Tag: Model

The best thing about posting Candice Swanepoel, and this is admittedly just a thing for me, is how ridiculously easy it is to dig up pictures for her.  See, I can count on like 200-500 new pictures of her some weeks.  The wonders of mainstream models and catalogs.  I should point out that I started this post off by saying what I like about Candice Swanepoel is that she’s easy and I was about 3 sentences in before I realized how that sounded.  It has derailed me, I had a larger point than the easy of finding pictures but I can’t remember now.  Anyway, she’s pretty so just look at the pictures and enjoy.  Today I want to fuck Candice Swanepoel.

So for some reason I woke up this morning with Life on Mars stuck in my head.  I am not sure why that happened but it does sometimes, I wake up with a song in my head for no good reason.  Like, my dreams weren’t related to it.  I did have a sweet dream about going to a waterpark and riding just the most awesome rides ever.  My friends got lost at the end and i had to look for them but instead I ran into my friend Katherine and then we looked at picture of Fearne Cotton on my phone.  So that has nothing to do with this because obviously I am not posting Fearne Cotton or a waterpark today.  Instead I woke up with Life On Mars stuck in my head and it is interesting because at it’s core it’s kind of a melancholy song, about a girl who buries herself in made up worlds because she’s dissatisfied with the real world.  I have always liked the song and I think part of that is every young nerd can certainly relate to burying themselves in make believe worlds when the real one leaves you cold.  So what does that have to do with Emily Ratajkowski?  I could make a dad joke about her being out of this world but oh god I don’t want to turn into that.  I woke up thinking about her as well is the thing.  I am not sure why, this isn’t the first time that meditating on a song has made me think of her.  Maybe there is something about her and her beauty that makes me join her with music.  There is I suppose a something extra about her, something that kind of kindles feelings of something otherworldly.  I guess she’s another fantasy world to buy yourself into but I think more than that models, at least the good one, do kind of welcome you to build your own narrative about them and who they are.  It’s built into their work.  Or I could be talking out my ass, never forget that’s always a strong possibility.  The basic point is she is gorgeous and she does spark something in me when I look at her, kind of like a good song.  Today I want to fuck Emily Ratajkowski.

Here is Kate Upton in a bikini because I am lazy.  I realize that doesn’t sound like a reason but it is so, so easy to find Kate Upton looking good in a bikini that I don’t really have to put any effort into it.  I kind of just open the folder, randomly click with my mouse and i am done.  Clothing is harder.  So I went with a bikini because I am having a slow morning.  Like so slow that i went to the store to get stuff to make soup and got home and realized I forgot the main ingredient.  Now I am face with the decision of going back or saying fuck it and like… ordering a pizza or something.  I will probably go but I will bitch the whole time.  To myself I guess because I don’t think anyone else is walking to the grocery store with me.  So I’ll be the crazy person loudly complaining to invisible people while grabbing chicken stock.  I’ll admit, my life isn’t quite as glamorous as I imagined when I was 10.  Anyway here is Kate Upton because Katherines pretty much rule my world.  It’s a fact.  I have spreadsheets (No, really.  I do.  I am a huge dork.  I have picked girls named some spelling variation of Katherine 116 times now).  This is actually the 46th time I have picked Kate Upton because she’s alright I guess.  I kinda like her.  Today I want to fuck Kate Upton.

