Tag: Model

Kate Upton has just looked fantastic recently.  I mean, I have always been a fan but she has been killing it of late which is nice to see.  In part because one of my issues in the past is some of her outfits on the red carpet were just not great.  Which could very much have nothing to do with her, I don’t know her (I know, you probably assumed I did).  It could have been a bad stylist or a number of other things.  Or it could have been her.  It will forever be a mystery, like who built the pyramids.  And by that I mean the answers are clearly out there if you really want them but if you’re lazy you can pretend it’s aliens or something.  I mean that for both.  You can do no research and claim aliens built the pyramid and put Kate Upton in some regrettable dresses.  Why don’t they just stay on their own god damned planet?  Well, whatever is going on, it seems like an honest to goodness red blooded human being is dressing Kate now and she has just looked fantastic.  So I am posting her because I am pro-Earth and I am pro-Kate Upton.  Today I want to fuck Kate Upton.

The summer has reached a point where it is pretty low on inspiration for this blog.  I mean that in the sense that there aren’t a lot of events or premiers or TV shows on or anything.  There are movies but that would require me to go outside and I guess I don’t do that anymore.  Luckily I have @she-goes-to-eleven who I was talking to and somehow the conversation was about Kelly Brook.  I don’t know how it started but it went all over the map in strange directions which is really par for the course if you’ve ever let me just ramble at you because my digressions take digressions.  Anyway, that is why she is here and I didn’t know what I was going to talk about but because Google is a mind reader my phone suggested a story where some people think Kelly Brook is photoshopping some of her instagram photos.  I don’t know.  They look like Kelly Brook to me and unless news agencies were photoshopping pictures of her at horse races it all looks the same to me.  I mean, I am not surprised strangers on the internet are attacking a woman because of what her body looks like but to me the photoshopping, if it exists or not is a whole lot of so what.  I say this for a couple of reasons.  First, everything you see is a lie.  I mean in general the whole perception is not the same as reality and all that but you know, past the Freshman year intro to Philosophy stuff, everything you see with a celebrity is a lie.  Or at least not the truth.  What you are allowed to see is carefully curated by someone.  Maybe not the celebrity herself but it passes through so many filters.  Unless you are close, personal friends with Kelly Brook you have never seen the real Kelly Brook.  Authenticity you sense in celebrities is just a type that is traditionally successful.  They can feel as real as you want, they aren’t. This isn’t a tirade against this kind of thing, we all do this, they just are better at it and have machinery around them to do it better.  I mean, we all wore a strange hat or used some stupid slang when we were 16 to seem more interesting and we put forth certain aspects of ourselves and hide others to seem the way we want to seem to others as adults.  I think it’s just important to always keep this in mind, to mitigate what you see with the knowledge that it is not reality.  But more important than that it doesn’t matter because what the fuck do you expect?  When you put all of a woman’s value in how she appears how can you ever possibly be outraged when she does something to try and improve how she appears.  It’s the standard you have set.  And this goes for all of it, like you people out there talking about how good women look without make up and how you prefer a girl who looks real (and side note, every time I have seen this it’s a woman wearing either minimal make up or using lipstick with a more natural tone, so you guys are all idiots who don’t know how make up works).  I guess what I am saying is in general, the world has very few moral reprobates who just get off on doing what you consider wrong.  There are a few.  You will run across them in your life, who just cheat at life because they enjoy cheating it.  Everyone else is just doing it because we have incentivized it.  If you see someone doing something to get an advantage it’s usually because it’s the situation the world has shoved them into.  Try to stop and think about why before you decide to shit on someone.  Kelly Brook’s looks are obviously a big part of her success and fame, I have a hard time being outraged that a 37 year old woman might be trying to look as good as possible, especially when most of the other news articles that google sends me about her are people talking about if she’s too fat or not.  What I am saying is eat a dick internet stranger who probably will never read this.  Anyway, here are pictures of her from photoshoots so I promise you they have been retouched.  She’s damn good looking though.  Today I want to fuck Kelly Brook.

