So I was watching some shorts on Crypt TV because I just assume that’s a thing everyone does when they can’t sleep and I got to the Sunny Family Cult and this girl Trew Mullen stood out immediately. Not that I knew her name, I had to look it up but I was like, “Hey, that girl murdering those teenagers is really pretty”. And you know, as she sorta seduced, sorta murdered the last one it was like, “She’s really sexy in a creepy way”. It’s a weird reaction but it was my reaction. I am not sure a girl with a knife covered in blood is something I am entirely comfortable finding attractive but I did. Do I guess. Anyway, then I looked her up and it turns out she’s a fashion model and so honestly her whole job is to look amazing so I think I get a pass here. I mean, it’s my blog, of course I get a pass. If I ever stop giving myself passes assume I am dead and someone else is typing this. Anyway, it turns out she is really, really good looking. And boy I am more than happy to post a model who did a damn fine job in a horror short. Like, it’s at it’s core what this blog was made for. Today I want to fuck Trew Mullen.

So the backlash against Ready Player One is really confusing to me. Like, I have dozens of posts here talking about how I feel nostalgia is the enemy of art, so I am ready to be on board with people angry at nostalgia but it feels painfully insincere to me. You’re never going to get me on board with tearing apart a film no one has seen yet, it strikes me as stupid and I have been seeing people shit on this movie for almost a year now. People criticizing movies they have not seen is a pretty big pet peeve of mine in general. Past that, the internet loves nostalgia. I think Nostalgia is a great enemy of art. I also think I can’t go a day without someone talking about the signs that you’re a 90’s kid. You people loved Stranger Things, a show I thought was pretty good but somehow became a cultural phenomena essentially by playing the greatest hits of Steven Speilberg’s 1980’s work and had no reason to be set in the 80’s other than to say, “Hey, weren’t the 80’s rad?” and give us a version of the 80’s that only existed in rose tinted glasses. And the main criticism of the new Star Wars movies seems to boil down to, “This doesn’t make me feel exactly like I felt when I was three years old”. So you know, it just feels insincere. Also, I get the impression most of the people criticizing it haven’t read the book. Which is fine. It is fun but isn’t hardly great. It’s entirely what it is, which is a nostalgia bomb telling the same story that existed in dozens of old sci-fi stories except in the future set in an era obsessed with old sci-fi. And it puts me in this weird place cause I don’t actually care about this movie. Maybe I’ll see it? I don’t care though, I would forget it existed if I didn’t see people talking about how bad it is. Why are you guys making me defend this? Anyway, that’s a long rambly way to say Olivia Cooke was at one of the Ready Player One premiers and she looked good. I hope it is good and successful for her sake because I would like her to become more popular. She is one of those people I am weirdly attracted to. Not in the sense that it would be weird to be attracted to but every now and then someone appears on screen and my attraction is intense. Like, I am drawn to them and I know no one else in the room is going, “Holy shit who is that”. Would they say she’s pretty? Sure. But like on Bates Motel she was not the intended eye candy. Nor was she the ever sexualized even. That was Nicola Peltz’s job. Yet my eyes were always drawn to Olivia Cooke. There is just something about her. So I am glad if she is going to show up on a bunch of red carpets coming up and I will be interested to see how the internet loses it’s mind about the movie. Today I want to fuck Olivia Cooke.

I have been thinking a bit about money recently and how it can be said to not be important but that’s only true if you have it. If you don’t have it tends to rule your life and control you. Hollywood loves to show us stories where people need to stop worrying about money and be happy but the people in those movies are never stressing about if they will be able to make rent this month or not. So  it’s one of those things that there are more important things than money unless you don’t have enough of it at which point it’s the only thing. It’s a weird thing to bring up here but I was thinking about it in reference to Kristen Bell. Whatever you think of the Frozen Monolith it has liberated her career to the point that she can now do anything she wants. She has been open about this. She no longer works to get paid, she does what she wants because money stopped being a concern. Which sort of illustrates my point, money stopped being important because she has so much of it. It has been good for us though, because who knows if the Good Place would have her without it. In some ways, TV is still seen as a career step back, maybe she’d still be making garbage romantic comedies. I mean, I am sure she’ll still make bad movies because… well, she is really supportive of her husband. But it’s nice that we get stuff like the Good Place and when it’s done who knows what else we’ll get. It makes it basically certain if anyone ever does finance a Veronica Mars anything she’ll be down because money won’t be the issue. This is a weird rambling post but that’s ok because I am a weird rambling person and this is my blog. Kristen Bell was at the premier of a Panda movie, which again is a thing I assume she wanted to do because she loves animals and also no one is going to a Panda movie premier to get noticed. I don’t think. I mean I noticed but sadly there is like a good 60% chance at least that Kristen Bell doesn’t think of me when deciding what to do each day. Today I want to fuck Kristen Bell.