I don’t typically do birthday posts but pigeonfoo isn’t typical is she?  I believe I have documented quite well in the past that she rules.  I could make charts and graphs and stuff but obviously everyone is just going to be looking at the pictures.  If you are reading though here is what you should do for her birthday: reblog this post so other people can see it.  Now, I know that sounds potentially self serving but I promise it isn’t selfishly motivated.  See, when you are any small business owner (and I bet you haven’t thought of that, have you, models are running a small, often one person business.  We are told time and time again that small businesses are the backbone of America so why haven’t we ever seen prominent politicians praising Pigeon Foo?  Major oversight if you ask me) one of the hardest things to do is to let people know that your business even exits.  If I were talking about Pigeon Foo’s Carpet Emporium her real struggle wouldn’t be in laying carpet and like… whatever else a carpet store does, it would be getting customers in the store and even having people looking for carpet knowing it exists.  So as a model her struggle is not so much in modeling (which tough job but she clearly can do it) it’s in the getting her name out there and so on.  So that is why you should reblog this because think of all the followers you have who don’t even know Pigeon Foo exists!  I mean, that’s tragic for them right?  It’s also sad for her because again, more people knowing who she is means more work and… it’s like the circle of life except not at all.  Maybe it’s like dominoes.  Not the game where you match like numbers of dominoes but you know, when you knock one down.  What am I saying, you get it, you are sharp, you follow this blog (or the Pigeon Foo tag).  I mean if you really don’t want to give me the notes then go to her blog and reblog something she herself posted, though, you know, I don’t know what I did to you.  Whatever, I have dropped the ball here, I feel like this entry should be better but they can’t all be winners.  No wait, they can’t all be Pigeon Foo quality!  Let’s go with that.  See what I did there?  Anyway, happy birthday to Pigeon Foo and today I want to fuck Pigeon Foo.

Here is Emily Ratajkowski because… I don’t have some long explanation today.  She is here because she is ridiculously hot.  Her body is just insane and she is gorgeous.  She is ridiculously sexy.  So she’s here today because today I want to fuck Emily Ratajkowski.

Here are a bunch of picture of Kate Upton in a bikini because it dawns on me some people might be into that sort of thing.  I’m not stupid, I know what you people like and what you like is summer swimwear fashion.  I know this because people have asked me why I don’t post her in bikinis more often.  You guys really care about swimsuits.  So here I am doing you a service.  I know it’s late in the summer but you can get ideas for that late season beach trip. That’s why you’re looking at this post right?  To choose the best bikini set for you.  I even included gifs because again, I know what you guys like, and that is to see how the bikini looks in motion.  Sometimes stuff looks great in static images and just doesn’t look right once  a person is moving.  Once again you’re welcome.  I did this for you guys.  As for me, I don’t really care about bikinis.  I like Kate Upton though, I was reading an interview with her yesterday and I liked what she had to say.  I don’t care about bikinis though.  I do however think she’s hot and appreciate the way I can see a lot of her body in a bikini.  I know you guys are not concerned with that but I am going to go ahead and say for me I just enjoy her body, I don’t really care about the bikinis.  But you guys, you guys enjoy the bikinis.  I’m going to enjoy the Kate part of the pictures because today I want to fuck Kate Upton.

I always feel a little funny posting Miranda Kerr because she is very pretty but she has never moved me the way she does other people.  I have people very dear to me who are basically in love with her and have been for years.  She speaks to a lot of people.  I mean, there are people in Ibiza getting into fist fights over her and she’s in like Malibu or something at the moment.  Anyway, the past week or so has seen just a bunch of very nice pictures of her surface and obviously she’s a very good model, she’s been at this a while and has her look down and does it very well.  And you know, I get why people like her so much, she’s extremely pretty.  So today I want to fuck Miranda Kerr.

I consider myself to be a rather clever person.  Using my innate cleverness I have determined with like 99% certainty that Doutzen Kroes is currently extremely pregnant.  Now, I’m no Batman but I think I could probably be like the world’s second greatest detective if I put a little effort in.  I have included photographic proof, so if you look really closely you might spot a picture where she looks kind of pregnant.  If you don’t see it don’t feel bad, I am an internet perv expert so I have a lot of experience at closely looking at pictures. Anyway, also using my detective skills I have come to the conclusion that Doutzen Kroes is strikingly beautiful. Again, look closely at the pictures and you’ll see I’m right.  You’re welcome for me helping you see the highly paid model in a whole new light.  As a favor to you, I won’t even require you to give me credit for this discovery.  When you’re in the bar later just casually drop it into conversation to wow your friends.  Just motion and be like, “Hey, you know that girl in her underwear in the Victoria’s Secret Catalog?  You probably never noticed but she is physically very attractive”.  Then you can just sit back and bask in the warm adoration and free drinks that come with true respect from your peers. Again, you’re welcome.  As for me, I am going to sit here and see if I can find anymore bigfoot like footage that will allow me to back up my Doutzen is pregnant theory.  Enjoy your day!  Today I want to fuck Doutzen Kroes.

