Tag: brunette

Happy Easter everyone! I uh… hope it’s full of bunnirific goodness? Sure, that works. Anyway, be you religious and see this day about salvation and resurrection or if you see it as a the continuation of a long of Spring festivals that are about fertility and rebirth there is one thing we can all agree on, it’s that Easter is mainly about bikinis. I think it was Zeno of Citium who said, “Easter is basically about bikinis”. I think. So we’re all agreed and yesterday there were new pictures of Emily Ratajkowski’s swimwear line, so I guess she’s excited for Easter, too. So here she is. Hope you guys all have a good day. Today I want to fuck Emily Ratajkowski.

I know I just posted Fan Bingbing but in my defense what am I supposed to do if she keeps showing up at events? Not post her? Like some sort of idiot? Look, I am a lot of things but I’m not an idiot. So she’s here. I had no choice is what I am saying. None. She is amazing and demanded to be posted. Today I want to fuck Fan Bingbing.

Here is Barbara Palvin cause she’s pretty hot. I guess you could disagree but at the same time I have included strong photographic evidence so… well, you’re wrong. You’re just embarrassing yourself. I am not even sure why you’d argue this. Is Barbara Palvin not being hot the hill you want to die on? Seems foolish to me. No one will come to your funeral, they’ll all be super embarrassed but also they won’t want to ruin their even tiny chance with Barbara Palvin by looking like they are endorsing your ludicrous stance. Here lies and Internet Dumbass. Too stupid to know Barbara Palvin was hot. No one wants that on their tombstone. Consider me your Ghost of Christmas Future. You may yet change these shadows I have shown you with an altered life. What I am saying is you’re welcome, I’ve probably saved your life with these pictures of Barbara Palvin. For the rest of you sorry, I mean, obviously you already knew she was hot but sometimes you have to reach out to hypothetical internet dumbasses and offer them a helping hand. Today I want to fuck Barbara Palvin.

Here is Fan Bingbing because she was at a thing in uh… I want to say Singapore? But it could have been somewhere else. My brain is blanking. It was far away and for diamonds and thus I only focused on the important information: Fan Bingbing. Anyway, she showed up at a thing and thus she has shown up here. It’s inevitable because just look at her. Which sounds like a beauty thing and obviously she is beautiful but the woman isn’t just beautiful, there is an extra something about her. It makes me think of GI Joe. When I was a kid I wasn’t a big GI Joe fan but obviously most of the boys in my class were and I got sucked into the big Serpentor miniseries because 80’s cartoons were evil toy commercials and knew how to get kid hyped about the stupidest bullshit in the world. It worked with this, somehow everyone knew this big deal thing was going to happen and even those of us who gave a minuscule number of fucks about GI Joe felt like we had to watch this shit. Anyway, Cobra decided to build the ultimate leader by combining the DNA of the greatest leaders in history. It was like Julius Caesar, Napoleon, Hannibal, and Attila the Hun and… there must have been more. Anyway, somehow this mad Serpentor pop out as an adult with super leadership abilities. You know, because that shit is 100% genetic. As a kid this fascinated me as my brain tried to come up with ultimate versions of all sorts of things. Whose DNA would I combine to get this or that? You might wonder what this has to do with Fan Bingbing but it means you’re either not thinking or not giving her enough credit. What I am saying is I am wondering if someone in China didn’t have roughly the same thought and decide to steal the DNA of the most fashionable women in history to create the ultimate style icon. It would make sense, right? Because the woman has a ridiculous range of styles her can pull off and she looks absolutely perfect in every one. I am convinced she could make a trash bag put anything in our closet to shame with the way she wore it. It’s ridiculous. But then I tried to come up with a list and I couldn’t because it’s mainly all dead white women and that felt like it was underselling Fan Bingbing. So I am saying there’s only like a 25% chance she is some super scientist’s experiment to make the most fashionable woman in history. She is probably just naturally amazing. Today I want to fuck Fan Bingbing.

You can be forgiven if you didn’t know I like Charli XCX because it’s been almost 3 months since I last posted her and that is basically the longest I have ever gone without posting her since she first appeared on this blog. It’s a really long time. It wasn’t intentional. So much exciting is happening too. I am jealous of everyone who got to see her Pop 2 stuff but understand why that can’t hit the road. I guess Taylor Swift fans will get to under appreciate her because that is the perpetual fate of opening acts. People jingling car keys in their pockets and wondering who that is on stage. What a waste. Anyway, I adore Charli and spent a good bit of last night listening to True Romance era stuff. It is interesting how different and yet how her it is. I adore Charli, I feel like those who know me know that and I have loved her evolution that allows for older stuff I love and markedly different new stuff I still love. So here is a mix of old and new pictures because it felt thematically resonant. Today I want to fuck Charli XCX.

So it’s weird with models how they are all pretty but some do nothing for me and some I am really attracted to. I often can’t actually put my finger on what it is about them. I guess maybe that’s true for everyone because some models are more successful than others and it isn’t like those who aren’t as successful are ugly or something. So it isn’t just looks, there must be a certain something. So a lot of times, even though this is a blog largely about me over-thinking why I am attracted to someone, it is a total mystery. I am just into that model. Other times it’s really easy to figure out. They started working with Calzedonia. Which probably sounds insane to almost everyone reading this except for a couple of my close friends who will either roll their eyes to tell me I am weird. But it’s true. This isn’t the first time it happened. But Robin Holzken started working for them this past year and immediately I knew her name. I dunno why. It’s like I dreamed it in response. Anyway, I have been watching her since then. Her career I should say, otherwise I have basically just written my own restraining order, and she is very attractive. And it just felt like it was time for me to post her. There was a new photoshoot by Josie Clough and Robin looked amazing and i was like, hey, I guess it’s time to post her. Cause she’s very pretty. Today I want to fuck Robin Holzken.

