Tag: Actress

So I would never call Saturday Night Live my favorite show because frankly Saturday Night Live is never good enough to be my favorite show.  And I don’t mean lately, I really and truly mean never.  Saturday Night Live might be one of the most important shows in my life though.  And I still enjoy it.  I still watch it because I have been watching it for basically my whole life.  Growing up, it had this mythic quality, and not just because my parents and their friends talked about how good it used to be and how it had really declined.  There was this magical original cast.  That’s when things were truly great.  This holds appeal, it’s why it’s not just the basis of so much of our literature, it’s really the basis of our culture.  Look around the world and most cultures have stories of how much better things used to be.  Not just in the cranky old man sense.  There is of course the Garden of Eden (or the golden people of Greek Mythology or whatever, you don’t care) but also there is the general thrust of almost 1000 years of Western history spent trying to recapture the glory of the Roman Empire.  The best Star Wars movies don’t start with the Universe being awesome, no, the Universe used to be awesome, now it kind of sucks but this kid might be able to get things back.  So SNL had that kind of pull always.  Mix that in with the truly epic ability to stay up late.  Kids would brag about having seen an episode on Monday because we didn’t have DVRs or the internet.  It was live or nothing. So if you saw Wayne’s World you were clearly pretty fucking cool.  It also means the only time I saw SNL were times I either snuck out of bed and into the basement to watch or at slumber parties.  So these memories have power.  So while it is not my favorite show i have deep love for SNL.  Nostalgia is a powerful thing.  And all of that is really why Vanessa Bayer is here.  She didn’t do anything special last night, I don’t recall her looking and particular way that stood out.  I have just been attracted to her basically since she joined the show.  She has shown up here before actually.  She is pretty, she is funny, but there is just something kind of pleasant and likeable about her in general.  I think really it’s all got to be influenced by how important SNL always was to me growing up.  She becomes part of the myth, too.  But whatever the reason today I want to fuck Vanessa Bayer.

Here is Alison Brie who hasn’t shown up in almost a year which is just a crime.  But it’s because Community was gone.  It’s not quite back yet of course but clearly the universe is getting ready for it’s return because Alison Brie has just popped up all over the place in front of me recently. I mean not literally but… well you know, you get idioms, right?  Anyway, I could talk about the return of Community as to why she is here but the truth is she is just really hot and looks good in these pictures so she’s here today.  Today I want to fuck Alison Brie.

So Netflix has been suggesting this thing for me called Danger 5.  It looked pretty stupid so I watched it and it turns out to be pretty stupid in the most perfect way.  It is about a group of 5 spies who are battling Hitler and fighting his evil schemes and basically it is a show that feels like it was exactly made for me.  I am still not convinced it’s real.  It might have been a fever dream.  Anyway, as I was clicking on it I was like, “That blonde girl is pretty cute”.  As I watched the first episode I was like, “That blonde girl is pretty hot”.  It all made sense because she also appeared to be British and that’s pretty much my wheelhouse, blonde and British but as is fitting for a spy show it was all subterfuge.  The entire show is Australian.  She is Australian.  very tricky.  Anyway, I absolutely love the show, I find her more attractive every episode and so today I want to fuck Amanda Simons.

I know today is usually Hayley Atwell Wednesday and it almost was but… look, Agent Carter may not be back and that makes me sad but Parks and Rec is definitely not coming back.  It’s over.  That needs to be commemorated and it is what I am thinking about today.  How great the show was, how much I will miss it and so on.  Now, it is tempting to make this bigger than it is.  This was the last tie to NBC’s old Must See TV Thursdays, which for most of my life was an epic block of comedy.  Seriously, when I was a kid the Cosby Show was the biggest thing on TV (you know, before that shit got dark), as was Cheers, and Seinfeld, and Friends.  And I could take a trip down nostalgia lane about all of that and how it leads to this but I don’t need to.  The show was simply great on it’s own and amazingly had a heart a lot of comedies don’t.  I was thinking last night about how the show was almost always punching up instead of down.  There weren’t really butts of jokes, just interesting characters playing off of each other.  And yes, even Aubrey Plaza’s acerbic character had that heart of gold and helped people.  I can’t remember if the show introduced me to her or if it was something else, I know she was in a few things around that time.  She is hilarious, she is gorgeous, she is a huge talent.  I look forward to what is next, I guess movies.  But I will miss her and the entire Pawnee crew so today I want to fuck Aubrey Plaza.

Here is Jessica Chastain who I happen to be a pretty big fan of, something you probably are aware of if you have followed me for a while.  She also looked fantastic at the Oscars, at the parties associated with the Oscars, at the Foreign Language Films thing… and so on.  Anyway, I felt like posting her today because… she is beautiful and talented.  I guess that is what I said yesterday about Anna Kendrick.  I have a thing for really good actresses?  I am ok with that.  Today I want to fuck Jessica Chastain.

