Here’s some Sophie Turner for you guys because hey, why not. I posted Natalie Dormer yesterday so this is probably connected. But who knows, the world is a mysterious place full of wonder and mystery. Anyway, she is here and she is pretty so enjoy. Today I want to fuck Sophie Turner.
Here is Natalie Dormer because intense personal research has shown that Natalie Dormer is sexy as fuck. That intense research has involved me seeing pictures of Natalie Dormer as they hit the internet and consistently going, “Wow, Natalie Dormer is sex as fuck”. If the Nobel committee needs an address to send me my medal for this groundbreaking work just shoot me an ask or something. The truth though is just that confidence is sexy and no one exudes confidence like Natalie Dormer. I am convinced if there was a bomb and she walked in and said, “I’ve got this” we’d all just nod and be like, “I mean, she seems like she knows what she’s doing”. We’d all be completely calm until our fiery death because I love her but there is no way drama school taught her how to actually defuse a bomb. It would be a nice end though because we’d all be happy and sure we were going to live thanks to that confidence. And you know, I guess that’s sexy. Today I want to fuck Natalie Dormer.
Happy middle of the week guys! I assume everyone is buy making their Friday the 13th plans already so I’ll keep this short. I am posting Priyanka Chopra because she is just gorgeous. I think she is really pretty and she just keeps popping into my head today. So she’s here. Enjoy. Today I want to fuck Priyanka Chopra.
When is the New Warriors show with Squirrel Girl in it finally coming out? It feels like it’s been approximately 300 years since it was announced and it’s still not here. I have this vested interest in Milana Vayntrub finally being in a thing people see other than AT&T commercials because maybe she’ll be a huge star and we’ll regularly get pictures of Milana Vayntrub and she’ll be in a lot of other stuff. It would be a win win because she is fun to look at and she is really funny. So you know, a feast for the eyeballs and funnybone. Now, I realize that is a really ridiculous expectations for a superhero show that probably won’t be that popular but you know, I can hope. Either way it needs to get here because I am basically tapped out of decent Milana pictures. Selfishly motivated? Sure. But you know, Bernard de Mandeville would have my back on this one, my selfish interests are what drive society forward and to a better place. What I am saying is you’re welcome guys. Today I want to fuck Milana Vayntrub.
Here is Kathryn Newton, who I was going to say is a blast from the past but then I realized I dunno if I ever posted her. It turns out I have not. Which isn’t stunning but I couldn’t be sure because I must have thought about it before. I thought about it last week as I binged a bunch of Supernatural to catch up to the Scooby Doo episode. She is one half of the internet’s dream spin off where it would basically be Supernatural but you know, with girls. Which sounds reductive but for a show that has had a problem keeping women alive it would be refreshing to see the reverse. Anyway, she has never sown up but was in a photoshoot this week so here she is. She should show up at some point. Anytime someone like this shows up in a photoshoot though I find myself wondering just what is going on. Is there something to promote? Is it just some strange one off? I can’t find anything to let me know. That’s ok, people want her in a Supernatural spinoff, mysteries are fun. Today I want to fuck Kathryn Newton.
Chloe Moretz did a photoshoot for…. someone. I should really start writing this down because by the time I am ready to post I can never remember. It was a clothing thing. Except in my brain it was for shoes. So maybe it’s a shoe company? That was my feeling. But I don’t know. Which means one of two things. I am very wrong and talking out my ass or whoever it was I know they are a shoe designer somewhere in the back of my mind. This is a mystery that could be solved with Google but I am in a rush. My point is Chloe Moretz looked great. Because she almost always does in photoshoots. So today I want to fuck Chloe Moretz.
Dove Cameron is one of those people who comes out of that massive child entertainment machine that means I knew the name, I recognize the face, and my brain registers “famous” with both but I could not have told you what she was in or matched the face to the name. That was true for years. And this is not a commentary on her being bland or anything like that but more the fact that Disney is so good at marketing that you learn about what it is selling almost through osmosis. Why do I know her name? I have no idea. Why did I know that face? I have no idea. I just did. I knew my buddy @femalecelebrityoftheday liked her and agreed she was pretty when he posted her but apparently the next day it all blurred together again. So it’s almost embarrassing that she showed up on Agents of Shield… at some point. That also blurs together because I never watch anything in a timely manner anymore. Anyway, she showed up and my response was, that girl is hot, who is she? Well, it was Dove Cameron. Surprise? Kinda. It seems odd for a Disney star that I know almost nothing about but have ideas as to what that entails would have a dramatic role as the badass villain on a Marvel show. Or maybe that makes sense and I am just an idiot. Whatever. My point is she looked really good and continues to look really good and I like evil women a little bit I think? So today I want to fuck Dove Cameron.
