The Tony’s were last night and what a strange and interesting world where there are theater awards and the person who stood out is a model who, as far as I know, has done no acting. Certainly I am unaware of any on the stage. Candice Swanepoel looked really nice though and it’s nice to get the rare red carpet look from her. She looked really good and that’s about it. Today I want to fuck Candice Swanepoel.
Here is Kate Upton cause it’s the weekend and it’s sunny and I am going to just go and enjoy the outdoors and uh… she looks like she is enjoying the outdoors to me. I mean, also a bit ago SI released a whole bunch of unreleased pictures from the swimsuit issue and once again she looked great. I am a fan. So here she is in swimwear, mostly. The gold slip dress seems like an odd beach choice but I am not complaining. I am just saying trying to swim in it would be a bitch, the water would make it heavy and it would just not move well. Probably why she’s in such shallow water in that shot. She’s a smart one that Kate, she knows that’s a shallow water only piece of clothing. Today I want to fuck Kate Upton.
Here is Kendall Jenner essentially because some pictures of her for her and her sister’s clothing collection came out and she looked good in them. That’s it. I don’t post her very often and I am actually intellectually fascinated to see what the reaction to this post is. I am not sure when I last posted her, maybe during some fashion week or something. My point is I have always preferred coke, Pepsi was too sweet for me. I dunno, it didn’t taste tone deaf but who knows, sometimes I am not a big soda drinker in general, at least not since the magic teenage years where I could literally just shovel hot balls of grease into my mouth without consequence (I remember one time in like 10th grade, we all had gone to see a movie and decided to just sleep over at my friend’s house only to discover at 11 PM we were starving so the three of us ordered 4 Pizzas from Pizza Hut, the greasiest of all pizza, and between the three of us ate all 4. Somehow. Then we went right to sleep and got up the next morning and played basketball. Now just thinking about it made me throw up in my mouth a little). So, who knows, maybe it was always that way but I am interested to see if she still just generated a ton of notes or if people will ignore her or you know, maybe I’ll get some hate in my inbox. Probably not. I don’t get a lot of hate really, I’m just too damn charming. Anyway, she looked good so her she is. Today I want to fuck Kendall Jenner.
Here is the remarkably talented Hannah Ray, who I have posted before but I’ll forgive you if you haven’t read every single post I have ever written. I mean… I’ll say I forgive you, secretly I’ll hold a deep grudge that will fester over time until I make small passive aggressive remarks every time we speak to slowly tear you down. So you know, probably just lie to me and say you’ve read them all, that seems better for everyone. Anyway, she is here because I find her to be a remarkable talent. I quite enjoy her blog which can be found here but she is also on tumblr if you want to follow her and you should. She is here this time because she posted these pictures in this pink croptop with mesh underneath and I just kind of love everything about them. I mean, she looks great, that’s nice. She always looks great because her sense of style is so distinctive and fantastic. I always appreciate when someone has a look that just screams them. Just something about how she puts her clothes together that immediately says her even if I am scrolling fast through my dash and always looks amazing, even if it is light years from anything I would think of a person wearing or would ever wear or, you know whatever. It stands out and looks great. But also I think these were shot on film, which does add something. It’s strange, I know with filters and post production work you can turn any sort of digital image into a match for film but there is still something a little magical about film. I mean, it might just be that I am an idiot because I have seen some digital movies that have been worked over to the point that I can’t tell, but there is a feeling of warmth as well. I dunno, I am kinda of busy today and rambling so I should stop. My point is she always looks fantastic. The pink hair looks great. She looks great. I love her work. Today I want to fuck Hannah Ray.
This past weekend Kate Upton was in Monaco for the Monaco Grand Prix. I assume. I mean she was at the Monaco Grand Prix this past weekend but I am leaping to a conclusion that that is why she went to Monaco. Maybe she was at Cannes and got lost and ended up there? I mean, she definitely was at Cannes. The maybe is she got lost. Maybe she went for the Casinos but showed up at the Grand Prix to mask her crippling gambling addiction? Does Kate Upton have a gambling problem? I can’t know for sure. What I do know is that I wish this blog was more popular so that I could see the internet lined with shitty clickbait headlines in 6 hours with tings like “Does Kate Upton have a Gambling Problem!?!? Click here to see!” I would run the best clickbait site by the way, because if you clicked that link it would just say no in big letters. I feel like that way everyone gets what they want. I get the clicks I so desperately desire and anyone who clicks gets a quick and concise answer so they can move on to click other stupid horseshit that they should really know better than to believe because of a headline designed to get attention. Everybody wins in that scenario except for people who care about integrity or journalistic standards. Luckily, those people can’t possibly be following a blog called Who I Want to Fuck Today. Anyway, Kate Upton looked good there in the pics I saw over the weekend but then today there were pictures from a boat party and I don’t have a specific reason to post her other than those pictures were good. They did it for me. I guess I like girls in white shirts with a shiny light gold suit. Well, now that I say it of course I do, it’s so obvious. It’s my thing I guess. Today I want to fuck Kate Upton.
