Tag: Athlete

This post is about It Follows.  I saw It Follows yesterday and it has been churning around in my mind as excellent films are want to do.  So It Follows is here.  This is not a knock against Maika Monroe, indeed she is a large part of why it is so excellent, it’s just that she is also infused with my love for the movie.  I want so badly to talk about it but I also don’t want to spoil it.  I went in mostly blind, other than highly touted and ridiculously well reviewed I didn’t know anything about this movie going in.  I mean, I knew it was by the guy who mad the Myth of the American Sleepover, and I liked that movie, but that isn’t really a plot thing.  The movie was excellent, at once reminiscent of so many things but also wholly unique in how it felt. Maika Monroe was the lead, playing the pretty girl everything revolved around and she is indeed pretty but that’s not why she’s here.  She is here because the entire cast gave just excellent, naturalistic performances as teenagers and a group of friends with a lot of history but hers was the best. There are a couple moments where her acting was just awesome.  This one scene in a hospital.. it’s wordless and it is so good.  The movie is so good.  I really want ot talk about it so you know, if you’ve seen it send me an ask, we’ll talk about the movie.  Maika Monroe has now been in two things in a row that I have thought she was really good in.  She is also apparently a professional kiteboarder which is just stupid because how many things does someone need to be good at?  I don’t know, I liked the movie, I liked her performance so today I want to fuck Maika Monroe.

Here is McKayla Maroney because… she showed up in some pictures for some event that had a really long name I didn’t understand.  I think it had something to do with the Kid’s Choice awards?  Maybe.  I dunno.  I am posting her basically because I think she is pretty and I find reactions to her (and really a lot of Olympic athletes) fascinating.  First there are the dedicated fans of the sport.  Gymnastics, figure skating, curling, whatever, these are marginal sports.  They are not where most eyes are and most people know nothing about them but every 4 years they become the biggest eyeball grabbing sports in the world.  Well, not curling but some of them. But there are people who follow these things not at the Olympics, you know, the 4 years in between they still care.  I have found in my perusing of these things that a lot of these people are hyper critical dicks. Which I get, when you like a niche thing you kind of become protective and weird but one of the things I have read is that McKayla Maroney is lazy and out of shape.  Which is mind blowing to me cause… she looks to be in better shape than most people I know and I am not sure how you can knock anyone for being lazy who put in the kind of work required to be an Olympic athlete before 18.  Like, seriously, these are people who at 12 were at the Gym at like 6 AM before school.  Do you know what the fuck I was doing at 12?  Me either, no one remembered because it sure as fuck didn’t matter but it probably involved mainly horror movie watching, video game playing, and inventing overly complex games of tag to play in the woods near my house.  I also slept until like 10 if I could.  So that’s inside her sports fandom, outside it I see people who get critical of former Olympians for… trying to stay famous?  For daring to show up during a time that is not the Olympics.  Like how dare they try to make some money or… get a career post the career that can’t seem to last past the age of 19.  I dunno, I feel like there is more I could say about this but I was woken up by a 10K outside my window at 6 AM this morning.  Look, if you guys want to hate on athletes hate on the dicks who think it’s fun to run through my neighborhood while their friends bang on garbage cans and shit.  Those people are the real monsters.  Anyway, McKayla Maroney makes me think about a lot of things and I think she is pretty.  I will also always be forever impressed by the ability she has, I think it’s amazing.  So today I want to fuck McKayla Maroney.

While I am getting better I am still crazy tired.  And have been sleeping more than not still, despite my hopes to like, be awake all of yesterday.  So I know there were some awards things yesterday but I haven’t even looked.  What I have seen though was yesterday at one point when awake I turned on my TV and the X Games were on and it was the women’s slopestyle finals.  And there was Silje Norendal getting ready and it was like, oh right, she looks like she was grown in a lab to just be beautiful.  Which of course is ridiculous.  If she was grown in a lab it couldn’t be just to be beautiful because she won the gold in women’s slopestyle and she’s an Olympic athlete so she was clearly grown in a lab to be an amazing snowboarder.  Being gorgeous was just a side effect.  That or they wanted an amazing and beautiful snowboarder.  Scientists can be power mad like that.  It’s probably too much to invest in one person, scientists.  Or I guess she could just naturally be this gifted.  That happens too.  Anyway, I am posting her today because not only is she very pretty I am just always wowed by the things athletes can do.  I post a lot of people who are good at their job but there is something very stark about the reminder when watching a professional athlete that they are quite often the single best person on the planet at what they can do.  It’s just humbling.  Also she’s very pretty.  Today I want to fuck Silje Norendal.

