Tag: Actress

Jessica Chastain almost showed up like 3 times this week and each time someone else got posted, which is a pretty clear sign that I have made a mistake because she is fantastic.  She really was one of two or three people each day I was going to post and for some reason didn’t.  Well, she’s here now because she is doing all of this press for the Zookeeper’s Wife and I have mixed feelings about a movie I have not seen at all yet.  This is mainly because I am dead tired and the older I get the more this impacts me and I guess I am a crank.  I usually don’t judge movies I haven’t seen because that seems fucking stupid.  But part of me is going, “Another Holocaust Drama?”  Not that there are too many but they often tonally are the same and I feel like Jessica Chastain can make any role interesting at the same time I would like to see something that utilizes her better, I feel like all Holocaust stuff is the same sort of award baity stuff.  You could plug almost anyone in.  Then I realize this is beyond dumb because I know nothing about the movie.  Nothing.  I am an idiot.  I just need Jessica Chastain’s output to be superhuman I think.  She’s already in like 2 movies every year but I think I am going to need 20-30 a year to really scratch that itch.  Some might say I am being unreasonable but I have already kind of forgotten what I said because I am really tired.  Today I want to fuck Jessica Chastain.

Here is Anne Hathaway because she is in April’s Elle and since I saw pictures from it I have been waiting for them to come out in high quality.  They did.  Hooray.  She looks beautiful because she is beautiful but also they did a good job of just clean photos that were simple and show what… I am not sure the word for it, the essence of her beauty?  Simple, clean, elegant.  Just a porcelain goddess really.  I dunno, I am trying to bullshit and it’s not working.  She looked great so she’s here.  Today I want to fuck Anne Hathaway.

Here is the beautiful and talented Kristen Bell cause she was at a screening of CHIPs.  Or CHiPs.  I can’t remember.  Look, it was a show that was immensely popular when I was a small child and at like 3 years old my friends and I used to watch it in syndication in the afternoons at our babysitter’s house because it was guys wearing sunglasses riding motorcycles so we assumed it was super cool.  I haven’t seen it since and I have my doubts about how it’s aged.  So what about making bad 80’s melodramas into comedies now?  I guess it could be good?  I have no idea, it seems like such a strange tactic to remake something with no real fanbase or love.  I guess it’s easier thank thinking of a cool new acronym.  Anyway, there were surprisingly a number of people I almost posted today but Kristen Bell won out because I love Kristen Bell, a well documented fact that will no doubt lead to a swift restraining order against me one day.  Today I want to fuck Kirsten Bell.

Hayley Atwell is getting posted cause she showed up somewhere.  It’s basically that simple.  I adore her as does pretty much anyone who has taken the time to get acquainted with her work.  She is just so stupid charming.  It’s ridiculous. So she was at the Three Empire Awards last night and being not in England I have no clue what these are other than the fact that there have been other awards in the past that are the <something> Empire Awards.  So I don’t know if Three is a sponsor of if this is a whole other set of Empire awards or what.  Either way, it seems anachronistic, you guys lost the Empire.  Everyone knows it.  But I’ll let it pass this time since it got us Hayley Atwell in a lovely black dress.  Today I want to fuck Hayley Atwell.

Charli XCX was at some sort of thing last night, fashion oriented for Max Mara but I have no more details than that.  The important thing is she just looked great.  A very simple, traditional green dress but I thought it was fantastic on her.  And you may not have figured this out but I actually don’t need much to end up posting her here.  So here she is because today I want to fuck Charli XCX.

Well guys, here is Scarlett Johansson because she is everywhere due to Ghost in the Shell promotional stuff.  Now, whatever you think of her casting in this movie (and if you’re critical you’re probably right) she is just here because she is pretty.  I probably won’t see the movie, at least any time soon.  Not out of protest, I mean, that would be noble but the truth is I just don’t care about the movie at all.  I remember when the anime went out and everyone went apeshit (by everyone I mean like two kids I knew who were the only ones in my school who watched anime, which we all called Japanimation back then, because if my generation got anything right it was a deep understanding that anime is for nerds) but I didn’t care because there is something about the visual language of anime that doesn’t appeal to me.  At all.  So I never watched it and a live action adaptation doesn’t appeal either.  Non of that is important though.  Here is what is important, today is my dear friend @thunderstormofoblivion’s birthday.  It’s important because she’s great so feel free to wish her happy birthday.  Now, I will give you my normal warning to be polite/not creepy/not an asshole when messaging some girl you don’t know on the internet but this time it’s for your sake, cause she’ll fuck you up, boys.  She’s stomp all over you and it won’t be a gentle tap dance on your spine, it’ll be like a fucking marching band.  You’ll be ruined.  So for your sake be polite, she’s dangerous and not to be fucked with.  Look, I don’t want to have to hear about her licking some young boys blood from her claws yet again.  Anyway, she is well acquainted with beauty, so she should appreciate Scarlett Johansson as well.  Today I want to fuck Scarlett Johansson.

