Category: Uncategorized

Well guys, here is Scarlett Johansson because she is everywhere due to Ghost in the Shell promotional stuff.  Now, whatever you think of her casting in this movie (and if you’re critical you’re probably right) she is just here because she is pretty.  I probably won’t see the movie, at least any time soon.  Not out of protest, I mean, that would be noble but the truth is I just don’t care about the movie at all.  I remember when the anime went out and everyone went apeshit (by everyone I mean like two kids I knew who were the only ones in my school who watched anime, which we all called Japanimation back then, because if my generation got anything right it was a deep understanding that anime is for nerds) but I didn’t care because there is something about the visual language of anime that doesn’t appeal to me.  At all.  So I never watched it and a live action adaptation doesn’t appeal either.  Non of that is important though.  Here is what is important, today is my dear friend @thunderstormofoblivion’s birthday.  It’s important because she’s great so feel free to wish her happy birthday.  Now, I will give you my normal warning to be polite/not creepy/not an asshole when messaging some girl you don’t know on the internet but this time it’s for your sake, cause she’ll fuck you up, boys.  She’s stomp all over you and it won’t be a gentle tap dance on your spine, it’ll be like a fucking marching band.  You’ll be ruined.  So for your sake be polite, she’s dangerous and not to be fucked with.  Look, I don’t want to have to hear about her licking some young boys blood from her claws yet again.  Anyway, she is well acquainted with beauty, so she should appreciate Scarlett Johansson as well.  Today I want to fuck Scarlett Johansson.

Hey guys, my friend @she-goes-to-eleven has gotten hurt.  She can’t even look at screens right now due to a concussion.  It happened while ice skating because of course it did, she’s Canadian and if you don’t own a snowmobile I assume that’s the only way you can get anywhere.  I don’t have more details than that but I assume it was during a polar bear attack she hit her head.  I assume this because if it had been a Wendigo attack she would be in even worse shape, because even Wolverine has a hard time with the Wendigo. That’s all I know though because my entire knowledge of Canada comes from X-Men comics and Strange Brew.  But, my thought was that if you are reading this it takes almost no effort for you to send her a message wishing her a speedy recovery and I guess my goal is that her inbox will be flooded with well wishes when the doctors ok her to look at screens again.  Now, I am posting Kate Upton cause Kate Upton is hot and I’d like to say that it’s a good fit because @she-goes-to-eleven likes Kate Upton but really I could have posted literally anyone, as I don’t think she’s ever seen a woman she wasn’t attracted to.  And besides, there is no dangerous ice or ridiculous cold in these pictures. They look nice and toasty.  Like, none of that wind that cuts through you or is hard enough that it feels like your car is going to be blown off the road when you drive.  Plus I mean… boobs.  I like boobs sometimes.  Sometimes.  When I am awake mostly.  Today I want to fuck Kate Upton.

So, Emily Ratakowski is part of a campaign for DKNY that I assume is to see underwear cause that’s what she is wearing in it.  Maybe it’s bed sheets, those are in every photo, too.  I should really research this stuff.  Anyway, I am assuming it’s lingerie and that was nice to see because early in her career before being an It Girl and mainstream name, she used to do a fair bit of modeling for lingerie, which makes sense, she has the look and figure for that. I guess it’s a nice bit of nostalgia?  Or she just looks hot?  I mean, she is pretty hot.  It’s probably mostly that.  So here she is including some old lingerie pics because today I want to fuck Emily Ratajkowski.

So I am uncertain if I will end up seeing Beauty and the Beast.  I mean, it’s not really for me and I don’t really understand a live action remake of a cartoon because… I guess I like cartoons fine and unless you are adding nuance or strengthening things thematically for an older audience I am not sure why you do it.  And animated classics from Disney are not typically lacking in strong themes or visuals.  From what I see it follows the same story, which is about a girl who can read and thus is doomed to a life so loveless celibacy because the only eligible bachelor in town is a fuckboy named Gaston and Belle, being intelligent, knows that would end in murder suicide when she accidentally knocked something over in his super sweet mancave.  Luckily, thanks to a twist of fate, things take a turn and the movie becomes the most romantic movie about Stockholm syndrome ever as we get a working example of everything being ok if you just marry up while also a wonderful example of why the French Revolution had to happen.  The aristocracy is corrupt and neglectful and their mistakes harm everyone under them.  I am not a Marxist but I also have no desire to be a tea cup because some foppish 10 year old is a shallow prick. Anyway, we all know the story, and I am not sure I will see it but from the first stills I have been amazed with how perfect Emma Watson looks in the role. Obviously I post a lot of beautiful women here but I do feel a certain elegance and grace is required to pull off a woman named Beauty.  So from day one she has seemed to be excellent casting and she looked great and at the slew of premiers over the past few weeks she has just looked fantastic.  I love some of the gowns she’s worn.  So I am posting her.  Today I want to fuck Emma Watson.

So here is Anastasia Scheglova because she appeared in this add for watches where she was wearing some neon colored wigs and really not much else. I mean, like really, just flat out full frontal nudity in some, just a naked girl in a bright yellow or blue wig.  Well, a watch as well.  And in a couple with another naked girl draped across her.  Not sure that really makes someone more covered up though. I guess that’s a good way to advertise a watch though?  I mean, I didn’t wake up this morning planning on talking about watches yet here I am, talking about watches.  It’s effective.  Anyway, I am a sucker for ridiculous hair color and silly wigs so she made it here today.  Today I want to fuck Anastasia Scheglova.