Emily Ratajkowski was in Allure and that’s great because I like pictures of Emily Ratajkowski.  It’s that simple, she’s really hot.  I also liked the editorial, there was a feel to it that I can’t describe but the first picture is part of it so you know, maybe that gives you an idea.  I mean, this is tumblr, if you found this looking under her tag you have probably seen the shoot 100 times now.  If you just follow me and saw this well, hey, thanks, I appreciate it but you can also click the tag right now at the bottom of this post.  That’s what this blog is really all about, telling you the basic uses of tumblr.  Today I want to fuck Emily Ratajkowski.

This weekend has been unkind to me sleep wise.  The past two nights I have done that thing where I am just dead tired and I go to bed early only to wake up an hour later unable to get back to sleep, so I get up and watch cartoons streaming from some site (as all adults are want to do at 1 AM) before going back to bed, only to wake up an hour later and repeat the cycle.  So I am just… in a strange place and in all honesty I was going to post someone else today but in my search for pictures I got angry about the lack of pictures, which made me turn on the girl as if it were her fault and I no longer had any desire to post her.  It’s a whole batch of stupid but probably a secret blessing because it is letting me post Gigi Hadid, who I have been like, “Oh man, she looks good here, I should post her” after I have already posted for the day like 5 times in the past few weeks.  It just happens sometimes.  And you know, to her credit, I have never gotten annoyed because there is a lack of decent pictures of Gigi Hadid.  She has never caused me that problem.  So here she is because she’s hot and she looks really good in these pictures and boy was it easy to find decent pictures.  Today I want to fuck Gigi Hadid.

So apparently Alexis Ren was in Maxim and… I didn’t know Maxim was still a thing.  That’s not me trying to slag on Maxim, I just had in my mind somewhere that the last 3-4 years saw every magazine like that close shop because they just can’t compete with… I guess Instagram?  I mean, the internet in general but like I don’t think anyone really got Maxim for the articles and it isn’t that hard to find hot girls and more specifically hot celebrities looking hot thanks to social media.  Also, if you want kind of douchey advice on how to trick women into bed or whatever the internet definitely has you covered there.  Just search red pill or mystery method or whatever brand new thing there is out there that imagines women as a puzzle to be solved rather than human beings to interact with. Sorry, that’s a tangent.  I didn’t know it was a thing and it probably says something about the power of the internet that she is now on the cover of Maxim with the it boldly proclaiming her a social media star when Instagram Model is a dismissive thing I have seen hurled her way event his year.  There is a lot there to make me roll my eyes, including the idea that a working model who used social media to get famous is somehow less a real model than… someone who fame just shows up for?  I am not sure what the other angle there is.  It’s kind of easy to shit on stuff I guess.  Like I did on dudes who think manipulation is the key to love.  I am guilty of it too.  Sorry guys, that was a low blow.  Anyway, it turns out she looked really good in the Maxim shoot so good for her.  I ended up mainly posting her in bikinis though because I am deeply lazy and pictures of her in bikinis are everywhere.  Today I want to fuck Alexis Ren.

Kate Upton was in a shoot for a Magazine I am blanking on the name of and in too much of a hurry to look up so uh… it’s a big mystery.  See if you can solve it.  Think about how good you’ll feel after.  A real life detective.  I have given you the gift of self esteem today, Tumblr, don’t squander it!  Anyway, she looked really good and hey, we’re about to enter an extremely long weekend so… why not some Kate Upton to send us out.  There is nothing more American than bronzed blonde women, right?  Or is that German?  It’s all very confusing.  My point is she looked good, I happen to like her.  It’s why I have posted her more than anyone else.  Today I want to fuck Kate Upton.