If anything this blog should show how mercurial and indecisive I am as a human being. I get that that might seem like an odd statement as I post someone I have posted more than anyone else but most people run a fuck year blog about one person or can name a favorite celebrity or whatever. I mean, I might be able to name a favorite as well but it’ll be different tomorrow and I’ll have a real issue deciding and I’ll never feel comfortable with my answer. And posting Kate Upton it might seem strange that I am taking about this but yesterday she was on the list of people at things at Cannes who looked good but there were like 4 people I would have put ahead of her. Nothing new has really come out since then and she is now ahead of all of them. Why? It might just be that I am really easy to influence, pictures of her, pictures I had already seen mind you, popped up on my dash overnight of her in Cannes and it was like, man, she looks good, I want to post her. I mean, I also watched a blind taste test of tacos yesterday and then an hour later was craving tacos and didn’t put together why until I was eating tacos. So there is that. But there is also just a thing where on a Tuesday I will see two celebrities at an event and swear one is the most beautiful woman in the world. By the weekend I can look at the same pictures from the event and claim the second one is now the most beautiful woman in the world and looks a million times better than the first. So while I obviously find Kate Upton attractive and have since before I started this blog, after all she is the 4th person I ever posted (my first week of posts would surprise almost no one who has followed this blog for a long time). But you know, I also go months without posting her. Cause my brain is stupid. Anyway, I thought she looked lovely at the events I have seen her at and big props for the gowns she wore, which were very good, a thing I can’t always say about her red carpet choices. So thumbs up for simple elegance, though I guess the fringe isn’t simple and it might have it’d detractors. I liked it. Today I want to fuck Kate Upton.
Now we get to Cannes cause Emily Ratajkowski has been all over it. She is here cause she wore a dress I think is ugly as sin. Well, dress doesn’t really do it. It’s like a body suit with some fabric attached to almost look like a dress? I don’t know, it’s hard to describe but it has caused my brain a lot of confusion. Because I am like, that is ugly. I am certain that is ugly. I am certain I find it ugly. She looks beautiful in it. All together it is very hot. She looks very hot. This is a really strange bit of confusion for my brain. I have given in and accepted that it is an ugly dress that doesn’t do a thing to diminish her beauty. Maybe it enhances it. There is a school of poetry and art that stresses a lone flower struggling to grow in a barren wasteland is more beautiful than a field of healthy flowers. That the stark lack of beauty adds contrast that heightens the inherent beauty of the flower. That could be going on here. Or I could be on 3 hours of sleep and talking absolute shit. Life is full of mysteries and the sooner you accept you will never know for certain the happier you will be. Or lack of certainty will slowly naw at your brain and you’ll only get 3 hours of sleep. Once again, you can never know. I do know this though, she has looked great walking around and stuff and I can say with 100% certainty that today I want to fuck Emily Ratajkowski.
Today is a cosplayer kind of day because it is gross and hot outside and polleny and god, we are going to destroy this planet guys, it will melt into a puddle if this spring weather that is just gross is any indication. Anyway, all of this is making thinking and writing harder than I wish it to be and you know what is an easy truism? That pretty costumes are awesome and fun to look at and Ani-Mia is pretty and fun to look at. I really appreciate the work that goes into a good cosplay cause playing dress up is a lot of fun but I know myself, I’d give up after just putting a little thought in how you might try to look like Zatana. I certainly couldn’t put together anything that would look good. I really couldn’t pull off stuff as perfect as some of this. So it’s easy, Ani-Mia is here because she’s pretty and I like playing dress up. Today I want to fuck Ani-Mia.
Here are a bunch of pictures of Candice Swanepoel in swimsuits but this is a post about pretty dresses. Candice posted this week that her dress for the Met Gala has arrived which was very exciting because it means she’s going to the Met Gala and also it means the Met Gala is almost there guys. For those who care about pretty dresses, the Met Gala is the biggest deal event of the year. Probably. Or close. Well, there are lots of things with pretty dresses but the Met Gala is a pretty huge deal and there is always a lot of speculation about who will attend and so on. Now, to celebrate I would have posted pictures of Candice Swanepoel in pretty dresses but they are really hard to find because there are so many pictures of Candice Swanepoel and most are of her in swimsuits or underwear and I am super lazy so I took the easiest route. Which is why I am glad she’s going, it’ll be a thrilling chance to get to see some red carpet fashion from her. Also, this i convenient cause she lives in Brazil like a lot of the time and today is the birthday of Brazil’s Greatest Daughter, @lunoboom so wish her happy birthday guys. Today I want to fuck Candice Swanepoel.
Wow, so this is cutting it close. Today has been kind of nuts and disappointing with a lame record store day and rain and gray and… well, I stubbed my toe earlier. I am not starting a gofundme or anything to cover my grief but… well, if you think I should let me know. Anyway, I didn’t get around to this cause today has been strangely hectic. I am posting Emily Ratajkowski cause she showed up at a million things in the past couple days. Or three. One of the two. I wasn’t a math major, guys. She also had a new photoshoot come out and she looked great there. So easy choice I guess, today I want to fuck Emily Ratajkowski.
Who I want to Fuck Today 