This is one of the hardest posts I’ve ever done. Which sounds like I am about to drop some heavy shit on you but literally it is almost impossible to find pictures of Daphne Blake on the internet that isn’t porn. Which also sounds like the start of some sort one’s ‘edgy’ fan fiction about the fall of the Scooby Gang but is actually the reality of the internet and fictional characters but somehow especially true for Daphne. There is probably a whole lot I could unpack about why she specifically runs into this (and my ideas range from Hanna-Barbera having notoriously terrible animation and art to her original role on the show simply being the pretty girl which in our culture equates to eye candy and rectification) but I don’t think I’ll do that. Cause it sounds like real effort and I am lazy. Besides, this post is about how great Scooby Doo is. I have posted Daphne once before and to be entirely honest almost posted her a few times in the intervening years but gave up each time due to lack of pictures. But I watched Scoobynatural last night before bed. Which if you don’t know is the Scooby Doo and Supernatural cross over. Which kind of makes sense. I had fallen behind on Supernatural (and spend the last two weeks catching up so I could watch this episode because I am a moron) but when I originally watched it it was at the end of the first season. On the internet someone made a comment about how they would watch a Scooby Doo show meant for adults. Someone commented, “Isn’t that what Supernatural already is?” So I immediately looked up the show because you might not know this but I love Scooby Doo. I don’t know why but given my love of horror and so on I feel like there is a through line there to my current interests. I guess some thins are just always there. And like a large portion of my generation apparently, I always though Daphne Blake was really hot. Always. And I feel like some of my other likes as an adult can maybe be traced back that far as well but then it scares me so I won’t pull that thread. My point is, in the episode, which I thought was a lot of fun, Dean is way into Daphne and deeply loves Scooby and the entire game. I related a lot. Plus, Daphne had maybe my favorite moment when the realization that Ghosts are real sends her into an existential crisis about what it means about the afterlife and where she might end up. So why not post her. I mean, I actually found a few pictures this time and it was fun and while we’re at it we did eventually get Scooby Doo for adults in my opinion, it was Mystery Inc. It ruled. Today I want to fuck Daphne Blake.

I know I just posted Fan Bingbing but in my defense what am I supposed to do if she keeps showing up at events? Not post her? Like some sort of idiot? Look, I am a lot of things but I’m not an idiot. So she’s here. I had no choice is what I am saying. None. She is amazing and demanded to be posted. Today I want to fuck Fan Bingbing.

Here is Barbara Palvin cause she’s pretty hot. I guess you could disagree but at the same time I have included strong photographic evidence so… well, you’re wrong. You’re just embarrassing yourself. I am not even sure why you’d argue this. Is Barbara Palvin not being hot the hill you want to die on? Seems foolish to me. No one will come to your funeral, they’ll all be super embarrassed but also they won’t want to ruin their even tiny chance with Barbara Palvin by looking like they are endorsing your ludicrous stance. Here lies and Internet Dumbass. Too stupid to know Barbara Palvin was hot. No one wants that on their tombstone. Consider me your Ghost of Christmas Future. You may yet change these shadows I have shown you with an altered life. What I am saying is you’re welcome, I’ve probably saved your life with these pictures of Barbara Palvin. For the rest of you sorry, I mean, obviously you already knew she was hot but sometimes you have to reach out to hypothetical internet dumbasses and offer them a helping hand. Today I want to fuck Barbara Palvin.

Here is Fan Bingbing because she was at a thing in uh… I want to say Singapore? But it could have been somewhere else. My brain is blanking. It was far away and for diamonds and thus I only focused on the important information: Fan Bingbing. Anyway, she showed up at a thing and thus she has shown up here. It’s inevitable because just look at her. Which sounds like a beauty thing and obviously she is beautiful but the woman isn’t just beautiful, there is an extra something about her. It makes me think of GI Joe. When I was a kid I wasn’t a big GI Joe fan but obviously most of the boys in my class were and I got sucked into the big Serpentor miniseries because 80’s cartoons were evil toy commercials and knew how to get kid hyped about the stupidest bullshit in the world. It worked with this, somehow everyone knew this big deal thing was going to happen and even those of us who gave a minuscule number of fucks about GI Joe felt like we had to watch this shit. Anyway, Cobra decided to build the ultimate leader by combining the DNA of the greatest leaders in history. It was like Julius Caesar, Napoleon, Hannibal, and Attila the Hun and… there must have been more. Anyway, somehow this mad Serpentor pop out as an adult with super leadership abilities. You know, because that shit is 100% genetic. As a kid this fascinated me as my brain tried to come up with ultimate versions of all sorts of things. Whose DNA would I combine to get this or that? You might wonder what this has to do with Fan Bingbing but it means you’re either not thinking or not giving her enough credit. What I am saying is I am wondering if someone in China didn’t have roughly the same thought and decide to steal the DNA of the most fashionable women in history to create the ultimate style icon. It would make sense, right? Because the woman has a ridiculous range of styles her can pull off and she looks absolutely perfect in every one. I am convinced she could make a trash bag put anything in our closet to shame with the way she wore it. It’s ridiculous. But then I tried to come up with a list and I couldn’t because it’s mainly all dead white women and that felt like it was underselling Fan Bingbing. So I am saying there’s only like a 25% chance she is some super scientist’s experiment to make the most fashionable woman in history. She is probably just naturally amazing. Today I want to fuck Fan Bingbing.

