Halloween is done guys and thus it’s time to move on to the next thing. Summer. Obviously.  Or not obviously.  I mean that was a joke.  I guess I need to clarify since so many Brits felt the need yesterday to explain to me that Guy Fawkes Night is not the same thing as Halloween.  One guy even explained that it is not a mispronunciation of Halloween but an entirely separate Holiday.  Thanks, Internet, glad you’re on the job guys.  So I am joking about summer.  Unless you’re in Australia, in that case feel free to explain to me how you guys do seasons wrong.  And please, please correct me that they aren’t wrong but it has to do with what Hemisphere you live in (You know, the right one and the wrong one).  I really just wanted to post Alexis Ren because she’s pretty and it was easiest to choose a bunch of bikini pictures because she has done a lot of modeling for swimwear lines.  And htey are better pictures than the somewhat bland catalog pictures in front of a white wall that come with clothing lines sometimes.  But mainly because Summer is right around the corner and there is nothing else between Halloween and Summer.  Not a thing.  Today I want to fuck Alexis Ren.

So apparently Alexis Ren was in Maxim and… I didn’t know Maxim was still a thing.  That’s not me trying to slag on Maxim, I just had in my mind somewhere that the last 3-4 years saw every magazine like that close shop because they just can’t compete with… I guess Instagram?  I mean, the internet in general but like I don’t think anyone really got Maxim for the articles and it isn’t that hard to find hot girls and more specifically hot celebrities looking hot thanks to social media.  Also, if you want kind of douchey advice on how to trick women into bed or whatever the internet definitely has you covered there.  Just search red pill or mystery method or whatever brand new thing there is out there that imagines women as a puzzle to be solved rather than human beings to interact with. Sorry, that’s a tangent.  I didn’t know it was a thing and it probably says something about the power of the internet that she is now on the cover of Maxim with the it boldly proclaiming her a social media star when Instagram Model is a dismissive thing I have seen hurled her way event his year.  There is a lot there to make me roll my eyes, including the idea that a working model who used social media to get famous is somehow less a real model than… someone who fame just shows up for?  I am not sure what the other angle there is.  It’s kind of easy to shit on stuff I guess.  Like I did on dudes who think manipulation is the key to love.  I am guilty of it too.  Sorry guys, that was a low blow.  Anyway, it turns out she looked really good in the Maxim shoot so good for her.  I ended up mainly posting her in bikinis though because I am deeply lazy and pictures of her in bikinis are everywhere.  Today I want to fuck Alexis Ren.

Here is Alexis Ren mainly just cause she has shown up in a bunch of campaigns of late and I think she is doing excellent work.  I really like what I have seen and obviously she’s attractive and it’s just that simple.  Like, I don’t know that it is going to drive me to buy jewelry or make up but hey, you never know.  Maybe ColourPop will stick around in my head and I won’t even know why when I am buying stacks of lipstick in two months.  I am not saying Alexis Ren is part of a Capitalist conspiracy to send subliminal suggestions directly into my brain, I am just saying I am an easily influenced idiot.  I will watch the Superbowl and there will be 100 McDonald’s commercials and Monday I will be craving a Big Mac.  And all day Monday I will go, “That’s so strange, I don;’t even like McDonald’s, oh well, no reason to fight it”.  So, you know, if you see me wearing a bunch of rings soon you’ll know why.  Also, say hi, it’s creepy that you can see what I am wearing and I am unaware of it.  Today I want to fuck Alexis Ren.

It’s gotten stupid and cold again and so here are some pictures where it looks like it’s probably nice and sunny out to warm you guys up.  Alexis Ren also happens to be in them.  Nice coincidence that.  So enjoy the pictures of sunny locales and also Alexis Ren as a bonus, though I assume most people are interested in the sand.  Today I want to fuck Alexis Ren.

Here’s Alexis Ren cause she sure is pretty, right?  I am not sure why she was on my mind other than having a day planned outside and it’s going to be hot so man, being at the pool or the beach would be nice.  But I am not going to be.  She gets to be.  In these pictures at least.  It looks pleasant.  She is very pretty.  I really don’t have a lot more to say than that.  Today I want to fuck Alexis Ren.

When, in the course of human events, it becomes necessary for one people to dissolve the political bonds which have connected them with another, and to assume among the powers of the earth, the separate and equal station to which the laws of nature and of nature’s God entitle them, a decent respect to the opinions of mankind requires that they should declare the causes which impel them to the separation.  We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable rights, that among these are life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness.  So suck it, King George!  I am putting up Alexis Ren today because America guys.  America.  I almost wanted to do Nicki Minaj again because it was hilarious to watch racists who didn’t realize they were racist try to explain why she wasn’t a real American that one time without using the phrase “because she’s black”.  But Alexis called to me.  Because of Freedom and Liberty guys. Enjoy your 4th and enjoy these pictures, every shot of a beautiful woman is a blow against the Tyranny of a corrupt, old system of nobility.  Anyway, I have a busy day, I have to go throw all the team in my house into the bathtub before throwing up a middle finger as hard as I can in the direction of Windsor Castle. So, for America, today I want to fuck Alexis Ren.