Here is Taylor Swift because today is @thunderstormofoblivion birthday. Usually I go into detail explaining why something that seems unconnected is connected but the connection is actually really obvious. Which means if you need it explained it’s because you don’t know @thunderstormofoblivion at all, which makes me very sad for you because she’s fantastic. You should send her a message wishing her happy birthday or something and then cross your fingers it opens a brand new friendship. Maybe do it before you get drunk today, you want to make a good first impression and she’ll likely eviscerate you if you’re a drunk asshole. And yes, I know you’re going to be drinking today because everyone goes out in celebration of her birthday. I assume that’s what all the noise is about at least. I am glad she was born, too, I get it. I haven’t figured out the green thing yet because she’s never mentioned it’s her favorite color but hey, who am I to criticize, it looks fun. Anyway, she loves Taylor Swift like Leprechauns love gold and terrible sequels, so I am posting Taylor. I sometimes have issues with some things about Taylor Swift but she is a hero to legions of kids who grew up with her and you know, from what I know of those kids I guess Taylor’s done a pretty good job as a role model, because the kids are alright, you know. Today I want to fuck Taylor Swift.

So Bella Thorne was at a premier for a movie and she looked really good. This makes me very happy. It’s a silly bellwether, if someone looks good on the red carpet but it happens with me. I worry about child stars. We all do. But in this case I don’t mean int he sense of going wild, though yeah that still happens but thankfully I can’t think of any truly devastated lives of late, thank god. Not in the end of life sort of way at least. But being a teenager is hard, being a teenager in the public eye seems like it would be even harder. And you don’t magically have it all together at 20 either, being a 20 something is in a large part figuring out what it means to be an adult and the sort of person you are going to be. It’s less blatant than it is at 16 but it still involves trying on a lot of different things to see which fits. I am embarrassed by a lot of things 20 year old me did, I am glad it isn’t seen by the entire internet and then nitpicked. So I worry about child stars and in Bella Thrones case some of the red carpet stuff and some of the other stuff has me concerned sometimes. Again, not for end of life but for someone who is struggling. Maybe I am wrong but you know, it seems stressful to have people camping out by your car to snap pictures of you when you get back from a hike with a friend. People following you to document your every step. I think acting out can be a natural reaction and not even a conscious one. So red carpet fashion is a strange way to look at this sort of thing but when she wears something that I like and that I feel like in 5 years she won’t wince… that feels good? Maybe I am wrong. I am probably wrong. I should have just written I liked her dress and her hair and makeup this time. Oh well, maybe one day I’ll outgrow being too verbose. Today I want to fuck Bella Thorne.

I finally caught back up with iZombie. I kinda knew it came back a couple weeks ago but it’s amazing how separated I am from TV airings and when I watch it these days given I was slow to get a DVR and then even once I did I couldn’t imagine not watching it the day it aired. Fear of spoilers or whatever. Now I feel no pressure or care, it’s just nice to have something there when I feel like watching something. It’s mostly liberating but I feel like maybe we’ve lost something. The water cooler, the shared experience. It’s odd to wish fro a mono culture and three channels, and I don’t, but it feels important to point out that all change, even positive ones, can leave bodies in it’s wake. Nothing is all good or all bad. What does that have to do with Aly Michalka? Not a whole lot really. She continues to be beautiful and is really a lot of fun on the show. It’s a better show and role than what she was in when she was someone who was being pushed as a star instead of a supporting playing. So that’s the good. The bad is we see less of her. Not just on the show but in general. I remember all those years ago now when Aly Michlaka graced gossip blogs and photoshoots and that was nice to have too. Because she is beautiful and pictures of beautiful people are nice to have. But it’s mostly good. And she was at a premier the other day, so that’s nice. Today I want to fuck Aly Michalka.

Here is Blake Lively cause she was at a thing for Eye Bangles, which sounded horrifying to me until I realized you wear them on your wrist. Which is a better place to wear jewelry but makes them very poorly named. Anyway, eye and teeth stuff I have a hard time with, even in horror movies so the whole thing seems terribly thought out as far as I am concerned but it is possible I am not their target audience anyway. They could have called them wrist bangles with dangly eyeballs and I still wouldn’t likely buy one either. I am grateful they invited Blake Lively though because she is beautiful and I like looking at her. SHe basically always looks good. So here she is. Today I want to fuck Blake Lively.

I have to say, I did not think that the next time I posted Tove Lo it would be because of Tomb Raider. Like… if I had said that on here it would have been one of my jokes that was a complete non sequitur and I would have twisted myself in knots explaining why it made sense even though I knew it was just an absurdest statement meant to be funny. Yet here Tove Lo is because she was on the red carpet at the LA Premier of Tomb Raider. I don’t know why. Does she have a song in a movie? Did they just invite every Swedish Celebrity there because of Alicia Vikander? Are she and Alicia Vikander friends? I almost don’t want to make that last joke because I don’t think all Swedish people actually know each other but if I don’t I have this over riding fear that someone will reblog this with something like, “Uh, everyone knows they’re best friends because like all Swedish people they went to school together. Truth Serum is an entire EP about their friendship”. Then I’d look like some sort of poser jackass who didn’t know that Alicia Vikander is the person Tove Lo is trying to keep off her mind in Habits. Which if it turns out that’s true I totally knew. I am being coy so you get to feel good about yourself when you put me in my place. It just doesn’t seem accurate. But they could be friends. Who knows. My point is I am pleasantly surprised that the release of Tomb raider has me saying today I want to fuck Tove Lo.

Here is Anne Hathaway because I have always been attracted to Anne Hathaway. Pretty simple math. She was at an event like a week ago and keeps coming up somehow in conversation and otherwise and I don’t know why exactly, she just kept coming up. And she did again yesterday. And so I am posting her. At some point confirmation bias the universe is just trying to tell you something so you need to listen. I guess. My point is I think she is beautiful. Today I want to fuck Anne Hathaway.