Tag: lara croft

Because I have my finger on the pulse of what is hip and cool and I live on the bleeding edge of cool I spent this week playing Tomb Raider. No, not the one that came out this week, the one before that that came out in 2015. I just got around to it. Probably as a result of all the commercials for the new one. Anyway, among my many super cool traits that have always made me the apotheosis of cool is my intense attraction to a couple of video game characters, in this case Lara Croft. I mean, so was the rest of the world in the 90’s but it is the reboot that really brought me on board. I mean, yeah, they did a good job of making her beautiful but I have really enjoyed her character arc. I quite enjoyed where she started and look forward to where she is going but man, she could be in a better spot for the middle chapter of this story. But that’s kind of why I dig it, they have made her so human. She still has her heroic tenancies and will do the right thing but seems thus far kind of blind to the consequences of her actions. Like, I am not an expert in archeology but I bet that most digs don’t lead to thousands of deaths. I could be wrong. Maybe I am wrong. Because I knew one guy once who was an archeology major and he never mentioned any classes in murder, so I just assume it’s not part of the curriculum but Lara Croft was either born with the ability to creatively break a man’s neck or someone taught her that. I guess I could be showing my ignorance here, I have no idea what is standard in an English education. Maybe “Stealth Kills” is an elective UK kids take when they’re 13. It’s like Home Ec, Shop, or how to fashion your own weapons at a campfire and silently kill a man with them. It doesn’t seem like a very British thing to me but those sneaky Brits hide a lot from us, Celebrity Juice doesn’t seem very British either but someone over there is watching it because it’s been on for like 100 years is my understanding. Anyway, my point is that Lara’s true calling is unstoppable murderer and I saw criticism back when the game came out that the game didn’t address it. She was torn apart by killing in the first game and seems mostly ok with it here. I would say it’s character growth that does it. Or maybe part of her fall. Either way it seems like a natural progression as she advances as a person but fails to see all the consequences of her action. Which makes me excited for the next game but also I think is why I am into her. It’s the reason I think so many people get crushes on fictional characters. Because we know them better than real people. I spent like 16 hours with Lara Croft and know her very well. And she’s well fleshed out. So she’s interesting. Also she can jump from platforms and use a bow and arrow to shoot out a rope to swing across a chasm and then use an ax to climb a rock face. She’s a badass. Who wouldn’t be attracted to that? Today I want to fuck Lara Croft.

This is the fifth time I have posted Lara Croft which surprises me a little bit because I never considered myself a huge Lara Croft fan.  I didn’t really like the Tomb Raider games that much and… I dunno, I know she had a huge fan base from like day one but I wasn’t really that into her.  I guess when the reboot came out I became a convert though, I really liked the game and I truly loved the character.  None of that explains why she is here except for some reason she popped into my head.  I have posted her way more than any other fictional character.  Again that surprises me.  I guess they just nailed the combination of bad ass and remarkably human at the same time so well she has become and evergreen crush. Well, whatever the reason, she is pretty awesome and so today I want to fuck Lara Croft.

I know I just posted Lara Croft.  I know this.  But I have an F12 key and screen shots are easy and really she’s just awesome. Besides, this is basically what I thought was going to happen when I started this blog.  I don’t mean posting Lara Croft.  I mean I know I tend to get really obsessed for a bit and then it goes away.  I kind of expected there to be a lot of weeks where the same person makes a few appearances.  That hasn’t really happened like I thought but I do know I can dwell.  And Lara is crushable.  It’s probably strange to have a crush on a make believe character but let’s be honest, a lot of the celebrities we like are because of the characters they play, not really the celebrity.  Besides, she’s like a hot nerd in the new game.  Wise Cracking girl with a gun is gone replaced by a nerd who gets really excited talking about ancient Japanese artifacts and just happens to also be able to kick ass.  It’s attractive.  She’s attractive.  It’s late, I stayed up too late playing Tomb Raider.  I almost said playing with Lara.  I wish.  Because today I want to fuck Lara Croft.

I didn’t think Lara Croft would be showing up again.  At least not anytime soon.  But you know, steam sale, cheap copy of Tomb Raider and… I am full on crush.  I am not sure why this version of the character has resonated so much when past ones did not.  The boobs might help.  Or might be representative of why.  Lara is hardly small chested now but more realistically proportioned and so is everything else about her.  She feels more like a living and breathing character.  I won’t really address if she is now a feminist icon or eye candy designed to attract boys, mainly because I don’t think it’s a binary formula, she can have feminist elements and still be designed as eye candy.  She can fall somewhere along the spectrum, there is work to do but that doesn’t mean no work has already been done.  I will say this, I realized this time through not only do I identify with her as I played her (despite some representatives backwards ideas) she comes across as a genuine hero.  If I were in trouble I would want to be saved by Lara Croft.  And that is… not a neat trick but it almost feels like it.  A refreshing point to get, a game where she is defined by heroics, wants and desires rather than by her relationship to a man.  There isn’t a romantic relationship at all, really. It’s pretty great.  She is pretty great.  So here is where I objectify her… today I want to fuck Lara Croft.

This is the first time I have ever duplicated someone from the land of make believe but the reboot version of Lara Croft is truly crushable.  Characterization has gotten better in video games over the years anyway but I am really liking the new Lara.  She’s tough, resilient, smart, resourceful, vulnerable, and strong.  She feels much more like a real person than she ever has before and it really is helping my enjoyment of the game.  She impresses you and you’re rooting for her and it isn’t just because you’re the one controlling her.  Last time I pretty solidly railed on the way things used to be, this time I’ll just praise how they are now.  Perfect?  Of course not.  But pretty good and more importantly she is a character you can really respect.  That’s so nice.  And well, she’s got that beautiful accent and shes’ very pretty and she is a badass so today I want to fuck Lara Croft.

The first thing I ever read about Tomb Raider was years ago and one of the developers was gleefully explaining the genius behind the game which was, “She’ll be like a new Mario but better because Mario doesn’t have tits”.  There are people to this day who think girls don’t play games as much as guys because girls aren’t good at them.  There might be deeper reasons.  Anyway, I am not here to slag on sexist nerds, they do that well enough themselves, I am here to talk about Lara Croft, who has remarkably made the move from missile sized and shaped breasts on legs to a rather interesting character.  The new Tomb Raider is not really the greatest game I have ever played but I did find myself appreciating the Lara Croft not only has characterization but is not really a collection of stereo types, be it bad ass girl with guns or giggling sex kitten or whatever else it could have been.  I mean, I am not trying to convince anyone that this was written by Betty Friedan, this game is closer to snuff porn than Jane Eyre (seriously, the sounds they have her make! I guess it’s only snuff porn if you are as bad at the game as I am but still the moans and sexy whimpers and coos when she is hit or killed… plus, bosoms still heave, tank tops are still tight, I mean, they do have to move product.)  But my point is it is nice the game isn’t just, “She’s better than Mario, she has tits,” because she definitely fills an archetype that a lot of people have always found attractive, which is the real reason she’s here.  Strong, smart, sexy women of action.  She is touch, she is bad ass, but still feminine and with a tenderness.  It really makes her no different than a lot of the real people who get posted here, I don’t know them, none of you know them, but we know the image they project, which is a type.  We find the type appealing, it appeals to part of our personality, probably how we see ourselves as well.  Then also they are hot, though I am of the belief that’s not enough, there are a lot of hot women if you just check the tag for boobs, not all of them evoke a following or passion.  I seem to have lost any sort of point here, which is cool cause I don’t know that everything needs a point.  Well, if it does I will just claim the point is today I want to fuck Lara Croft.