In general I am not prone to rage on the internet because in general I assume I am smarter than everyone else and thus if someone is wrong about something I take it in stride.  They aren’t as smart as me.  They don’t know any better.  That’s nothing to get angry about.  I had a dog once who used to grab a squeaky chew toy, make it squeak, and then run away in fear.  I wasn’t angry he couldn’t ever figure out that he should stop that, he was trying the best he could.  That’s my long, condescending way of implying everyone who disagrees with me is a moron.  You’re welcome to disagree but I would say reread the beginning of this post again.  Now there are a few things that do anger me though, despite the zen like cool that comes with running a blog about what celebrities I find attractive I am only human.  The first is when I am following people and I see them getting hate.  My example in this case would be the forever lovely and wonderful pleasestopbeingsad who basically spends her time drawing pictures to make people happy and somehow this means a subset of the internet feels obliged to message her and tell her they hate her.  Because you guys can really be a bag full of dicks.  The other thing that makes me mad is probably best represented by Kate Upton.  Probably because I see it with her the most.  People feel the need to call her fat all the fucking time.  Or ugly sometimes.  Usually they talk about how fat she is.  Which is of course a level of dipshitery I can’t even begin to comprehend.  Now, Kate Upton herself doesn’t need me to defend her.  I wish she did, I’ll admit it would be nice if I could save her from Ninjas and then whisk her away to a palace made of diamonds and we could eat hamburgers and laugh at all the idiots on the internet raging about her being too fat to be a model.  But I lam like… 75% sure that won’t ever happen.  It makes me mad though not just because it is ridiculously inaccurate but because it is the internet at it’s nastiest.  Which is people hiding behind their anonymity to be dicks and do what they can to make people feel bad.  See, people who call her fat aren’t just calling her fat, they’re calling whole swaths of the population fat and they’re doing it because they are cocks.  You can tell they are cocks because if you don’t like something and your decision is not to walk away and find something you do like but instead attack that thing and more importantly result to personal insults, you are a cocks.  Trust me, I know, I spend time reading about etymology, I know how words work.  It all stems from the Germanic Root word Kocke which means heap of dung or anonymous internet commenter.  More disappointing is how at least in the circles I travel it is largely women who feel the need to say her thighs are fat or she is “well marbled”.  Disappointing because I think everyone is used to men treating women badly, there’s a whole field of study with literally millions of examples of that.  I would hope at least for a little solidarity rather than cattiness though.  Or maybe not, it probably shouldn’t matter if you’re a man or a woman, you should try not being a cock.  My point is really a few things, if people seem to like things and you don’t, that’s fine, be you.  You don’t actually need to rage against that thing.  You can if you think it’s important but it’s fine to walk away.  It is never fine to just be a mean spirited asshole, just trying to hurt people.  Here’s a secret, it reveals you to be the sad, miserable person you are.  I know you think you scored one, be it sending hate mail to sweet cartoonists on tubmlr or spewing your rage about a celebrity across the internet but you didn’t win anything.  Anyone with any maturity and experience is just going to see you for what you are.  Besides, you are wrong, Kate Upton is gorgeous.  Today I want to fuck Kate Upton.

Here are pictures of Barbara Palvin because.. why not?  My week of almost no sleep continues into a second week… or is it the third?  Math is hard, ya’ll.  Anyway, don’t expect me to be horribly articulate here.  I feel like I have some things about how she manages to mix being adorable and sexy into an interesting mix but basically all that is coming out is, “girl pretty”.  So you know, girl pretty.  Like girl.  Today I want to fuck Barbara Palvin.