This post is about It Follows.  I saw It Follows yesterday and it has been churning around in my mind as excellent films are want to do.  So It Follows is here.  This is not a knock against Maika Monroe, indeed she is a large part of why it is so excellent, it’s just that she is also infused with my love for the movie.  I want so badly to talk about it but I also don’t want to spoil it.  I went in mostly blind, other than highly touted and ridiculously well reviewed I didn’t know anything about this movie going in.  I mean, I knew it was by the guy who mad the Myth of the American Sleepover, and I liked that movie, but that isn’t really a plot thing.  The movie was excellent, at once reminiscent of so many things but also wholly unique in how it felt. Maika Monroe was the lead, playing the pretty girl everything revolved around and she is indeed pretty but that’s not why she’s here.  She is here because the entire cast gave just excellent, naturalistic performances as teenagers and a group of friends with a lot of history but hers was the best. There are a couple moments where her acting was just awesome.  This one scene in a hospital.. it’s wordless and it is so good.  The movie is so good.  I really want ot talk about it so you know, if you’ve seen it send me an ask, we’ll talk about the movie.  Maika Monroe has now been in two things in a row that I have thought she was really good in.  She is also apparently a professional kiteboarder which is just stupid because how many things does someone need to be good at?  I don’t know, I liked the movie, I liked her performance so today I want to fuck Maika Monroe.

Eva Green is one of those semi-inescapable faces of pop culture.  She isn’t ubiquitous enough that everyone is always talking about her but at the same time she is going to show up every now and then, even if maybe you’re not sure who she is.  I know for me I know who Eva Green is and pictures of her show up in my life, be it online or magazines or whatever and every time my reaction is, “Man, she is so beautiful.  What has she been in cause I have never seen her in anything”.  At which point I go look and remember that I have seen her in quite a few things.  I can never remember she was in a Bond movie for some reason but in my defense it has been almost 10 years (holy crap, can you believe it’s been that long).  But everything else I have seen her in has largely been terrible.  Last night I watched the 300 sequel and man, that was terrible.  I mean, I didn’t think the first one was great but I could appreciate it as the homoerotic love letter to abs that it was.  This movie was even worse.  You know what, it isn’t Eva Green’s fault, I thought she made a pretty good scenery chewing villain.  The movie was bad though.  Bad enough that the entire time I was thinking about how bad it was except when Eva Green was on screen.  When she was on screen instead my brain was going, “Holy crap she’s so beautiful.  What has she been in, why haven’t I ever seen anything with her in it before”.  I am sure in a month I’ll wonder if I have ever seen anything with her in it.  She should fire someone, whoever is picking scripts for her, because apparently her movies are just not memorable.  Or I’m forgetful.  Or maybe she is just so beautiful that it’s distracting and I don’t pay attention to anything else.  Irregardless she is gorgeous and today I want to fuck Eva Green.

Here is McKayla Maroney because… she showed up in some pictures for some event that had a really long name I didn’t understand.  I think it had something to do with the Kid’s Choice awards?  Maybe.  I dunno.  I am posting her basically because I think she is pretty and I find reactions to her (and really a lot of Olympic athletes) fascinating.  First there are the dedicated fans of the sport.  Gymnastics, figure skating, curling, whatever, these are marginal sports.  They are not where most eyes are and most people know nothing about them but every 4 years they become the biggest eyeball grabbing sports in the world.  Well, not curling but some of them. But there are people who follow these things not at the Olympics, you know, the 4 years in between they still care.  I have found in my perusing of these things that a lot of these people are hyper critical dicks. Which I get, when you like a niche thing you kind of become protective and weird but one of the things I have read is that McKayla Maroney is lazy and out of shape.  Which is mind blowing to me cause… she looks to be in better shape than most people I know and I am not sure how you can knock anyone for being lazy who put in the kind of work required to be an Olympic athlete before 18.  Like, seriously, these are people who at 12 were at the Gym at like 6 AM before school.  Do you know what the fuck I was doing at 12?  Me either, no one remembered because it sure as fuck didn’t matter but it probably involved mainly horror movie watching, video game playing, and inventing overly complex games of tag to play in the woods near my house.  I also slept until like 10 if I could.  So that’s inside her sports fandom, outside it I see people who get critical of former Olympians for… trying to stay famous?  For daring to show up during a time that is not the Olympics.  Like how dare they try to make some money or… get a career post the career that can’t seem to last past the age of 19.  I dunno, I feel like there is more I could say about this but I was woken up by a 10K outside my window at 6 AM this morning.  Look, if you guys want to hate on athletes hate on the dicks who think it’s fun to run through my neighborhood while their friends bang on garbage cans and shit.  Those people are the real monsters.  Anyway, McKayla Maroney makes me think about a lot of things and I think she is pretty.  I will also always be forever impressed by the ability she has, I think it’s amazing.  So today I want to fuck McKayla Maroney.

