Category: Uncategorized

Here is Nicki Minaj because apparently Nicki Minaj hit some big career landmarks this week, including the most awarded female rapper ever and something about the Hot 100 that makes her the most successful female musician ever in that category.  She passed Aretha Franklin, that feels like a big deal when you throw in that name.  The basic point is not awards and sales though.  I am of the opinion that judging art based on such things is a fools errand.  Ranking art is for idiots.  Dictating what is better than another thing based on sales and awards is even dumber.  It is for people without the ability or desire to think for themselves and they fall back on maybe the simplest and least effective way of defining, discussing, and judging art.  But that wasn’t the point of her post about it or this one, the point is it’s a big deal for her and for me it goes back to the whole thing Taylor Swift tried to make about herself last year, Nicki Minaj is a hugely successful and popular musician.  So why is she treated as if she isn’t?  That wasn’t her point, that’s mine, that’s what lead me here.  Obviously I see it in my posts and so on but I would point out in general if more people are buying and listening to her songs than almost anyone else out there, why is she treated in general as a B or C list celebrity.  Now, this is all rhetorical, I think we know the answer and if you don’t think you know the answer or just disagree with what I am clearly implying the answer is, I ask you to try and come up with another reason.  And I am not angry or claiming you need to care more or god forbid there need to be more TMZ stories (we got enough about her this weekend thanks to her idiot exes).  I just think it is a thing that should be pointed out.  Again and again.  She doesn’t fit the mold they want and thus she isn’t treated like a top tier celebrity when it comes to music but… it certainly seems like a lot of people care.  Anyway, I enjoy her as a person and I think she’s attractive and I am glad for her success and that it seems to give her a sense of validation and today I want to fuck Nicki Minaj.

So the Royal Ascot happened and if you don’t know what that is you’ll be forgiven, it’s a big deal horse race in the England with ties to the Royal Family. I mean, everything there has ties to the Royal Family because technically all of the land in England is just granted to people by the crown which, if you ask me, sounds like a terrible way to live but that’s why every July 4th I start my posts by telling King George to eat a dick.  But this one especially does in that the Queen likes going and it does have Royal in the name.  The other part is cause the Ascot is a big deal race track in England.  I know all this because I am the foremost expert on England sitting at this keyboard right now, mainly because I have all sorts of expert sources.  One really.  My friend Katherine.  She tells me stuff sometimes.  Which means yes, I have turned the British people into a Monolith and all of you, no matter what region or origin or group you believe you belong to are now all represented by the thoughts and opinions of one person.  You are not a group of individuals.  I would say there is poetic justice there and something about Empire and how the British treated other peoples the same way but you know, I am not an expert on that.  We had all flushed our tea long before that nonsense and all I know is you guys were a bunch of wig wearing crumpet monkeys and we totally kicked your ass.  This has gotten strangely aggressive.  My point is because of my single friend from England I am an expert on all things English.  I know you guys all love shoes and polka dots and have some strange ax to grind with Charli XCX.  What a strange peoples you are.  I also know that the Royal Ascot is all about strange hats. I almost posted Holly Willoughby yesterday because she looked pretty at the Royal Ascot but her hat wasn’t strange enough.  I mean, it wasn’t normal.  I don’t think she’d be caught wearing it anywhere else but it wasn’t strange enough.  Today I am posting Kelly Brook.  Her hat is stranger.  I think it could stand to ramp up the strangeness a little but i have decided it qualifies enough. Horse racing is a strange sport in that it does have a spectator uniform.  The upper crust wear funny hats here, too, though they go more for size over complexity in their odd hats but that’s America for you really.  We do have in common that no one would ever wear those hats anywhere else.  What I don’t know is if most of the racetrack is full of drunken reprobates though.  Ours are. I actually paid for my college text books Freshman year with my winnings from the racetrack.  It’s the sort of good decision making that have lead me to creating a mildly popular tumblr blog with tons of followers, 99% of whom would be deeply embarrassed if anyone they knew found out they followed my blog. Anyway, Kelly Brook is pretty hot but I think barely famous anymore.  I am glad she got to go to the track and break out that hat though, she looked good. I hope she won any bets she placed.  If that is allowed in England.  I hope so because I have to be honest, I am not really sure what the point is otherwise. Today I want to fuck Kelly Brook.

Charli XCX opened up Glastonbury yesterday and I thought she looked really good in the bits of it I saw.  Of course, there are basically no pictures of the performance anywhere that I can find so I am not showing them here.  Instead her are other pictures of Charli XCX and you can imagine her on stage singing.  Enjoy that I guess.  Today I want to fuck Charli XCX.

I haven’t posted Alison Brie in a million years and that just kind of happens sometimes.  I really like Alison Brie but I liked Community and Mad Men even more.  So I watched them every time they were on and loved the shows and that’s where I saw her most often.  Those shows are long, long gone at this point, which is why it has been a shocking 14 months since I last posted her. The time just slips away I guess.  But now we’re getting a press barrage for GLOW, which she is the star of.  And I hope it’s good, I think it could be really interesting but I suppose we’ll see.  I guess tone will matter because I remember GLOW being a thing in the 80’s and wrestling in general was a bit of a joke then, kids stuff that my friends and I watched on Saturday Mornings but GLOW was especially seen as a punchline by the culture at large.  You know, cause Women.  So I think I watched some of it at some point.  I know I definitely saw some of the member of the Glamorous Ladies of Wrestling on an episode of the Family Feud.  Either way, you could chart the lack of prestige there by the fact that in my area at least it showed up on one of those unaffiliated UHF stations that no one really knew why it existed and again, only kids watched it cause it showed syndicated cartoons in the afternoon.  So I think there is a lot of story potential there and in general things about wrestling fit in very well with a type of underdog sports story.  Not the underdog makes good times but the societal underdog, people who are just seen as disreputable by their very existence and will probably never earn respect or acclaim and have to deal with that reality.  Or you know, maybe it will be about Glowworms, also a very 80’s thing and a toy I never had because who wants a stuffed animal made mostly out of hard plastic?  Well, everyone I guess but I still never had one.  Today I want to fuck Alison Brie.  

