Here is Puck Moonen who has been blessed with not just an amazing name but also beauty and athletic prowess. She is Dutch Cyclist and she reminds me of a bunch of other Dutch Athletes that I am aware of in that if you showed me pictures and told me she was a supermodel I’d believe it. Which works because they all look at least a little like Doutzen Kroes who is both Dutch and a Supermodel and it all makes me wonder, what the fuck is going on in the Netherlands? Is this just what people look like there? How did we not know? Is that what the pot is all about? You get people so high they don’t notice? Why would you want to keep this secret? “Hi, welcome to Amsterdam, yes, we’re all beautiful but you can’t tell anyone. Eat this brownie”. It seems very odd. Anyway, she is a cyclist which I don’t have a lot to say about. I used to like riding my bike until helmet laws came into play, at which point I was too cool to ever ride a bike again. But I get the appeal sometimes. In a paraphrasing Joni Mitchell sense that I wish I had a road so I could ride away. Anyway, she came to my attention because I saw her once and said, “Holy shit, who is that?” I did my research and it turned out she was Dutch Cyclist Puck Moonen. Everything about that is awesome and she is beautiful. And if you can’t just ride away from life a little beauty can help make it more tolerable. Today I want to fuck Puck Moonen.

Kate Upton was in the new Maxim and voted #1 on their 100 hottest women list. Good job I think? I dunno, I find voting on matters of taste to be pretty stupid if you want my opinion. It seems counter to the whole point but I guess voting is just fun. So knock yourself out. This will stun you if you have no idea what this blog is but I cannot imagine limiting myself to one person and the top slot and not regretting it. I have issues but seriously, I would never feel good about my vote. Though I guess over time I have voted for Kate Upton in the sense that she is my most often posted celebrity and this is the 85th time I have posted her. That’s more often than once a month. Anyway, she looked really good in the Maxim shoot so I am not arguing with results, just the need. I guess I am a little worried about people who need validation about what they are attracted to. It seems like a dire situation to be in. Today I want to fuck Kate Upton.

I will probably keep this brief today but either way it’s odd that I seem to be in a pattern of repeating posts so close together. I am sure it says something about the ability of mass media to impact our thoughts as certain people are pushed or push themselves out there so that someone I hadn’t thought about in months suddenly is everywhere. I am sure. But I am too fucking tired to know for certain. I am also craving Chinese food. Is that because of the media or because of my biology? It’s all a mystery. Actually, that might be a good slogan for most of this blog, is it because of the media or biology. Anyway, I don’t think Gigi Hadid is in Ocean’s 8 but I don’t know for certain. I do want to see the movie because I actually quite like heist movies. Heist movies are often fun if you don’t think about them too much. Either way, at the premier she looked the best, which should have been a challenge but somehow wasn’t. Oh well. Anyway, I liked her and so today I want to fuck Gigi Hadid.

Here is Ariana Grande because she is in British Vogue and it was a whole new thing for her. Hair down, very little make up. She looked great. I am not surprised because I remember once upon a time when her hair was often down before she became the girl with the ponytail but her hair was bright red then and it feels like a lifetime ago and to be honest she just looks better over all these days. She has matured into her looks and frankly is a better looking person now. And I thought she was attractive then. Some of the Vogue stuff is pretty heavy and I have thoughts but they aren’t really for here. I feel for her though. She looks amazing though and so I am posting her. Besides, I was basically told I had to post her and I guess I always do what I am told? Today I want to fuck Ariana Grande.

