Tag: brunette

Here is Robin Holzken in a bunch of wedding dresses because she modeled some wedding dresses and it turns out she looks fucking fantastic in wedding dresses. To the point that all I could think was it’s a real shame it’s not socially acceptable to wear a wedding dress to anything other than a wedding. Well, your own wedding. You can’t even get away with it at other people’s weddings because you look like a real asshole if you do. But at least in that case you are only an asshole. If you are going around wearing a wedding dress to anything else and it is not literally the day of your wedding, you look like a crazy person. Like, next level crazy never talk to that girl again. And that’s if you’re a girl. Society has a lot of built in biases that if it’s a dude just showing up at the bar wearing a wedding dress he looks even crazier. It seems almost unfair but I guess it’s true of a lot of things that really are uniforms. I am sure there are some dudes that looked fantastic in their high school baseball uniform. I can see it, my school had pretty smart, pinstriped vests over a longer shirt with the school letter and stuff. It looked good. But you show up to watch a baseball game dressed like that? You better have a damn good story or you look insane. And that’s baseball adjacent, I won’t even go into if you show up to the beach in a uniform and cleats. This is the crushing weight of societal expectations and how really they hurt us all. Because now the only real option is to wish a string of failed marriages on Robin Holzken. That’s not fair to her but she looks so good in a wedding dress that it also wouldn’t be fair to her to only get to wear a single wedding dress and just on one day. So like… for her to get past that we need the misery of a string of failed marriages? It’s terrible. Which, and again, I hate to call myself a hero but it’s the only word that fits, I am going to come out and say if she every wants to hang out with me and just wear wedding dresses, I promise not to judge. At all. Because I am a hero. Today I want to fuck Robin Holzken.

I had a big drive yesterday and so i listened to the new Chvrches album as I did so. I knew it had come out and wanted to get the chance and was reminded when @she-goes-to-eleven told me it was her happy music. I wanted some of that and I listened and it’s really good. Which isn’t a surprise really, I like Chvrches as much as spell check hates them. I have heard some rumblings of people complaining it’s too mainstream but you know, I kinda hoped we had left that behind in the 90’s so those people can eat a dick as far as I am concerned. Anyway, the result is I am posting Lauren Mayberry which is long overdue but she just has never come up. It’s just a thing. Scottish Indie Pop Power Trios don’t show up in pictures and on celebrity sites nearly as often as some other people do and if this blog has taught me anything it’s that I am an easily influenced idiot. The media has a far greater hold on my imagination than I ever realized. Well, I guess I am correcting that today. Lauren Mayberry is adorable and pretty hot at the same time and I have always really liked her music. So today I want to fuck Lauren Mayberry.

Here is Puck Moonen who has been blessed with not just an amazing name but also beauty and athletic prowess. She is Dutch Cyclist and she reminds me of a bunch of other Dutch Athletes that I am aware of in that if you showed me pictures and told me she was a supermodel I’d believe it. Which works because they all look at least a little like Doutzen Kroes who is both Dutch and a Supermodel and it all makes me wonder, what the fuck is going on in the Netherlands? Is this just what people look like there? How did we not know? Is that what the pot is all about? You get people so high they don’t notice? Why would you want to keep this secret? “Hi, welcome to Amsterdam, yes, we’re all beautiful but you can’t tell anyone. Eat this brownie”. It seems very odd. Anyway, she is a cyclist which I don’t have a lot to say about. I used to like riding my bike until helmet laws came into play, at which point I was too cool to ever ride a bike again. But I get the appeal sometimes. In a paraphrasing Joni Mitchell sense that I wish I had a road so I could ride away. Anyway, she came to my attention because I saw her once and said, “Holy shit, who is that?” I did my research and it turned out she was Dutch Cyclist Puck Moonen. Everything about that is awesome and she is beautiful. And if you can’t just ride away from life a little beauty can help make it more tolerable. Today I want to fuck Puck Moonen.

Here is Ariana Grande because she is in British Vogue and it was a whole new thing for her. Hair down, very little make up. She looked great. I am not surprised because I remember once upon a time when her hair was often down before she became the girl with the ponytail but her hair was bright red then and it feels like a lifetime ago and to be honest she just looks better over all these days. She has matured into her looks and frankly is a better looking person now. And I thought she was attractive then. Some of the Vogue stuff is pretty heavy and I have thoughts but they aren’t really for here. I feel for her though. She looks amazing though and so I am posting her. Besides, I was basically told I had to post her and I guess I always do what I am told? Today I want to fuck Ariana Grande.

