I have started watching 13 Reasons Why, largely because as a rule of thumb I do whatever Romanians tell me to do.  I have mixed feelings on the show, which is quite obviously not for me but I have watched it so you’re going to get my thoughts anyway.  Look, the show is about suicide and that is a tough row to hoe no matter what because it’s a hard issue and it’s a full of pitfalls.  And I guess in the end my issues with the show do stem from that but also how the suicide angle feels a little exploitative.  In a bad way.  I have watched a number of horror movies about revenge on the people who caused a suicide and it didn’t bother me because you know, if a ghost is murdering people through Facebook it’s a different thing, it’s supposed to be exploitative, it’s not supposed to be serious.  This kind of sets itself up as a drama and serious and you know, I know it’s for kids but you can’t claim profundity and then fall back on YA and say you aren’t supposed to handle it well.  I guess at it’s core it is compelling because you want to see what happens next but that’s kind of the whole thing, it’s like gossip, you’re engaged in it to see the next scandalous thing, which is what this whole thing purports to be about.  It seems to set up suicide as a great way to get revenge and is more about the titillation of terrible things that people have done than anything else.  It makes it’s message sour to me, as it isn’t right, just self righteous.  That said, I am still watching because I do want to see and I am only a little past half way through.  It could turn around, episodic media has that sort of thing.  Who I do like in it is Katherine Langford and not just because her name is Katherine.  She is beautiful, which helps, I was struck by that immediately, but she also does do a a very good job of creating a character you do like. Honestly, her performance really helps lift a lot of it and is why I keep finding it compelling. Of course, this also makes it hard to believe she was so hated though.  Or maybe it doesn’t, it’s been a long time since high school so maybe it is that entirely random who gets picked on.  It’s hard to say, I got through just keeping my head down and being funny enough that people kind of liked me when I was around but forgot I existed when I wasn’t.  And the show does a fair bit of showing how loneliness can curdle inside you, it is killer and it can be hard to get through, to feel so completely alone.  So it isn’t terrible, it just keeps leaving a sour taste in my mouth.  But I do like Katherine Langford a lot in it. Today I want to fuck Katherine Langford.

Leighton Meester is in a whole new show and I had no idea.  Man I feel like an idiot.  I even saw commercials for the show and I thought the concept sounded kind of appealing, an idiot goes back in time and is an idiot.  Sort of tomfoolery I am often up for but I guess it didn’t hook me enough to actually look into it until last week someone mentioned it as a new show and named people in and then here comes Leighton Meester’s name.  And I knew I had to watch because if anything has been missing from my life that past few years it is weekly Leighton Meester.  God she’s beautiful.  And in the only episode I have seen, she is in period dress, which I love.  Also, to her credit, in a role that is nothing like Blair Waldorf, which makes me a little sad because I will never tire of Blair Waldorf but on the other hand, good for her, don’t let them put you in a box!  Anyway, it isn’t bad.  It’s not all great and maybe the same jokes about passing off pop culture references as innovations in the past will wear thin but I kind of liked it so far.  Today I want to fuck Leighton Meester.

In the first year of this blog’s existence Amber Heard was among the most posted celebrities.  I can’t swear to know the exact rankings but she was in the top 5 for sure. I posted her a lot.  The last time I posted her was almost 4 year ago.  That’s kind of nuts but sort of illustrates part of the reason I started this (besides being a snotty asshole and feeling there just weren’t enough places on the internet objectifying women).  I knew myself well enough to know that most of my attractions to celebrities are fleeting.  This is no doubt due to the nature of celebrity, that people will get a push and be everywhere and either you will respond positively or negatively to that but it is hard to remain neutral on anyone.  I mean, I am sure there are still people with strong feelings on Miley Cyrus destroying the youth of America or whatever but I bet they don’t even think of those feelings unless you bring her up first.  Cause out of sight out of mind.  And with Amber Heard… well, I wonder if part of it isn’t just Johnny Depp.  Johnny Depp is strange because you are supposed to love him and he is a good actor but I also think he ruins basically every movie he is in and has for about 20 years now and so I have always found him strangely off putting. So at some point, because of the narratives the media loves and how we function as a society Amber Heard ceased to be Amber Heard and instead became Johnny Depp’s girlfriend in every single anything I saw about her.  Pictures, articles, whatever.  At the same time, I think I stopped watching anything with her in it.  Not intentionally, it’s just that every single thing she has been in since 2011 has been nothing I have had any desire to see.  So you end up losing any sort of counter to the gossip columns which strip her of any identity other than who she is sleeping with.  I am not sure this is what happened, I could have just gotten bored, but it sure sounds right as I type it out.  I guess my point is Johnny Depp ruins everything and I think we should all agree to start hating him.  I mean, we have plenty of reasons besides this (though I have heard his fans are super rabid trolls on the internet and I am kind of looking forward to hate mail).  Anyway, she is going to be Mera in the new DC movies and… boy, I haven’t liked any of them yet but I did always think Mera was kind of hot.  So fingers crossed I guess?  I am that person who likes Aquaman and abhors lazy “Aquaman is lame” jokes.  Maybe this is the start of a comeback cause I have no idea why I am posting her today, she was just on my mind.  Today I want to fuck Amber Heard.

