Tag: Kelly Brook

So when I was a kid my dad used to take me to the racetrack and would give me $5 and told me I could get something to eat or I could place a bet and grow my money and thus get something to eat and go home with money as well. I guess this could surprise some people but really, you couldn’t have thought this blog was the end result of good parenting. Anyway, I am far from some horse whisperer or magical handicapper or anything but I know a fair bit about rating horseflesh. Enough so I guess that I don’t find it disturbing to use the phrase horseflesh. I mean, I can read a racing form and I mean I know parimutuel isn’t some stock brokerage. Anyway, my point is I am not a complete novice when it comes to this kind of thing but I have absolutely no clue what stupid hats have to do with horse racing. Especially cause the only stupid hats we really had were when some guy got really drunk and put a popcorn box on his head or something. Now, a cynical person would say that stupid hats have nothing to do with horse racing at all but are instead a way for the wealthy to separate the prestige of the events they attend and the tracks they frequent from the ones the hoi polloi do. A cynical person would say that. Me, I figure that can’t be, no one would wear a hat that stupid to feel better than someone else because you can’t possibly feel superior to anyone when you wear a dumb ass hat. Well, not for long. When I went to college a bunch of dudes would wear bucket hats to seem cool or hip or unique or whatever soul sucking insecurity inhabits the hearts of 18 year olds and forces them to choose an affectation to feel special. My point is they were everywhere. And they all got mocked and within a month the bucket hats were gone. None of those guys ever grew up to be Queen so if they could figure it out rich people must be able to. Anyway, here is Kelly Brook in some stupid hats because despite all this I do kind of like the stupid hats. Not enough to ever want to like, be seen with one, but I do kind of enjoy the pictures once a year from the Royal Ascot and the Kentucky Derby. Today I want to fuck Kelly Brook.

Here is Kelly Brook and if I am going to be honest I don’t know why. I mean, in the larger picture I know why, she is attractive, I find her attractive. But in general she just popped into my head last night and has stuck around. There is no cause I can think of. I did see some paparazzi pictures this morning but that came in the wrong order for cause and effect. Unless… I can make picture of celebrities appear by thinking about them. While that seems reasonable and explains the pictures it still doesn’t explain why I was thinking about her and why she is here. I am not complaining, I just usually have some sort of idea. I guess I will just have to deal with the mystery. It’s an important life lesson really, sometimes there isn’t an answer, move on and stop thinking about it, just enjoy the now. Enjoy the pictures of Kelly Brook. Today I want to fuck Kelly Brook.

Kelly Brook is here because wow that red dress.  She was at a charity Gala last night called Teens Unite and I don’t know what it was about really but I assume it is done and over because if that dress can’t bring things together then you might as well give up. So I assume the Teens are United. And now I have Atari Teenage Riot’s Kids are United going through my head.  I’m pretty weird.  My point though is not that i have 22 year old song going through my head, it’s that that dress is amazing.  Amazing enough I guess that it is fulfilling 22 year old prophesies.  And by prophesies I mean songs.  Same thing.  I am rambling. The dress is just amazing.  What a look.  I love it.  Today I want to fuck Kelly Brook.

Kelly Brook has released some shots from her new Calendar and I think that deserves a post.  Not because of the pictures because who cares about half naked women.  No, because it’s a Calendar and a I am a big, big fan of linear time.  As is Kelly Brook since she puts in so much effort every year in commemorate the concept by publishing calendars.  She is a responsible celebrity and knows there are many options out there for calendars and a lot of people probably have let paper ones fall to the wayside but she has fans and she knows they may buy her calendar and thus accidentally continue perhaps the greatest legacy of Western thought, linear time.  You see, a lot of ancient people, and I mean a lot, thought time was cyclical.  Time is a great wheel that rotates and comes around again and again.  And it’s a fun thought exercise and philosophical debate about history repeating itself again and again but the idea of an actual wheel of time is nothing but a wheel of oppression to crush all under.  It destroys free will.  Everything we are doing has happened and will happen again.  It is predestined and we are but just puppets on the strings of master time.  This is fucking horrifying.  Thankfully, as the heirs to Western thought (I mean, I assume that’s true of most people reading this.  If not sorry?  You can embrace this element though) we have linear time and along with it free will.  We are free to fuck up in new and inventive ways, even if it leads us down similar paths of self destruction our forebears traveled.  It’s similar but it’s our own damn path and our own damn choice. This is pretty much the most powerful bit of freedom any of us can have.  And given her 20 year dedication to making calendars I can only assume Kelly Brook understands this and wants to remind us all every year.  She really deserves thanks for that so I am celebrating it right here with pictures honoring her calendar history.  Thank you, Kelly.  Today I want to fuck Kelly Brook.