Anytime I post anyone it’s about a lot of things. Everything in life has text and subtext and I hope you understand that. What is being said is not the same as what you are being told in life. It’s important to keep this in mind, not so you are a distrustful cynic but so you are away that there are layers. When a girl tells you she isn’t ready for a relationship she means wtih you. Sure it hurts but it’s time to move on or it’s just going to hurt more. Or when a politician tells a story about a constituent you know they made this person up and they are just trying to promote their position through pathos instead of logos. Or when a celebrity is eating Nachos at a music festival in an air conditioned tent they’re actually selling you wet wipes. There is nothing wrong with selling someone wet wipes. People needs wet wipes and if you were a person who needed wet wipes and did not know they existed you’d be quite happy to find out. Someone pointed out to me that this is some of the most blatant product placement they have ever seen, these pictures I linked of Alexandra Daddario using wet wipes at the Governors Ball. I tend to agree, in part because it is so separated from reality. My first reaction was why are there three boxes open. That’s just wasteful. They’re wet wipes. They’re going to dry out at which point they are beyond useless. A dry wet wipe is a crunchy piece of garbage that is worthless. You’re just throwing wet wipes around willy nilly. Second was, who holds a wet wipe while eating nachos? No one, that’s stupid. Not only will it dry out, what if you want to use that hand? Sometimes you need both hands to eat. They’re nachos, something could slip off, you need a hand to catch it. Everyone knows you eat and then grab the wet wipe to clean your fingers after, not hold a wet wipe the entire time like some sort of lunatic. Third, don’t use wet wipes to clean sweat off your neck. First they’re wet, that’s not effective. Second, the alcohol is going to dry out you skin. But this is the separate reality celebrities live in, throwing wet wipes around willy nilly and sitting in air conditioned tents at music festivals. I have been to a lot of music festivals over the years, including things like Woodstock (the worst one). There were no wet wipes, a lot of mud or dust or both somehow. So I guess for a blog that focuses on celebrities it feels important to realize a lot of the glamour they sell us is a lie. Sure, we all dream about boxes and boxes of wet wipes open but that’s not reality. You are almost always being sold something and if you can confirm you aren’t being sold something it’s most likely you’re the product then. Also, Alexandra Daddario is really pretty. That seems important to squeeze in here. Did I forget that earlier? I went off on this whole wet wipe thing. Look, my main point is Alexandra Daddario is gorgeous. That was the point I was really getting to. Today I want to fuck Alexandra Daddario.

I started this by thinking, man, I haven’t posted Charli XCX in ages. And I was like, well, then it’s a good time to post her. But somewhere in the back of my mind I wondered if that was true. I did some extensive research, which involved me clicking the link to my blog then using my finger to scroll down and then both eyes to look at the pictures and words on my blog to discover that it has been three days since I last posted Charli XCX. Which is forever in XCX years I guess. What can I say, I like her. I saw some pictures of her performing on the Reputation tour and I liked how she looked so here are pictures of her on stage. Enjoy I suppose. Today I want to fuck Charli XCX.

Here is Alexandra Daddario cause she was on a thing. What thing? Not entirely sure. Looks like a local morning show in New York. I did not see the thing, just the pictures of her at the thing. I’d imagine she’s promoting a thing. Not the thing she was on, she went on the thing to promote a different thing is what I am assume. I don’t know what the different thing is but she works a lot so I am sure there is something. She actually has come up a lot this week but it is not thing or different thing related because it is like… I heard someone promoting a show from last fall and she was in it. So that’s a whole third thing that must be unrelated because what I was listening to was from October. And then I know she popped into my head for no reason earlier this week, which I assume has nothing to do with any sort of promotion unless Alexandra Daddario has the ability to implant thoughts into my head. I don’t think she does and if I am being honest she of course could have implanted the thought in my head that I don’t think she has the power to do that but if she can do all that there is frankly nothing I can do about it so it’s just not worth worrying about. It’s like my grandma always said, fix the things you can and accept the things you can’t because of celebrity mind control experiences. Anyway, she is good looking and I am 90% sure that is my own thought. In large part because while I guess if she has these powers she could make me find her attractive who the fuck am I? Aren’t there bigger fish to fry? It seems unlikely. And again, what am I going to do about it? Today I want to fuck Alexandra Daddario.

Charli XCX put out a new track today and I quite like it. 5 in the Morning if you want to go look. She shared it everywhere, including here on tumblr so it shouldn’t be too high effort to find it. She is amazingly prolific and at this point pretty clearly addicted to the studio since she is on tour yet I constantly see her posting about finding time in the studio between dates. Who knows when she actually recorded this but I am thankful for more Charli. And you know, I so rarely have ever posted her I guess I will this once. Have I even posted her before? I am not sure. It’s a mystery, I’ll have to look and see. Maybe once or something. Today I want to fuck Charli XCX.

Here is Ariana Grande because Ariana Grande showed up in Fader and that’s good enough for me. I used to post her a lot more often and it largely has nothing to do with her that she shows up less often, for some reason in the past two years or so she has gone from showing up in pictures constantly to almost never at all. I don’t know what causes this shift. SOme of it might be her choice but it just seems odd how that happens. Sometimes fame is just confusing to me, she still feels like a major star to me but doesn’t get the major star attention on gossip blogs and so on. Why is that? I have no clue. I don’t even have one of my bullshit theories to bandy about. It’s a loss for all of us though. ANyway, I am eager for the chance to post her and today I want to fuck Ariana Grande.