Here is Candice Swanepoel. Eagle Eyed readers might have already picked out that she is possibly pregnant at the moment. I slipped in a picture where, obviously I can’t be sure and hate to say anything insulting, but I get the feeling she might be pregnant. Maybe. See if you can figure out which picture I mean. It’s like a game in the sense that not accidentally drowning yourself when you drink from a water fountain is a game. It’s possible to lose but very unlikely. Anyway I am posting her because she is really pretty. And I mean, obviously I like to throw her a bone now and then because of her clear obsession with me. I can’t say I condone taking the trying to play hard to get to get my attention tot he point of having multiple children but I sort of get it. In junior high I didn’t even realize it was to impress a girl until years later but I totally broke a finger acting like an idiot in gym class. SO you know.. I guess I am saying the pinkie is the second child of the hand. Or something. My point is that this is obviously some sort of kindness on my part, my willingness to admit that the highly successful model is attractive. You’re welcome, Candy. Today I want to fuck Candice Swanepoel.

You can be forgiven if you didn’t know I like Charli XCX because it’s been almost 3 months since I last posted her and that is basically the longest I have ever gone without posting her since she first appeared on this blog. It’s a really long time. It wasn’t intentional. So much exciting is happening too. I am jealous of everyone who got to see her Pop 2 stuff but understand why that can’t hit the road. I guess Taylor Swift fans will get to under appreciate her because that is the perpetual fate of opening acts. People jingling car keys in their pockets and wondering who that is on stage. What a waste. Anyway, I adore Charli and spent a good bit of last night listening to True Romance era stuff. It is interesting how different and yet how her it is. I adore Charli, I feel like those who know me know that and I have loved her evolution that allows for older stuff I love and markedly different new stuff I still love. So here is a mix of old and new pictures because it felt thematically resonant. Today I want to fuck Charli XCX.

The Kids’ Choice Awards were last night which is a thing I think I have literally never seen. It just… well it’s right there in the title. It’s not for me and we didn’t have cable until I was a teenager so it was basically just never for me. I was locked out of Kids Choice viewership from the beginning. But they happen. I know that. Kristen Bell was there and that’s good enough for me because I really like her. It’s a secret, I have probably never even brought it up before. Anyway, that’s it. If you watched I hope you enjoyed? I am willing to settle for just the red carpet pics. Or orange carpet I guess. You get the point. Today I want to fuck Kristen Bell.

So it’s weird with models how they are all pretty but some do nothing for me and some I am really attracted to. I often can’t actually put my finger on what it is about them. I guess maybe that’s true for everyone because some models are more successful than others and it isn’t like those who aren’t as successful are ugly or something. So it isn’t just looks, there must be a certain something. So a lot of times, even though this is a blog largely about me over-thinking why I am attracted to someone, it is a total mystery. I am just into that model. Other times it’s really easy to figure out. They started working with Calzedonia. Which probably sounds insane to almost everyone reading this except for a couple of my close friends who will either roll their eyes to tell me I am weird. But it’s true. This isn’t the first time it happened. But Robin Holzken started working for them this past year and immediately I knew her name. I dunno why. It’s like I dreamed it in response. Anyway, I have been watching her since then. Her career I should say, otherwise I have basically just written my own restraining order, and she is very attractive. And it just felt like it was time for me to post her. There was a new photoshoot by Josie Clough and Robin looked amazing and i was like, hey, I guess it’s time to post her. Cause she’s very pretty. Today I want to fuck Robin Holzken.

I don’t know what is going on with Bella Thorne of late but man she has looked fantastic. I hope Midnight Sun is good or… well based on early reviews that might be too much to hope for, I hope it finds it’s audience cause whatever is going on with it it is working for Bella Thorne. She has really looked amazing doing the press and that is so nice to see. She just looks wonderful. So she is here. Today was a really easy choice. Today I want to fuck Bella Thorne.

Here is Victoria Justice because she keeps showing up at things and she really dresses well. Sure she stole what was clearly a coat meant for me in the final picture but I’ll forgive her this time. My point is I tend to like most of what she wears and she’s pretty. She doesn’t make it here a ton because… she seems to just show up at events these days as far as I know. Like, I never see her in a thing, I just see her in pictures. But sometimes that’s enough. Today I want to fuck Victoria Justice.