I know I just posted Kelly Brook the other day and this is really frequent for someone who hasn’t shown up in forever but she was on my mind again.  So I changed things up by posting her in her underwear.  Well, not her underwear.  I don’t think models just come to shoots with their own underwear.  Or I do.  I assuem most… no, we’ll say some, I don’t want to get locked into a definitive range here, some models at least come to shoots with their own underwear.  On their bodies.  But that isn’t what they wear in the shoot because that kind of defeats the purpose of trying to sell whatever underwear the company that hired her made.  So that’s what I mean.  Of course, now saying it’s not hers implies it’s someone else’s underwear and I don’t think that is true either.  That would be all kinds of creepy.  I mean, I assume she is the only person to wear said underwear but ownership is such a tricky question. Not legally but like… metaphysically.  What does it mean to own something, what determines who that underwear belongs to.  I guess legally would be one way to determine it but I feel like in a deeper sense it is whoever we associate it with.  And I don’t know which brands she is modeling for here.  Some of them might just be modeling for things that aren’t underwear even.  So I guess… I guess it is her underwear because if I were to discuss it I would say, “Oh, yeah, Kelly Brook’s underwear”.  I am not sure why I would be having this conversation but my basic point is I was right the first time.  These are pictures of Kelly Brook in her underwear.  Thus making this a lot of words that took us around in a  circle and accomplished nothing.  Which maybe is what I should just rename this blog.  It’s catchy. Anyway, Kelly Brook is one of those people I have been attracted to forever and if i wanted to be really reductive I could say because boobs but the truth is the world is full of boobs.  The internet even more so.  So there has to be something more and I have posted her a lot over the years, though less often recently but that’s more a factor of her just showing up less often everywhere else.  I don’t know what it is about her that clicks for me but she does.  I do have boundless affection for British women I suppose.  Though again, there are a lot of them and it’s really specific British women I am drawn to.  Look, I am not going to figure this out, I barely figured out the underwear thing.  All I know is that today I want to fuck Kelly Brook.

So the Royal Ascot happened and if you don’t know what that is you’ll be forgiven, it’s a big deal horse race in the England with ties to the Royal Family. I mean, everything there has ties to the Royal Family because technically all of the land in England is just granted to people by the crown which, if you ask me, sounds like a terrible way to live but that’s why every July 4th I start my posts by telling King George to eat a dick.  But this one especially does in that the Queen likes going and it does have Royal in the name.  The other part is cause the Ascot is a big deal race track in England.  I know all this because I am the foremost expert on England sitting at this keyboard right now, mainly because I have all sorts of expert sources.  One really.  My friend Katherine.  She tells me stuff sometimes.  Which means yes, I have turned the British people into a Monolith and all of you, no matter what region or origin or group you believe you belong to are now all represented by the thoughts and opinions of one person.  You are not a group of individuals.  I would say there is poetic justice there and something about Empire and how the British treated other peoples the same way but you know, I am not an expert on that.  We had all flushed our tea long before that nonsense and all I know is you guys were a bunch of wig wearing crumpet monkeys and we totally kicked your ass.  This has gotten strangely aggressive.  My point is because of my single friend from England I am an expert on all things English.  I know you guys all love shoes and polka dots and have some strange ax to grind with Charli XCX.  What a strange peoples you are.  I also know that the Royal Ascot is all about strange hats. I almost posted Holly Willoughby yesterday because she looked pretty at the Royal Ascot but her hat wasn’t strange enough.  I mean, it wasn’t normal.  I don’t think she’d be caught wearing it anywhere else but it wasn’t strange enough.  Today I am posting Kelly Brook.  Her hat is stranger.  I think it could stand to ramp up the strangeness a little but i have decided it qualifies enough. Horse racing is a strange sport in that it does have a spectator uniform.  The upper crust wear funny hats here, too, though they go more for size over complexity in their odd hats but that’s America for you really.  We do have in common that no one would ever wear those hats anywhere else.  What I don’t know is if most of the racetrack is full of drunken reprobates though.  Ours are. I actually paid for my college text books Freshman year with my winnings from the racetrack.  It’s the sort of good decision making that have lead me to creating a mildly popular tumblr blog with tons of followers, 99% of whom would be deeply embarrassed if anyone they knew found out they followed my blog. Anyway, Kelly Brook is pretty hot but I think barely famous anymore.  I am glad she got to go to the track and break out that hat though, she looked good. I hope she won any bets she placed.  If that is allowed in England.  I hope so because I have to be honest, I am not really sure what the point is otherwise. Today I want to fuck Kelly Brook.

