Over the course of this blog I have documented pretty thoroughly Candice Swanepoel’s clear obsession with me. You can click on the tag and go back if you’d like but the basic over view is she has always been way into me, sending me invitations to Victoria’s Secret stores in the mail, sending me huge glossy print pictures of her in her underwear and then going to the extra step to assemble an entire catalog around it so she could act casual like she wasn’t doing it just for me. Since then she has moved on to playing hard to get in the hopes of getting my attention. It’s pretty text book, date the same guy for 10 years, have a kid, get pregnant with a second child (which as always I sneakily snuck in a secret picture where she is pregnant. Don’t feel bad if you can’t figure out which one, as always it’s only for the most eagle eyed reader but if you are bored it’s a fun game to see if you can figure out which one). It’s all pretty text book stuff really. Now she has moved on to the next step which is a few times I have referred to her as Candy and more than one person has told me they like it when I call her candy. I have been told it’s cute and I have been told for some reason people just like it. Very clever. This one really took me by surprise and I am still figuring out the logistics of what is going on. Either Candice Swanepoel has influenced my friends to the point where they now ship the pair of us or it turns out this entire time some of my dearest friends have been sock puppets of Candice Swanepoel. And given we are talking in some cases about people I have met in real life built very complex lifelike robots to complete the illusion. I am leaning more towards the fan fiction route but Candice has been pregnant a lot lately, meaning she hasn’t been modeling, so she’s had time on her hands. Maybe she’s secretly developed an expertise in robotics? Some people would think that stretches credulity but let’s be honest, it’s no less believable than the idea that a human being could look as good in a bikini as she does. So… I am torn. Either way, well done, Candy, I can’t say you aren’t trying. Today I want to fuck Candice Swanepoel.