Category: Uncategorized

Here is Kendall Jenner essentially because some pictures of her for her and her sister’s clothing collection came out and she looked good in them.  That’s it. I don’t post her very often and I am actually intellectually fascinated to see what the reaction to this post is.  I am not sure when I last posted her, maybe during some fashion week or something.  My point is I have always preferred coke, Pepsi was too sweet for me.  I dunno, it didn’t taste tone deaf but who knows, sometimes I am not a big soda drinker in general, at least not since the magic teenage years where I could literally just shovel hot balls of grease into my mouth without consequence (I remember one time in like 10th grade, we all had gone to see a movie and decided to just sleep over at my friend’s house only to discover at 11 PM we were starving so the three of us ordered 4 Pizzas from Pizza Hut, the greasiest of all pizza, and between the three of us ate all 4. Somehow.  Then we went right to sleep and got up the next morning and played basketball.  Now just thinking about it made me throw up in my mouth a little). So, who knows, maybe it was always that way but I am interested to see if she still just generated a ton of notes or if people will ignore her or you know, maybe I’ll get some hate in my inbox.  Probably not.  I don’t get a lot of hate really, I’m just too damn charming. Anyway, she looked good so her she is. Today I want to fuck Kendall Jenner.

Bella Thorne was in a photoshoot for.. who knows what?  I have looked and can find no information online, just some conflicting reports on who the photographer is but everywhere just says, “Bella Thorne Photoshoot”.  So uh… I guess it’s a mystery.  Who knows who it is for.  I mean, probably not for the Economist.  Just throwing that out there, because I have been a subscriber for over a decade and in my experience they don’t do photoshoots.  I think the closest I ever saw to that was that I think there was a picture of a young Yasser Arafat and an old Yasser Arafat in an article when he died.  And that doesn’t really count.  So Bella Thorne was in a photoshoot not for the Economist recently and I really liked how she looked in it.  So I am posting her here along with other pictures because I never post just one picture.  Today I want to fuck Bella Thorne.

Here is the remarkably talented Hannah Ray, who I have posted before but I’ll forgive you if you haven’t read every single post I have ever written.  I mean… I’ll say I forgive you, secretly I’ll hold a deep grudge that will fester over time until I make small passive aggressive remarks every time we speak to slowly tear you down.  So you know, probably just lie to me and say you’ve read them all, that seems better for everyone.  Anyway, she is here because I find her to be a remarkable talent.  I quite enjoy her blog which can be found here but she is also on tumblr if you want to follow her and you should.  She is here this time because she posted these pictures in this pink croptop with mesh underneath and I just kind of love everything about them.  I mean, she looks great, that’s nice.  She always looks great because her sense of style is so distinctive and fantastic.  I always appreciate when someone has a look that just screams them.  Just something about how she puts her clothes together that immediately says her even if I am scrolling fast through my dash and always looks amazing, even if it is light years from anything I would think of a person wearing or would ever wear or, you know whatever.  It stands out and looks great. But also I think these were shot on film, which does add something.  It’s strange, I know with filters and post production work you can turn any sort of digital image into a match for film but there is still something a little magical about film.  I mean, it might just be that I am an idiot because I have seen some digital movies that have been worked over to the point that I can’t tell, but there is a feeling of warmth as well.  I dunno, I am kinda of busy today and rambling so I should stop.  My point is she always looks fantastic.  The pink hair looks great.  She looks great. I love her work.  Today I want to fuck Hannah Ray.

Among the best things about the vast proliferation of channels and content creators and the fact that there is too much out there distracting us, is that this demand for content creates a demand for actors that otherwise would just not exist.  You know, there are no second chapters in American lives and all that. This was decidedly true for actors when I was a kid.  Like, there was actual contempt for anyone who had once had a successful show and then had the nerve to try and have another successful show.  Oh sure, there were exceptions, Mary Tyler Moore, Newhart, but in general we wanted those people to know their god damned place and their god damned place was to just have that one show, be pigeonholed, and never be allowed to do any other work ever again because no one wanted to see them in anything other than what made them famous in the first place.  There is just too much out there now though to force someone who was on a mild popular 5th network TV show in the late 90’s to sit out the rest of her life now, and thus we get Keri Russell getting a star on the Hollywood Walk of Fame this week.  Which is fantastic for her but more fantastic is that she has been given such an opportunity to show her quite frankly fantastic skills as an actor.  The work she does on the Americans is top notch.  It’s a quality show, another benefit of all the stuff out there now, there is just more quality programming. The percentage of good to bad is probably the same but you know 10% of 1000 shows means a lot more good than 10% of 100 shows.  Anyway, it’s funny because of course as an actress ages they are typically forced into a Mom role, which I guess is sorta what Keri Russell is playing here, but again, the benefit of there just being more is it means we actually get moms that are interesting characters.  That are defined by more than being the mom on the show.  She’s the mom but it isn’t her identity.  And we get to see great work from her and it is very exciting and I am glad she has a star on the walk of fame.  It’s nice that almost 20 years a good actor is still getting work.  It feels like that’s the way things always should have been.  Today I want to fuck Keri Russell.

