So somewhere named Scarlett Johansson the sexiest woman alive.  Seems like a perfectly fine choice to me but I have seen a bit of grumbling on the internet.  I get it, I get it.  Everyone thinks it should have been me.  Look, I’ve been getting the shaft for 34 years, don’t worry about me, I’m used to it.  One day someone will name me the Sexiest Woman Alive.  One day.  But I have a secret for you, it’s all bullshit.  There is like no vetting process.  No one is counting votes anywhere and very little science is involved.  This is going to sound cynical but I think it might all just be a way to sell magazines.  I know, I know.  I’m sorry.  Just sometimes I think all businesses care about is making money as opposed to the artistic integrity of the Sexiest Woman Alive award.  Still, I am not upset about the results.  I love Scarlett Johansson.  And the pictures were lovely.  It’s always nice to get great new pictures of her.  And she’s pretty sexy.  When I finally get my win we’ll talk about how great it is while our perfect hair glistens in the Caribbean sun.  Or something.  Look, the point is today I want to fuck Scarlett Johansson.