Mary Elizabeth Winstead has been on my mind all week. I saw an article from somewhere in the UK and hey, I am a bit of an Anglophile so don’t think I hate England or anything but your press is a dumpster fire and always has been so I am not surprised whenever someone links me something from the Daily Mail or the Sun or whatever and it makes me angry. It made me angry as it was about how she and Ewan McGregor have broken up. I can’t remember the exact headline but it boiled down to after ruining McGregor’s marriage she has now broken his heart. She isn’t just a harlot, she’s a cruel harlot. And, of course, like everyone else, I wonder when women will quite using their Svengali like powers to force nearly 50 year old men into doing things they don’t want to do. Anyway, there was no mention in the article that MEW was also married at the time, to the same guy she had been with since she was 18 years old. Just that McGregor’s married had been broken up by MEW. And I ma not saying MEW is a victim here, not in the relationship. When two married people cheat with each other there are victims to be sure but it’s neither of the two married people who are cheating. The truth is if you aren’t involved in the relationship you can’t possibly know what is happening. They might be sociopaths or narcissists who only care about themselves. They might not be. I am of the opinion someone who is happy doesn’t cheat. That doesn’t make it right but there are very few easy black and whites. There is one thing I am certain of, and that is that the press deciding that the woman has broken up a marriage while the man is a victim, whether overtly stated or subtly implied, is disgusting and should be called out. So I am doing so. I have no real judgments to make about Mary Elizabeth Winstead’s relationship choices. I don’t even have any real judgments about the people who have broken my heart in the past, we’re all trying and it’s fucking hard man. It’s for her and the people she may have wronged to concern themselves with. I just know that I don’t like the tenor of what I have seen about it right now. And that I like her. I always have. Today I want to fuck Mary Elizabeth Winstead.

It’s been a pretty slow celebrity week given we are closing in on the Oscars but maybe everyone is saving up everything for the weekend. Either way, it gives a chance to post Tinashe who was at the Hollywood Beauty awards. I think she was there like almost a week ago now but the pictures finally just showed up in places I could find because that happens sometimes. ANyway, I assume she won. First because she’s beautiful but also because she has a trophy. They may give participation trophies but I doubt it. Who knows. Who cares. I don’t. I just like getting pictures of Tinashe. That’s it. Today I want to fuck Tinashe.

Here is Jennifer Lawrence who has wanted to be posted for about a week but somehow kept getting trumped by ice and snow. She’s finally here though. I think Red Sparrow looks pretty silly. Maybe it will be good but if it’s good I am relatively sure it will be in kind of a ridiculous way. I am fine with that, we’ll see. She has generally looked really good in the lead up to it though. Some dresses were better than others but on the whole they were very good. So I give it a thumbs up and I give her a thumbs up. Today I want to fuck Jennifer Lawrence.

Here’s Demi Lovato on account of my thinking she’s really beautiful. That’s it really. I am impressed that she has done something as a child star that is really hard to do, which is get better with age, have an upward trajectory after 17. It’s hard to do because the world loves to eat child stars up. So good for her. I just wanted to say something else positive though cause she’s really just hear cause Demi Lovato is really hot. Today I want to fuck Demi Lovato.

Hey guys, here is Karen Gillan cause she is at the Glasgow Film Festival and i really liked the dress she wore to a premier. I haven’t seen reactions but I am willing to bet they will be mixed because it is different. But I dig it. It kind of reminds me of the saris that people used to wear at a lot of the weddings I used to attend as a kid. I am not sure why it makes me think of them because it really isn’t close to them but it does. And just reminding you of something from childhood doesn’t make a dress good but there is comfort in the familiar. Or nostalgia is just a hell of a drug. Or she’s a beautiful redhead former model so when she wears a dress it gets bonus points. It could be countless things, the universe is a realm of endless possibilities and there is no reason to limit ourselves to just one answer. I like it is all. Today I want to fuck Karen Gillan.

