Tag: blonde

The Kentucky Derby is so strange because it’s this weird portal back in time to an era that frankly was pretty shitty but certain people consider the golden age.  It’s this gathering of southern Aristocracy that doesn’t really exist anymore but kind of does and drinking drinks and horse trading both literal and figurative and… well, it’s not ground I need to cover because Hunter S Thompson already did 50 years ago so lord knows the world isn’t waiting on my take.  My point is that it’s a thing that kind of annoys me but I am also kind of drawn to.  And I was going to say this post was sort of about stupid hats because that is one of the things I am drawn to but it turns out Kate Upton didn’t wear a stupid hat yesterday.  I didn’t even notice until I looked closer, I think I just assumed she did.  I actually started to doubt myself but then it tunrs out she just isn’t wearing a hat here, because it’s a Gala, obviously at the race she did.  Because of course she did, she’s a horse person.  And I am tired, so I should clarify, by horse person I don’t mean an anthropomorphic horse or like half horse (because that would be a centuar, duh) but like, she’s been around horses all of her life.  She was a championship equestrian when she was younger.  So she understands dumb hats are a requirement.  Anyway, the hat thing comes up because I always think they look dumb and I am never like, “Oh sweet, look at that hat”.  Yet I always end up looking.  So I am wondering, is that their job?  Are they there to draw our attention so we talk about how dumb the hats are while still paying complete attention to the person wearing it and ignoring anything else of substance?  And that feels like the Kentucky Derby in general.  Then I remember I am on zero sleep so I am only like half sure I am even posting this.  I am going to go take a nap.  Oh yeah, happy Mothers day I guess?  Today I want to fuck Kate Upton.

So, I didn’t like, plan on posting Pixie Lott twice in one week.  I didn’t even wake up today going, you know what I should, do, I should get online and post the same British celebrity who is frankly almost unknown in my country twice in the same week.  I also don’t really like paparazzi shots, they seem intrusive and weird.  And yet here we are.  Because a bunch of pictures of Pixie Lott walking around showed up because that’s how England works, a photographed behind every bush and a crumpet on every table.  I assume on the second part, the first part is definitely true.  And I was looking and good lord Pixie Lott is just so pretty.  Like… it’s what I always say but I can’t help it, she is just so damn pretty.  It’s the first thing that crosses my mind anytime I see her.  So here she is, again, because today I want to fuck Pixie Lott.

Today’s pick was hard.  It always is after the Met Gala because the Met Gala is like the superbowl of batshit red carpet gowns.  I was pretty excited going in because of the theme this year, the whole fusing machine and fashion I knew could be either the coolest thing I’d ever seen or a trainwreck.  And I’ll be honest, I don’t mind trainwrecks because it’s at least interesting.  I enjoy an interesting terrible dress more than a bland mediocre dress I think.  Of course, now I am just imagining a hem with a little traintrack along the hem with a model train going around it.  And puns about trains.  Anyway, indeed a lot of the dresses were kinda ugly.  There were plenty of great ones, too, which is why I took so long to post today.  It was a really tough decision.  I went with Taylor Swift because it’s kind of… I don’t know.  I am not even sure I like it but it is metallic and it sure seems like it’s trying to match the theme.  I dunno, maybe it’s the black lipstick.  I found myself drawn today towards people who were wearing maybe not entirely normal things that felt like they put the effort in.  She fit and for some reason I was drawn to her look.  I am a little torn about the new hair.  I mean, I like it but it also doesn’t feel like Taylor Swift.  It’s strange.  I am rambling, she’s my pick from the Met Gala but you know, there were lots of other possibilities so if you want to know, feel free to ask who else I liked.  Today I want to fuck Taylor Swift.

Here is Pixie Lott because I have a thing for blonde British Girls.  Why is this a thing?  I dunno, maybe because they are so charming and desirable.  Usually I’d make a joke about the fault in logic I just committed there but I can’t remember the word because I am tired.  I have been trying to get my sleep right and somehow it’s just not working.  Stupid brain.  Well, here Pixie Lott is because she is very pretty and also blonde and British.  Today I want to fuck Pixie Lott.

Big, big day guys!  Today is my beloved @lunoboom birthday.  It’s really worth celebrating because, and I say this as someone who not a liar so you know it’s 100% true, she is the best.  Now, fellas, bad news is she’s not for you, among her many great traits Izzy is also as gay as the devil is hungry for souls and twice as crafty. And by gay I mean she is totally gay for making out and having relationships with girls. Which is, I believe, just called gay.  Ladies however… well, I don’t want to oversell it but this is the opportunity of a lifetime. You should really send her a birthday wish cause you never know what could happen.  Think about the story you’d have to tell your grandkids, that you met through some creepy blog on tumblr.  Then you’ll have to explain tumblr and the internet and electricity but you’ll have time because Izzy will most likely be the Queen of the post apocalyptic wasteland and very easily dispatch any marauding raiders who are there to steal your water.  She is pretty capable guys. She knows more than one language.  I can’t remember how many so I’ll say she speaks 322 languages fluently.  And she plays guitar.  Which let’s be honest, is hot. The Catholic Church has requested she pass their convents on the other side of the street because her mere presence makes nuns forget their vows.  So say happy birthday to her and cross your fingers.  Anyway, here is Holly Willoughby who as far as I know has nothing to do with Izzy.  As far as I know, you never know.  But Izzy recently told me when I was surprised she was into some girl, “Well, I have eyes and I am not dead”.  So fingers crossed her eyes didn’t fall out for her birthday and she can appreciate Holly Willoughby, who is very pretty.  I also have almost posted her a lot recently.  So here she is actually being posted instead of almost posted.  Today I want to fuck Holly Willoughby.

