Tag: blonde

Ooof.  Hey guys.  This post is going to be simple cause I am crazy sleepy.  See, I hurt my finger and so it hurt, which, I mean, duh.  Tautology aside I am rarely someone who takes any kind of medication but I wanted some Advil or something to help with the discomfort and apparently I pay shit attention and took sleeping pills instead.  Or I just want to sabotage myself?  Who knows.  Anyway, I chose Saoirse Ronan today cause she has almost made the cut a couple of days and I like her.  Besides being a good actress her name is really, really fun to try and say and her accent is delightful.  Also she is pretty.  But seriously, say her name, it’s so much fun.  That’s it, I am done fighting all these fucking typos.  Today I want to fuck Saoirse Ronan.

I have posted Avril Lavigne once before but it’s been a long time and most of my thoughts on the whole thing can be found here.  I am only linking it because honestly my thoughts haven’t really changed.  Boxcar is playing through my head as I pick pictures of her.  People probably spent way too much time outraged by what was really the rise of hot topic.  There are so many discussions about authenticity and how the counter culture is always, always, always repackaged and sold back to us one day.  And how it’s never that authentic to begin with because it’s always a carefully crafted thing.  I also always remember this one interview once where someone confronted her about the punk criticisms to which she replied, “Fuck you, I never said I was punk”.  And when I read that I was like, “That’s a pretty punk response”.  But that’s why I linked the other one, I am not really here because of 2002.  I’m here because it’s 2016 and somehow she still keeps coming up.  I don’t mean that derisively, I mean that in the sense that like, I can’t think of anything she has done in a very long time that warrants a lot of fame but she seems to come up in conversation all the time.  Like her level of fame is way higher than it seems like it logically should be.  And I can’t figure out why.  I did find some info of a study that said she is the 6th most recognizable musician in the world and easily the most recognizable Canadian.  Which is insane.  I have no idea why.  Of course, it says something that I was about to make a joke and say, “What about famous Canadian X” and couldn’t think of anyone.  So my top theories are these: she and that whole burst of pop punk and hot topic kids in that 3 year period had a huge impact on people of a certain age.  Not me but like maybe 5 years younger than me.  So she was just so important to a bunch of people born in like 1984.  My second theory is some vast Canadian conspiracy.  I have read more than enough X-Men comics to know the Canadian government is evil to it’s core.  I am not sure which is likely so if anyone has some knowledge drop it on me, because whoever is doing this they are likely the reason why today I want to fuck Avril Lavigne

This post really stems from the face that I am mildly obsessed with the picture of Doutzen Kroes kissing Candice Swanepoel’s stomach.  Not in a sexual way.  I guess I need to make that clear cause well… I mean, I know what I named this blog, I brought it on myself.  But in an oh man that’s adorable way and I loved seeing all the pictures of them hanging out together and references to Aunty Doutzen and so on.  It was adorable.  And you know, they are my two favorite Victoria’s Secret models of all time and ti was just very cute and I was like, what if i posted them together?  It turns out I am ok with the idea and while it was work, I was willing to go through my pictures of both of them to post some.  I did that for you guys.  All that hard work of looking at countless pictures trying to find the right ones.  You don’t have to say thank you, it’s just who I am.  I’m a giver.  Anyway, I am still obsessed with that picture and I adore them both so today I want to fuck Candice Swanepoel and Doutzen Kroes.

So two things surfaced today that had me thinking about the artificiality of photoshoots.  And I am not exactly breaking new ground here by pointing out the images they sell us are not reality.  And this isn’t about unrealistic expectations and stuff.  I mean, certainly that is a valid discussion to have but then so is the fact that no one is ever presenting you anything completely genuine.  Art, music, people… it’s all about getting a certain point of view across and if it seems manipulative or not is largely based on how you feel about that manipulation.  I am not going down that path though, that way lies nothing but Philosophy 101 and a whole lot of bullshit about there being no truth and reality is a lie which is both not helpful and intellectually lazy.  No, see today I saw pictures of Rosie Jones naked in a garden and she’s standing on the balls of her feet the entire time with her back arched.  And of course she’s topless, one day doctors will find a cure for her crippling allergy to tops.  One day!  But I wasn’t even looking at her breasts, and there is a conversation to be had about maybe desensitization seeps in when you see someone naked more than dressed but most of it was just that I was impressed that she was balancing like that and yet looked natural.  She just looked like she was having fun in a garden.  Except she was standing in a way no human being ever would and really I don’t know how she held the post.  I tried, I can’t, I start swaying and have to put my hands out to balance myself. Then I get to this picture of Kate Upton working out and that’s pretty common these days, there is this whole thing about her training and how shes’ getting into better shape and well… it’s a whole thing.  People love to talk about her level of fitness.  But she’s wearing like a tweed skirt and a bra and I guess that’s supposed to be sexy. Except my only thought was, “That bra is not supportive enough to work out in.  She’s going to hurt herself”.  So I get the picture is supposed to be sexy but my only thought is that really someone should get her appropriate workout attires.  That skirt is going to tear at some point and that’s just a waste.  And her boobs, well that’s going to be a disaster.  Someone help her.  And then I realized that is my problem with some of this artificiality.  I am not opposed to the artifice (and uh, ping @thunderstormofoblivion it turns out I am just an attending lord), I know it’s there, I just would like, at least for a moment, to be able to pretend it isn’t.  And I couldn’t.  Instead I just sat around thinking about poor Kate Upton getting hurt.  Then I looked for pictures that allowed me to embrace the illusion and here we are.  Today I want to fuck Kate Upton.