So I am uncertain if I will end up seeing Beauty and the Beast.  I mean, it’s not really for me and I don’t really understand a live action remake of a cartoon because… I guess I like cartoons fine and unless you are adding nuance or strengthening things thematically for an older audience I am not sure why you do it.  And animated classics from Disney are not typically lacking in strong themes or visuals.  From what I see it follows the same story, which is about a girl who can read and thus is doomed to a life so loveless celibacy because the only eligible bachelor in town is a fuckboy named Gaston and Belle, being intelligent, knows that would end in murder suicide when she accidentally knocked something over in his super sweet mancave.  Luckily, thanks to a twist of fate, things take a turn and the movie becomes the most romantic movie about Stockholm syndrome ever as we get a working example of everything being ok if you just marry up while also a wonderful example of why the French Revolution had to happen.  The aristocracy is corrupt and neglectful and their mistakes harm everyone under them.  I am not a Marxist but I also have no desire to be a tea cup because some foppish 10 year old is a shallow prick. Anyway, we all know the story, and I am not sure I will see it but from the first stills I have been amazed with how perfect Emma Watson looks in the role. Obviously I post a lot of beautiful women here but I do feel a certain elegance and grace is required to pull off a woman named Beauty.  So from day one she has seemed to be excellent casting and she looked great and at the slew of premiers over the past few weeks she has just looked fantastic.  I love some of the gowns she’s worn.  So I am posting her.  Today I want to fuck Emma Watson.

Ugh.  Ok, so the time changed and that sucks and of course my brain in response decided last night would be a great night to not shut up and never sleep.  Like, let’s go through every failed relationship in our life and then maybe stress about money or maybe we could think about embarrassing things we’ve done before or dwell on if we should have done this thing instead of that thing. Because my brain hates me and I am this fucking close to stabbing it with a Q-tip guys.  Anyway, the Kids Choice Awards were last night, a thing I was made aware of because Youtube started playing ads for it yesterday because Google is either way off about my age or eerily accurate about my interest in possible red carpets.  Either way, I knew I would be posting someone from it today cause that’s just always how this sort of thing works.  Anyway, I expected Demi Lovato when the commercials listed who would be there but I asked my buddy @wildflagsure to give me a report because it was hosted by John Cena and you may not know this but John Cena has a headlock around her heart. Her deepest desire in the world is to have bouncing baby Cenas running around her house.  Anyway, she fell down on the job and I am dragging today so it feels like the day is over and I am just getting to this.  And Peyton List won, which is a little surprising.  She’s pretty but it seems like everyone I know likes her way more than I do so I am always almost like, reactionary in not posting her.  It’s like… I don’t know, I don’t want to trample someone’s garden or… that doesn’t even make sense.  I lost my train of thought here.  I am like, really, really tired guys.  Anyway, here she is because she looked the best in my opinion.  Today I want to fuck Peyton List.

So Bérénice Marlohe was at the screening of a movie called Song to Song at SXSW last night and I saw the pictures and it was like, oh right, she’s amazingly beautiful.  Not that I ever see her in anything because you know, French. Sorry, that sounds like I have something against the French, and I do, obviously, but that’s not what I am getting at here.  I just mean she is mainly in French Films and while I try to be worldly and so on I don’t really watch that many modern foreign films.  Because there is a 100 year back catalog I am still trying to work through.  It’s one of those things.  But she is just so beautiful and I saw her and was like, man, I haven’t posted her in forever, she looks so good.  Then I went looking at pictures and well… here we are.  Today I want to fuck Bérénice Marlohe.

So today we will get a preemptive Riverdale post because… look, I probably will be way into Camila Mendes in the episode and I’ll probably love how totally nuts and awesome the show is.  So why not get it in now, ahead of time?  I used to do this all the time, excitement for a show airing already putting someone in my head but it has happened a lot less recently.  Part of that has to be my TV viewing habits.  It’s so strange to think that so many of us used to sort of schedule our lives around TV.  I don’t remember blowing people off to watch Seinfeld and Friends on Thursday nights in High School, because you know, it was High School, you aren’t really going out Thursday nights.  But I also just kind of knew in the back of my head my night would involve me getting home from practice, doing homework and then heading downstairs to watch TV.  It’s almost nice to be excited enough about a show to at least at the moment plan to watch it when it airs.  Or right after.  My DVR is a butthead sometimes and doesn’t cooperate when I am recording stuff and watching it.  I can’t imagine any of you care.  My point is Camila Mendes is beautiful and so today I want to fuck Camila Mendes.