I am posting late today.  Usually when this happens I couldn’t think of someone or was torn between multiple people or something.  It is inspiration driven somehow, either too much or too little.  Today i just got busy and next thing I know it’s almost time for femalecelebrityoftheday to post. Whoops.  Well, here is Alexis Ren.  I am not sure if i hadn’t gotten distracted I would have posted her this morning because I don’t think I had anyone in mind really.  But usually someone pops into my head at some point.  For some reason in the past when I have posted her I have waxed Philosophical or waxed nostalgic or… waxed something else you wax.  The moon?  Hardwood floors?  Do you wax those?  Man, I have hardwood floors, I should really look into how you take care of those.  Anyway, she’s just here because she’s pretty and today I want to fuck Alexis Ren.

It’s not raining yet but man does it look like it wants to.  It’s foreboding enough I am reluctant to go outside lest I get caught in a downpour.  I am not anit-rain as a thing, sometimes rainy days are  a great excuse to stay inside and read comic books or play a board game or whatever.  One days where you’d really like to walk to the park though rain is less than ideal.  I think that’s why I posted Alexis Ren.  Because the beach sounds so appealing right now, it has all year, it has been on my mind.  I have meditated on modeling and what makes us connect with some models and not others before, especially when writing bout Alexis Ren.  She is of course a minor phenomena on tumblr in that tumblr loves her and she really owes the level of popularity she has to it.  So I have wondered what it is about her work that makes her stand out.  Not because I don’t get it, I get it, but because I tend to wonder why a lot.  Modeling often makes me think in that it goes beyond “Pretty girl is pretty” but I have a really hard time figuring out what it is.  Recently I saw someone post looking at her pictures made it seem like she’d be really fun to hangout with.  I get the impulse, there is something about her work that conveys a feeling.  For me my urge for the beach has less to do with sun and surf than it does with a feeling.  The beach was my favorite as a kid, this weird place of teenage independence I had nowhere else, the ability to wander to the boardwalk alone, to do as I would with my time, just freedom.  It is steeped in nostalgia for french fries and pit beef sandwiches, for taffy and arcade games, for flirting clumsily when my pack of friends would cross another pack of people our age. And I think a good model gives you a lot of room to project, cause those are very specific memories that I can’t imagine Alexis Ren evokes in anyone else but I think what she is good at is evoking an idea, a very Americana one at that, which is summer vacation and beaches and California and just this sense of how our youths were spent.  Well, some of us.  Those of us who no doubt connect with it. So I am posting her because she is hot but also because it is going to rain and I would rather be 100 miles away at the beach than caught inside reading X-Men comics.  So today I want to fuck Alexis Ren.

Posting Alexis Ren is always a bit of work because there are so many pictures to choose from and when you have too much of a choice it can become difficult.  There is no excuse to select poorly and with someone like Alexis Ren.  By select poorly I mean I want to get pictures that embody what it is about her that is appealing, what it is that clicks and makes her so beloved to so many people on tumblr.  It would be easy to write that off as “hotness” but I am not sure that is really true because some models seem to connect with people better than others and the ones who are less popular it certainly isn’t because they are ugly.  As you get older you realize advertisers really only sell us a few things and sex isn’t one of them.  Sex is just what they use to distract you from what they are really selling.  I feel like those things are either lack of loneliness or nostalgia.  Every product out there they try to tell us will make you feel not so all alone or it will help you recapture that spark you lost years ago.  I feel like that is why Alexis Ren works as a model, because she embodies youth.  I don’t mean that in a creepy way but I mean a feeling of youth.  Not hers, yours.  Her best pictures embody this sort of happy, carefree teenagerdom that I think is appealing to even people in their early 20′s because we are all nostalgic for things that never even really happened.  Even for people who didn’t have the happiest childhood it is easy to remember the most exciting parts through rose tinted glasses and forget the responsibility and work and hard times that even teenagers have.  And that is the power of the best Alexis Ren pictures, the power to invoke an idyllic day on the beach with your friends that never actually happened but your brain will manage to twist enough that you can find a memory to fit it.  She will make you feel that again for a little bit and that will be nice.  Or I am projecting.  that is possible since I think the true power of models is often to be a blank slate for us to project onto, the best model can be everything for everyone just by existing. It probably doesn’t matter since most of you will reblog this without text.  Today I want to fuck Alexis Ren.