Tag: celebutaunte

The world is a weird place right now guys. I feel like we all can sorta feel that. I know not everyone agrees something is off about our current situation but I have to say, if you had told me a year ago that Taylor Swift would be warning us about systemic racism and Kanye West was telling us slavery was a choice I would have punched you in the face. I wouldn’t have wanted to but it would have just been my body’s natural reaction to such a batshit claim. Yet here we are. Fire and Brimstone coming down from the skies. Rivers and seas boiling. Soon enough forty years of darkness, Earthquakes, volcanoes, the dead rising from their graves. Human Sacrifice, dogs and cats living together. It’s the end of days. The latest sign is that the People’s Choice Awards were Sunday night and Kim Kardashian was there and her dress was amazing. I wanted to post her in it. And… nothing. Guys, I want you to let this soak in. Sit down if you have to. We are living in a world where pictures of Kim Kardashian are hard to find. It was like pulling teeth finding anything. There are one or two medium quality shots. This is insanity. Guys, pictures of Kim Kardashian just wash up on the beach in Malibu. They are supposed to be one of our most bountiful natural resources. Next the Pope is going declare funny hats a sin and France will ban striped shirts, berets, and cigarettes. I’m frightened. Normally this is when I would turn to our pop culture machine to distract us with pretty girls and explosions while we slide into oblivion. And it’s dropped the ball. Hey, enjoy your week though. Today I want to fuck Kim Kardashian.

Happy Halloween guys.  Sorry if Halloween snuck up on anyone, I certainly forgot to mention it so I can understand how that might happen.  I am posting Kim Kardashian today because as the season moves to an end I have to admit, she really did the costume thing well this year.  She often does.  I don’t know if she loves Halloween or a chance to appear at events in a way that will draw attention.  I am tried and the truth is I just don’t care.  I am well aware that her job is basically to be famous and I am fine with that.  No one can be famous if we refuse to pay attention, so her persisting fame tells me some people perhaps protest too much.  Whatever her reasons, she nailed it a couple times this year.  Her Cher costume was not only spot on, it was just kind of a delight.  I like when costumes aren’t just whatever the pop culture of the moment is (also it was a 70’s themed party so it was spot on).  And then her Madonna was amazing (and special props to her sister whose Michael Jackson was eerily accurate).  My point is, she nailed the costume thing, so here are the three she’s worn this year (so far, who knows what tonight brings) and some older ones to round out the post.  Today I want ot fuck Kim Kardashian.

I am typically not a fan of creepy peeping pictures from the paparazzi.  I find something vaguely off putting about pictures of celebrities trying to get groceries, I really don’t like pictures that seem to be taken from the bushes, and I certainly wouldn’t normally include a shot of a stroller in a post.  So why did I today?  To illuminate my own hypocrisy, at least a little bit.  I still would not typically post any of these of Kim Kardashian because I still don’t like them but…  It’s not a secret as to how she got her fame and there has long been talk about how magically only one photo agency gets pictures of her walking the street until that photo agency changes and it’s a different one (for those who don’t get the implication there are some people who have their people alert the press as to their whereabouts because it keeps them famous to appear in gossip rags).  All these things mean part of me doesn’t feel sorry for her.  Or worse that it’s like, welp, she gets what she deserves.  When you find yourself thinking someone is “getting what they deserve” you are being an asshole.  You may not like hearing that but it’s a revenge based world view and more importantly is a world view based on the idea that you are at your core better than other people and god do you need reality to reflect that by people getting their karmic justice.  So it makes me uncomfortable when that thought pops into my head.  I don’t really have anything else to say about it except pictures of Kim Kardashian out in public and pseudo public have been all over this week and it felt worth bringing up.  Usually I welcome comics but I am not so sure my soul can take your thoughts on them today guys because honestly I am pretty sure I know what people’s opinions are going to be and honestly I don’t need to hear variations of the word “whore” and the phrase “asking for it” all day.  But enjoy.  Today I want to fuck Kim Kardashian.