Here is Victoria Justice because she keeps showing up at things and she really dresses well. Sure she stole what was clearly a coat meant for me in the final picture but I’ll forgive her this time. My point is I tend to like most of what she wears and she’s pretty. She doesn’t make it here a ton because… she seems to just show up at events these days as far as I know. Like, I never see her in a thing, I just see her in pictures. But sometimes that’s enough. Today I want to fuck Victoria Justice.

So I was watching some shorts on Crypt TV because I just assume that’s a thing everyone does when they can’t sleep and I got to the Sunny Family Cult and this girl Trew Mullen stood out immediately. Not that I knew her name, I had to look it up but I was like, “Hey, that girl murdering those teenagers is really pretty”. And you know, as she sorta seduced, sorta murdered the last one it was like, “She’s really sexy in a creepy way”. It’s a weird reaction but it was my reaction. I am not sure a girl with a knife covered in blood is something I am entirely comfortable finding attractive but I did. Do I guess. Anyway, then I looked her up and it turns out she’s a fashion model and so honestly her whole job is to look amazing so I think I get a pass here. I mean, it’s my blog, of course I get a pass. If I ever stop giving myself passes assume I am dead and someone else is typing this. Anyway, it turns out she is really, really good looking. And boy I am more than happy to post a model who did a damn fine job in a horror short. Like, it’s at it’s core what this blog was made for. Today I want to fuck Trew Mullen.

So the backlash against Ready Player One is really confusing to me. Like, I have dozens of posts here talking about how I feel nostalgia is the enemy of art, so I am ready to be on board with people angry at nostalgia but it feels painfully insincere to me. You’re never going to get me on board with tearing apart a film no one has seen yet, it strikes me as stupid and I have been seeing people shit on this movie for almost a year now. People criticizing movies they have not seen is a pretty big pet peeve of mine in general. Past that, the internet loves nostalgia. I think Nostalgia is a great enemy of art. I also think I can’t go a day without someone talking about the signs that you’re a 90’s kid. You people loved Stranger Things, a show I thought was pretty good but somehow became a cultural phenomena essentially by playing the greatest hits of Steven Speilberg’s 1980’s work and had no reason to be set in the 80’s other than to say, “Hey, weren’t the 80’s rad?” and give us a version of the 80’s that only existed in rose tinted glasses. And the main criticism of the new Star Wars movies seems to boil down to, “This doesn’t make me feel exactly like I felt when I was three years old”. So you know, it just feels insincere. Also, I get the impression most of the people criticizing it haven’t read the book. Which is fine. It is fun but isn’t hardly great. It’s entirely what it is, which is a nostalgia bomb telling the same story that existed in dozens of old sci-fi stories except in the future set in an era obsessed with old sci-fi. And it puts me in this weird place cause I don’t actually care about this movie. Maybe I’ll see it? I don’t care though, I would forget it existed if I didn’t see people talking about how bad it is. Why are you guys making me defend this? Anyway, that’s a long rambly way to say Olivia Cooke was at one of the Ready Player One premiers and she looked good. I hope it is good and successful for her sake because I would like her to become more popular. She is one of those people I am weirdly attracted to. Not in the sense that it would be weird to be attracted to but every now and then someone appears on screen and my attraction is intense. Like, I am drawn to them and I know no one else in the room is going, “Holy shit who is that”. Would they say she’s pretty? Sure. But like on Bates Motel she was not the intended eye candy. Nor was she the ever sexualized even. That was Nicola Peltz’s job. Yet my eyes were always drawn to Olivia Cooke. There is just something about her. So I am glad if she is going to show up on a bunch of red carpets coming up and I will be interested to see how the internet loses it’s mind about the movie. Today I want to fuck Olivia Cooke.

I have to say, I did not think that the next time I posted Tove Lo it would be because of Tomb Raider. Like… if I had said that on here it would have been one of my jokes that was a complete non sequitur and I would have twisted myself in knots explaining why it made sense even though I knew it was just an absurdest statement meant to be funny. Yet here Tove Lo is because she was on the red carpet at the LA Premier of Tomb Raider. I don’t know why. Does she have a song in a movie? Did they just invite every Swedish Celebrity there because of Alicia Vikander? Are she and Alicia Vikander friends? I almost don’t want to make that last joke because I don’t think all Swedish people actually know each other but if I don’t I have this over riding fear that someone will reblog this with something like, “Uh, everyone knows they’re best friends because like all Swedish people they went to school together. Truth Serum is an entire EP about their friendship”. Then I’d look like some sort of poser jackass who didn’t know that Alicia Vikander is the person Tove Lo is trying to keep off her mind in Habits. Which if it turns out that’s true I totally knew. I am being coy so you get to feel good about yourself when you put me in my place. It just doesn’t seem accurate. But they could be friends. Who knows. My point is I am pleasantly surprised that the release of Tomb raider has me saying today I want to fuck Tove Lo.