Here is Emily Ratajkowski cause I have always had a thing for hot girls. She got married this week out of the blue and boy certain corners of the internet have a lot to say about that. People often have a lot to say about other people’s lives I guess. My inclination here was to make an X-Men reference because when I was a kid anytime anyone joined the X-Men there would be something along the cover of, “Welcome to the X-Men, hope you survive the experience”. But when I wrote that about marriage it sounded very negative and no one would get a random X-Men reference that had nothing to do with the X-Men. It’s just that stupid part of my brain that has existed at least since I was 8 which was like, “If I make obscure references to X-Men comics, then everyone will think I’m cool right?” Well… I am still waiting for my complimentary cool dude sunglasses. It’s been a long time. Either way, she is hot and I wish her well and if she had a mutant power it would be cleavage. I think. Cleavage related maybe? Boy, I would be a terrible comic book writer. Today I want to fuck Emily Ratajkowski.

It was basically an inevitability I was posting Kaetlyn Osmond again today. I knew going into today with the Women’s Free Skate yesterday that she was very likely to show up. In some ways I am sorry I have to post her again because there are so many talented athletes I just wanted to mention. Even just in figure skating. Gabby Daleman is worth noting just for her otherworldly beauty (and the way my heart broke for her last night 3 separate times and then a fourth when I saw the way her face looked leaving the ice). Karen Chen is notable strictly because she might have the best on ice attire I have ever seen. Seriously, google it or, I guess just ask me in a message, I’ll share, it’s strikingly beautiful and creative and perfect. Ivett Toth deserves to be mentioned just for her short program the other night which I think charmed basically half the world with how amazing it was to see someone skate in a leather jacket to AC/DC. And really everyone because they are all so skilled. I have said before that making the Olympics is impressive enough and it is. So many of these young women just skated their hearts out and they fall and it breaks my heart and it must be even harder their but they get up and keep going and their faces don’t show a hint of pain until it’s over. When I was younger I often discounted figure skating as most did as frivolous or silly or not a real sport and for that I owe them and generations of figure skaters before an apology. I think we all know why the most popular winter sport that draws more female viewers than male is immediately discredited in the minds of many sports fans. My point is, I have all of that going into this and lots I wanted to say but Kaetlyn was always going to be posted because I had to. As remarkable as everyone else is, as impressive as it is, she is simply that much more remarkable. I don’t know why she stood out to me 4 years ago in Sochi but she did. She is beautiful yes. God is she beautiful but there is beauty in surplus at these games and still something about how she skates speaks to me. I am not an expert. Far from it. Judges ding things and all I can think is, “Looked pretty fucking sweet to me you picky assholes”. So I can’t claim she is better than the Russians but I like her and how she skates a great deal more. There is just a feel to it. It feels right. Theirs didn’t speak to me in the same way. Every time she skates I am enraptured. It’s why I took the time to make a bunch of gifs, I think you have to see her in motion, and even my shitty gifs hold at least a tiny bit of the joy of watching her. So yeah, as I said earlier she is beautiful, and it’s part of why she’s here but there is more than that. The Olympics are almost over, almost everything is done and figure skating is completely over. I have watched more figure skating this year than probably any other Olympics before, at least since I was a kid and didn’t control the remote. She was my favorite part of it. Today I want to fuck Kaetlyn Osmond.

Sorry to break up my Olympic posts with the kind of celebrities that people actually started following me for but hey, it happens. Unless you’re one of the ones who really hates when I post athletes, in which case congratulations, I hope you love Fashion Week. If you don’t like the Olympics or Fashion Week it might be time to take a hard look at your life. It sounds like the commonality there is you. Maybe you’re the problem. Quit being so negative. Anyway, Gigi Hadid is in Milan and walked for Moschino whose stuff I usually hate. I am not typically one to declare my hate for stuff but man, it is just usually so not for me that I cannot find another word. Yet this time she looked splendid and I really liked it. And now I am getting Deja Vu, so maybe a similar thing happened in the fall during Fashion Week? Maybe I posted the same thing them. Some people would worry about repeating themselves but I will just praise my consistency. I am no yeasaying weather cock who lets the winds of fad and public opinion sway me. I am not so fickle. I am a person of character and moral resolve. Which is what this blog really is about. So yes, I am posting Gigi Hadid because for upright and noble reasons having to do with standing for your convictions. That conviction being that I don’t like Maoschino usually but it looked pretty good this time and I find Gigi Hadid to be attractive. You’re welcome. Today I want to fuck Gigi Hadid.