Here is Ariel Winter because she was in a photoshoot for Refinery 29, which is one of those strange magazines that I have literally never seen on sale anywhere ever but I know about it because every few months they seem to do a photoshoot I really like.  I don’t understand the economy behind modern media honestly, so who knows how all that works.  Basically, she looked good so I am posting here.  Easy.  Today I want to fuck Ariel Winter.

This past weekend Kate Upton was in Monaco for the Monaco Grand Prix.  I assume.  I mean she was at the Monaco Grand Prix this past weekend but I am leaping to a conclusion that that is why she went to Monaco.  Maybe she was at Cannes and got lost and ended up there?  I mean, she definitely was at Cannes.  The maybe is she got lost.  Maybe she went for the Casinos but showed up at the Grand Prix to mask her crippling gambling addiction?  Does Kate Upton have a gambling problem?  I can’t know for sure.  What I do know is that I wish this blog was more popular so that I could see the internet lined with shitty clickbait headlines in 6 hours with tings like “Does Kate Upton have a Gambling Problem!?!? Click here to see!”  I would run the best clickbait site by the way, because if you clicked that link it would just say no in big letters.  I feel like that way everyone gets what they want.  I get the clicks I so desperately desire and anyone who clicks gets a quick and concise answer so they can move on to click other stupid horseshit that they should really know better than to believe because of a headline designed to get attention.  Everybody wins in that scenario except for people who care about integrity or journalistic standards.  Luckily, those people can’t possibly be following a blog called Who I Want to Fuck Today.  Anyway, Kate Upton looked good there in the pics I saw over the weekend but then today there were pictures from a boat party and I don’t have a specific reason to post her other than those pictures were good. They did it for me.  I guess I like girls in white shirts with a shiny light gold suit. Well, now that I say it of course I do, it’s so obvious. It’s my thing I guess. Today I want to fuck Kate Upton.

The internet is a strange and wonderful place, guys.  Strange and wonderful. So in my perpetual pursuit of enlightenment yesterday I discovered there is a persistent and wide spread internet conspiracy theory that Avril Lavigne is dead.  No one can agree on when exactly she died but they are sure she did and she was replaced by someone named Melissa.  This might sound strange to you but they have pretty strong evidence in that Avril used to wear pants a lot more often.  This is true.  I was there at the start, stocking her CDs in the front of the store display when her first record came out.  She wore pants a lot. People were outraged.  Not cause of the pants but because of the whole look. The whole fake punk thing.  Looking at it now not only does it look dated as hell, it’s also just kind of adorable.  She looks like a kid playing dress up because she was basically a kid playing dress up.  She was like 18 when her first album came out, she wore giant pants and ties.  It was a look.  It might seem funny to you guys now but give it 15 years and then look at your favorite stars of today.  You’ll cringe.  Trust me.  Anyway, the fact that she doesn’t dress the same in her 30’s as she did at 18 is strong proof she is dead and replaced by a body double.  That is the theory.  She got so famous that she hired a look alike so she didn’t have to deal with her fans.  Then the real Avril died and the record label just decided to keep using the look alike.  I feel bad for the look alike who apparently has to now live a lie for ever and apparently no one is looking for her?  Like her family and friends just shrugged and never ask, “Hey, remember our daughter Melissa who looked just like Avril Lavigne?  Has anyone seen her this decade? No?  Weird, me either.  Oh well, pass the popular Canadian condiment we all use.  I assume some form of seasoned snow.  Pass the seasoned snow please.  That’s some good seasoned snow, eh?"  Those Canadians, they don’t want to cause a ruckus over a missing person or anything, that would be impolite. Anyway, I have my own theory about pants.  See, as I advanced in my career I started working from home more and you know what I stopped doing?  Wearing pants.  Or shirts.  Or really almost anything because I am home alone and fuck you, I’ll wear whatever I want, which is almost nothing.  Now, you might point out this theory makes no sense but hey, it seems as reasonable to me.  Man, what’s wrong with the internet, here I have unimpeachable evidence that Candice Swanepoel is stalking me (and now Ellie Roswell, too) and there is nothing on the internet about it.  And I know evidence because I am an expert in the law.  It doesn’t come up a lot but I have watched at least half of six episodes of Law and Order over the years, so I know what constitutes an air tight case and mine is it.  This fake Avril thing is not it.  Anyway, this is a long way of getting to my main point, which is Avril Lavigne has always been pretty hot. If she has a secret twin that’s just good news, we can always use a little more beauty in the world.  Today I want to fuck Avril Lavigne.

