Tag: fictional

The new Dragon Age is out and I am very excited.  Excited enough that I am already trying to figure out how to get out of work early (bomb threat?  Bad foot?  Lick random things until someone asks me to leave? So many options! I can’t wait).  I loved the first game and one of the things that was so exciting is it felt so much like the RPGs I loved as a kid, the ones that were on PC but also like a modern game.  It felt pretty much exactly like what I had always wanted and didn’t even realize.  It was great.  My favorite character in that game was Morrigan (sorry people who maybe saw the tag and were excited for a second, I know there is a more popular video game Morrigan.  Maybe some day for her).  I played lots of ways through and when she could be she was my romance option.  When she couldn’t we were best friends. I understand Leliana was the far, far more popular option.  People told me that Morrigna was evil (or a bitch) but I think this is a basic misunderstanding of a woman as a badass.  We see it so rarely I can understand  how you’d be confused, she was simply assertive and intelligent.  She was fucking awesome.  Powerful rebel witch from the swamp who won’t kowtow to anyone and doesn’t take your bullshit?  Great.  Leliana was cool and all but Morrigan was amazing.  She’s got some role in the new game I hear, though I have gladly avoided most news.  I am excited and today I want to fuck Morrigan.

I posted Mystique once before and I am posting her again because Mystique is amazing.  It is interesting for me to sit down and think about the Brotherhood of Evil Mutants (because this is a thing I do.  I sit down and think about the Brotherhood of Evil Mutants.  You don’t?) because you had Magneto lead the original team.  He was one of the most powerful people on the planet and his powers really mean he can handle almost any threat head on.  As such his plans involved a whole lot of attacking stuff, storming fictional countries, and some old school mustache twirling villainy.  It also failed so spectacularly dude got turned into a baby by a space alien with a handlebar mustache.  Mystique should not have been able to follow that up.  Her powers are cool but they are not powerful in the way Magneto is.  Or even Blob.  I mean if you are going to threaten the US government in a fight shape shifting is not really the sort of thing to frighten a tank crew.  That is what makes her amazing though because Mystique is the sort of person who realizes being able to look like anyone is way, way more effective for taking down human society than throwing around steel girders ever will be.  It’s why for a long time her team was more successful because she was sneaky and smart.  Now, eventually it all blew up in her face but in her defense that was in the 90’s and did you see what happened to Cyclops’ baby in the 90’s?  Man, no one got out of that clean.  The point is Mystique is actually sexy and it has nothing to do with how she looks.  They all look good, they’re idealized drawings of women and she can look like anything she wants.  No it’s how she is, she’s evil in just a wonderful way, she’s manipulative, she is 5 steps ahead of everyone else and she can have you doubting everything you know.  She can play people against each other, she can come up with a master plan and when things go wrong she’s smart enough that she can get away and leave people shaking their fists about how next time they’ll get her.  She is badass.  Today I want to fuck Mystique.

I have a friend who gently teases me for my love of shiny things.  Well, maybe I do the teasing but she has noticed I tend to like shiny dresses and such and I realize that makes me sound like a drooling idiot, like I am staring at my monitor and going, “Oooooo, Shiny!"  But I do like shiny clothing.  And maybe it all stems from the shiniest of all superheroes, Alison Blaire, better known as the Dazzler.  Now, unfortunately she is largely seen as a joke by a lot of the comics community, which is a shame.  Her original disco costume is especially mocked which is also a shame because I love it!  Of course, sometimes I realize my taste in X-Men may not conform to popular standards since I am very tired of Wolverine (common among older X-fans) and the Australia era where she was part of the team is one of my favorite (the only time I actually see this era references is with something like, "Most people hate the Australian era but I like it”).  The real shame though is that Dazzler is your typical complex and interesting X-Woman and people seem to have no clue because they just kind of go “Ugh, Disco”.  I fully get that but it ignores that she is one of the few X-Men a successful solo series and the only one who had a solo series as her starting point and only later joined the team.  I sadly haven’t seen much of her in recent years because I am no longer the type of nerd who reads every X-title.  Mainly because I don’t have time but also it was easier when there were fewer than 20 a month.  I haven’t liked the little I have seen where they have written her as a ditzy pop star.  The Dazzler I remember was someone who set out to follow her dreams, as unrealistic as those dreams were, and as silly as they were because disco was totally dead by the time her book launched.  That just added depth, she was going after what she wanted to do and it didn’t really matter what anyone told her.  She had resolve and she was tough and she was totally shiny.  I mean, her power is to make pretty lights and sparkles.  And she fought Doctor Doom and Galactus with pretty lights and sparkles.  Not to mention no one was on that Australian team who wasn’t tough as nails.  She was awesome.  So today I want to fuck Dazzler.