If you had asked me for a list yesterday of people I might post today Kim Kardashian would not have shown up on it.  I mean… in fairness I probably only would have made a list like 10 deep so of course she wouldn’t.  But honestly I could have listed over 100 people and she wouldn’t have been there.  Thing is I really only have one rule on this blog and it is post who is accurate to the title and apparently my subconscious had plans.  Kim Kardashian plans.  I can’t even tell you the last time I have thought about her, I know she is still rich and famous and all but for whatever reason she is less ubiquitous in every day life than she was in like 2009.  Or even when I started this blog.  So I never even think of her.  Except she was somewhere rattling around in my head because I had a sex dream about Kim Kardashian.  I even feel a little shame saying that, which is pretty dumb because I have stressed before no one should feel ashamed of who or what they are attracted to, not really.  It isn’t a choice.  Anyway, I had a dream that I was invited to be on some reality show in this giant, old mansion and I was supposed to be a couple with her.  Thing is I was only going because I was tracking a notorious bacon thief and I knew he would be there. Apparently in my brain I am secretly a detective and bacon thievery is a real thing to be concerned about.  So I went to gather clues and kept dodging Kim because anytime we were supposed to do something for the cameras like take a bath together I needed to go track this bacon thief.  Anyway, she was really hurt and came to me and told me so so in my dream I slept with Kim Kardashian because I felt bad for her.  So that’s some insight into how big my ego is, I am so desirable that I am tossing out pity sex to celebrities while being a globe trotting super detective.  Feel free to mock me.  Anyway, that’s why she’s here today because I am super nice.  And because I am super nice today I want to fuck Kim Kardashian.

I feel like I should apologize for posting Kim Kardashian.  I am not really sure why I think that requires an apology except that I feel like I should be ashamed of being attracted to her?  Most of the time I’m not but I have relapsed.  I can’t say why.  Or I could but I’ll keep it to myself.  Obviously this blog is all about keeping things to myself, I would never share personal info, not on a blog called who I want to fuck today.  The thing is she is obviously someone who is physically attractive and I try not to say anything mean here but I will say I fully get why some of my friends are going to give me crap about this post.  I fully get why I am, in theory, not supposed to find her attractive.  I get it.  But… she’s physically attractive.  Sometimes I like bad ideas?  Sometimes looks are enough?  I don’t know, it happens.  It happens.  It just… ok, look, what I am saying is I am sorry but I’m not sorry that today I want to fuck Kim Kardashian.

Recently I was having a discussion about attraction and body image and basically how no one should feel bad for not being attracted to someone, something that is increasingly common in our culture.  I think it’s more common for women than men, the idea that we should be able to look past the outside and see the inside and fall in love that way or we’re horrible people.  I won’t get into that too much except to say dating someone you like but are not attracted to is a fucking disaster and wanting to be with someone you find attractive isn’t shallow, it just makes sense.  There is a compliment to this, something I experience sometimes.  I call it Kim Kardashian but you may call it something else.  It’s the idea that maybe we shouldn’t find someone attractive because of what’s on the inside.  Now I don’t know Kim Kardashian and while I have indeed seen a few episodes of Keeping up with the Kardashians it isn’t like we really have a window into her soul, we can only see what we see.  And from what I have seen she appears to be a truly terrible human being.  I think this is a pretty popular opinion and while I am sure she has her defenders at least in my circles I don’t know any.  Which is why I feel like there must be something wrong with me for finding her so physically appealing, like I should be more evolved or somehow whatever chemical reaction that courses through me and makes me want someone should stop because she is objectionable intellectually.  Thing is though the loins want what they want and we should all be ok with that.  I won’t get into the idea of girls dating jerks or nice guys or anything like that because it’s mainly all bullshit, that said if you are dating someone who treats you like shit you might want to rethink it but there is a big gap between that and going, “Hey, that guy is hot” or “That girl looks amazing”.  And you should never feel bad about finding something visually pleasing.  You still will though.  Just remind yourself it’s ok when you are saying to yourself, “Today I want to fuck Kim Kardashian”.

So I was thinking about stuff and then that stuff lead to me thinking about other stuff and that lead me to thinking about Kim Kardashian.  We have been through my lust/hate relationship with her before and it certainly isn’t any less true.  Not that there is anything wrong with that, I don’t want to actually come out and endorse hate sex but… sex with someone you find physically attractive and mentally repugnant has it’s pluses.  Just don’t do it too often, it’s a very self destructive behavior.  Anyway, enough of the PSA, whatever direction my desires go and whatever inner existential moral struggle it causes she is undeniably hot.  Her hair, her skin, her body, it’s fantastic.  Also, I mean, look at her as? Dat ass!  Well, whatever your like best and whatever my reasons may be the fact is today I want to fuck Kim Kardashian.

I am sure there is a clever way to put this, something like ‘People at their most beautiful, humanity at it’s ugliest’.  But that doesn’t quite feel right.  The basic point though is by all accounts Kim Kardashian is a pretty despicable human being.  I can’t say I am a fan of hers personally.  It also is impossible to deny she has an amazing body, how much of that is thanks to science I will leave for others to debate.  But those curves, the chest, that ass, the hair, it looks pretty good sometimes.  I feel guilty about it almost because we shouldn’t encourage her right?  Other times, I just don’t care about what kind of human being she is, like today I want to fuck Kim Kardashian.