So I know there was stuff going on last night like country music awards and what not but there were also fashion awards and I am not really bothering to see who else shows up on red carpets, I am posting Nicki Minaj because Nicki Minaj was on a red carpet.  I know myself well enough at this point to know she’s going to show up.  It’s such a rare thrill to get pictures of her, which let’s be honest, is fucking stupid.  I mean, she is a pretty big star in the scene of music and yet getting pictures of her is like pulling teeth compared to some more obscure stars.  There are lots of factors but the big one is she’s black.  I follow a blog called Celebrities of color simply because seeing celebrities of color is so hard ot do (also, it got shut down at least once because someone complained it was racist because… well, if you’re surprised that that would happen you might also think it’s racist to have a blog dedicated to celebrities of color).  Usually I would try to be funnier and maybe a little less blunt but I didn’t sleep well and I am in a hurry.  I happen to find Nicki Minaj very attractive.  I also think she is quite intelligent and has interesting things to say.  I think it is no secret why she is one of the few people I post that gets complaints.  Today I want to fuck Nicki Minaj.

Victoria Justice was at the GLAAD Media Awards yesterday and I really liked the dress she wore.  Now, posting it, I realize many people probably won’t.  It is a bit busy and I guess the tassels and stuff are a bit strange but I really liked it when I first saw it and I still like it.  I think I thought the tassels were more of a gauzy see through fabric when I fist saw it because she was moving and so they weren’t as clear.  I might like that a bit more but overall I still dig it.  Victoria Justice often wears stuff I like though as her job might say actress but it seems to be more “professional pretty person”.  I mean she shows up at events, looks pretty, shows up in paparazzi shots, looks pretty, and so on and so on. As a matter of fact someone on tumblr once related to me that when ads for Victorious would come on her TV when friends were over without fail someone would go, “Whoa, who is that?”  Because she is pretty.  She catches the eye. And uh… I guess she’s here because she continues to be good at that job! Good job.  Today I want to fuck Victoria Justice.

So in the past handful of days Anne Hathaway has come up from unrelated people a bunch.  Like maybe 6 conversations.  I don’t know what your life is like, I suppose Anne Hathaway could be your primary cultural touchstone and that doesn’t sound like a lot but in my life, it seems like a lot for someone to come up who, as far as I know, I haven’t seen in anything this week.  Or this month maybe?  I mean besides pictures.  My point is her name came up from disparate sources and for disparate reasons and each time I found myself thinking, “Boy, Anne Hathaway is pretty, I should post her again”.  I have a long history of thinking Anne Hathaway is pretty, like before it was popular to talk about how pretty she was and way before it was popular to talk about how hateable she is.  I don’t find her particularly hateable but then I don’t really skew too much towards hate in general.  Except for late people.  They can rot in hell. If it turns out Anne Hathaway always shows up 25 minutes late and always has an excuse and you want to be like, “Well, something always comes up, doesn’t it?  If something always come sup and you’re always 25 minutes late, why don’t you just start leaving 25 minutes earlier?  I know why, it’s because you think your time is more valuable than the 10 people you made sit here.  You could have left early but then you might have had to wait for 5 minutes and you decided wasting time for 10 people was better than wasting even a bit of yours.” What I am saying is perpetually late people are monsters and when the war comes between the two sides, side I like to call “The People who Get to Stuff on Time” and “Terrible Human Beings” my side is going to win. Because we’ll get there on time and the war will be over by the time you other assholes show up.  Have fun in the salt mines.  You can show up late if you want, that’s fine, it’ll just up your salt quota for the day.  Anyway, my point is maybe if Anne Hathaway is like that I’ll change my tune but as of right now I like her and I think she is a good actress and I think she’s beautiful.  And hey, while I am dealing with deep seeded issues, to the ex who claimed I only liked her because she was a Disney Princess and I am a perv, looks like you’re wrong. Those movies were a decade ago and I am still posting her.  I can be a perv and like a girl for independent reasons.  I contain multitudes.  Today I want to fuck Anne Hathaway.