I feel like I am wronging people by only posting one person today but I will take comfort in the fact that literally none of them are bothered by their exclusion. I had to choose someone and so here is Kailani Craine who is from Australia, which makes her even extra impressive. See, I have an encyclopedic knowledge of Australia because I have seen every Mad Max Movie, both Crocodile Dundees multiple times, and sometimes the Crocodile Hunter used to be on TV in the lounge when I walked past it in college. So I’m pretty much an expert and what I know about Australia is that it is full of giant spiders and snakes and everything on the entire continent is either poisonous, venomous, or both and it’s all trying to kill you. Now, some smart ass is going to bring up Kangaroos. Are even Kangaroos trying to kill you? Especially the Kangaroos. Don’t let those cute pouches and charming hops fool you, if a Kangaroo had the chance it would kill you and everything you’ve ever loved. On top of that it’s all the Outback. And not the kind that serves you steak, it’s better than that but still kind of miserable because it’s hot and red and it never rains and if the 1984 horror movie Razorback is to be believed, and I don’t know why it would lie, full of giant mutant boars. Which obviously are trying to kill you. So it’s impressive enough that she survived that kind of place but on top of that to play a winter sport in a land that is, once again, a dessert where warlords control all access to water, which is needed for ice and snow, well, that’s remarkable. This is all makes her very tough and very assertive to have learned how to ice skate, much less at an Olympic level. It makes a lot of sense if you think about it because of course she’s a figure skater, her country is a sneaky place that has beautiful things that are actually deadly, it’s the inherent contradiction of Australia and Figure Skating. And I know that might be strange to say that about figure skating but here is the thing, you watch a figure skater and you think, “My god, what a beautiful, delicate flower”. You see a girl and you think, oh, she’s this tiny, slight girl, so graceful, so delicate. But it’s all a lie. They are not these things. Well… they’re graceful. But go look at any figure skater’s instagram and of course they have legs like tree trunks. What, do you think they were jumping without muscles?  And then if you get a work out shot of their arms and back and you realize that they could rip you in two with their bare hands. I am not here to decry delicate flowers, they have their place, but I have never seen a bouquet of tulips and thought it could tear my arms from my torso if I made it angry. So you know, figure skating is like that, it almost wants to make people forget through artistry and shiny costumes that these are remarkable athletes. I guess I am saying figure skaters don’t always get the respect they deserve, especially from sports fans. I respect them. I’ll be honest, the fact that Kailani Craine survived the endless death trap that I imagine Australia to be is impressive enough. She can also jump on ice while wearing a pretty dress? That’s too much talent for one person. Today I want to fuck Kailani Craine.

I wanted to say that time has been more than kind to Tara Lipinski but the more I think about it the more I think that maybe Tara Lipinski made time her bitch. It takes a special sort to look better at 36 than at 26 and I don’t know if it’s the same good genetics that causes someone to win a gold medal at 15 years old or if it’s a by product of being in amazing shape your entire life or some third thing I didn’t think of. All i know is that she really is impressive. I know she has a reputation for steely resolve and nerves of steel, which can be hard to reconcile with the 5 foot tall woman doing silly dances and making goofy jokes on my screen but I was such a mess at 15 that I couldn’t even have an innocuous conversation with someone I liked and not end up caught in my head for the next week I was a mess, so you probably have to be tough to win the gold over the favorite at the Olympics at 15. But more impressive than her winning the gold at 15 is what she has become since. I think perhaps the most impressive thing a person can do is transcend a moment of greatness early in their life and become known for something more later. Eclipsing the earlier thing. A gold medal is about as impressive as they come and for most people there isn’t a higher peak to climb. But 4 years ago I almost posted Tara Lipinski because she showed up on my TV and made figure skating captivating with her announcing. She and Johnny Weir might be the biggest breath of fresh air on my TV, they are hilarious and knowledgeable and intense and fun to look at and it’s just amazing. I can’t believe NBC was smart enough not just to hire them but suddenly give them more work. And it’s so good that I can only imagine in a decade Tara Lipinski will not be a gold medalist to most people, most people will only know her as half of the best pair of pop culture commentators in the world. And I guess I find that really impressive. That someone can be so good at two things. She just makes me laugh and I enjoy watching her and yeah, she’s gotten really hot int he past decade. I don’t know if dressing like an announcer for the hunger games makes her hotter or if I find her hot despite that. I can’t tall. But I love it. So maybe time hasn’t been kind to her, maybe she told time it can fuck convention, she’s just going to refuse to age and keep looking better. Because she bucks convention. Today I want to fuck Tara Lipinski.