Here is Fan Bingbing because she was at a thing in uh… I want to say Singapore? But it could have been somewhere else. My brain is blanking. It was far away and for diamonds and thus I only focused on the important information: Fan Bingbing. Anyway, she showed up at a thing and thus she has shown up here. It’s inevitable because just look at her. Which sounds like a beauty thing and obviously she is beautiful but the woman isn’t just beautiful, there is an extra something about her. It makes me think of GI Joe. When I was a kid I wasn’t a big GI Joe fan but obviously most of the boys in my class were and I got sucked into the big Serpentor miniseries because 80’s cartoons were evil toy commercials and knew how to get kid hyped about the stupidest bullshit in the world. It worked with this, somehow everyone knew this big deal thing was going to happen and even those of us who gave a minuscule number of fucks about GI Joe felt like we had to watch this shit. Anyway, Cobra decided to build the ultimate leader by combining the DNA of the greatest leaders in history. It was like Julius Caesar, Napoleon, Hannibal, and Attila the Hun and… there must have been more. Anyway, somehow this mad Serpentor pop out as an adult with super leadership abilities. You know, because that shit is 100% genetic. As a kid this fascinated me as my brain tried to come up with ultimate versions of all sorts of things. Whose DNA would I combine to get this or that? You might wonder what this has to do with Fan Bingbing but it means you’re either not thinking or not giving her enough credit. What I am saying is I am wondering if someone in China didn’t have roughly the same thought and decide to steal the DNA of the most fashionable women in history to create the ultimate style icon. It would make sense, right? Because the woman has a ridiculous range of styles her can pull off and she looks absolutely perfect in every one. I am convinced she could make a trash bag put anything in our closet to shame with the way she wore it. It’s ridiculous. But then I tried to come up with a list and I couldn’t because it’s mainly all dead white women and that felt like it was underselling Fan Bingbing. So I am saying there’s only like a 25% chance she is some super scientist’s experiment to make the most fashionable woman in history. She is probably just naturally amazing. Today I want to fuck Fan Bingbing.