Tag: Model

So pretty much all week people have been helpfully pointing me towards the flood of preview videos of Kate Upton’s Lip Sync Battles appearance.  And I get why.  And I appreciate it.  I feel bad that everyone is so disappointed that I was like, “Meh”.  It’s not you.  It’s not Kate.  I always disliked the song, I never got the appeal of the video, and so seeing it reconstructed was kind of meh.  Well, I should say I got the appeal of the video but.. the school girl thing.  Maybe it’s because I went to a private school but it strikes me as vaguely creepy a lot of the time and I really don’t get what about the outfit is all that hot unless it’s because it makes you think a girl is underage.  Like… otherwise it’s a shirt and skirt.  But hey, I’m also the person that doesn’t understand why eyes boggle every time a girl is in a bikini (while we’re at it, your frozen stills of upskirts and so on also creep me out.  Anything that makes me feel like some creep peaking under a bathroom stall is usually bad as a rule of thumb).  Anyway, I did watch it and it was kind of… fine?  I don’t understand the purpose of the show.  I kind of liked when Jimmy Fallon used to do something similar but it all felt much more thrown together and it wasn’t a massive production number.  I guess it’s like the shot for shot Psycho remake from the 90’s, I still am not sure why it exists. Anyway, my main take away was that Kate Upton seems like a good sport and she is pretty fun.  I got that mainly from the preshow interview stuff and so on. First of all, that green dress was pretty great, she looked fantastic there, much better than in the lip sync stuff.  But… I am reminded of Amy Schumer making a joke once about a guy telling her Kate Upton was funny and how Kate Upton wasn’t funny.  And I got both sides.  Look, I can’t tell you how angry it makes me when someone goes, “You have to meet person X, he’s the funniest person I have ever met”.  And it’s always like, hey, I’m standing right the fuck here. Either you’re a dick out to hurt me or a fucking idiot.  I mean, in fairness it’s usually the later but the knife really twists when I meet the guy and the funniest guy ever does this one impression of what if Monica Lewinski sang We Are the World.  Besides being 20 years out of date, it’s not that funny.  And a couple people lose their shit and I am like, ok, say something else funny.  And it never comes and I am like, “This is the funniest guy you’ve ever met?  This person, right next to me, is the funniest person ever?”  Then I get a, “Well, when I say funniest person ever I mean he makes me laugh sometimes”.  It’s like people don’t even realize words hurt.  And don’t even get me started on the sloppy, imprecise use of language.  It’s like those assholes who declare things as “great” or “epic” and then later you realize they meant, “Ok” or “passable”.  So what I am saying is I can understand how a stand up might flinch at hearing Kate Upton is “funny”.  And pretty people do get a little boost to basically every thing because we are deeply shallow creatures.  Trust me, I would love to pass through the world not this gorgeous but I can’t help it, I know it gets me a little boost in everyone’s eyes.  But, while I don’t think Kate Upton could do stand up I also see how hanging out with her would be fun cause she’s kind of fun and kind of funny.  Like that poor bastard my friends over sold.  He could be fun if they hadn’t ruined him.  Not funniest guy ever fun but fun.  There is nothing wrong with that.  Anyway, I feel like I had a greater point here but I lost it.  I guess what i am saying is I like Kate Upton and am posting her today.  I appreciate the links to youtube videos and so on but I think I am interested in different things than most people, but it’s ok, we have all arrived at the same conclusion, we’ve just taken different roads.  Today I want to fuck Kate Upton.

Hey guys, I feel a little bad because I am going to half ass this post and I always feel slightly guilty about that but doubly so when it is someone I haven’t posted very often.  I feel like I am falling down on the job.  But my allergies are just killing me and as a result I am just kind of worn out and I’ll be honest, the older I get the more trouble my brain has functioning when I didn’t sleep well.  Anyway, Ani-Mia is very attractive but also a talented cosplayer.  More importantly she seems to be a pretty stand up person from what I can tell.  That’s a good thing.  Um… her name is a pun, which is either great or terrible depending on who you ask.  I like her Samus cosplay.  I got nothing else, sorry.  Today I want to fuck Ani-Mia.

Here is Candice Swanepoel who is getting back to work post baby and that is kind of exciting.  She came up yesterday in a discussion with my dear friend @wildflagsure.  I happen to find Candice attractive but my friend does not because she said she, “Probably can’t even put someone in a decent headlock”.  I find that to be a strange standard for beauty but you know, to each their own.  I happen to think Candice Swanepoel is very pretty.  I have to modulate what I say a little bit, I don’t want to give her false hope since it’s pretty well documented at this point that she has been trying to seduce me for years, what with the classic hard to get tactics of getting engaged and having a baby and starting a family.  I of course cleverly see through this, just like I used to see through the so called ‘catalogs" that were full of pictures of her in her underwear she used to send to my house. I do have to admit, she is very pretty though.  And I do look forward to her doing more work.  And you know, I bet she could do at least a passable headlock.  She seems pretty capable to me.  Today I want to fuck Candice Swanepoel.

