So the Royal Ascot happened and if you don’t know what that is you’ll be forgiven, it’s a big deal horse race in the England with ties to the Royal Family. I mean, everything there has ties to the Royal Family because technically all of the land in England is just granted to people by the crown which, if you ask me, sounds like a terrible way to live but that’s why every July 4th I start my posts by telling King George to eat a dick.  But this one especially does in that the Queen likes going and it does have Royal in the name.  The other part is cause the Ascot is a big deal race track in England.  I know all this because I am the foremost expert on England sitting at this keyboard right now, mainly because I have all sorts of expert sources.  One really.  My friend Katherine.  She tells me stuff sometimes.  Which means yes, I have turned the British people into a Monolith and all of you, no matter what region or origin or group you believe you belong to are now all represented by the thoughts and opinions of one person.  You are not a group of individuals.  I would say there is poetic justice there and something about Empire and how the British treated other peoples the same way but you know, I am not an expert on that.  We had all flushed our tea long before that nonsense and all I know is you guys were a bunch of wig wearing crumpet monkeys and we totally kicked your ass.  This has gotten strangely aggressive.  My point is because of my single friend from England I am an expert on all things English.  I know you guys all love shoes and polka dots and have some strange ax to grind with Charli XCX.  What a strange peoples you are.  I also know that the Royal Ascot is all about strange hats. I almost posted Holly Willoughby yesterday because she looked pretty at the Royal Ascot but her hat wasn’t strange enough.  I mean, it wasn’t normal.  I don’t think she’d be caught wearing it anywhere else but it wasn’t strange enough.  Today I am posting Kelly Brook.  Her hat is stranger.  I think it could stand to ramp up the strangeness a little but i have decided it qualifies enough. Horse racing is a strange sport in that it does have a spectator uniform.  The upper crust wear funny hats here, too, though they go more for size over complexity in their odd hats but that’s America for you really.  We do have in common that no one would ever wear those hats anywhere else.  What I don’t know is if most of the racetrack is full of drunken reprobates though.  Ours are. I actually paid for my college text books Freshman year with my winnings from the racetrack.  It’s the sort of good decision making that have lead me to creating a mildly popular tumblr blog with tons of followers, 99% of whom would be deeply embarrassed if anyone they knew found out they followed my blog. Anyway, Kelly Brook is pretty hot but I think barely famous anymore.  I am glad she got to go to the track and break out that hat though, she looked good. I hope she won any bets she placed.  If that is allowed in England.  I hope so because I have to be honest, I am not really sure what the point is otherwise. Today I want to fuck Kelly Brook.