I was almost reluctant to post this after the whole David-Goyer-continues-to-prove-why-he-is-a-horrible-choice-to write-superhero-movies fiasco a little while back.  For lots of reasons, I wasn’t sure that the best way to argue that Jennifer Walters was a fascinating, mufti-dimensional character built on empowerment in an era when few female heroes were was by posting pictures of her and discussing my libido.  Also I saw no reason to participate in the debate because it wasn’t so much of a debate as he said something very stupid (that again revealed why a man who hates superheroes and holds them in contempt probably shouldn’t be one of the driving voices behind some of the greatest heroes ever) and the rest of the world pointed out he was stupid.  They did it better.  And that is that because the last thing the world needs is another thing written about a woman that is really about some guy more than it is about the woman.  There is a lot of irony in that right there but we’ll push right past it and say that the new She-Hulk series is excellent and does a great job of showing just why She-Hulk is awesome.  I mean, I love that she’s a lawyer and the fact that this one is written by a Lawyer is even better, it is great but besides that she fills the role of everywoman pretty well in comics and always has.  It seems odd to say about a a woman who is almost 7 feet tall, is the cousin of the most powerful moral ever, and has been a member of two of the biggest deal superhero teams ever but she is.  She is smart and confident and capable but also has her doubts, her troubles, and is extremely funny in a wry, self aware way.  She is pretty awesome and I have actually been a fan since childhood.  It’s nice she has a book again that i can easily relate to and appreciate.  And it’s nice that I didn’t have to sift through quite as many horrible fetish pictures as I assumed I would (you people know who you are.  I have never understood why you have targeted She-Hulk for this because it is just not in keeping with her character at all. You know what I am talking about!)  Anyway, I have nothing else to say except maybe check out her new series and today I want to fuck She-Hulk.

Bob Hoskins died yesterday which is sad because death is always sad, at least a little bit.  But for me it was sad because I do consider Who Framed Roger Rabbit to be a great movie and one that holds a special place in my heart.  So I watched it again last night.  Still awesome.  I still find Jessica Rabbit to be both attractive and fascinating as a character.  I could get into all of that and how I love the dichotomy of being drawn bad but not being bad and so on.  Free will versus destiny, image versus reality and so on.  But I won’t, I will just say if you haven’t seen this moving in a long time you should rewatch it because it is genuinely good and adheres to the beats of a noir quite well.  And Jessica Rabbit is hot.  And today I want to fuck Jessica Rabbit.

This is the fifth time I have posted Lara Croft which surprises me a little bit because I never considered myself a huge Lara Croft fan.  I didn’t really like the Tomb Raider games that much and… I dunno, I know she had a huge fan base from like day one but I wasn’t really that into her.  I guess when the reboot came out I became a convert though, I really liked the game and I truly loved the character.  None of that explains why she is here except for some reason she popped into my head.  I have posted her way more than any other fictional character.  Again that surprises me.  I guess they just nailed the combination of bad ass and remarkably human at the same time so well she has become and evergreen crush. Well, whatever the reason, she is pretty awesome and so today I want to fuck Lara Croft.

Here I am dating myself again but once upon a time, in a bedroom far, far away I had a pretty solid crush on the character of Rogue.  I was about 13 or so and had grown out of my crush on Kitty Pryde and moved on to more adult crushes.  Like Rogue.  It makes a lot of sense in retrospect, she can’t be touched, she is all vulnerability, and it’s pretty easy to imagine if you were the one person who was able to touch her you’d melt her heart and blah blah blah.  She was about isolation and vulnerability despite being invulnerable, super strong, and able to fly. Those are powerful drugs to the romantic brains of adolescents because who doesn’t feel completely alone, unable to make a connection to others all while discovering new abilities and hidden strengths at some point as a teenager.  It’s been a while but I still remember being a teenager and everything was the end of the world, every lonely moment was going to last forever and it was the most lonely anyone ever felt ever.  So of course once Jim Lee started drawing her in Savage Land bikinis and then skin tight green and yellow spandex I, like half the teenage marvel zombies, fell for Rogue.  Because she was like you, she understood.  And you knew she’d know you’d have a connection.  I guess it would be sweet if it wasn’t so embarrassing but at least for those of us who some day move on to for real relationships with actual people those moments of fiction and imagination are important, especially for those of us who at the time couldn’t have possibly made a move on a real girl, not with all the implications that brought about.  So that’s why she is here today, because I was remembering all that.  The character is so different now and honestly she hasn’t been in a comic I regularly read in almost a decade really but I guess Rogue is like the Moon.  The Rogue of our memory I mean, it’s beautiful and makes us think poetic thoughts and sits out there out of reach.  But we’ll never reach it, not the one we’re really looking for.  Men can land on cold rock but they will never land on what mankind longed for and dreamed about for millennia.  Man will never land on that Rogue either, because the crushes of our childhood will never measure up to the perfect memories we have.  This is all a very strange way to say that today I want to fuck Rogue.