So last week pictures of Kelly Brook in lingerie started to show up online but the internet seemed mostly unsure as to why. And I get it, you don’t want to look gift boobs in the mouth or anything but you become curious if there is a reason or if there is more coming or whatever. Well, it turns out it’s because Kelly Brook is going to be a judge for a boob contest. Which, you know, is good work if you can get it I suppose. Or maybe not. I think it would stress me the fuck out to be honest. I don’t think I’d make a good judge for anything because I’d feel really shitty seeing a lot of people put an effort into something and having to tell most of those people their thing I like isn’t good enough. It seems doubly uncomfortable telling a bunch of women their boobs are nice but not blue ribbon boobs. I would feel bad for weeks and probably would try to reach out and tell people I still like their boobs and I am sorry and let’s be honest, that would be way, way worse. There are no winners there except the people who get paid to file the sexual harassment claims against me. So Kelly Brook is better suited. I mean, she’s had boobs for at least 20 years at this point so I guess she knows? I am a little distrustful because the whole thing is run by The Sun and is being touted as a bit of body positivity for women but my research has shown that many sources consider The Sun to be “the worst”. Some disagree but it seems to be mainly because of where they rank the Daily Mail. I am not a British Newspaper expert, though honestly am finding it’s much easier to smugly judge them as opposed to boobs, but there is a question of source and motivation. One person’s exercise in positivity is another’s cynical attempt to objectify and sell papers. So I don’t have an answer about the contest other than I can’t imagine thinking about it again after today because it feels slightly icky at best. But hey, Kelly Brook pictures, so I guess I will take that as a positive. I don’t want to look a gift boob in the mouth. Today I want to fuck Kelly Brook.
I know I just posted Fan Bingbing but in my defense what am I supposed to do if she keeps showing up at events? Not post her? Like some sort of idiot? Look, I am a lot of things but I’m not an idiot. So she’s here. I had no choice is what I am saying. None. She is amazing and demanded to be posted. Today I want to fuck Fan Bingbing.
Here is Fan Bingbing because she was at a thing in uh… I want to say Singapore? But it could have been somewhere else. My brain is blanking. It was far away and for diamonds and thus I only focused on the important information: Fan Bingbing. Anyway, she showed up at a thing and thus she has shown up here. It’s inevitable because just look at her. Which sounds like a beauty thing and obviously she is beautiful but the woman isn’t just beautiful, there is an extra something about her. It makes me think of GI Joe. When I was a kid I wasn’t a big GI Joe fan but obviously most of the boys in my class were and I got sucked into the big Serpentor miniseries because 80’s cartoons were evil toy commercials and knew how to get kid hyped about the stupidest bullshit in the world. It worked with this, somehow everyone knew this big deal thing was going to happen and even those of us who gave a minuscule number of fucks about GI Joe felt like we had to watch this shit. Anyway, Cobra decided to build the ultimate leader by combining the DNA of the greatest leaders in history. It was like Julius Caesar, Napoleon, Hannibal, and Attila the Hun and… there must have been more. Anyway, somehow this mad Serpentor pop out as an adult with super leadership abilities. You know, because that shit is 100% genetic. As a kid this fascinated me as my brain tried to come up with ultimate versions of all sorts of things. Whose DNA would I combine to get this or that? You might wonder what this has to do with Fan Bingbing but it means you’re either not thinking or not giving her enough credit. What I am saying is I am wondering if someone in China didn’t have roughly the same thought and decide to steal the DNA of the most fashionable women in history to create the ultimate style icon. It would make sense, right? Because the woman has a ridiculous range of styles her can pull off and she looks absolutely perfect in every one. I am convinced she could make a trash bag put anything in our closet to shame with the way she wore it. It’s ridiculous. But then I tried to come up with a list and I couldn’t because it’s mainly all dead white women and that felt like it was underselling Fan Bingbing. So I am saying there’s only like a 25% chance she is some super scientist’s experiment to make the most fashionable woman in history. She is probably just naturally amazing. Today I want to fuck Fan Bingbing.
Who I want to Fuck Today 