Here is Pigeon Foo cause I guess it’s that kind of day.  If you don’t know where to find her you can finder her here @pigeonfoo and like 300 other places but that’ll get you started.  Enjoy a trip down the rabbit hole I guess if she is new to you but I feel like most people reading this must know her at this point because I have posted her a bunch, she will likely reblog this so most of you will be reading it on her blog, and at the very least you have heard about the time she lassoed a twister and used it to vacuum up the trash after an epic party.  Or the time she fought a bear.  They made am movie about that one staring Leonardo DiCaprio.  A lot of the movies you’ve seen are of course based off of Foo’s life: Star Wars, Bonnie and Clyde, Conan the Destroyer, et al.  Which characters were based on her?  All of them of course.  She’s pretty humble about it though so I’ll excuse you for not knowing.  On top of all her adventures fighting Ninja Pirates and stuff, she also models.  And she’s pretty damn good at it.  So, here are pictures of her.  If you didn’t know there is probably one or two naked pictures of her on the internet as well.  You might have to look a while but you’ll find them.  Today I want to fuck Pigeon Foo.

It’s been ages since I posted Mosh and that’s just a real shame.  It isn’t entirely my fault, she has moved on to inhabit this strange level of fame where she is more successful and famous than she once was when she was just another denizen of the Internet but still is not famous enough that like… normal people know who she is.  As a result she doesn’t show up anywhere.  Like, when she had to get her work out there she was all over the internet and people were putting out pictures of her constantly, now that she is posing for people like Ellen von Unwerth I suppose she doesn’t need to/doesn’t have time/can’t spend her time posting picture on tumblr and her website and so on.  I think this means she is much more successful but somehow that success makes it so much harder to see her.  It’s really a very strange paradox that someone whose job it is to pose for pictures for a living becomes harder to see pictures of as she becomes more successful at posing for pictures for a living.  Eat your heart out Rod Sterling.  Anyway, now to get new pictures I essentially have to figure out what store or clothing line or product she is modeling for and then raid their website and well, it ends up being a lot of work.  But worth it!  I have done that this past week and now I am posting Mosh cause good god she is beautiful.  She deserves her success because she is fantastic at what she does.  The way she has evolved as a model is remarkable and interesting.  Today I want to fuck Miss Mosh.

Here is Barbara Palvin because… she showed up in some pics this week including at the Hungarian Women of the Year Gala yesterday.  I didn’t end up posting anything from that but she did to her typical thing where she looked adorable in a lot of the pictures because she seems to be having a lot of fun. Anytime I post Barbara Palvin I end up thinking of my friend @lunoboom though now I can’t remember why?  I think maybe because Izzy has said it would be really gross to make out with Barbara Palvin.  That seems like an odd stance to take but it’s her life.  A shame really.  I happen to think Barbara Palvin is gorgeous and adorable and sexy.  And look how great she looks in some of these pictures.  Today I want to fuck Barbara Palvin.

Candice Swanepoel has started doing her first modeling gig post birth of her child and it’s pretty exciting to see her get back to work.  The first previews have come out and she looks good because of course she does, that’s her thing.  I mean, if I was into that.  I am indifferent.  Obviously it’s well documented she’s always trying to seduce me so the work is good for her.  To take her mind off of things.  Sorry, I am tired, I am only half assing my delusions today.  Today I want to fuck Candice Swanepoel.

Hey guys, my friend @she-goes-to-eleven has gotten hurt.  She can’t even look at screens right now due to a concussion.  It happened while ice skating because of course it did, she’s Canadian and if you don’t own a snowmobile I assume that’s the only way you can get anywhere.  I don’t have more details than that but I assume it was during a polar bear attack she hit her head.  I assume this because if it had been a Wendigo attack she would be in even worse shape, because even Wolverine has a hard time with the Wendigo. That’s all I know though because my entire knowledge of Canada comes from X-Men comics and Strange Brew.  But, my thought was that if you are reading this it takes almost no effort for you to send her a message wishing her a speedy recovery and I guess my goal is that her inbox will be flooded with well wishes when the doctors ok her to look at screens again.  Now, I am posting Kate Upton cause Kate Upton is hot and I’d like to say that it’s a good fit because @she-goes-to-eleven likes Kate Upton but really I could have posted literally anyone, as I don’t think she’s ever seen a woman she wasn’t attracted to.  And besides, there is no dangerous ice or ridiculous cold in these pictures. They look nice and toasty.  Like, none of that wind that cuts through you or is hard enough that it feels like your car is going to be blown off the road when you drive.  Plus I mean… boobs.  I like boobs sometimes.  Sometimes.  When I am awake mostly.  Today I want to fuck Kate Upton.

So, Emily Ratakowski is part of a campaign for DKNY that I assume is to see underwear cause that’s what she is wearing in it.  Maybe it’s bed sheets, those are in every photo, too.  I should really research this stuff.  Anyway, I am assuming it’s lingerie and that was nice to see because early in her career before being an It Girl and mainstream name, she used to do a fair bit of modeling for lingerie, which makes sense, she has the look and figure for that. I guess it’s a nice bit of nostalgia?  Or she just looks hot?  I mean, she is pretty hot.  It’s probably mostly that.  So here she is including some old lingerie pics because today I want to fuck Emily Ratajkowski.

So here is Anastasia Scheglova because she appeared in this add for watches where she was wearing some neon colored wigs and really not much else. I mean, like really, just flat out full frontal nudity in some, just a naked girl in a bright yellow or blue wig.  Well, a watch as well.  And in a couple with another naked girl draped across her.  Not sure that really makes someone more covered up though. I guess that’s a good way to advertise a watch though?  I mean, I didn’t wake up this morning planning on talking about watches yet here I am, talking about watches.  It’s effective.  Anyway, I am a sucker for ridiculous hair color and silly wigs so she made it here today.  Today I want to fuck Anastasia Scheglova.