I thought I was joking yesterday when I declared this America weekend or whatever (which is funny on it’s own because let’s be honest, every weekend is America weekend) but here I am posting McKayla Maroney who should fill us all with Patriotic fervor.  Or at least respect.  Which is going to lead me down a path of lecturing people I don’t know so buckle up!  I continue to see basically two sets of comments about her, one where people refer to her as like… we’ll shorten the phrase to tease and the other where people basically talk about how she is a remarkably frivolous person for posting vines of herself being goofy.  These bother me for lots of reasons, the tease one cause, um, no, you’ve never met her, or probably any of the celebrities you attach that too.  They aren’t teasing you.  They don’t actually give a fuck about you because they don’t even know you exist.  That’s kind of human nature though, we often forget that we are not the smartest, cleverest center of the universe.  And yeah, she probably forgets that, too, given that she works the angles pretty hard in her selfies.  That’s part of being young though, you think adults are stupid and never put together than you didn’t invent shit.  I promise you there were artists angling just so when doing self portraits 200 years ago.  The second… the idea that having fun or you know, not caring if you look silly somehow lowers a person’s worth.  Well, first, maybe you should take yourself out of the habit of going around judging human worth because… that’s a really dangerous dehumanizing path but also just stop watching.  Your life will be so much richer if you stop consuming stuff you hate.  I promise.  And then finally I just included the final gifs because I want to point out that McKayla Maroney can do a thing with her body no one reading this can. Unless you happen to be a world class gymnast.  If you are drop me a line, I am fascinated by what you do and basically want to know how you don’t throw up after doing flips like that.  Seriously, sometimes I sit funny and my back gets sore and then I am just like, “Fuck today” and give up on doing anything productive, so your world is strange and foreign to me.  Anyway, I should probably have some way to pull this all together but I don’t  Sometimes things just don’t work out, maybe that will make you feel better when you sublimate your jealousy of youth into anger at youth.  Don’t worry, their lives are going to be full of disappointment one day, too!  So, you know, because America… today I want to fuck McKayla Maroney.

I think the thing that interests me most about athletes is the hard work.  I mean, I am willing to believe most people I post here work very hard at their craft.  Maybe some more than others but there is no way to know.  I absolutely know athletes are working hard at their craft because if they weren’t they wouldn’t be able to do it.  I bring this up because from some of what I see on the internet McKayla Maroney is seen as… perhaps frivolous would be the best word.  We’ll ignore the fact that she became a meme because of her ability to look unimpressed but I have seen comments and stuff because… well, the middle pictures.  Because, you know, she’s a teenager, her world has a lot of selfies and lot of social media and a lot of sharing of both silly and mundane stuff.  And I don’t know her at all, she might be a horrible person, she might be a sweetheart, I just find it funny when old people (me, people I know, etc) take the selfie thing or the general idea of self promotion that has become part and parcel with youth in the era of the internet as some sort of flaw.  Especially when it is a flaw that seems to translate to “Those damn kids don’t want to have to work for a god damned thing”.  Which is a strange leap to make but i have seen it made.  Which again makes no sense because let’s be honest for a second, she is an Olympic athlete.  That makes her better at what she does than almost anyone in the world.  She won a medal, that makes her better at what she does than even the select group of people around her who are better than everyone else in the world.  Some of that is natural talent.  A lot of that is being 10 years old and working harder than most adults.  And that is what impresses me about athletes, whatever personality traits they have or what we want to put on them these are at the least very dedicated, hard working people who frankly are impressive because of what they have accomplished.  Also she is really pretty and I find her adorable often.  So for me it’s all positives and that’s why today I want to fuck McKayla Maroney.

Sometimes someone gets in my head and for whatever reason they won’t dislodge loose.  It doesn’t matter if there is a good reason or not for them to be there, they just won’t get out once there.  I don’t know why this happens sometimes but they just keep popping up in my head.  It is honestly distracting.  I guess I don’t really mind though, there are worse things to be thinking about than Hope Solo.  Hope Solo who is so interesting to me basically because of the reactions she evokes.  She falls into like 3 categories: love her, hate her, or no clue who she is because she’s a female athlete.  I guess outspoken athletes are often polarizing, I just don’t think she’d get as much flack from sports screaming shows about being outspoken if she was a male.  Anyway, that’s neither here nor there, she is just here because she is very hot and has an insane body.  Ok and a little bit her attitude because it’s attractive as well.  I can’t stop thinking about her.  So today I want to fuck Hope Solo.

