Here is Rachel Riley because… she’s smart, pretty, and English and obviously that’s one of those things I am into.  I have discussed it previously in this blog so if you’ve followed me for a long time you’ll know that’s one of my things.  It just is.  I can’t explain it.  Or maybe I could but it would be boring for you.  What I know is I had no idea who she was until a friend showed me and it was like, yeah, she’s really pretty.  And since then I am always struck by, yeah, she is really, really pretty.  There is just something about her that clicks for me.  Also she’s good at math.  This might seem like an odd thing to add as a reason to be attracted to someone but then I guess you don’t have to do your own taxes, do you?  Being smart is hot.  Always.  Today I want to fuck Rachel Riley.

Netflix can be pretty good about guessing what I might want to see and it send me an email a few days ago telling me it had added Burying the Ex and it bet I wanted to see it.  And it was right, it is a movie I have intended to watch since it was first announced.  It was always going to be viewed by me at some point.  So I sat down and watched it and man it was a huge disappointment.  Oh, Joe Dante, what happened to you man?  Among the most egregious of it’s sins is the way it set up the two competing love interests in the movies.  Ashley Greene was basically the movie harpy girlfriend who you have never met in real life because if anyone was that monsterous her mother would have smothered her in her crib.  Except you know, she was horny all the time so… I guess… progress?  She isn’t a frigid shrew?  On the other end is Alexandra Daddario who basically plays a horror nerd’s dream girl.  Or maybe just like mine.  Maybe when I was 13.  It felt a little too pandering to me as an adult.  Oh, she’s so cool and she likes horror movies and she owns her own ice cream shop with flavors she mixes herself with punny horror names and… ok, I have to admit, I think I would be down to date someone who owned and ice cream parlor.  Also, I do like anyone who likes the old General Mills Monster cereals.  But my point is she, like the evil ex of the title, seemed to lack any character at all.  Which is disappointing.  Which is the sort of thing that means someone wouldn’t get mentioned in a post, much less get posted.  I very rarely post, “I saw a bad movie and the character was hollow.  So here she is”.  The thing is though, Alexandra Daddario is really, really hot.  Like way too hot for just a bad movie to drag her down.  She definitely is hot enough to transcend a movie I didn’t particularly like.  Today I want to fuck Alexandra Daddario.

Pixie Lott was at a thing for Fiat.  A car launch party or… I don’t know, there are so many events that are clearly just advertising things, I can’t keep track.  Or maybe I pay only minimal attention.  The point is she looked fantastic at it.  Which isn’t stunning because looking good is a thing she often does.  For someone I really should have no connection with she always stands out as very pretty any time I see her.  Like, she doesn’t pop up in any sort of way here in the US, not her music, not her, but I know she’s big in the UK.  So for me she is just this face that pops up and it’s always like, wow, that girl is so damn pretty.  Which is why she’s here today because she is so damn pretty.  So pretty.  Today I want to fuck Pixie Lott.

Here is Emily DiDonato for no particular reason.  Like, I was kind of just sitting around and let my mind wander and it wandered to her.  It didn’t really go there for any specific reason other than maybe the fact that I tend to like the tights she models.  That might seem weirdly specific but that’s who I am.  Anyway, I got thinking about her and was like, well, I should post her.  Because she’s pretty and I am attracted to her.  So I did that.  True story.  Today I want to fuck Emily DiDonato.

I didn’t really expect to post Lake Bell again so quickly.  Like she showed up just last month, which might not seem that quick but considering that is only the third time in 3.5 years it seems pretty quick.  I mean, I think she’s very pretty and very funny but I don’t see her in anything.  So I figured she’d pop up the next time I happened to stumble upon something with her in it.  Which I guess is kind of what happened, she was on WTF this week and I just listened and man she is awesome.  I remember years ago, before I ever posted her, I had someone tell me I really should check her out because she is great and this person clearly had a crush.  I get it.  She’s pretty great.  Just fun to listen to so today I want to fuck Lake Bell.