I knew I was going to have trouble today deciding who to post and certainly there was some competition but honestly in the opening number when Anna Kendrick came out in her dress from Into the Woods I was pretty sure the race was over.  She is so gorgeous and talented and hearing her sing really gave her an unfair advantage.  Also, I loved what she wore to the Oscars.  Because I am super cool I did watch some of the red carpet coverage and I heard some people say her dresses color was too casual for the Oscars.  I am here to say they are morons because it is perfect.  And she looked amazing. And um… I think she’s great?  I do like her a whole lot guys.  Today I want to fuck Anna Kendrick

So I had a lot of trouble choosing who to pick today.  Which means I am going to be in real trouble tomorrow because if the Independent Spirit Awards gave me too many options the Oscars are going to crush me. So this pick is later than usual because of that but also because of an intense discussion about which song is more deeply misogynistic the Rolling Stone’s “Under my Thumb” or Neil Young’s “A Man Needs a Maid”.  And also which one is better. Anyway, I have moved past that and am just listening to Isaac Hayes instead.  None of that matters because I am here to take about Kristen Bell.  Though since she is all around amazing and perfect I am sure she would have interesting thoughts about the subject.  I guess she won the Independent Spirit Awards?  Maybe?  I don’t know if she won by dress alone but she won my heart years ago so she is here.  Of course, she was in the news this week for voicing the controversial opinion that maybe you shouldn’t let your children die of preventable diseases.  I can see why there are two sides to that argument.  What if your kid is kind of a dick?  Maybe polio will wipe that smirk off his face!  Anyway, she’s welcome to her insane opinions that rubella is to be avoided.  And you know, I want to have her babies.  So today I want to fuck Kristen Bell.

It’s Wednesday so that means it’s Hayley Atwell day.  Agent Carter continues to be awesome.  Peggy Carter continues to be awesome.  Hayley Atwell continues to be super awesome.  I am not even sure what else I can say about her, I post her every week.  So just look at how pretty she is and um… remember how great she is.  Unless you’ve never had the chance to experience that, then just stop what you’re doing and go watch something with her in it.  Right now.  You can get another job!  Today I want to fuck Hayley Atwell.

It dawned on me the other day that Olivia Cooke makes me think of Kitty Pryde.  Or maybe I am attracted to her because I am attracted to Kitty Pryde.  I am not saying she should be Kitty Pryde or something but rather there is a similar element there.  I have loved comic books for a very long time and my favorite was always the X-Men.  For whatever reason the X-Men spoke to me.  Kitty Pryde has been referred to as every X-Men fan’s first girlfriend.  This is problematic in some ways but in other ways is understandable.  She was smart, kind, the only mistakes she ever made came from trying to do the right thing, she was younger than everyone else, a little socially awkward, and she was a noble super hero.  Like in teen comedies despite being pretty like every super hero or actress she never could seem to get boys attention, that always went to Illyana or later Rachel and so on.  So of course young nerds who maybe weren’t even ready to admit they liked girls would find themselves going, “I’d talk to you Kitty…"  And thus it goes, we all had a crush on her because she embodied that whole, you know, girl we knew we could get along with but was also approachable.  Anyway, I realized that Olivia Cooke is the person on Bates Motel I most often find myself attracted to and it’s because she fills a similar role for the audience.  She is good.  She is kind.  She is vulnerable, an outsider because of a slight weakness.  She doesn’t really have friends.  Boys certainly don’t give her the time of day.  Yet she is gorgeous and has those big, lovely eyes.  And you go, oh, well, everyone else may not pay attention to her… but I’d make out with her.  I’d throw her that bone.  Which of course is kind of scary and condescending, that so many of us are going, "What I want is a really desperate girl.  Someone without options who will think I am a hero”.  But it is what it is.  Or I could be over thinking it.  I know, that’s rare for me, I would never write 400 words about some girl or something here.  But maybe this time. Just once.  I do find her very attractive though and today I want to fuck Olivia Cooke.

There have been many times over the course of running this blog that Judy Greer has come close to appearing here.  This is pretty much 100% because she is a comedy all-star.  That’s not to say she isn’t pretty, she is definitely pretty but it almost doesn’t matter at all because she charms me so much by being absolutely hilarious in everything.  She is one of those performers who is so strong that you can just plug her into something and even if that something sucks the part she is in will be elevated and she will be hilarious.  Of course, you put her in something good, say Arrested Development or Archer or whatever, and it is just amazing (and yeah, I have had some discussions with a friend about the fact that her character on Archer is strangely attractive and yeah, most of that has to do with what Judy Greer infuses the character with).  So that is why she is here.  Pretty much.  I just finished her book so she’s is on my mind I guess today?  I was kind of thinking about how funny she is.  There is a lot to like so today I want to fuck Judy Greer.