Here is Emily DiDonato because I guess her eyes.  But also probably because she often models the best tights.  Also because it is early and for some reason she just popped into my head.  I don’t really have a lot more to say about that, I have discussed her before and even gone into long inquisitive tangents about why she sticks in my head when many models don’t.  People helpfully offered their explanations and basically all of them told me it was her eyes.  So it’s probably her eyes.  Today I want to fuck Emily DiDonato.

I posted yesterday in response to a friend (the delightful lunoboom ) about Lana Del Rey and in my comments I called her a walking Instagram Filter which someone else viewed as kind of a snotty thing to say.  And I can see why they would say that.  I certainly didn’t say it as an insult but I can see who it could be seen that way.  In general I feel like we’re al Nostalgic for times that never existed, I guess actually that is largely what nostalgia is, this longing for a time that never actually really existed.  You might long for the summer when you were 13 years old but that real summer will never match the summer in your mind, the summer of endless twilight adventures with friends, sleep overs with bad movies, crushes and starting to learn who you were.  Those were magic and they tend to crowd out the times you were bored and no one wanted to hang out, or when you cried yourself to sleep because everyone else had someone to watch fireworks with but the crush you had liked someone else.  That’s how it works.  I mean, I remember being a teenager and my mom making a comment about how she wishes things were like the 50′s, when things were just more moral.  I of course snottily snapped back which was more moral, persecuting people with different religious beliefs, people with different political views, the oppression of minorities, or the part where women were meant to be seen but not heard.  Score one for teenage self righteousness.  She said I knew what she meant, I am sure I pretended I didn’t and went to go write some screed in my notebook about the fucking baby boomers while I listened to Scentless Apprentice because this was the 90′s.  I did know what she meant though, she meant she wanted things to be like this one very specific aspect of a culture she never really knew and was only a part of for the first couple of years of her life.  The part of her mind that had mad unlocked doors and family meals seem like the pinnacle of human society.  The part where black people had to use separate water fountains weren’t part of the fantasy.  Which is kind of the comforting fantasy Lana Del Rey sells and what I meant about my Instagram thing, she is selling a thing that never really existed, a 1940′s Lauren Bacall Haircut and 50′s Galmour through a modern lens on Born to Die, a bit of highly filtered 70′s sleaze on Ultraviolence.  And there is nothing wrong with this but I am older than she is and I wasn’t around for that shit so she certainly wasn’t, none of it was like we imagine because none of us are particularly capable of creating a fully formed reality in our head, it is much more like the set of an old Western, mainly wooden fronts designed to look like buildings without there actually being anything on the other side.  Indie music is often obsessed with Authenticity, which I feel in general is a fools errand but I always felt was the result of the backlash against Lana, she tricked them and they were mad even though there was no point at which a 20 something girl in 2010who was aping the style of women from 50 years earlier was doing anything but purposefully manufacturing an image.  What people fail to see is the authenticity in artifice, in carefully constructing a picture of the past that looks nothing like the past what an artist really is doing is carefully choosing the parts of disparate things that they wish to represent them.  And that stuff we choose to believe or embrace about eras that didn’t exist?  That defines us more than what really happened would have.  This is what I thought about as I listened to my new record and this is why today I want to fuck Lana Del Rey.

Here is Gillian Jacobs cause I just watched yesterday’s Community.  The idea of internet broadcasting really destroys the urgency of watching TV the day it comes out.  It’s strange because I recorded stuff on DVR before I was watching it online but I would still usually watch it that night.  Now it is just like… not urgent in my mind.  Even if I really want to watch a show my brain no longer goes, “Oh man, Community is coming on, I better get all this paperwork done so I can watch”.  So that’s going on with me and I actually liked last nights episode a good bit, it felt like the first one so far where the show has found it’s groove with it’s new cast and stuff.  The show feels smaller and different, too.  It’s hard to explain but things change.  I mean, I am posting Gillian Jacobs instead of Allison Brie ( femalecelebrityoftheday is going to have a field day with that).  I don’t know why, she is what caught my eye so here I am, posting her, saying today I want to fuck Gillian Jacobs.

