters in recent memory and why I adore her.  Why I adore the game.  Today I want to fuck Elizabeth from Bioshock.

So I woke up at 3 AM this morning and couldn’t get back to sleep.  So what do you do at 3 AM?  The answer is not a whole lot, there just isn’t a lot to do at 3 AM.  At least not from this end, if you’re still up there can be some fun to be had, if you’re getting up?  Less so.  So I made some hot chocolate and watched Frozen.  I couldn’t begin to tell you why these were the choices I made but they were the choices I made.  I of course have seen Frozen before because everyone in the world kind of insisted I watch Frozen when it came out.  It was quite good, I liked it a lot, and there is a lot to distinguish it from other Disney movies, even if it isn’t the first to do certain things I thought it did an excellent job of marrying a lot of elements that are uncommon in Disney movies.  I don’t really watch animated films with an eye to which girl is the hot one usually but I kind of did with Frozen because one of the things I noted about it was that every girl I knew who saw it (and was not a child I should stress, this was an adult reaction, not a 3 year old reaction) told me that Elsa was extremely sexy.  Which is odd.  I mean, I remember being like 11 years old and getting some funny feelings about Ariel but I am not sure how common this is and it isn’t like I watch Toy Story as an adult and start elbowing friends going, “Huh, huh?  Check out her.  Am I right?” But this was the near universal thing I heard about Elsa.  So I sat down and watched it and was like, “I dunno, I kind of like Anna better”.  This time though I felt like I got the Elsa thing more.  She stood out.  I am trying to put together why.  She is not the hero of the piece but she does seem to have a good deal of Agency by the end, I think people respond to that.  Especially because she starts with so little, just a girl hiding and trying to make other people happy.  I think people respond strongly to someone standing up and telling the world to go fuck itself, which is basically what she does in let It Go, which everyone in the wold loves.  But there is also a Rappacini’s daughter thing going on with her, we are a species of petulant children who definitely want what we can’t have.  So a girl we can’t touch?  Holy shit yes!  I mean, I have posted Rogue before.  But it gives some vulnerability, which I think is what our brains are really after, strength with vulnerability because being petulant children we are all about ourselves, so for someone to be truly attractive we also need to have some level of self insertion.  That’s not a sex joke but someone who is perfect isn’t appealing because how do we fit into their lives?  We need someone who is strong but, you know, if we were there, we could help them with that one little thing, that loneliness.  I think this is what people’s brains did without thinking about it during Frozen.  Or it could be the dress she made out of ice.  That’s a pretty fucking awesome dress. Anyway, rue to admit it as I am in the middle of the night, today I want to fuck Queen Elsa.