The first time Hope Solo ever came to my attention was in the 2008 Olympics.  I can’t claim I noticed though, I actually am not sure I watched any Women’s Soccer that year. I had a friend though, who was aware of both my love of the Olympics and my tendency to find and become at least briefly obsessed with some of the athletes.  She told me, “The Goal Keeper for the US Women’s Soccer team could do things to me”.  She probably started or ended it with, “Mmmmmm gawd” because that’s her but I can’t swear by it.  I am paraphrasing really.  Anyway, that is how I became aware of Hope Solo.  The chorus of people who find her attractive has only grown since then.  I certainly get it, she has a quality about her that goes beyond just her looks that makes her very appealing.  Probably a mix of attitude and ability.  Either way, I get it, and yesterday I saw an ad for a watch (the lowest picture) and my first thought was, “Hope Solo really wants some people I know to buy a watch” because I saw that picture and was pretty sure a number of my friends would pretty much do anything she told them to after seeing that.  I get that too because she is… a presence, there is a command to her.  Anyway, normally there would need to be some big match for the national team for her to show up here but there wasn’t, there was just a picture of her and a watch but whatever the reason today I want to fuck Hope Solo.

Probably the best thing about being an American is that I can look at a blonde haired, blue eyed girl and go, “Ooooo… exotic!"  I feel like that’s strictly an insular American thing.  Like even Canada, who should experience this, I feel like they might be too worldly for that but here she ticks all the boxes.  Accent?  Check.  Speak a language I cannot? Check.  From a place that is super far away and most people I know have never been to?  Check.  Does she live in or around Castles because she is European?  I am not sure but I am going to just assume so, so Check.  So as you can see, Austrian Anna Fenninger manages to score very high on the exotic beauty scale.  I watched her the other day win the Super G and ski in the Giant Slalom and she is very pretty.  She has a thing for cheetahs (saving them that is) and she is fast so that feels like it makes sense.  I just thought she was pretty and there is something sexy about someone winning a gold medal.  Not that I am a gold medal digger or anything, I am just saying being really good at something is hot.  Being the best in the world at it?  How are you not at least a little attracted to that?  In awe.  I am.  And today I want to fuck Anna Fenninger.

I was watching Figure Skating because… it was on and watching the Olympics appears to just be a thing I do now, and there was a comment that Kaetlyn Osmond was criticized that her routine “too adult for someone her age”.  First of all, it was hilarious because figure skating basically consists of women and men dressing up in pretty sparkly outfits as magical fairy ice princesses and princes and prancing around on the ice for 5 minutes.  Physically impressive? Yes.  Often Beautiful? Yes.  Steeped in adulthood?  No, not really, I used to put on socks and do the same thing on my grandma’s hardwood floors until I would get caught, sat down, and told the story of how she knew small children in India who were killed by a splinter in the foot so stop that nonsense.  My point is, I was not told to stop because I was being too adult for a 5 year old.  So that was my first thought. My second thought was, “Oh shit, am I being super creepy for just a second ago thinking this girl was really pretty?"  Good news, she’s 18 so it turns out I was just being regularly creepy.  Thank god.  Apparently this is an issue for Kaetlyn Osmond as people question if her routines are too risque and the Globe and Mail got heavily criticized for putting sexy pictures of her ice skating on their front page when she was just 17.  I dunno, didn’t look like that sexy a picture to me, I kind of feel like that sort of hand wringing has a little bit more to do with, "I think this girl is attractive and it scares me” than anything else.  But I don’t judge and I can’t actually read minds so I will avoid casting dispersions. I am just glad she is 18 so I am just regular creepy and can come here and admit that she is very pretty and I thought her sparkly magical fairy ice princess outfit was very pretty, too.  And she skated well in what I saw.  So today I want to fuck Kaetlyn Osmond.

Hey guys, have I mentioned that I really enjoy the Olympics and watch a lot of the Olympics?  You may not know that because I am sure I haven’t ever mentioned it before.  But I do.  I watched a lot of skiing yesterday, both Alpine and Freestyle.  I noticed this girl, Tina Maze who is Slovenian.  I can say without double checking she is the first Slovenian to show up here.  Anyway, she won gold in the giant slalom last night and when I saw her I was like, “Hey, that girl is pretty”.  And I kept watching and she looked prettier so I looked her up.  She is definitely pretty.  I have an eye for that.  Besides, she is a giant star in her home country, like she even has the most popular music video there or something.  I guess what I am saying is 2 million Slovenians can’t be wrong.  So I will agree that she is pretty hot and that today I want to fuck Tine Maze.