Wes Craven died Sunday and it saddened me greatly.  Not because he was taken too young or anything but because he always seemed like a kind, intelligent man and his movies meant a lot to me.  I know most people aren’t horror fans.  Few people I know are.  They have always appealed to me though.  I am not entirely sure why, I am not sure taste can really be determined but when I am really pressed for an answer I have to admit I think it’s because I was scared a lot as a kid.  I mean, I was basically afraid all the time.  It is a fact of the life I grew up with, it was not a home with much kindness and it was not a pleasant place to be as a child.  I was scared almost constantly, the sound of the stairs creaking always made me tense up, my back stiffen and I would shake with fright because it meant someone was coming and that was always ominous in my life.  So I think I turned to horror because it was the only fear I can control.  Control is important in a situation like that.  It might scare me senseless but I could turn it off.  I could walk away.  So I think that’s why and my favorite horror movie as a kid was A Nightmare on Elm Street.  I loved the whole series but the first one was my favorite.  My friends all liked Friday the 13th better but not me.  As I have gotten older I have noticed overly intellectual children seemed to gravitate towards Freddy for some reason.  When I was a teenager Scream hit and became a very big deal.  I was grateful because it meant I had this thing I could share with people.  I luckily was never ostracized for liking horror movies but it wasn’t a thing anyone else was interested in.  Scream was a nice thing to bond over people with and the slew of horror it brought after it let me bask in that for a while.  So why is Emma Roberts here?  Well, the round about way is I was thinking about actresses in Wes Craven movies and she popped into my head as the hottest.  Maybe not the hottest of all time but the hottest right now?  Like, the one I am currently most attracted to. Anyway, I started thinking about her and that she’s pretty and looked at pictures and here she is because today I want to fuck Emma Roberts.

I am here to declare Nicki Minaj the winner of the VMAs last night.  Because she had the best dress.  I loved it.  She looked great.  I don’t typically take sides in celebrity fights or feuds or whatever because I largely think they are stupid and unimportant and it’s just a whole lot of dipshitery but what’s dumber than that is being particularly invested in them.  So I won’t say much about it here other than the fact that Nicki Minaj is right.  Like going back to twitter, Nicki Minaj is right.  And one thing I could do without in general is when someone points out oppression or inequities someone else pointing out that it isn’t polite to talk about that, or that they should go through the proper channels or whatever.  Less of that would be cool.  But that’s all I’ll say there.  Nicki is here because I find her ridiculously hot and she looked great last night and while I might want less of some things I want more of Nicki.  She doesn’t show up in nearly enough red carpet pictures.  Today I want to fuck Nicki Minaj.

Here is Charli XCX because you should know by now I like Charli XCX a lot.  Have you not figured that out yet?  Why not?  Doesn’t your life revolve around me?  In all seriousness eh is here because I really like her but also I just read some snippets of an interview she gave for Untitled Magazine.  It made me think about her and the cover looked pretty good.  I look forward to more of it.  That’s about it, it doesn’t take a lot for me to end up posting her.  Today I want to fuck Charli XCX.

Some days I can’t really think of anything too exciting to say.  I guess some people would argue that that is every day.  Those people are dicks.  Why would they even bring that up?  Or follow me if they don’t like what I have to say.  My hypothetical critics are clearly sad, pathetic people with nothing better to do than imaginarily mock me.  Douches.  Anyway, here is Gigi Hadid because she is pretty and for I guess no other reason.  I felt like posting her today.  Today I want to fuck Gigi Hadid.

In Chinatown, the villain of the piece says at one point, “‘Course I’m respectable. I’m old. Politicians, ugly buildings, and whores all get respectable if they last long enough”.  And he was right.  I think about that sometimes when I see the love for aesthetics and art of a bygone era.  I happen to have a deep love for a lot of exploitation films of the 70’s and they were garbage then and largely are garbage now but are beautiful.  And get a lot of love for the beauty and feel.  There is an odd mix of warm colors, beautiful composition, and luridness that is compelling.  To me at least.  And well, a lot of people on the internet from what I have seen.  I have watched a few Jess Franco movies of late and this is his muse, Soledad Miranda, who is undeniably beautiful.  What is interesting is it’s all “old”  right?  She made movies before i was born just like many old timey stars I post but… well, the other day I posted Veronica Lake and talked about all of Hollywood’s tricks for getting me to like her and others.  They were subtle.  There are other tricks film makers use though.  I think the technical term for this is Boobs.  Naked boobs.  It lacks to light touch of soft focus but it is often as effective.  Cause of course, Soledad Miranda looked amazing naked.  She also had a certain charisma about her mixed with an undeniable eroticism to her.  Some people are just sexy.  It’s not just what they look like, it’s some other aspect.  But you know, we’re here cause I watched a movie called Vampyros Lesbos and, yeah, it’s about Vampires but it’s not about any Greek Islands.  Subtlety is not really anywhere in this movie.  Yet it gets intellectualized and discussed and is a favorite.  Because there is something to it.  But in 1970 if you tried that I don’t think anyone would listen.  Now it’s different.  It’s old.  It’s respectable.  Soledad Miranda has been gone for 35 years.  She was a beautiful Spanish Actress who got naked a lot and was in movies to be sexy.  But now it’s a classy thing to find her attractive.  Now it’s respectable.  Today I want to fuck Soledad Miranda.