I am going to just go ahead and start off by saying this is the strangest pick I have ever made.  I can’t imagine one stranger.  It is odd to sexualize cartoon characters but sometimes it happens.  It feels slightly wrong to do so to current cartoon characters because… they aren’t there for me, except Adventure Time is clearly in the game or trying to appeal to adults as well as kids.  And it is not a show with anything resembling realistic looking characters, they are purposefully simple and crudely drawn. Yet here is Princess Bubblegum because… I have thought about posting her a million times before and end up giving up in my picture search as my brain moves on.  It is hard to find good pictures to post of a character whose face is really just like two dots and a line.  Yes the character herself is so complex.  I think I am attracted to the subversion of the princess archetype. I have posted before about something in the collective subconscious that draws us to princesses.  And I stand but that but at the same time PB is not really anything like that, she is, except for the fact that she might be evil, or at least morally flexible as she considers knowledge more important than humanity, really more likely to be the rescuer than the rescued.  She is a scientist in a fantasy setting full of princesses and magical candy people.  She is smart, competent, and mature.  And since very early on I have found myself oddly attracted to her.  I don’t have an explanation for it.  I could go into a lot of stuff about her character, even if it is a feminist representation or not, how it is unique but honestly it would all feel a little like horse shit to me because the truth is… I just find her appealing and I don’t know why.  I mean this whole blog is an exercise in intellectualizing lust and trying to over think things but some things even I can’t convince myself of.  All I really know is today I want to fuck Princess Bubblegum.

This could start to get pretty boring, right?  If I just post Alison Brie every Friday.  Luckily I found a loophole.  Only to the untrained eye am I posting Alison Brie.  See, actually I am posting her character, Annie Edison, which is completely different if you squint.  Or if you’re willing to believe whatever bullshit I spew.  Anyway, Annie would definitely be a “type” that I think a lot of people find attractive, high strung A type over achiever with a not so deeply buried sexual side waiting to come out.  At least I think that’s a type people find appealing because lord knows there are enough naughty school girl fantasies out there.  I think that’s what they’re about.  I am not sure, I actually went to a school with uniforms and plaid skirts and stuff so like, I had plenty of fantasies about school girls growing up because they were my classmates but as a result I never really had the “school girl fantasy” working for me. Not that Annie is quite that but I think she comes close.  Plus she is just a great character on a great show that is always written so well.  That helps.  And she;s hot.  So there you go, today I want to fuck Annie Edison.

As you may or may not know I have started a full Buffy rewatch, which is a big undertaking but it had to be done.  See, it came to my attention my friend Izzy had never seen the show so the only solution was for me to watch it and pressure her into doing the same. I do want to take this chance to tell you guys to watch it.  I am not going to pull the old person thing and tell you Buffy is better than your generations vampire fiction (it is) or that it will change your life (it won’t, not really, it’s a TV show, you’ll like it, TV shows shouldn’t actually change your life, just nudge it a little), I won’t even point out that basically all modern TV owes a huge debt to Buffy’s style of story telling and writing (It does but I’m a nerd.  I majored in history at one point in my life, I listen to history podcasts, the history of shit, TV included is way more important to me than normal people).  I will just tell you it’s very good, it holds up, and it addresses a lot of universal issues about growing up that we all can stand to see addressed.  But anyway, back to Buffy, my friend Izzy as you may or may not know is totally gay for lesbianism, and as such she pretty much immediately fell in love with Buffy Summers.  Crushes on fictional characters are interesting because they aren’t real but we probably know fictional characters better than we know actual real people in our lives.  We get to see pretty intimate stuff.  So I get the fictional crush.  For me I have had Buffy fantasies but they tend to be us beating up Vampires together and being awesome friends more than us getting married.  I realize I am in the minority there, most people were way into Buffy.  For some reason Buffy and SMG inspire a total lust for friendship and hanging out in me.  But I get that they are pretty.  And Buffy is a superhero.  So sometimes, just sometimes, I am like, yeah, I want to make out with Buffy.  Because she’s a Vampire Slayer.  I mean, I saw a female fire fighter once come into my building and I was like, wow, hot.  A Vampire Slayer is like a fire fighter times 100.  So sometimes I like Buffy.  Today I like Buffy.  Today I want to fuck Buffy Summers.