Two things stood out last night watching Riverdale.  First, as I was watching Riverdale last night it struck me again that the reason I like this show so much is that while it hems to the “OH SHIT!” style of story telling that CW loves where crazy, batshit plot twists happen all the time, it is at it’s core mainly about good people.  Especially good kids.  Their motivations are pure.  They generally want to help their friends and family and just do the right thing.  Which shouldn’t be notable but is rare in shows.  I have often said that one of the reasons teen dramas work but cease to work when the kids get out of high school is there is a level of histrionics and shitty behavior we accept in teenagers that we don’t in adults.  I remember being 16 and feeling like everything that happened was the most important thing ever and would probably be ruin my life if it went wrong.  I remember being kind of a shithead because I was so desperate for acceptance and driven by things deep in my body I didn’t understand and wasn’t comfortable with.  When a 26 year old portrays the same behaviors you don’t understand it because that person is a monster.  Grow the fuck up.  So, you know, our teen dramas are often over the top but the thing about Riverdale is while the plot is indeed over the top (and some of the adults are monsters) the kids are alright.  They are reasonable and good.  The moment that really stood out to me was when Archie shows up at Polly’s baby shower ready to get into a huge fight with Jughead and Veronica just comes over and tells him to shut up, this is Polly’s day.  Go away right now, deal with it somewhere else.  And she doesn’t do this in a big scene, she says it quietly, just to them.  And then they say she’s right and agree.  Also then later they just rationally talk to each other and apologize about their part in their little falling out.  This is notable because this is how actual rational human beings act.  And you may no someone who doesn’t, who would make a giant scene there, be it someone in Veronica’s place or Archie’s place.  But you might know that person.  Get the fuck away from that person.  If you are young enough to still have those people in your life the best advice I can give you is to get the fuck away.  This person is a drama queen and they will paint themselves as a victim.  If you get away from themselves they will claim you are a monster for abandoning them.  This is because you are not a person to them.  No one is.  People exist only as object in the little drama that is their life.  You exist as either a facilitator or obstacle to their happiness and glory.  But you do not exist as a person whose thoughts, feelings, or opinions matter in any way other than how they make this drama queen’s life more epic for them to share with everyone and soak in that attention they crave.  I bring this up because it is what I think really has me repeatedly coming back to Riverdale.  A lot of our perceptions on reality are painted by the media we consume, which is pretty fucking stupid because my opinion on teenagers shouldn’t be impacted by what scheme Chuck Bass is involved in or what shitty thing Pacey did.  And you know, I try to be reasonable but we absorb stuff.  And as I get older I find there are just many, many people my age who rail against the kids because people become the same assholes every previous generation was as they mourn for their lost youth by lashing out at those who still have it.  So I guess what I am saying is I really appreciate some balance.  I honestly like any show that reveals you can have a show about decent people and it can still be exciting.  Not everyone needs to be a selfish egoist for a show to be good.  It was a big part of why I liked Friday Night Lights.  People are interesting, it’s ok to show us good people and just study them.  So… yeah, I like my little batshit show that also manages to not make the characters monsters.  Anyway, that was the first thing that caught my attention. The second thing that stood out as I was watching was that holy crap, Camila Mendes is so hot.  She is just so good looking.  Now, for the first point you’ll have to watch the show but I have conveniently provided proof to the second point here in this post.  You’re welcome.  Today I want to fuck Camila Mendes.