So Google does this creepy but amazingly accurate thing on my phone where randomly it will just be like, “Hey, you should read this news article”.  And I am always torn by conflicting emotions.  Cause on one hand it’s like, “Hey, you’re right, I do want to read that,” and, “Back off creep”. I got one of those late last night about Holly Willoughby reviewing sex toys and I will be honest, I felt like Google was judging me a little.  It was about how some people felt the whole thing was a bit too dirty for morning television, which struck me as odd because no matter what I have seen Holly Willoughby do on screen, it has always somehow come across as wholesome. So I went and watched the clip and didn’t get the controversy until I remembered that oh yeah, it’s morning television and morning television is watched by old people.  So the entire presence of sex toys and talking about them even existing was no doubt the controversy.  At least I assume.  I am not an expert on England, just on being attracted to English women.  But I assume like here in the states Morning “news” programs are for old people and no one else and given what I know about England I assume everyone was drinking tea and eating crumpets and monocles were popping out left and right during the segment along with some gasps of “Dear Heavens!”  Also something about Fish and Chips and calling elevators lifts.  Anyway, that happened last night then this morning someone posted a lot of pictures of Holly Willoughby on said show, This Morning, and it was like oh yeah, man she’s pretty.  And Google knows I think so.  And Google, I still feel like you are judging me.  I could hear the unspoken, “perv” at the end of the, “You might be interested in this”.  Whatever.  I am mostly fine with that.  Because hey, any excuse to see Holly Willoughby I guess.  Today I want to fuck Holly Willoughby.

Well, the day got away from me, so this post is going up late.  That’s ok, there was a lot to choose from with Cannes still going on but I am getting to post my favorite, Kristen Bell.  She was at the upfronts for NBC, so maybe she’s doing some show for NBC?  I have no idea.  I should look into that.  I just thought she looked lovely as always and I absolutely adore Kristen Bell.  So here she is because like almost every day, today I want to fuck Kristen Bell.

Forgive me guys, I am pretty sleepy.  I did finally see Civil War though and that means I am posting Scarlett Johansson because it doesn’t take much of an excuse for me to decide to post her.  I liked the movie.  I still think Winter Soldier was better so I am on the other side of that divide from people who think it was the best Marvel movie yet.  I liked Scarlett in it, she still gets the best fight moves.  She looked good.  It was fun.  I am out of things to say.  Today I want to fuck Scarlett Johansson.

Here is Blake Lively because Blake Lively is just dominating Cannes.  She has looked fantastic.  I have really liked a lot of what she has worn and I think maybe her blue gown she wore most recently was the best.  It looks pretty great.  She looks great. Today I want to fuck Blake Lively.

With Cannes going on there is a wealth of lovely gowns and lovely women to post and I could have gone a lot of ways today but I chose Blake Lively.  She has looked great and hasn’t left me with a lack of things to post but also because of the wave of crap she and Kristen Stewart are getting for working with Woody Allen.  I get it.  I kind of thought the point where he started banging his daughter as soon as she turned 18 was enough of a reason to stop supporting him.  I feel like, in general, when the best thing you can say about a relationship is, “Well, technically it’s not incest” you have something that maybe needs to be avoided.  So I get it, I think the man is at best extremely creepy and likely a predator.  I think you guys have misdirected your blame, however.  I feel like, far too often, people are very free with other people’s money and time.  The pressure for young actresses to not work with him seems like it misses a large point.  First, you greatly overstate the power of most actors when you think they have their choice of roles and the luxury of turning down things that will get them in front of eyes, possible critical respect, and a paycheck.  You greatly overstate the power of Blake Lively if you think she has the pull in Hollywood to fight Woody Allen.  I am not saying you can’t criticize her or Kristen Stewart or anyone else, knock yourself out, I just think you’re in the wrong place and seems to misperceive how this all works.  I think the people you should be more critical of are the people who continue to give Woody Allen money if you want him to stop making movies.  I think you should be more critical of the men who work with him, given men have a much larger window of fame, women are counted as “too old” very quickly by directors and fans alike.  I think mainly you should continue to criticize Woody Allen and those who fund him.  There is a whole other discussion about separating art from the artist and… I don’t like Woody Allen enough to care about that, much less go into it.  But I think you guys are wrong when you attack someone who is, like many of us, doing what they have to do to work in their given profession.  That was longer than I intended.  Let me also say I really liked her gown and I thought she looked great in red at the photocall. A+ premier for a movie I won’t see.  Today I want to fuck Blake Lively.

So I guess the new X-Men movie is starting to premier.  I have… mixed feelings.  You may know, if you know me or you’re just some sort of obsessive who memorizes every detail about my life, which, I doubt exists but you know, the X-Men were the great passion of my youth.  I mean, I still love the X-Men and I still read their comics but it’s much rarer for me to wish I could join the X-Men and develop mutant powers and so on.  So I am always kind of looking forward to and dreading the X-Men movies because even the good ones never quite feel right to me.  Jennifer Lawrence is a good example of that.  She is a talented actress, I happen to quite like her, and it isn’t that she’s bad as Mystique, it’s that the Mystique that has been crafted because they lucked into an Oscar winner in the role is not my Mystique.  The sad reality of the movie business.  So I hope it’s good.  I mean, I am going to see it.  But my favorite character ever and one of my first crushes ever make a reappearance in this movie, so I could end up very happy or very unhappy.  I guess we’ll see.  Jennifer Lawrence looked good at the premier though, so that’s enough for now.  Today I want to fuck Jennifer Lawrence.