Here is Priyanka Chopra because…. well, because she’s hot.  That’s really about it.  I don’t have another reason for it, I just find her really attractive and I wasn’t sure who I’d post today and I opened up my picture folder and her name popped out because man she is so pretty.  I like her a lot.  I am really thankful that she is now a US star so I get new pictures of her more often than once a year.  And I get to post her more than once a year because I get to think of her more than once a year.  Today I want to fuck Priyanka Chopra.

Ariel Winter has had a good summer so far.  In that I mean she has looked good.  I have no idea what kind of summer she is having but given what I know about the internet and the things I have read people say about her since she was.. well, a child on a TV show, maybe her summer has been miserable.  Because she has looked good.  It enrages people and man there is a lot I could get into here but I don’t really feel like it right now.  I think she has looked good.  You are only young once and I would point out in general most of the scolding of older people directed at youth comes from jealousy, plain and simple.  You can’t ever be young again and so people who are dissatisfied with their life and how they spent their youth are going to lash out at those who have youth.  End of story.  I really like her red hair too, which she seems to do every summer.  It looks so good it makes me wonder why she has to go back to black for Modern Family.  I assume they are the ones who want it back.  Oh well.  Today I want to fuck Ariel Winter.

Here is Madelaine Petsch who happens to be very pretty.  In case you didn’t know.  I have been very concerned lately that people might not know stuff like that I guess because I keep bringing it up.  Anyway, despite my Riverdale obsession all spring, I didn’t really expect to post anyone from the show again until the show came back because I am well aware of how my brain works.  Out of sight, out of mind.  But Madelaine Petsch keeps helpfully showing up at events and in photoshoots.  Which is good cause it means more pictures and more of her.  I just absolutely love her hair and I was having a discussion the other day about how pale skin works so much better for redheads than for almost anyone else.  Though, I think anything can work if you do it right.  But they seem to have an advantage there.  On the other hand, it’s getting really hot here and LA is notoriously sunny, so now I am just worried about if she can ever go outside or not.  I hope she has some system to hide her from the sun cause I don’t think that skin could take too much.  I have gotten off track, my point is she is very pretty and so today I want to fuck Madelaine Petsch.

So are you aware Rihanna has a new video?  Do you know that Rihanna is unmistakably and remarkably beautiful?  If so, good for you, you are alive and have eyes.  If you aren’t aware I am here to educate you.  She has a new video.  People like it.  People like the song.  You should check it out.  I can’t promise you’ll like the song but I bet if you’re reading this you’ll like the video.  I feel confident in saying so.  If you didn’t realize she’s beautiful I don’t know what to tell you.  Check your pulse, you might be dead.  If you are I am sorry.  That has to be hard to handle.  But hey, congrats on still being able to use a computer!  Try not to take it personally if people see you and run in terror, it isn’t you, it’s a natural human aversion to the unquiet dead.  Sorry, we all have our blind spots.  We can’t see past the unnatural circumstances of your existence and you can’t see past your cold, soulless existence to realize that Rihanna is beautiful.  We all have flaws.  Except I guess Rihanna, who genuinely seems like a pretty amazing and delightful person and again, is beautiful.  Next level beautiful.  Today I want to fuck Rihanna.

Here is Demi Lovato on account of her being so pretty.  That’s basically it.  I saw some pictures of her this morning and it’s like, man, she’s so pretty.  Pretty simple post today I guess.  I just think she is really gorgeous.  Today I want to fuck Demi Lovato.

Hayley Atwell went and watched Hamlet this week in London’s West End and man, that’s a good enough reason for her to show up here.  Because not only is she basically the best person ever, Hamlet is also the best of Shakespeare’s work.  I realize I am not exactly being creative by calling Hamlet my favorite bit of Shakespeare but then again, things that are highly regarded for 500 years are usually highly regarded for 500 years for a reason.  I don’t know why I am getting defensive about this, like I am arguing with fictional people in me head who can’t wait to give me shit about liking Hamlet more than King Lear.  Most people won’t even read this.  Besides, I have plenty of time to cause a Hamlet firestorm because I think there is an Ophelia movie in the works and I am sure I will upset someone when I point out that you take your chances with one night stands, especially when they are with privileged, self obsessed guys.  Boy that’ll tweak the Tumblr Shakespeare fandom which I assume exists and is mainly people drawing Rosencrantz and Gildenstern cuddling or someone angrily decrying the use of the word Witches in MacBeth.  Anyway, this got far afield, my point is that Hayley Atwell is one of the most delightful people to have ever walked the Earth and that’s all I really need, her going to see Hamlet is just a bit of a bonus on top of that.  I hope she enjoyed it.  I just assume it was good, it looks like a nice setting.  Though now I am enjoying the idea of a professional actress sitting through a high school performance of Hamlet, wincing as that one guy or girl belies louder equals profounder and another person speeds through his lines to just get this shit over with.  I guess my basic point is that High School theater is terrible.  Today I want to fuck Hayley Atwell.