Ugh.  Ok, so the time changed and that sucks and of course my brain in response decided last night would be a great night to not shut up and never sleep.  Like, let’s go through every failed relationship in our life and then maybe stress about money or maybe we could think about embarrassing things we’ve done before or dwell on if we should have done this thing instead of that thing. Because my brain hates me and I am this fucking close to stabbing it with a Q-tip guys.  Anyway, the Kids Choice Awards were last night, a thing I was made aware of because Youtube started playing ads for it yesterday because Google is either way off about my age or eerily accurate about my interest in possible red carpets.  Either way, I knew I would be posting someone from it today cause that’s just always how this sort of thing works.  Anyway, I expected Demi Lovato when the commercials listed who would be there but I asked my buddy @wildflagsure to give me a report because it was hosted by John Cena and you may not know this but John Cena has a headlock around her heart. Her deepest desire in the world is to have bouncing baby Cenas running around her house.  Anyway, she fell down on the job and I am dragging today so it feels like the day is over and I am just getting to this.  And Peyton List won, which is a little surprising.  She’s pretty but it seems like everyone I know likes her way more than I do so I am always almost like, reactionary in not posting her.  It’s like… I don’t know, I don’t want to trample someone’s garden or… that doesn’t even make sense.  I lost my train of thought here.  I am like, really, really tired guys.  Anyway, here she is because she looked the best in my opinion.  Today I want to fuck Peyton List.

So Bérénice Marlohe was at the screening of a movie called Song to Song at SXSW last night and I saw the pictures and it was like, oh right, she’s amazingly beautiful.  Not that I ever see her in anything because you know, French. Sorry, that sounds like I have something against the French, and I do, obviously, but that’s not what I am getting at here.  I just mean she is mainly in French Films and while I try to be worldly and so on I don’t really watch that many modern foreign films.  Because there is a 100 year back catalog I am still trying to work through.  It’s one of those things.  But she is just so beautiful and I saw her and was like, man, I haven’t posted her in forever, she looks so good.  Then I went looking at pictures and well… here we are.  Today I want to fuck Bérénice Marlohe.

Today will be short cause I am stupid stressed and just… am not feeling particularly creative.  And I am sure people will be confused by that but yes, writing these is a creative endevour, it takes at least a tiny bit of effort.  Anyway, today Charli XCX has a new mixtape coming out which I have not been able to listen to yet but hopefully soon.  Hopefully it rules.  Either way I like her so she’s here.  Today I want to fuck Chali XCX.

So today we will get a preemptive Riverdale post because… look, I probably will be way into Camila Mendes in the episode and I’ll probably love how totally nuts and awesome the show is.  So why not get it in now, ahead of time?  I used to do this all the time, excitement for a show airing already putting someone in my head but it has happened a lot less recently.  Part of that has to be my TV viewing habits.  It’s so strange to think that so many of us used to sort of schedule our lives around TV.  I don’t remember blowing people off to watch Seinfeld and Friends on Thursday nights in High School, because you know, it was High School, you aren’t really going out Thursday nights.  But I also just kind of knew in the back of my head my night would involve me getting home from practice, doing homework and then heading downstairs to watch TV.  It’s almost nice to be excited enough about a show to at least at the moment plan to watch it when it airs.  Or right after.  My DVR is a butthead sometimes and doesn’t cooperate when I am recording stuff and watching it.  I can’t imagine any of you care.  My point is Camila Mendes is beautiful and so today I want to fuck Camila Mendes.

I watched The Love Witch last night and in the first two minutes of the movie the main character explains in voice over, “According to the experts, Men are very fragile.  They can get crushed down if you assert yourself in any way”.  At that point I knew I was going to be in for quite a ride.  Look, I was predisposed to love this movie based on visuals alone.  Tonally and visually it is a throw back to the lush and vibrant horror movies of the 1960’s that I will always hold dear to my heart.  The fact that all of that was so perfectly duplicated here would have been enough for me most likely.  I mean, a modern movie with all the charm and feel of Hammer Horror?  That would probably be enough to get a thumbs up from me.  It also turns out to be the most pitch perfect bit of satire I have seen in some time.  This is a feminist film.  From conception to execution it is darkly humorous by taking the classic tropes of the old 60’s Gothic terror and pasting them on to modern society to say some pretty cutting things about gender dynamics, male fantasy, female sexuality, and love.  I loved it. Completely loved it.  This is a wonderful movie in every way and every part of it was pitch perfect including lead actress Samantha Robinson.  She carries off a role that could have been so hard and I almost feel like it must be under appreciated by a lot of viewers because unless you have watched a lot of old Hammer movies you might not realize how much of a balancing act is going on here.  Not only does she have o play a complex character while making biting satirical points (which could be heavy handed or too cute if not deftly done), she also has to mimic some of the stilted, stylized acting of the early 60’s that frequented these old movies, especially for women who largely were attractive damsels.  It’s amazing how well she pulls that off while also being able to be smart and calculating and acting like she naive and innocent and… there’s a lot going on here and it’s kind of interesting the layers here that are not her switching tones but layering one on top of the other so we can always see them all even if they other characters cannot.  I have to say, it was a really impressive performance and this really needs to lead to more roles for her.  On top of that she is strikingly beautiful, and again I am a sucker for this time period and look, so I was inclined to like it anyway but look at her, she’s just so strikingly beautiful (and there is a lot to unpack here about the meta nature of me posting her based on a fantasy and appearance when at the core her magic was related to the same).  I even included a non Love Witch picture so you can see. The rest are from the movie because it’s great and also because look at her. Today I want to fuck Samantha Robinson.