I am posting Anastasia Scheglova today because she’s really pretty and I am really tired and so it was very easy. I know that sounds lazy but she tends to look amazing in almost every picture so it just wasn’t a struggle to find decent pictures. Past that… I don’t have a lot to say. She’s probably a spy. She’s very obvious evidence as to why Russian espionage is so effective. Today I want to fuck Anastasia Scheglova.
Madelaine Petsch was at the premier of the new Sabrina show and she looked great. I love a girl in a good suit and Madelaine Petsch is already inclined to look very good. So I am posting her. It’s been a few days since the premier I guess but I didn’t see the pictures until now. Today I want to fuck Madelaine Petsch.
If I were clever or a liar or actually I guess both, I would claim this post is because Doctor Who is back and somehow come up with a profound thing women and stories and what Doctor Who has meant to me and maybe some timey wimey bullshit or something and so on. But while I am sometimes clever and everyone fibs, I am remarkably lazy. So I will take the dull, lazy, honest route today. I am posting Karen Gillan cause she was at the Polo thing which seems like it should be annual but I swear to God happens like 12 times a year in LA. She looked pretty good but it was less about what she looked like there and more about the fact that I really like Karen Gillan. She’s kind of great in general so when she shows up somewhere I am eager to post her. So she’s here. Today I want to fuck Karen Gillan.
I am pretty sure, even though it has happened before (7 times actually by my count. That’s a lot. That’s once a year basically), that at least some people will give me a hard time for posting a porn star. I kinda get that. I am not a big porn person in general. Porn watching person. I am definitely not a big porn person. I have never done porn. This is, I should point out, not because of high mindedness or deep moral integrity. I have no issue with sex work but do have some issues with how the industry can spit people out. It’s a nuanced point and I would say nothing is either good or evil so much as how it is used. My point though is that isn’t why, it’s because I am a control freak with a god complex and those people in porn just won’t do what I want them to. Also there is no story. Look, it’s great you guys are fucking but why are you fucking? Why am I supposed to care about a couple of strangers orgasms if I know nothing about them as people? I mean god, what if they are monsters? Then I don’t even want them to have orgasms. So in general until they make the sims for porn so I can make stories and control every aspect of someone’s life like the mad scientist I am deep down, I use my imagination. So it’s rare for me to post a porn star cause it’s rare for me to watch porn but when I do I tend to get obsessed with a… someone. A person. A woman. I am not sure why I said that so mysteriously but it’s more like their personality almost. Despite there being no story or knowing nothing about them. This is Jasmine James who I am intensely attracted to and couldn’t tell you why for a long time. Which almost sounds insulting but I mean there are other porn stars with big boobs and brightly colored hair. Why, I’d be willing to bet there are at least 10 porn stars with big boobs at least. So as I said, I will be mocked either way so to heighten my humiliation at first I was like, “maybe it’s because she’s kind of classy?” I was pretty frankly told she was not and I was being distracted by an accent and boobs. I have since found out that her accent is apparently the opposite of classy in the UK. Oh well. It does bring up an important point to Brits, which is that Americans are fucking morons and your accent is a super power. I was at a nursing home recently and this very kind British woman gave me all these facts about the home. It was so informative. It also turns out according to the staff it was entirely fabricated. They said she can’t remember anything so she just makes things up but everyone believes her because her accent makes it sound like she must know what she’s talking about. So you know, Americans are fucking morons. Bad ass, freedom loving morons but, you know. So I was dazzled by that and boobs, which sometimes I am a fan of. I’ve always played that close to the chest but sometimes I like boobs. Finally, my dear friend Katherine pointed out to me that it’s her facial expressions. She has an extremely expressive face and looks like she is just having a blast. Which means either she is or she’s a skilled actress. Either way it’s why I like her I think. Plus I am an American moron and she has boobs and an accent. Today I want to fuck Jasmine James.
I am posting Jenny Lewis because I had a discussion just yesterday about what the best songs of the past 20 years are that were written by women. It was a long and meandering thing (and for the record I think I settled on Royals being #1. It’s pretty impressive). But Jenny Lewis came up as did Rilo Kiley and it included a lot of things like how her solo work is different than her Rilo Kiley stuff was. I think you could argue Just One of the Guys is her best song ever in terms of writing but I probably still prefer Rilo Kiley because I think sad girl music is just so rare. The world is full of sad bastards and somehow we declare them geniuses because they are men who are sad but sad girl stuff is much more under represented. I think I have probably gone into this before when writing about Lana Del Rey since I think at it’s core that’s why she connected with so many people despite never quite being as mainstream popular as it seemed like she was poised to be. Anyway, I was thinking about Jenny Lewis’ song writing and also the fact that she has been a celebrity that has played a semi important part in my life since I was like 10 years old or something. Which is kind of crazy. I love Jenny Lewis. She’s so Bad. Today I want to fuck Jenny Lewis.