The summer has reached a point where it is pretty low on inspiration for this blog.  I mean that in the sense that there aren’t a lot of events or premiers or TV shows on or anything.  There are movies but that would require me to go outside and I guess I don’t do that anymore.  Luckily I have @she-goes-to-eleven who I was talking to and somehow the conversation was about Kelly Brook.  I don’t know how it started but it went all over the map in strange directions which is really par for the course if you’ve ever let me just ramble at you because my digressions take digressions.  Anyway, that is why she is here and I didn’t know what I was going to talk about but because Google is a mind reader my phone suggested a story where some people think Kelly Brook is photoshopping some of her instagram photos.  I don’t know.  They look like Kelly Brook to me and unless news agencies were photoshopping pictures of her at horse races it all looks the same to me.  I mean, I am not surprised strangers on the internet are attacking a woman because of what her body looks like but to me the photoshopping, if it exists or not is a whole lot of so what.  I say this for a couple of reasons.  First, everything you see is a lie.  I mean in general the whole perception is not the same as reality and all that but you know, past the Freshman year intro to Philosophy stuff, everything you see with a celebrity is a lie.  Or at least not the truth.  What you are allowed to see is carefully curated by someone.  Maybe not the celebrity herself but it passes through so many filters.  Unless you are close, personal friends with Kelly Brook you have never seen the real Kelly Brook.  Authenticity you sense in celebrities is just a type that is traditionally successful.  They can feel as real as you want, they aren’t. This isn’t a tirade against this kind of thing, we all do this, they just are better at it and have machinery around them to do it better.  I mean, we all wore a strange hat or used some stupid slang when we were 16 to seem more interesting and we put forth certain aspects of ourselves and hide others to seem the way we want to seem to others as adults.  I think it’s just important to always keep this in mind, to mitigate what you see with the knowledge that it is not reality.  But more important than that it doesn’t matter because what the fuck do you expect?  When you put all of a woman’s value in how she appears how can you ever possibly be outraged when she does something to try and improve how she appears.  It’s the standard you have set.  And this goes for all of it, like you people out there talking about how good women look without make up and how you prefer a girl who looks real (and side note, every time I have seen this it’s a woman wearing either minimal make up or using lipstick with a more natural tone, so you guys are all idiots who don’t know how make up works).  I guess what I am saying is in general, the world has very few moral reprobates who just get off on doing what you consider wrong.  There are a few.  You will run across them in your life, who just cheat at life because they enjoy cheating it.  Everyone else is just doing it because we have incentivized it.  If you see someone doing something to get an advantage it’s usually because it’s the situation the world has shoved them into.  Try to stop and think about why before you decide to shit on someone.  Kelly Brook’s looks are obviously a big part of her success and fame, I have a hard time being outraged that a 37 year old woman might be trying to look as good as possible, especially when most of the other news articles that google sends me about her are people talking about if she’s too fat or not.  What I am saying is eat a dick internet stranger who probably will never read this.  Anyway, here are pictures of her from photoshoots so I promise you they have been retouched.  She’s damn good looking though.  Today I want to fuck Kelly Brook.

