Priyanka Chopra was in Maxim India and looked great so I am posting her. It’s pretty simple math there. I happen to find her extremely attractive, a fact that has come up once or twice on this blog over the years. I have nothing interesting to say here because I stopped watching Quantico after the first season and now the world has stopped watching it. Hopefully she continues to get Hollywood work cause I like having her over here. Cause she’s beautiful. Today I want to fuck Priyanka Chopra.
I know I just posted Emma Watson the other day but wow… you guys really like Emma Watson. I mean, I am sure this is breaking news. The girl who plays (I assume, I have not seen the films) one the female protagonist who is both admirable and laudable in many ways in the defining series of movies for an entire generation is going to have some admirers. We had Princess Leia when I was a kid. So I get it. There are no doubt legions of girls who wanted to be her and legions of boys for whom she was their first crush. And no doubt a smaller legion of boys who wanted to be her and a smaller legion of girls for whom she was their first crush. That’s powerful stuff. I guess it makes her the Carrie Fisher for a younger generation. Just with (and again, as far as I know, I haven’t seen the films and I do not know her personally) far less cocaine and not nearly so foul a mouth. So my generation wins is what I am saying but she is pretty good, too. As far as I can tell (And I do read the news) she has done an admirable job of being someone to look up to when that’s a tough burden to ask someone to choose at 10 years old. So I get it. Millennials love Emma Watson like she was avocados and crushing school debt mixed together. She’s all your favorite stuff. But my last post got an astonishing number of people reaching out to just comment on Emma Watson. Most common questions were, “Have you posted her before?” and “Dude, have you seen thing X she’s so hot”. The answers are: Yes, today is the 10th time actually, and No, most likely not. Anyway, in my perpetual performance art project to show us that we live in a feedback loop where we can’t see past our own reflection, she is here today because she was so popular that I have been talking to people about her for days including last night and hey, here she is. It doesn’t hurt that whatever your feeling on like… fuck, I dunno, Muggles, that’s some bullshit you guys like to say that I don’t know what it means but it sure sounds like a slur to me, whatever your feeling on wizards and shit, she takes a very good picture. So it turns out it isn’t hard at all to talk myself into posting her once I go looking. Today I want to fuck Emma Watson.
Emily DiDonato was in Vogue Greece and that’s exciting because she doesn’t show up in much these days (she’s going to school at Columbia and I guess Ivy League educations leave little time for modeling). So I am grateful to see her even if I am suspicious of just how Greek this issue of Vogue is. In fairness, I have not actually gotten my hands on the issues because I don’t know where you get Drachma, which I am going to assume is what Greeks use to pay for things because all of my knowledge of Greece comes from Mythology. But more importantly, my dear friend @wildflagsure is Greek and has confirmed many times to me the core thing that makes something Greek is Feta Cheese and Olives. Like if you have a piece of chicken and you want Greek Chicken? You add feta cheese and Olives. Greek Cocoa Puffs? Add Feta Cheese and Olives and maybe some Greek Yogurt. I won’t lie, I hate shitting on other cultures but that sounds disgusting to me. Still, that is what makes something Greek. They’re just like us except with Olives and Feta. The problem is, I looked at all the pictures and I don’t see any Olives or Feta cheese. Which makes me question if it is even a Greek Magazine at all. Maybe she has them stuffed into her pockets or something. Not how I would transport them but hey, I’m the sort of Philistine willing to shit on putting Olives and Feta in chocolate cake without even trying it. That is of course, the recipe for Greek Chocolate Cake. Anyway, Emily looked good and so I posted her. Because today I want to fuck Emily DiDonato.
Here is Emma Watson because the subconscious is a strange and magical place. Why is she on my mind? I can’t give you any concrete reason. I haven’t seen anything or read anything or heard anything. I don’t think. That last one is a bit more suspect because people are talking all the time when I walk by and maybe they are always talking about Emma Watson. This is possible. I don’t consciously eavesdrop or anything but the brain is always working. So maybe literally everywhere I live people are constantly all a flutter about Emma Watson and talking about her and it seeped in. It’s possible. Either way I had a dream about her last night. It seemed strange until I came up with my bulletproof people talking about her theory while I was writing this. Science fact at this point essentially. Mystery solved. Today I want to fuck Emma Watson.
So the Video for 5 in the Morning came out and thus I am posting Charli XCX. Cause I think Charli XCX is hot as fuck and I like her music. I don’t have any deeper meaning or thoughts there. I like how she looks. I like how she sounds. I quite like her in general. Today I want to fuck Charli XCX.