So here is Lana Del Rey who released a trailer to her new album yesterday.  I have written a lot of words about Lana Del Rey in the past because there were a lot of words to write, she inspires that kind of thing in part because of who she is but more because of our reaction to her.  I thought the trailer was fine but I did react negatively to the idea of a trailer for a record.  I should state I happen to dislike movie trailers.  Or rather the culture that has grown up around them.  I am not sure why everyone in the world gets excited for a new commercial that is designed to make a thing seem better than it is but holy shit do that.  That’s fine, its’ their thing.  It’s the abject horror when I have told them I haven’t seen it and upon sending me a link or shoving their phone in their face the horror when it turns out it isn’t because I was unaware the internet existed but rather because I have no interest in purposefully watching commercials.  Also, calling them commercials really gets people’s goats.  Which is why I keep saying it here.  I am a dick.  So anyway, I am not one to get excited about commercials but it did get me thinking about Lana Del Rey and nostalgia, probably because there were some references to the state of the world in said trailer, and Lana is going to make it all better.  I should point out that I happen to greatly enjoy Lana Del Rey and have defended the artifice of what she does here on this blog many times.  Check the tag if you are interested.  That said, I am not sure black and white and trappings of the past are the solution for the current state of the world as I feel nostalgia is why we are here.  When La La Land got all the buzz it goes I was opposed to the buzz.  Not the movie.  The movie was fine. Though, I should point out “fine” is a descriptor that doesn’t go along with the praise it was getting.  What bothered me was the fact that people were just going apeshit over it for the same reason everyone voted for Donald Trump.  A view of a pretty, pristine, white past that never existed.  Now, I think what Lana Del Rey does is clever, she artfully takes bits form the past and forms a thing that never actually existed.  But of course, that’s what La La Land did, too, it carefully stole from old musicals to create a new one that was kind of about white people saving Jazz (not really but that also really pisses people off, too). And of course Trump was promising an idealized version of the 1950’s that never existed, not even for white people, but certainly not for anyone who wasn’t white.  And I guess I think this is general ok in our entertainment and I will never hold the artist responsible for the misinterpretations of their work by others.  But when she promises to make everything better… it kind of rubbed me wrong.  Music is transcendent and can cure almost anything that ails you but it needs to have something to say.  If it is just the warm comforting blanket of rose tinted nostalgia around you then it is not art, it’s art’s greatest enemy. So uh… I guess I am saying if you’re reading this I sure hope you come through for us, Lana?  Am I putting unfair pressure on you?  It feels like I am a little but like… look, if you can perfect the looks you have done, a great record can’t be that hard right?  Right.  I mean, to be honest there are some pretty hard truths in her earlier works that not everyone seemed to get.  Just give me that.  Today I want to fuck Lana Del Rey.

For the middle of the week there were a surprising number of things last night that generated pictures of people I would be tempted to post.  And to be honest Jessica Chastain almost made it yesterday but I was so tired and out of it that I just felt like I couldn’t do her justice.  But she’s here today because of everyone I saw, Jessica Chastain was the only one wearing a dress I actually liked.  It’s a shame when it’s like, “Wow, she looks so good from the neck up but uh… what is with that fringe?  That is just not a good choice”.  Luckily with Jessica Chastain I very rarely have to do that.  Even the stuff that is kind of a miss usually has a simple elegance to it because of course she embodies elegance and grace in a way that feels so natural and just a part of her being I have to assume it has taken countless hours of practice.  Anyway, she looked good at more premiers for the Zoo Keeper’s Wife and now at CinemaCon and so here she is because today I want to fuck Jessica Chastain.

Promo stills from the new Tomb Raider movie came out yesterday and this movie is going to be trouble for me.  I happen to quite like Lara Croft and loved the reboot game, which is clearly what they are tapping into here.  I also love Alicia Vikander who has been wonderful on screen in what I have seen her in but is also totally gorgeous.  So her as Lara Croft seems like a combo designed to bring me low.  And yeah, so far in the handful of pictures that have come out it looks exactly like it is for me.  So here she is today because today I want to fuck Alicia Vikander.