The Kentucky Derby is so strange because it’s this weird portal back in time to an era that frankly was pretty shitty but certain people consider the golden age.  It’s this gathering of southern Aristocracy that doesn’t really exist anymore but kind of does and drinking drinks and horse trading both literal and figurative and… well, it’s not ground I need to cover because Hunter S Thompson already did 50 years ago so lord knows the world isn’t waiting on my take.  My point is that it’s a thing that kind of annoys me but I am also kind of drawn to.  And I was going to say this post was sort of about stupid hats because that is one of the things I am drawn to but it turns out Kate Upton didn’t wear a stupid hat yesterday.  I didn’t even notice until I looked closer, I think I just assumed she did.  I actually started to doubt myself but then it tunrs out she just isn’t wearing a hat here, because it’s a Gala, obviously at the race she did.  Because of course she did, she’s a horse person.  And I am tired, so I should clarify, by horse person I don’t mean an anthropomorphic horse or like half horse (because that would be a centuar, duh) but like, she’s been around horses all of her life.  She was a championship equestrian when she was younger.  So she understands dumb hats are a requirement.  Anyway, the hat thing comes up because I always think they look dumb and I am never like, “Oh sweet, look at that hat”.  Yet I always end up looking.  So I am wondering, is that their job?  Are they there to draw our attention so we talk about how dumb the hats are while still paying complete attention to the person wearing it and ignoring anything else of substance?  And that feels like the Kentucky Derby in general.  Then I remember I am on zero sleep so I am only like half sure I am even posting this.  I am going to go take a nap.  Oh yeah, happy Mothers day I guess?  Today I want to fuck Kate Upton.