Janelle Monae is here because she looked amazing at the BET Awards last night. Just amazing. I can’t be that surprised because she almost always does. Like, I can see people criticize her attire now and then as being strange but to me that isn’t really a criticism so much as a bonus feature, but either way I can’t think of any other way you could ever attack her impeccable style. And yesterday’s rainbow dress is beyond reproach by anyone. Well, I say that, I am sure there is someone on the internet can come up with a reason but that is a person who just likes being wrong. I don’t get that at all. When I was much younger there was this Britney Spears game for play station where if you worked really hard and won the game you could be her back up dancer. Like, that was the whole point of the game. It always struck me as a game for people who enjoy feeling disappointed in their own fantasies. I feel like that is the kind of person who enjoys being wrong. I dunno. I don’t want to shame anyone too much but that’s some weird desire. So for people who don’t get off on being morons, her dress was perfect. So I am posting her. Today I want to fuck Janelle Monae.
So when I was a kid my dad used to take me to the racetrack and would give me $5 and told me I could get something to eat or I could place a bet and grow my money and thus get something to eat and go home with money as well. I guess this could surprise some people but really, you couldn’t have thought this blog was the end result of good parenting. Anyway, I am far from some horse whisperer or magical handicapper or anything but I know a fair bit about rating horseflesh. Enough so I guess that I don’t find it disturbing to use the phrase horseflesh. I mean, I can read a racing form and I mean I know parimutuel isn’t some stock brokerage. Anyway, my point is I am not a complete novice when it comes to this kind of thing but I have absolutely no clue what stupid hats have to do with horse racing. Especially cause the only stupid hats we really had were when some guy got really drunk and put a popcorn box on his head or something. Now, a cynical person would say that stupid hats have nothing to do with horse racing at all but are instead a way for the wealthy to separate the prestige of the events they attend and the tracks they frequent from the ones the hoi polloi do. A cynical person would say that. Me, I figure that can’t be, no one would wear a hat that stupid to feel better than someone else because you can’t possibly feel superior to anyone when you wear a dumb ass hat. Well, not for long. When I went to college a bunch of dudes would wear bucket hats to seem cool or hip or unique or whatever soul sucking insecurity inhabits the hearts of 18 year olds and forces them to choose an affectation to feel special. My point is they were everywhere. And they all got mocked and within a month the bucket hats were gone. None of those guys ever grew up to be Queen so if they could figure it out rich people must be able to. Anyway, here is Kelly Brook in some stupid hats because despite all this I do kind of like the stupid hats. Not enough to ever want to like, be seen with one, but I do kind of enjoy the pictures once a year from the Royal Ascot and the Kentucky Derby. Today I want to fuck Kelly Brook.
Anna Kendrick was at Refinery 29’s 29 Rooms opening and hey, that means she was in a picture and thus I am posting her. Because I like Anna Kendrick. She looked good also which helps. Sorry, I have nothing more insightful to say about any of them. Hope your week is going well. Today I want to fuck Anna Kendrick
I was just thinking last night that it has been ages since I have seen Jenna Coleman and how that is a shame. And now here she is. She was at a Polo match. I think. I am pretty sure. I am not entirely sure it’s called a match but I think so. Polo is one of those things I know very little about. You’d think I would because I understand it is for fancy people and my blog is so fancy you’d be forgiven for assuming I spend my days watching Polo and wearing cashmere. But I don’t. I am largely simpler than that. But she is fancy I guess and was there and I really thought she looked pretty in her white dress. And I miss getting to post her more often. Sadly, post Doctor Who everyone just shows up less. I guess the Tardis makes it easier to show up at events or something. Today I want to fuck Jenna Coleman.
The Ocean’s 8 premiers have largely left me disappointed because I really expected them to be cavalcade of oh my god and they haven’t been. Which is fine but also you know, disappointing. I am posting Rihanna cause she looked pretty good at the most recent European premier though… well, she has yet to wear anything that completely blew me away. Which is a pretty high standard I know but it’s Rihanna, it’s the standard she has set. I remember getting in trouble for a bunch of B’s on my report card as a kid but my best friend was given a cake for passing every class and I felt that was a bit unfair (and it was) but there are different expectations for different people and the expectation for Rihanna is generally set at amazing or higher. So I liked what she wore but it didn’t blow me away. Maybe she just was showing female solidarity. There are a lot of women in the film and showing other people up is kind of a dick move. I could believe that, Rihanna seems like a pretty decent sort in that way. Anyway, disappointing Rihanna is still pretty great, in the scheme of things, so I am posting her. That feels important to say, “Rihanna doesn’t look as good as she does sometimes” is the same as, “Rihanna looks better than almost everyone else ever”. So you know, again, it’s a matter of expectation more than anything. She looks good. Today I want to fuck Rihanna.
Who I want to Fuck Today 