So I finally got around to watching Hail Caesar!  It was ok.  I think people were harder on it than it deserved but it also was definitely not as good as it’s pedigree.  The Coens can do better.  The cast was great yet somehow it didn’t add up.  Which is a shame.  I still enjoyed it though, there were great moments in it because of course it was made by great film makers.  And hey, it’s an excuse to post Scarlett Johansson. She wasn’t in it much but she was lovely in it.  And again, I am happy to see her at any point. 1940’s Scarlett Johansson is among my favorite looks for her.  I mean, I sat through all of The Black Dahlia for Scarlett Johansson as a 1940’s Femme Fatale, so you’re not going to hear me complain cause this movie was just ok.  Besides, I liked the musical numbers.  Mermaid Scarlett Johansson is a good look.  Today I want to fuck Scarlett Johansson.

Guys, I am tired and loopy.  I slept like garbage last night.  This is my third attempt to post someone but the words weren’t coming the first few times so 4 hours and 3 girls later we’ll see if this will work.  Candice Swanepoel is pregnant and engaged and I can only assume this is her latest tactic to attract me.  This is the hard to get phase, a bit of reverse psychology.  Get married, have some kids, settle down, make me wonder what I’m missing.  It’s a long 18+ year con.  Pretty crafty, Candy.  Anyway, here are some pictures of her, I included one where she is pregnant, see if you can guess which ones.  Man, I should write clickbaity headlines for Buzzfeed for a living.  Candice Swanepoel is pregnant in one of these pictures but it’s not the one you think!  Except then it totally is.  And people share it to show their friends how stupid it is but that’s exactly what they want.  They don’t care if it’s right guys, they just want clicks, when you share links to it to show how vapid or worthless a headline it is still what they want.  It’s all a trap.  Which brings me back to Candice, who again, clearly trying to trap me.  Someone even told me the other day apparently no more catalogs are going to be mailed out?  Once again, hard to get.  Very crafty.  It’s sorta working I guess because today I want to fuck Candice Swanepoel.

Here is Hillary Duff because I had a dream about Hillary Duff.  Which seems a little odd because I don’t really have a reason to think about Hillary Duff or have her invade my subconscious.  My life has always been pretty Hillary Duff removed.  Like, nothing she is in every crosses my path, I don’t really think about her.  Like, my one Hillary Duff story is that during the height of her Disney fame someone asking me if I had ever seen her show because she seemed like someone I’d be really into.  And then other people agreeing and me wondering what they were calling me because she was like 16.  But that was literally more than a decade ago.  Now when I think of Hillary Duff it’s really just because someone is taking more pictures of her out with her kid.  It seems to be an almost daily thing.  I guess the paparazzi love her?  I mean, she’s pretty but you’ll notice I didn’t post any of those.  Anyway, she was on my mind for some reason so here she is because today I want to fuck Hillary Duff.

I am sure there was exciting stuff last night I could post from but I haven’t gotten around to it.  I slept like a rock and want to post Jessica Nigri so here is Jessica Nigri.  She is attractive and she dresses up in pretty costumes.  She has recently done a few that really stand out to me, both Morrigan from Dragon Age, who I have posted before because she was my favorite character in the game and Rogue in her Savage Land attire.  I have posted Rogue before too but more specifically Savage Land Rogue appeared in a story arc drawn by Jim Lee when I was 12 years old and it was a… whole thing for me.  I remember thinking Marc Silverstri’s Rogue was hot as a 10 year old but this was a whole other thing.  Just… a whole other thing.  So seeing someone cosplay as her was a big deal for me.  And then other stuff came up and wow it’s just not hard to find pictures of Jessica Nigri so how could I not post her?  Here she is because today I want to fuck Jessica Nigri.

Here is my beloved Kristen Bell because someone took pictures of her at CinemaCon.  I think.  I dunno, it was for something called Off Camera and honestly Kristen Bell photoshoots are a pretty rare beast these days.  So I was thankful for it.  She looked very pretty.  I haven’t posted her in a while because again, she just doesn’t show up that much.  I guess she never did, Veronica Mars was never the smash hit it should have been.  Still, I love her and one day I will have her babies.  You’ll see.  You nay sayers who say things like, “She’s married”. “You’re nuts”, or “It’s biologically impossible” are just contrarians.  You’ll never get anything done just sitting around talking about how it can’t be done.  One day, you’ll see.  Anyway, here she is because I adore her and today I want to fuck Kristen Bell.