So if you look in the first picture of this post you’ll notice that picture is amazing. I saw it yesterday for the first time and it was posted by someone I have followed for a long time called @nomalez and his reaction was “Who is that girl”.  I had the same reaction.  And the original source had no details and it is this very frustrating thing you see  all the time on the internet, models or artists and you see their work and there is no way to know who it is from because someone saved the picture and reposted it.  Sometimes that can’t be helped.  By the time it gets to whoever posted it they just saw it and saved it and it was an unidentified nebulous model.  So I did some digging because I am really good at research. It took a while because her picture just lead to a lot of tumblrs and pinterests and message board with names like, “Fine Black Girls” and “Body Paint OMG” and so on.  Nothing about who did it.  Eventually I found an instagram with the picture that was of that sort and a comment from the photographed who goes by Mymanbriscoe claiming ownership.  I followed it back and yup, he took the picture and the girl is named Nikky Coole.  This was a lot of work and work I realize most people don’t do because they aren’t insane.  But this is a crime. Not that they aren’t doing the work but that pictures are disseminated this way. It is our job to stop it when we can.  You have seen the blogs who really perpetuate this and you can stop it by not following them and not reblogging them.  I see stuff sometimes that I would like to reblog but I don’t because under the picture, rather than the name of the model who is in the picture or the name of the person who took the picture or the name of the person who drew the comic is just gross self promotion.  You know it, “For more like this click here and follow Hot XXX Sluts”.  It’s a problem in like 12 ways sometimes but the big one is that these blogs are taking these pictures, and let’s be honest most of the time taking them from tumblrs so they could just reblog it, reposting it to get attention and notes for themselves, and just promoting themselves.  At best these will just say a name and a link back to their blog.  I avoid these blogs and you should too.  They are easy to spot.  If you see a humor blog and the comics and pictures on it are all over the map, that blog is not creating them, they are stealing them.  If you see pictures of models you don’t recognize and it is just a link to Hot Models or Gentleman Boners or whatever, it’s one of those blogs.  Here is the reason this is an issue, that top picture was taken by a photographer in Philadelphia and the Model is from France and the picture was taken in Washington, DC.  Which means she had to arrange people to shoot with while she was in the US.  To do this she needs to be known as a person. You may not be in a position to hire her or have any desire to and so you probably think it doesn’t matter but you are costing her money.  Every person who is self employed is essentially a small business.  The hardest thing about working for yourself is getting work.  Not because you aren’t smart or capable or hardworking but because most of the world has no idea you even exist.  So if someone who might like her work sees her and no name… people are busy, most people can’t put in the effort.  And why are those blogs doing it?  Cause they want to drive up their own follower and note count.  It’s of no benefit to them except basically e-peen bragging.  So what I am saying is try to be conscious of this.  You can do your part to help this by basically not encouraging those blogs.  You don’t have to do what the original poster did, he goes above and beyond linking every bit of social media a model has when he reblogs her.  You just have to not encourage the bad behavior.  Anyway, I don’t have a ton to say about Nikky Coole herself.  She says she is an Actress, Model, Writer, and Producer on her various bits of web presence.  I don’t know more than that because everything else is in French, which makes sense given she is French.  I think she is hot and that’s all my posts boil down to some days.  I see a girl, I see she’s hot, she ends up here. She’s here because she’s really hot in that first picture.  Today I want to fuck Nikky Coole.

Hey guys, I am posting Hannah Ray again after just doing so last week but it’s because she’s really, really gorgeous and keeps killing it with new pictures.  So I wanted to.  I am forever impressed with her sense of style in that everything she seems to wear is so distinctively her and always looks so great.  I mean, it’s nothing my brain would be able to assemble, so it’s light years from where I naturally go but when I see it on her it just looks amazing.  And so do her pictures.  I mean, she looks great in them but more often I just find myself admiring the photos, they are just beautiful pictures.  So she’s here because I really like all of that and also, as stated, she’s gorgeous.  So today I want to fuck Hannah Ray.