Chloe Moretz is in Venice to promote Suspiria at their film festival and well, some of what she has worn is questionable but you know, no more questionable than a Suspiria remake. It seems like my entire adult life Hollywood has been remaking movies and people have been bitching about it. Of course, the truth is Hollywood always remade movies but before the internet people often weren’t aware and so when you slap a new title on an old story form 10 years prior it meant a lot of the audience had no idea and more importantly a lot of them had never seen the previous movie. There were no TVs and there were no video cassettes so once it was gone it was gone. But in the more modern era you remake a movie to keep your job safe. Hollywood is very risk averse and a flop can cost you your job. Unless it’s not your fault. One of the ways Hollywood tests to see if a movie will be successful is to see about name recognition. Remakes automatically have that built in so if they flop an executive can say, “Well, it’s not my fault, all our testing showed it was going to be a hit. Look at the name recognition!”. So that is why we see so many remakes today, it’s a CYA thing. But Suspiria doesn’t feel like a well known movie to me. I say that as an insider looking out. It is a very well regarded film among film scholars and horror fans but I don’t remember kids on the playground ever talking about Suspiria. On top of that, it’s a bullshit nonsense movie like every Dario Argento movie. It is compelling because it is among the most beautiful things ever committed to film. It is a visual feast and just google it and you will see people talking about the color pallet and the use of color. It is a work of art. But like almost everything Argento did it makes no sense. The plot is barely there, it uses ridiculous moon man logic and it’s basically him just throwing shit together and making it look pretty and hoping that’s enough. That was enough for a lot of people. The problem is that makes this movie a bad remake. Because you can ape the visual style and then what’s the point. No one hires a real artist to repaint the Mona Lisa. You just buy an art print. So the director has wisely said he won’t try to do that. Which leaves you with a stupid movie that was all about visuals and you stripped the visuals away. Of course, it could be awesome. Maybe he’s basically just taking the name and the idea of a creepy school. I just feel like they are facing an uphill battle here. So for Chloe’s sake I hope it’s good, I think she has  been in some not great stuff as an adult. As a horror fan I hope it’s good. Oh, also she looks pretty? Did you not come here for my thoughts on Suspiria? I mean, I called the Blog Who I want to Fuck Today, I don’t know how I could have made it clearer that there would be a lot of talk about 70’s Italian Horror. Today I want to fuck Chloe Moretz.