So last week pictures of Kelly Brook in lingerie started to show up online but the internet seemed mostly unsure as to why. And I get it, you don’t want to look gift boobs in the mouth or anything but you become curious if there is a reason or if there is more coming or whatever. Well, it turns out it’s because Kelly Brook is going to be a judge for a boob contest. Which, you know, is good work if you can get it I suppose. Or maybe not. I think it would stress me the fuck out to be honest. I don’t think I’d make a good judge for anything because I’d feel really shitty seeing a lot of people put an effort into something and having to tell most of those people their thing I like isn’t good enough. It seems doubly uncomfortable telling a bunch of women their boobs are nice but not blue ribbon boobs. I would feel bad for weeks and probably would try to reach out and tell people I still like their boobs and I am sorry and let’s be honest, that would be way, way worse. There are no winners there except the people who get paid to file the sexual harassment claims against me. So Kelly Brook is better suited. I mean, she’s had boobs for at least 20 years at this point so I guess she knows? I am a little distrustful because the whole thing is run by The Sun and is being touted as a bit of body positivity for women but my research has shown that many sources consider The Sun to be “the worst”. Some disagree but it seems to be mainly because of where they rank the Daily Mail. I am not a British Newspaper expert, though honestly am finding it’s much easier to smugly judge them as opposed to boobs, but there is a question of source and motivation. One person’s exercise in positivity is another’s cynical attempt to objectify and sell papers. So I don’t have an answer about the contest other than I can’t imagine thinking about it again after today because it feels slightly icky at best. But hey, Kelly Brook pictures, so I guess I will take that as a positive. I don’t want to look a gift boob in the mouth. Today I want to fuck Kelly Brook.