Once I was in a bar talking to this girl and she was a Linguist.  She was explaining to me about what lab experiments they were running and it had to do with sound shifts and I excitedly perked up and said, “Oh, sound shifts.  You mean like Grimm’s Law!”  I was excited to know what she was talking about but she was really excited because I knew what Grimm’s Law was.  She wanted to know how on Earth I knew that.  I didn’t have an answer for her and kind of just had to shrug and say, “I dunno, I just know stuff”.  I bring this up not to impress you all but because Mel Clarke is a lot like Grimm’s law.  Not that Mel Clarke has anything to do with why Germanic languages use an F sound where Romance Languages use a P sound from the original Indo-European root, I mean she might be, I am not an expert, I am a dilettante clearly, I just mean I don’t know why I know who Mel Clarke is but I do and I feel like I always have.  Now it’s very unlikely I have always known who she is because I don’t think she modeled for the first 18 years of her life but it seems like the entire time she has been modeling i have been like, “Oh yeah, that girl with the amazing eyes and dark hair, that’s Mel Clarke”.  I just knew.  And she has always been all over tumblr, she even has her own tumblr.  But being the dilettante I am I basically know she is British, she is a model, she is a DJ.  I know nothing more.  Other than the fact that she is just gorgeous.  And she must be amazingly good at her job for her to be a fact my brain just knows, like Grimm’s Law or who the only English King is with the epitaph The Great.  So there you have it, Mel Clarke, Alfred the Great, and Grimm’s Law, among the most important things to ever come out of England.  Except Grimm’s law, that was German, it just helps explain parts of our language. Man, this went off the tracks.  Today I want to fuck Mel Clarke.

So here is Ariana Grande again a week after I posted her last time.  I know cause for some reason last time that post got quite a reaction.  It was the 16th time I had posted her.  I think.  Anyway, I won’t really address any of that other than I don’t understand some of the complaints I received but you are more than welcome to your opinion. She is here because she is attractive and a friend and I were discussing that last night.  I will just leave it at that today and say today I want to fuck Ariana Grande.

I haven’t posted Jennifer Lawrence in a while.  Or at least it feels like it’s been a long time.  It’s hard to tell sometimes but it feels like generally she hasn’t been around much in the front and center of things.  That’s understandable, everyone needs a break sometimes and she certainly could have used less attention.  I am not here to talk about all that ugliness though, I just saw some pictures of her at screenings of Serena and I thought she looked pretty.  She was smiling in some and I do enjoy her smile.  Which is why I just realized I chose all pictures where she wasn’t smiling.  My brain is kind of stupid sometimes.  Anyway, she is pretty an I like her and… it felt like a good time to post her.  So today I want to fuck Jennifer Lawrence.

I may have mentioned this before but the first timeII ever noticed Emmy Rossum was in Mystic River which I think speaks of just how beautiful she is because she is only in that movie for a few minutes.  But I saw her in that bar in the beginning and I was like, wow, that girl is beautiful, who is she?  So I looked her up cause thank god for IMDB and saw her name, Emmy Rossum.  Her name stuck with me enough that I never forgot it, I thought she was that pretty.  Now, I have only posted her a few times because I have only seen her in a handful of things.  Well, more than a handful but not being someone who watches Shameless I very rarely see her.  Except you know, for a constant stream of paparazzi pictures.  They love her.  And she was in a bunch this week around New York because I guess she was doing press there.  The reaction is still largely the same for me when I see her in those which is, “How is this girl so beautiful”.  Seriously in some she is just like leaving the gym or getting coffee and I am willing to admit that she might look like she’s spent 5 hours in hair and make up because maybe she has before she goes to get coffee but she looks better than most human beings should be able to anyway, no matter how much effort they have exhausted.  And of course, the other thing is my brain sometimes wonders just how much time could she have spent getting ready if this picture is from 6:30 in the morning outside NBC?  The girl is just beautiful.  Like next level beautiful.  And that’s why she’s here, all week I keep seeing pictures and going, “Wow she is so pretty”.  So today I want to fuck Emmy Rossum.