Sorry for being boring this week and loading you up with Fan Bingbing and Jessica Chastain but here we go one more time.  I can’t help it, they’re the ones who keep looking great.  Besides, if this bothers you Cannes is over, they probably will take a break for a bit.  Anyway, Jessica Chastain continued to look good at the closing ceremony and I adore her.  So she’s here.  I don’t have anything deeper to say about it in the moment.  Today I want to fuck Jessica Chastain.

Here is Fan Bingbing cause Cannes is wrapping up and she looked amazing the whole time.  I am blown away by her sense of fashion in that often she wears stuff that I feel shouldn’t work but when she wears it it totally works.  Like that red gown on the bottom.  It is actually just like a big square of red fabric.  It is shapeless and deceptively simple and that shouldn’t work.  But instead she just looks amazing.  It’s impressive at how good she looks all the time.  I don’t have much more to say than that because of real life reasons and distractions so I will leave it there.  Today I want to fuck Fan Bingbing.

My mind travels down some pretty strange paths sometimes, which is sometimes welcome and sometimes not welcome.  Like, Jessica Chastain, who I am posting today, looks like she is having a lot of fun in Cannes.  I hope she is.  It could all be a lie, she’s an extremely talented actress but you can’t live your life being that cynical.  Or you can but I promise you it leads nowhere good.  At some point you have to take a leap of faith and just embrace things you cannot be certain of.  In this case embracing the idea that a beautiful and talented woman might be enjoying a picturesque French town and the film festival associated with it is a very minor leap.  Embrace it.  You’ll be ok, I promise. Anyway, it got me thinking there is a very real chance that she might enjoy and appreciate her success more than others because it came a good bit later than it does for most actresses.  I feel like no matter how much you intellectually realize at 21 you are lucky to be successful, it will never be a thing you can truly feel until later, after life has gone around kicking the shit out of you for a decade or so.  Not that I think life was necessarily kicking the shit out of Jessica Chastain but I saw her guest spot on Veronica Mars when it aired and no one moves to LA to be a one off character on a TV show that was always threatened with cancellation.  So you know, I can imagine there were at least times that things felt bleak in her 20’s because there no doubt were people who thought that, you know, it would have happened already if it was going to.  So, getting success in her 30’s I can only imagine makes her more thankful for it now.  Anyway, back to how my brain works cause this is all about me in the end, that got me thinking about how Actresses also tend to have an age cap, and I think she’s escaped that, I hope she has, the world would be a poorer place with fewer Jessica Chastain performances, but that there is a soft ceiling on women being able to star in movies.  Well, they can transition into playing a mom but that’s really about it.  And that got me thinking about Professional athletes and how they often blow all their money once their career is over and there are often other issues and it’s like, yeah, no shit, it’s probably pretty bleak to be 34 and realize the thing you’ve done your entire life is over and you will never be good at it again.  Lot of empty hours to fill and squander money.  And you know, a lot of guys refuse to face it and continue to try and play because they’d rather embarrass themselves in front of 40,000 people than face their own mortality.  Which got me thinking about child stars and the chaos that often ensues post fame.  And how it’s all the terrible fear of our own mortality.  And how basically everything we do is to distract us from the fact that we’re dying. And I got there because Jessica Chastain wore a pretty dress to a premier and the hills behind her in another picture were really beautiful and she looked happy.  So my brain can be a real asshole is what I am saying.  But there is hope here, Jessica Chastain was 34 before almost anyone had heard of her.  So you know, it turns out there is lots of time for lots of people, your best days are ahead if you want them to be.  Now forget all this and look at the pictures to distract yourself from the fact that we are all inching closer to death with every breath we take.  Today I want to fuck Jessica Chastain.