Anytime I post anyone it’s about a lot of things. Everything in life has text and subtext and I hope you understand that. What is being said is not the same as what you are being told in life. It’s important to keep this in mind, not so you are a distrustful cynic but so you are away that there are layers. When a girl tells you she isn’t ready for a relationship she means wtih you. Sure it hurts but it’s time to move on or it’s just going to hurt more. Or when a politician tells a story about a constituent you know they made this person up and they are just trying to promote their position through pathos instead of logos. Or when a celebrity is eating Nachos at a music festival in an air conditioned tent they’re actually selling you wet wipes. There is nothing wrong with selling someone wet wipes. People needs wet wipes and if you were a person who needed wet wipes and did not know they existed you’d be quite happy to find out. Someone pointed out to me that this is some of the most blatant product placement they have ever seen, these pictures I linked of Alexandra Daddario using wet wipes at the Governors Ball. I tend to agree, in part because it is so separated from reality. My first reaction was why are there three boxes open. That’s just wasteful. They’re wet wipes. They’re going to dry out at which point they are beyond useless. A dry wet wipe is a crunchy piece of garbage that is worthless. You’re just throwing wet wipes around willy nilly. Second was, who holds a wet wipe while eating nachos? No one, that’s stupid. Not only will it dry out, what if you want to use that hand? Sometimes you need both hands to eat. They’re nachos, something could slip off, you need a hand to catch it. Everyone knows you eat and then grab the wet wipe to clean your fingers after, not hold a wet wipe the entire time like some sort of lunatic. Third, don’t use wet wipes to clean sweat off your neck. First they’re wet, that’s not effective. Second, the alcohol is going to dry out you skin. But this is the separate reality celebrities live in, throwing wet wipes around willy nilly and sitting in air conditioned tents at music festivals. I have been to a lot of music festivals over the years, including things like Woodstock (the worst one). There were no wet wipes, a lot of mud or dust or both somehow. So I guess for a blog that focuses on celebrities it feels important to realize a lot of the glamour they sell us is a lie. Sure, we all dream about boxes and boxes of wet wipes open but that’s not reality. You are almost always being sold something and if you can confirm you aren’t being sold something it’s most likely you’re the product then. Also, Alexandra Daddario is really pretty. That seems important to squeeze in here. Did I forget that earlier? I went off on this whole wet wipe thing. Look, my main point is Alexandra Daddario is gorgeous. That was the point I was really getting to. Today I want to fuck Alexandra Daddario.

I started this by thinking, man, I haven’t posted Charli XCX in ages. And I was like, well, then it’s a good time to post her. But somewhere in the back of my mind I wondered if that was true. I did some extensive research, which involved me clicking the link to my blog then using my finger to scroll down and then both eyes to look at the pictures and words on my blog to discover that it has been three days since I last posted Charli XCX. Which is forever in XCX years I guess. What can I say, I like her. I saw some pictures of her performing on the Reputation tour and I liked how she looked so here are pictures of her on stage. Enjoy I suppose. Today I want to fuck Charli XCX.

Gigi Hadid was shooting some commercial this week and the pictures were painfully low quality but I thought she looked good in them. So here are none of those pictures but just other pictures of Gigi Hadid that don’t look like they were taken from the sixth floor of the Texas School Book Depository. She looks good in these so I guess that’s what it has in common. Today I want to fuck Gigi Hadid.

Here is Alexandra Daddario cause she was on a thing. What thing? Not entirely sure. Looks like a local morning show in New York. I did not see the thing, just the pictures of her at the thing. I’d imagine she’s promoting a thing. Not the thing she was on, she went on the thing to promote a different thing is what I am assume. I don’t know what the different thing is but she works a lot so I am sure there is something. She actually has come up a lot this week but it is not thing or different thing related because it is like… I heard someone promoting a show from last fall and she was in it. So that’s a whole third thing that must be unrelated because what I was listening to was from October. And then I know she popped into my head for no reason earlier this week, which I assume has nothing to do with any sort of promotion unless Alexandra Daddario has the ability to implant thoughts into my head. I don’t think she does and if I am being honest she of course could have implanted the thought in my head that I don’t think she has the power to do that but if she can do all that there is frankly nothing I can do about it so it’s just not worth worrying about. It’s like my grandma always said, fix the things you can and accept the things you can’t because of celebrity mind control experiences. Anyway, she is good looking and I am 90% sure that is my own thought. In large part because while I guess if she has these powers she could make me find her attractive who the fuck am I? Aren’t there bigger fish to fry? It seems unlikely. And again, what am I going to do about it? Today I want to fuck Alexandra Daddario.

Charli XCX put out a new track today and I quite like it. 5 in the Morning if you want to go look. She shared it everywhere, including here on tumblr so it shouldn’t be too high effort to find it. She is amazingly prolific and at this point pretty clearly addicted to the studio since she is on tour yet I constantly see her posting about finding time in the studio between dates. Who knows when she actually recorded this but I am thankful for more Charli. And you know, I so rarely have ever posted her I guess I will this once. Have I even posted her before? I am not sure. It’s a mystery, I’ll have to look and see. Maybe once or something. Today I want to fuck Charli XCX.