Debby Ryan was at the premier of her new Netflix show last night and so she is here because I think she looked quite good. I know there was a bit of a controversy around the trailer for the show and I’ll be honest, it’s stupid as fuck. I can’t comment on the show itself, maybe it is full of fat shaming but I watched the trailer when I heard people were claiming it was fat shaming and I think people really just like being upset. There is only fat shaming in there if you think a character being fat is fat shaming. The basic premise if you haven’t seen it is that Debby Ryan was mercilessly picked on when she was fat. She loses weight due to injury one summer and comes back and everyone is nice to her. That is not a show fat shaming someone, that is art doing it’s job. Which is to hold a mirror up to reality and reveal things to us. In this case it is not fat shaming to point out that we treat fat people differently than non fat people and that a teenage girl especially is going to be treated very differently depending on how closely she matches accepted beauty standards. So I am not sure how anyone saw fat shaming in it and that’s ok because I feel like a lot of the rage engines that get going are full of people who haven’t actually seen whatever they are mad at and just got on board. Anyway, that’s my thought there. I have no real plan to watch the show so maybe it’s terrible. If I watch it I’ll let you know but the premise itself is not a problem. I haven’t posted Debby Ryan in ages because most of the times I posted her were directly linked to her show ending right before Gravity Falls started and my DVR picking up the final post credit beat of her show. Which is a very specific reason to be into someone but that’s more the circumstances, the reason was that she is very good looking. She still is. Good news for all of us. Today I want to fuck Debby Ryan.
Sophie Turner appeared in a magazine I had never heard of called 1883 and she looked really good. Sometimes I wonder what all these magazines I have never heard of are because I keep hearing print is dead. Maybe they are digital magazines but if so it seems even less likely they’d survive. Are people really buying digital magazines? Do these things survive just on huge price tags and celebrity name recognition? I have no clue but I probably shouldn’t poke too many holes in their financial model because every time there is some unknown magazine with a new photoshoot of someone it is fantastic. This one was great. It gets my approval. Today I want to fuck Sophie Turner.
I am posting Anastasia Scheglova cause she’s easy. To post I mean. I have no knowledge otherwise. Her name is hard to spell, details about her are hard to come by, I used to make jokes about her being a Russian spy but those were largely funny because they were based in 30 year old cold war paranoia and felt totally ridiculous but suddenly they aren’t as funny anymore because the world got into a time machine a couple of years ago and the time line is all fucked up. Anyway, my point is she is easy to actually post because pictures are bountiful. I could almost throw a dart at a list of pictures and post her. Almost. I can’t because there are nudes but also it turns out throwing darts at a computer monitor at best ruins the monitor. It in no way posts said pictures on tumblr. One day though, that’s the dream. Anyway, here she is because shes’ beautiful. Today I want to fuck Anastasia Scheglova.
So any time Karen Gillan shows up somewhere I am pretty much going to post her. There are two factors at play here. The first is I really like Karen Gillan. She is both very attractive and very funny and I have just always found her charming. Maybe it’s her innate Scottishness, but there is a way about her that somehow sets her apart (joke about Irn Bru here? I’m not that great at this). The other is that she is also a rare treat. It’s better than it used to be now that she’s part of the Marvel Empire but still, it isn’t like a lot of celebrities where you can expect some huge wave of attention every time she’s in something. I mean, my phone called Thanos and the No Good, Very Bad Day a Karen Gillan movie but the people promoting it didn’t see it that way. So it means I am more likely to pounce. Yet I didn’t this past week. She was at the Ant-Man and Wasp premier and I almost posted her but then didn’t. Because that happens. And yet all week Karen Gillan was in the back of my mind. So I am posting her today. Cause she’s great. Today I want to fuck Karen Gillan.
So Jessica Chastain is in Paris for… I dunno some reason. Baguettes? The Culture? I saw a picture of a Pizza vending machine in Paris once. Maybe she really wanted to try it. Not a thing I would go to Paris for but then again I’m a pretty shitty actor so I am not about to question her methods. Anyway, she is there and stunning so I am posting her. I haven’t seen her in anything new so I can’t really go on and on about how great she is on screen in any way that isn’t a rehash of what I have said before but that’s ok, she doesn’t need my praise, she has all that vending machine pizza to warm her soul. Today I want to fuck Jessica Chastain.
Who I want to Fuck Today 