Category: Uncategorized

So I make friends on tumblr which is nice because otherwise you’re the quiet loner and man the media always has a field day with quiet loners.  Anyway, one of my tumblr friends thunderstormofoblivion has a bunch of major tests coming up because in her country they let you graduate and then torture you with a month of studying for the most important tests of your life.  It sounds stressful.  I mean, I couldn’t do it.  I haven’t studied for a test in years and was always kind of sloppy.  I basically always got by on a combination of devastatingly good looks and boundless charisma but it would be unfair for me to expect anyone else to be able to do that.  So other people have to study and… well, I was going to say you should send her an ask wishing her a good luck but I guess that could be distracting?  I don’t know, think happy thoughts?  She probably doesn’t need good luck, winners make their own luck.  I posted Gigi Hadid because I happen to like her but thunderstormofoblivion is obsessed with her.  Again, this seemed like a good idea but now I am realizing what a distraction it could be, so I have to make up some shit on the fly here.  That is that study breaks are crucially important.  According to statistics I just made up stress is the number one killer across the globe.  So sometimes you need to relax and look at pictures of Gigi Hadid.  So anyone reading this just relax, look at these pictures, because it might just save your life.  You’re welcome.  Today I want to fuck Gigi Hadid.

It’s not raining yet but man does it look like it wants to.  It’s foreboding enough I am reluctant to go outside lest I get caught in a downpour.  I am not anit-rain as a thing, sometimes rainy days are  a great excuse to stay inside and read comic books or play a board game or whatever.  One days where you’d really like to walk to the park though rain is less than ideal.  I think that’s why I posted Alexis Ren.  Because the beach sounds so appealing right now, it has all year, it has been on my mind.  I have meditated on modeling and what makes us connect with some models and not others before, especially when writing bout Alexis Ren.  She is of course a minor phenomena on tumblr in that tumblr loves her and she really owes the level of popularity she has to it.  So I have wondered what it is about her work that makes her stand out.  Not because I don’t get it, I get it, but because I tend to wonder why a lot.  Modeling often makes me think in that it goes beyond “Pretty girl is pretty” but I have a really hard time figuring out what it is.  Recently I saw someone post looking at her pictures made it seem like she’d be really fun to hangout with.  I get the impulse, there is something about her work that conveys a feeling.  For me my urge for the beach has less to do with sun and surf than it does with a feeling.  The beach was my favorite as a kid, this weird place of teenage independence I had nowhere else, the ability to wander to the boardwalk alone, to do as I would with my time, just freedom.  It is steeped in nostalgia for french fries and pit beef sandwiches, for taffy and arcade games, for flirting clumsily when my pack of friends would cross another pack of people our age. And I think a good model gives you a lot of room to project, cause those are very specific memories that I can’t imagine Alexis Ren evokes in anyone else but I think what she is good at is evoking an idea, a very Americana one at that, which is summer vacation and beaches and California and just this sense of how our youths were spent.  Well, some of us.  Those of us who no doubt connect with it. So I am posting her because she is hot but also because it is going to rain and I would rather be 100 miles away at the beach than caught inside reading X-Men comics.  So today I want to fuck Alexis Ren.

So everyone can get married now and thank god.  That took long enough.  But good job guys, a thing we can be proud of here in America.  So here is Nicki Minaj cause… America.  Or actually because I was going to post her anyway and then got busy and the decision came down and I decided to tie it into that.  Either way I like Nicki.  I like Equality.  It seems like a pretty good day.  Today I want to fuck Nicki Minaj

Here is Taylor Swift on stage in Scotland because… shiny stuff.  I like shiny things.  I especially like pretty girls in shiny things.  Thus Taylor Swift.  Some times I don’t have a lot to say cause there isn’t a lot of depth to what I am feeling.  I have posted Taylor Swift a lot in the past year, or a lot more than prior to this and it is because she is pretty great and I think we have all largely started to realize that more.   But today she is here cause I really like her sparkly jacked and her sparkly bodysuit, and a her like… I dunno, fringey sparkly thing.  The light up dress is nice too but not the same as something that shines without electrical power. Today I want to fuck Taylor Swift.

Summer movie season doesn’t see me posting a lot of Jessica Chastain usually because she doesn’t really show up in  a lot of blockbusters.  Which is a crime because I can only imagine how she would elevate any action movie she was in.  I very much would enjoy watching Jessica Chastain kick ass.  You know whatever role they gave her she would immediately bring more depth and gravity to.  We have seen other high level actors pull this off in the summer.  It would be nice.  I want to see it.  Still, she was at some sort of thing for Wimbledon the other day and that was enough to get my brain churning about her again.  I actually think I may have had a dream about her because I woke up thinking about her.  Worse things in the world than waking up with Jessica Chastain on the mind. I do so adore her.  So today I want to fuck Jessica Chastain.

The US played last night so obviously I am posting Alex Morgan cause that’s what i do.  I really love watching play in the Better World Cup and I absolutely love Alex Morgan.  It’s so strange, I am bad at favorites but I never was with sports.  I mean, obviously I have my teams, only the worst people in the world vacillate from team to team.  But like favorite players, I lock in, it’s easy.  It was at some point watching the National team play in 2011 that I first saw her and yeah, I saw her getting ready to be subbed in and was like, wow, who is that, she’s beautiful.  Then I saw her play.  Look, I could watch her run all day.  I feel the need to qualify that is not a sexual thing, that is just the joy of watching athletic achievement.  I mean, I know this is the internet and somewhere there is a website called Women on Treadmills or something.  I just love watching her go at full speed, she’s so fast it’s just a joy to watch.  I wish I had gotten to see more of it last night like against Nigeria but you know what?  I’ll take the goal instead.  A joy to watch though.  She is great and today I want to fuck Alex Morgan.

