I am sunburned and I don’t think I am being overly dramatic when I say it’s pretty much the worst thing that has ever happened to anyone ever.  It is a pretty new experience for me, like I know it has happened before and I remember thinking it was terrible then, too, but in general I am not a person who burns easily at all.  So I don’t know what happened here, I even put on sunscreen because as I get older I skew more to being a “might as well be safe” sort of person and away from my younger, “I’m not a pussy, no thanks” sort of person.  Apparently that 50 SPF was bullshit though because usually when I am buttoning up whatever I am wearing on the top half of my body it doesn’t cause me tremendous pain.  Anyway, red is not really my color but I am stuck with it for a few days and it’s hard to sit around thinking about what celebrity is the most desirable at the moment when I am in what I can say, again without being overly dramatic, is the worst pain any human has ever felt before.  Luckily, I think Aubrey Plaza would sort of get me in this situation.  She just seems like a person who would be able to commiserate that the sun is indeed bullshit and we live in a cruel, cruel universe where the very star that gives us life also apparently hates us and wants to torture us.  The sun is an asshole is what I am saying and I feel like she’d agree.  And even if she didn’t she’d be funny and I think I’d enjoy that.  My basic point is that the sun is a lousy son of a bitch but Aubrey Plaza is beautiful and hilarious and pretty great.  So today I want to fuck Aubrey Plaza.