I know I just posted Kelly Brook the other day and this is really frequent for someone who hasn’t shown up in forever but she was on my mind again.  So I changed things up by posting her in her underwear.  Well, not her underwear.  I don’t think models just come to shoots with their own underwear.  Or I do.  I assuem most… no, we’ll say some, I don’t want to get locked into a definitive range here, some models at least come to shoots with their own underwear.  On their bodies.  But that isn’t what they wear in the shoot because that kind of defeats the purpose of trying to sell whatever underwear the company that hired her made.  So that’s what I mean.  Of course, now saying it’s not hers implies it’s someone else’s underwear and I don’t think that is true either.  That would be all kinds of creepy.  I mean, I assume she is the only person to wear said underwear but ownership is such a tricky question. Not legally but like… metaphysically.  What does it mean to own something, what determines who that underwear belongs to.  I guess legally would be one way to determine it but I feel like in a deeper sense it is whoever we associate it with.  And I don’t know which brands she is modeling for here.  Some of them might just be modeling for things that aren’t underwear even.  So I guess… I guess it is her underwear because if I were to discuss it I would say, “Oh, yeah, Kelly Brook’s underwear”.  I am not sure why I would be having this conversation but my basic point is I was right the first time.  These are pictures of Kelly Brook in her underwear.  Thus making this a lot of words that took us around in a  circle and accomplished nothing.  Which maybe is what I should just rename this blog.  It’s catchy. Anyway, Kelly Brook is one of those people I have been attracted to forever and if i wanted to be really reductive I could say because boobs but the truth is the world is full of boobs.  The internet even more so.  So there has to be something more and I have posted her a lot over the years, though less often recently but that’s more a factor of her just showing up less often everywhere else.  I don’t know what it is about her that clicks for me but she does.  I do have boundless affection for British women I suppose.  Though again, there are a lot of them and it’s really specific British women I am drawn to.  Look, I am not going to figure this out, I barely figured out the underwear thing.  All I know is that today I want to fuck Kelly Brook.

So the Royal Ascot happened and if you don’t know what that is you’ll be forgiven, it’s a big deal horse race in the England with ties to the Royal Family. I mean, everything there has ties to the Royal Family because technically all of the land in England is just granted to people by the crown which, if you ask me, sounds like a terrible way to live but that’s why every July 4th I start my posts by telling King George to eat a dick.  But this one especially does in that the Queen likes going and it does have Royal in the name.  The other part is cause the Ascot is a big deal race track in England.  I know all this because I am the foremost expert on England sitting at this keyboard right now, mainly because I have all sorts of expert sources.  One really.  My friend Katherine.  She tells me stuff sometimes.  Which means yes, I have turned the British people into a Monolith and all of you, no matter what region or origin or group you believe you belong to are now all represented by the thoughts and opinions of one person.  You are not a group of individuals.  I would say there is poetic justice there and something about Empire and how the British treated other peoples the same way but you know, I am not an expert on that.  We had all flushed our tea long before that nonsense and all I know is you guys were a bunch of wig wearing crumpet monkeys and we totally kicked your ass.  This has gotten strangely aggressive.  My point is because of my single friend from England I am an expert on all things English.  I know you guys all love shoes and polka dots and have some strange ax to grind with Charli XCX.  What a strange peoples you are.  I also know that the Royal Ascot is all about strange hats. I almost posted Holly Willoughby yesterday because she looked pretty at the Royal Ascot but her hat wasn’t strange enough.  I mean, it wasn’t normal.  I don’t think she’d be caught wearing it anywhere else but it wasn’t strange enough.  Today I am posting Kelly Brook.  Her hat is stranger.  I think it could stand to ramp up the strangeness a little but i have decided it qualifies enough. Horse racing is a strange sport in that it does have a spectator uniform.  The upper crust wear funny hats here, too, though they go more for size over complexity in their odd hats but that’s America for you really.  We do have in common that no one would ever wear those hats anywhere else.  What I don’t know is if most of the racetrack is full of drunken reprobates though.  Ours are. I actually paid for my college text books Freshman year with my winnings from the racetrack.  It’s the sort of good decision making that have lead me to creating a mildly popular tumblr blog with tons of followers, 99% of whom would be deeply embarrassed if anyone they knew found out they followed my blog. Anyway, Kelly Brook is pretty hot but I think barely famous anymore.  I am glad she got to go to the track and break out that hat though, she looked good. I hope she won any bets she placed.  If that is allowed in England.  I hope so because I have to be honest, I am not really sure what the point is otherwise. Today I want to fuck Kelly Brook.