So Gigi Hadid wore this jacket yesterday to some sort of MuchMusic awards and it has her last name across the back and it immediately made me think of boxing robes.  I am going to go ahead and say I love this outfit even though I know there are lot of people who are not fans.  I love it because it makes me think of boxing robes and to be perfectly honest I would love to own a nice silk boxing robe with a hood.  It would be mainly red with gold trim.  It would have my goofy little star in the back, googly eyes and everything.  ON the left breast would be a big question mark or maybe the word “Who” with a question mark after it in gold.  If Gigi Hadid wearing this dress gets me one step closer to this being acceptable attire in public then I am 100% for it and you should be to.  Now, I am sure there are some people who see no appeal in me getting to walk around in a big silk robe but those people are dangerously boring.  Once upon a time I complained there really aren’t fruit sandwiches.  There should be.  Instead of mayo or mustard we could use like, cream cheese and load it up with kiwi and blueberries and stuff.  Someone said, “Isn’t pie basically a fruit sandwich”?  The answer is, of course, no.  It is not and people who think that was are dangerously unimaginative.  They are the kind of people who cannot picture a world being any different than it is.  They live under the oppressive cloud of now, they cannot envision a better world and thus they lose hope.  If there is nothing better to hope for why hope at all?  These people will eventually take it out on others.  These people will, even if they would find a watermelon and strawberry sandwich amazing, do everything in their power to stop you from making one.  Be wary of these people.  So I am posting Gigi Hadid today not just because she is beautiful but because she is a beautiful dreamer.  We should all embrace this so one day we might be wearing kick ass robes and eating fruit sandwiches and drinking Margaritas.  Margaritas won’t be new but they’ll still be delicious and you don’t just have to go around changing everything like some kind of maniac.  Just some things.  Today I want to fuck Gigi Hadid.

So I just got done watching A Deadly Adoption, the Kristen Wiig and Will Ferrel Lifetime movie from last night. It was pretty fantastic but your mileage may vary depending on if you have any older relatives who love Lifetime.  My mom is an educated, intelligent woman but Lifetime movies are like catnip to me.  She will tell me about them in worried tones because these kind of things could happen. And she will tell me at some point, without fail, “You will not believe what the Husband did”.  To which I usually respond, “You’re right I would never believe it”.  History’s greatest monsters are in lifetime movies.  They would make Hitler look like the Duckie option.  But anyway, I am posting Jessica Lowndes because she was in it.  People have tried for a long time to get me into her.  Not like… an organized effort but kind of just a thing where plenty fo people are into her and have asked me why I am not.  I dunno, some people don’t move you.  Like I am aware she has pretty eyes and uh… boobs.  Maybe if I watched 90210.  Anyway, in this she plays the classic hot girl who loses her mind and goes kill crazy because… well, it’s a lifetime movie.  Either you’re a passive, shapeless, sexless woman (the good guy.  Kristen Wiig wears overalls in like, every scene) or you are hot and thus an evil bitch. I just so happen to be one of those people who when a girl suddenly gets super crazy i go, “Oh wait, now i can see a future between us.  Tell me more about how you are now baby and stab crazy”. So you know, psycho girl who they honestly just had her boobs falling out.  It was a combo that works on me. So today I want to fuck Jessica Lowndes.

So I lucked out and got my copy fo Wolf Alice’s My Love is Cool yesterday.  Just sitting on my doorstep when I got home.  This was exciting cause I love new music and if there is one thing I miss from the reign of physical media it’s the excitement of a release.  There was a point in my life when Monday nights meant long lines out the door at Tower records, waiting for midnight to get whatever album was necessary to breathe.  I was on both ends, I worked at record stores on midnight releases, I stood in line.  I got to watch two Jugaloos in full make up scream for 45 minutes at a bunch of emo fans waiting for the new Dashboard Confessional.  It was always amazing. So getting home last night, carefully peeling off shrink wrap and then sliding albums out of the sleeve?  That was great.  Gold vinyl just looking amazing, putting it on and reading the inside cover as I absorbed the music.  These are magic moments I deny myself when I just download things because it is never quite the same.  And Wolf Alice is really good.  I think you guys should give them a listen.  Ellie Rowsell is getting posted cause I love the music and I am always more attracted to artists whose art I love.  She is also quite cute.  But man, musicians are hot.  Electric guitar is scientifically proven to be the hottest instrument on the planet (by scientifically proven I mean I just wrote it and I am not a liar so it must be true).  Thus Ellie Rowsell is here today because today I want to fuck Ellie Rowsell.

When I start to feel like I am posting someone frequently enough to annoy people I start to get a little self-conscious.  Like I should apologize. Like I am sorry I still find Charli XCX so attractive.  I am sorry.  This is of course stupid for multiple reasons.  The first of which is people very likely don’t care.  We need to remind ourselves now and then the world doesn’t revolve around us.  Most if not all of the actions other people take have nothing to do with us.  But of course only an egomaniac would start a blog about one’s personal libido and think anyone would care.  So it could be a struggle for that kind of person. The second reason it is remarkably silly is you guys know what you signed up for.  The blog is called Who I Want to Fuck Today.  I feel like you should know you’re just going to get whoever I am into.  I happen to be remarkably charmed by Charli XCX, which is ingredient one for showing up a lot. I also find her physically attractive on a level that is pretty rare. And thus she shows up all the time.  I guess… sorry I’m not sorry.  She’s hot.  Today I want to fuck Charli XCX.